How long did it take for you to get over your first love

[geronimo]

If she's still 'available' to you in that sense, what I'd shoot for is an eventual clearing of the air one day, not reconciliation (or even friendship particularly). Having your say in a non-confrontational way would be good for both of you and it'd serve put a dot at the end of the sentence. After that you can go off in your diff directions and know in your heart that it's ok.

 

I agree, i would love to one day be able to just clear the air and get "closure" in a way with her. I think the reason I'm stuck up on it for so long is due to the fact I haven't gotten that. I would reach out to her now but I feel like it would be too awkward since we haven't spoken in a while. Honestly I probably want to be in a place where I'm happy with myself (my physical and mental image of myself), I have lost about 30 lbs since the RS ended however I still got quite a bit more to lose and when im all built and sexy (LOL) thats when i want to talk to her not just to make her feel like she lost something amazing (which she did, even with my fatness) but also so i'm not so nervous/scared and can say whatever without holding back.

[geronimo]

I don't think I'm "over" my ex. But do think the way I felt and the way I think about him have changed.

 

Accepting, I'm not over my ex is liberating. If you can get over your ex in the first couple months is kind of ****ed up. WE are all human! Trying to act like a logical vulcan doesn't work. Saying "well, I got over her in three mouths", isn't something to be proud of. I'v noticed people that do this have intimacy problems later on.

 

I don't have all the answers. But this aversion to being heartbroken, is the same to are social aversion to anything "negative." Society teaches up "be happy" all the time. I'm not telling you to sit at home and stew in self-pitty.

 

( I think of my father who is 66. If I bring up my mother, who broke his heart. I see him flare up and get emotional- this is 28 years later. )

 

Sometimes people never get over their ex/husband/wife/lover. I try changing my feeling and belief of who/ what my ex was to me. CHANGE/ not get over. I no longer have the SAME feelings, but they have evolved.

 

Thats a pretty cool way of looking at it. And I agree with you, its not a competition or a consolation prize getting over your ex fast, however I just thought I would be over it/wanted to be over it by now. I knew she meant alot to me and it would be really hard for me to get over her, but didn't think it would be this bad, i guess.

 

I'm definitely not sitting at home and wallowing however she still crosses my mind alot and i feel like i still have strong feelings for her, but then again like Jen said this could be due to me not getting closure.

 

Also I kinda feel pathetic with the fact that one girl, who was younger than me and had her fair share of problems brought me down this low to the point where I'm having to seek therapy and help from others (I don't mean that to be rude/offensive to anyone in anyway, its just the way I feel about myself).

[geronimo]

I feel so stupid these days. Long story short my ex and I broke up about 1.5 years ago, after 5 years of being together. She moved on right away (probably had him lined up) and been with him ever since.

 

She did contact me around this time last year and we started talking again for a couple months until I realized it was just breadcrumbs and went full NC again and haven't heard/contacted her ever since.

 

Anyways I still sometimes look up her SM and found out that her and the guy broke up a couple days ago since she deleted their pics off of insta and put some things up on Twitter calling him a joke and etc. Obviously when I saw that I got kinda excited thinking that maybe they're over and that she would contact me. But she hasn't, it feels like she's moved on for good and I'm not even a thought to her anymore, while I still think about her everyday. I know it's most likely also cuz she still wants to make her RS with this guy work and that's why she isn't contacting but I was really hoping she would.

 

These thoughts have been ruining me for the last couple weeks and it's all I think about, I hate that I'm still not over her and she doesn't even care to think about me.

[elaine567]

Truth is even if she did contact you, none of it will be for the right reasons, It will be because she is feeling lost and lonely and needs a shoulder to cry on and not because she wants to get back with you.

So once she is feeling better and rejuvenated she then will be on the search for someone new, and she will leave you feeling used and back to square one.

Keep well away.

[geronimo]

Truth is even if she did contact you, none of it will be for the right reasons, It will be because she is feeling lost and lonely and needs a shoulder to cry on and not because she wants to get back with you.

So once she is feeling better and rejuvenated she then will be on the search for someone new, and she will leave you feeling used and back to square one.

Keep well away.

 

I know what you mean, but I just wished she came around you know, just cuz she still had a bit of feeling or wanted to try again. I'm not saying I would take her back right away, but after spending 5 years together, I would think she would still have feelings too, but I guess I'm wrong.

[fixing]

First of all. You got to stop punishing yourself for still 'thinking' about her.

 

It is totally normal after a 5 year relationship to be still feeling you love/miss her.

 

But, what you must do, is completely put the thoughts out of your head that you will get back together. It is not happening. I know that is painful to hear, but it is 95% true.

 

Don't you deserve better? Would you REALLY want to get back with the woman who tossed you aside and went with another man?

 

You must embrace the painful emotions right now and accept, that in this moment of your life, you are still in pain emotionally, but, also accept that it will pass.. But, only, when you truly focus on yourself and stop hoping you two will be together again.

 

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm speaking from the bottom of my heart here as I have been exactly where you are now. Only, I wasted years not fully accepting that my relationship/s were done.

 

Stay NC and don't look at any of her social media.

[geronimo]

Hi guys, I'm so tempted to msg my ex and tell her that I miss her and all that bs, I know I shouldn't but I miss her so god damn much these days and I don't understand why.

 

It's been a year and a half since our breakup and I was ok for a little while but I have started missing her a lot again these days. I know her and her current bf had a fight/broke up a few weeks ago but I think they might have gotten back together (all speculations from SM). I have deleted her off of everything but I still check here and there what she's up to, I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it at times.

 

Man I just wanna msg her and let her know that I miss her and everything and maybe meet up with her sometime. Idk I just need some words of wisdom plz. Should I just do it and get it over with? I woulda thought she would msg me again by now cuz she did last year around this time but I haven't heard from her since last July. It sucks that she moved on so fast from a 5 year relationship and I'm still here picking up the pieces and missing her when she prolly doesn't even think about me. F*ck this sucks so much, I never thought this would happen to us. Feel so f*ckin lost.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hi guys, I'm so tempted to msg my ex and tell her that I miss her and all that bs, I know I shouldn't but I miss her so god damn much these days and I don't understand why.

 

It's been a year and a half since our breakup and I was ok for a little while but I have started missing her a lot again these days. I know her and her current bf had a fight/broke up a few weeks ago but I think they might have gotten back together (all speculations from SM). I have deleted her off of everything but I still check here and there what she's up to, I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it at times.

 

Man I just wanna msg her and let her know that I miss her and everything and maybe meet up with her sometime. Idk I just need some words of wisdom plz. Should I just do it and get it over with? I woulda thought she would msg me again by now cuz she did last year around this time but I haven't heard from her since last July. It sucks that she moved on so fast from a 5 year relationship and I'm still here picking up the pieces and missing her when she prolly doesn't even think about me. F*ck this sucks so much, I never thought this would happen to us. Feel so f*ckin lost.

 

You simply must stop doing so. This is why you're missing her, because you're still checking in on her and reminding yourself of what used to be.

 

You are delaying your own healing and it's not bringing any positive results, is it?

 

I would not message her. I know it's hard, but she's moved on. I don't think that meeting up with her is wise at all, even if she agrees. It would probably be a friendly catch-up and then...you go your separate ways. Again. And you're right back at Square One.

[SammySammy]

What would that accomplish besides making you look weak and pathetic?

[LostOnes05]

Don't do that!! Do pushups or something until you can't lift your arms to text or dial the number. Then go to sleep. Contacting her won't get you anywhere and you'll feel even worse after. Trust us.

[sorano]

Like stated above, by you checking up on her, you are prolonging the healing. You will not get better. No contact means no contact. You have to stop looking at her facebook, or whatever. You also have to tell others who know her not to tell you what she is doing or who she is with. You will never get better and the wound will not heal.

 

I know its easier said than done bro. I too, was dumped and my girl left me on the side curb like a dirty pair of sneakers. My heart was torn and I cried and cried. I missed her so much. I treated her like a queen, would take a bullet for her and went way above and beyond. I don't think no other man she will meet will treat her how I treated her. just thinking about that, makes me angry. Knowing I did my all to only have her dump me, hurts.

 

But, nothing lasts forever. Pain, sadness, sickness, nothing lasts. Thats the good part. Let time do its thing. Grieve if you must, but, keep no contact. Try to make yourself a better person. step up and go achieve new dreams. Treat yourself. I just got new clothes, bought a new car, changing my job and started bodybuilding again even with a TORN SHOULDER!

 

do not waste your tears on someone who does not appreciate you. Do not keep them on a pedestal bc they are not better than you or anything special. If you gave it your all and it wasn't good enough, then you deserve someone better because that was not the right person.

 

One last thing. If you were happy BEFORE you knew someone, you CAN be happy after there gone.

[lalalandman]

You have a very severe case of oneitis. At this stage, you will soon actually lose your balls. Do you want to lose your balls? No, I didn't think so. The cure is to go out and meet other women.

[geronimo]

You simply must stop doing so. This is why you're missing her, because you're still checking in on her and reminding yourself of what used to be.

 

You are delaying your own healing and it's not bringing any positive results, is it?

 

I would not message her. I know it's hard, but she's moved on. I don't think that meeting up with her is wise at all, even if she agrees. It would probably be a friendly catch-up and then...you go your separate ways. Again. And you're right back at Square One.

 

I know its so hard, but I have to stop myself. The thing that bothers me is that she moved on so quick, and we were together for 5 years too, like how can u move on so quickly?

[geronimo]

Like stated above, by you checking up on her, you are prolonging the healing. You will not get better. No contact means no contact. You have to stop looking at her facebook, or whatever. You also have to tell others who know her not to tell you what she is doing or who she is with. You will never get better and the wound will not heal.

 

I know its easier said than done bro. I too, was dumped and my girl left me on the side curb like a dirty pair of sneakers. My heart was torn and I cried and cried. I missed her so much. I treated her like a queen, would take a bullet for her and went way above and beyond. I don't think no other man she will meet will treat her how I treated her. just thinking about that, makes me angry. Knowing I did my all to only have her dump me, hurts.

 

But, nothing lasts forever. Pain, sadness, sickness, nothing lasts. Thats the good part. Let time do its thing. Grieve if you must, but, keep no contact. Try to make yourself a better person. step up and go achieve new dreams. Treat yourself. I just got new clothes, bought a new car, changing my job and started bodybuilding again even with a TORN SHOULDER!

 

do not waste your tears on someone who does not appreciate you. Do not keep them on a pedestal bc they are not better than you or anything special. If you gave it your all and it wasn't good enough, then you deserve someone better because that was not the right person.

 

One last thing. If you were happy BEFORE you knew someone, you CAN be happy after there gone.

 

You completely feel me bro, I know I gotta stop checking up on her, I have already told my friends not to bring her up. The thing that hurts me the most, like u said is the fact that I treated her so good, like a queen, and same **** I know no other guy would treat her that well, and I know for a fact that her current bf is treating her really badly, but she still wants to be with him over me. like wtf?

 

Yea its hard man I am trying to better my life and work on it, but it just so hard with everything that has gone south. I too broke my leg last year and have recovered well from it and am back to normal so that should give me motivation to heal and move on, but sadly its stil very hard.

 

Thanks alot, your words really helped.

[geronimo]

You have a very severe case of oneitis. At this stage, you will soon actually lose your balls. Do you want to lose your balls? No, I didn't think so. The cure is to go out and meet other women.

 

I agree man, and I'm trying, the thing is I'm so f*cking picky with my girls and ontop of that I have been out of the game so long that its so hard for me to meet new women. fml lol.

[juniorrocha]

Who cares? Does she care? Why should you care? The fact here is that it's time to move on! It doesn't matter whether it took her a day, a week, a month, a year... you have to focus on yourself, 'cause only then you'll be able to get over. I know it's hard, I've been trying to NC for 2 weeks only and I've stalked my ex twice, but I'm trying my best to not do it again. You have to realize that if you keep doing it, it will only make it harder to let go.

[JuanDelToro]

You completely feel me bro, I know I gotta stop checking up on her, I have already told my friends not to bring her up. The thing that hurts me the most, like u said is the fact that I treated her so good, like a queen, and same **** I know no other guy would treat her that well, and I know for a fact that her current bf is treating her really badly, but she still wants to be with him over me. like wtf?

 

Yea its hard man I am trying to better my life and work on it, but it just so hard with everything that has gone south. I too broke my leg last year and have recovered well from it and am back to normal so that should give me motivation to heal and move on, but sadly its stil very hard.

 

Thanks alot, your words really helped.

 

Mate, you killed enough giants for Dulcinea. Hang your shinning armor and sword on the wall, leave the white pony in the stables to rest, wear your `don`t give 2Fs` hat and go out to meet women. Keep tapping until it turns purple and falls off.

 

Best medicine for your illness.

[Daxter325]

Mate, you killed enough giants for Dulcinea. Hang your shinning armor and sword on the wall, leave the white pony in the stables to rest, wear your `don`t give 2Fs` hat and go out to meet women. Keep tapping until it turns purple and falls off.

 

Best medicine for your illness.

 

Not gonna lie, this made me chuckle a bit

[Blanco]

You know way too much about her current life and relationship and that is what's mostly keeping you stuck.

[geronimo]

Who cares? Does she care? Why should you care? The fact here is that it's time to move on! It doesn't matter whether it took her a day, a week, a month, a year... you have to focus on yourself, 'cause only then you'll be able to get over. I know it's hard, I've been trying to NC for 2 weeks only and I've stalked my ex twice, but I'm trying my best to not do it again. You have to realize that if you keep doing it, it will only make it harder to let go.

 

Yea I know, I was fine for a long time where I didn't stalk her and was in complete NC. Idk what happened, I guess I had a weak moment one day and ever since then I haven't been able to help it, I stalk her profile several times a day and it's pathetic. I know I need to stop.

[geronimo]

Mate, you killed enough giants for Dulcinea. Hang your shinning armor and sword on the wall, leave the white pony in the stables to rest, wear your `don`t give 2Fs` hat and go out to meet women. Keep tapping until it turns purple and falls off.

 

Best medicine for your illness.

 

Lmao pretty funny but I agree. My only problem is I'm so picky with who I "tap" and what's worse is I have been out of the game for so long (ex and I started dating when I was 18 for 5 years) so I legit have 0 game at this point, plus I'm very self conscious and having her leave me the way she did, took a huge toll on my self esteem and ego and I still haven't been able to fully recover from that hence why I'm still stuck on her and haven't been able to move past it I guess

[juniorrocha]

Yea I know, I was fine for a long time where I didn't stalk her and was in complete NC. Idk what happened, I guess I had a weak moment one day and ever since then I haven't been able to help it, I stalk her profile several times a day and it's pathetic. I know I need to stop.

 

Make it a challenge. Start with 10 days of full NC, then reward yourself with something nice. Go another 15 days. Then 20. Eventually you'll lose counts & you won't feel the need to do it anymore.

[JuanDelToro]

Lmao pretty funny but I agree. My only problem is I'm so picky with who I "tap" and what's worse is I have been out of the game for so long (ex and I started dating when I was 18 for 5 years) so I legit have 0 game at this point, plus I'm very self conscious and having her leave me the way she did, took a huge toll on my self esteem and ego and I still haven't been able to fully recover from that hence why I'm still stuck on her and haven't been able to move past it I guess

 

Nothing wrong with being picky. Tap the ones that you're attracted to of course.

Having zero game is an excuse and not a reason not to go out there and have fun. You'll always have zero game if you dont do anything about it.

 

I understand what you're saying and I know the feelings you're experiencing very well. But you have to realize that by feeding that negativity it'll only prolong your pain and it'll be harder to get unstuck from her.

 

You'll have to consciously do things that oppose what your head is telling you right now. If your head is telling you to stay in on a Saturday night and feel butthurt because she rejected you, you should instead discipline yourself against it and go out, try to have fun. Find girls and talk to them, tease them, flirt. Get rejected and have a laugh with it.

Do it solo or with a wingman, not with a whole basketball team of buddies.

 

A last advice. Avoid online dating at any cost. It'll be a mindfack right now.

[acrosstheuniverse]

My first true love, didn't take long to get over at all. Probably because I met someone else very quickly so all of the pain and heartbreak that usually happens with a split was papered over with excitement and lust for someone else. I broke it off.

 

Second, however. Together almost two years, lived together pretty much that entire time, friends for a couple years first, involve with one another's families. One night he just walked out and never came back. I didn't get any closure until two years later when I finally bumped into him and he said 'I just didn't feel loved, I think it was me, cos you clearly did love me". Have to say I didn't feel much, I'd already given myself closure by that point, all I needed to know was that he didn't want me anymore, that's all it takes.

 

I'd say it took about eighteen months to feel truly okay with. A lot of that time felt like shock. I handled by throwing myself into my new degree, work, friends and dating. But I have a clear memory of one entire year later, sobbing down the phone to my friend asking why did he leave me? What's wrong with me? That was after 100% NC for a year and it still hurt a lot at times. The pain and rejection and humiliation and loss of a shared future and suddenly feeling very alone in the world is a tough pill to swallow. It is by far, to this day, the most painful experience I've ever been through. I watched my own Mom drink herself to death in my very early twenties and the pain from that wasn't a patch on how I felt with this break up. It's a lot harder to handle losing someone who doesn't want you anymore than it is to come to terms with a death, for me anyway. Death is so final and nobody's fault. The split was the opposite.

 

I feel nothing for him now, don't wish him ill. But I do still think that to leave someone out of the blue and never ever explain why is a horrible thing to do, especially as he left me in a flat I couldn't afford alone and I ended up technically homeless and sofa surfing until I could find my own place. Funny enough when we bumped into each other that one time two years later and caught up on each other's lives he was gutted to hear some of the things that had happened in my family since that caused great pain and led to estrangement, he gave me his number and said I can text any time I need a friend. I thanked him, he got out of the car and I started laughing. I have so many amazing friends in my life, in that area I've been so truly blessed. Why would I want to reach out in any way to someone who caused me such harm? I threw the paper into the footwell and never saw it again.

[geronimo]

Make it a challenge. Start with 10 days of full NC, then reward yourself with something nice. Go another 15 days. Then 20. Eventually you'll lose counts & you won't feel the need to do it anymore.

 

Yea I'm trying to do that now, I promised myself that atleast this month I wont look at her SM at all, lol I'm on day 2 and already getting the urge but am trying to control myself.