Best way to get back in touch? Want to reconcile.

[arrow44]

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago. (He broke up with me). We broke up for what I feel like is just general reasons. A lot of stress in our lives. He had just bought a new house, a whole new level of responsibility. New payments and new bills. On top of that he was working way, way too much. I started to notice he had less time to do the things he enjoyed. He didn't have time for me, his friends or himself. His work was consuming him. All I wanted to do was spend more time with him, but instead of talking to him about it I just acted like a brat, one of my biggest regrets. We lived together and I watched as he changed into a grumpier form of himself.

 

Anyways I feel as though we just got stuck in a rut. He wasn't in a good place and neither was I. For reasons outside of the relationship. We both were too focused on the negatives to focus on what we really had together. By the time we actually talked about things (we definitely should have been communicating more) I think it was too late, so we never really got a real chance to try and improve.

 

Now, two months later I feel better. I am not in the same place months ago when we were having these issues. I had moved out a few months before we actually broke up so my improvement started then. And we stopped talking as soon as I left the house the night he broke up with me. I didn't contact him, he didn't contact me. I've spent this time evaluating what I did wrong in the relationship and improving myself, either for a second chance with him or with someone else in the future. I have spent a lot of time with friends and family, gotten into projects at work and just became myself again. I realize I was not myself in the end of the relationship and I wanted to get that back. I am feeling so much better! I really think the break up was a good thing for us, it made me take a step back and realize what I had with him.

 

I have not contacted him, I do not go on Facebook or Instagram, I removed him from snapchat. But I wake up every morning with an aching heart. Something is just missing. And it is definitely him I miss, not the idea of him, not just being with someone. I'd just hop into a new relationship if that were the case. No matter what I do, I think of him, I dream of him almost every night... There's just no escaping the thoughts. And believe me I have tried to just forget. I am not stuck in some fantasy where I think he is the perfect guy, I have made myself relive the bad times as well and come to terms with the flaws he has. But I am willing to accept them and deal with them because I absolutely love him.

 

I have seen so many things saying the person dumped should NEVER reach out to the person who dumped them, that he will reach out if he misses me. But what if he doesn't? What if he is just as nervous as I am to be rejected? He knows he hurt me and that I completely disappeared from his life, I didn’t fight for him. And I know he has had trouble making contact in the past when I was out of his life for a bit. SO maybe that's the case. And of course maybe it's not, he could be perfectly fine without me and hasn't missed me a bit. But I ran into his grandma the other day and when she asked me how I was doing I told her not that good and she said "I don't think he is doing good either, I think he is depressed" Which breaks my heart because all I've wanted to do is be there for him, although I was not doing so well at that before, I'll admit, like I said I was just not myself for a while there. But I have worked on getting myself back and think it would be better if we just got to try again. Now I have no idea how he feels in regards to this but how will I ever know if I don't try? I just want us to have the proper chance to make things right. I am in a place where I can handle things better and I realized what needed to change. It seemed as though we almost needed the break up to make me see what I was doing wrong and to see what I really had with him. I think we were both to blame and we took each other for granted, but I think this all with have been worth it if we work it out in the end.

 

Also just for fun, I'm not sure if any of you believe in signs from the universe, I'm not even sure if I do but it's something to think about.

 

1. All my dreams, he's almost always in them in some way.

2. We had a sticker on our bedroom wall, I have never seen it before in my entire life, and a week ago I saw it in two different homes in one weekend.

3. I saw a family member at the store recently. And we ended up talking for a bit. Any other day I would have never been at this store at that time but my boss needed me to pick something up for him.

And a few others but I do realize how silly it all sounds.

 

Now what can I do? Nothing? Or should I make some effort to show him how I am feeling after being apart for a couple months? I fully realize he may stick by his decision but I also know he may not. I know he was going through a hard time at the time of the break up and it may have impacted his decision. The world is not so black and white, he may be missing me and he may not be but there is no one that knows what he’s thinking except him and I realize that. But a little outside perspective never hurt. And there is no way to give full details on our relationship but this is a lot of the stuff that matters. So any advice, feel free to tell me.

[d0nnivain]

I wouldn't reach out because he's just going to reject you all over again.

 

That said, we regret more in life the things we don't do. So pick up the phone. Call him. Tell him how your life has changed for the positive & ask him to meet.

 

He may not answer your call or respond to a text. His silence means he wants nothing to do with you. Don't chase beyond that single overture.

 

He may meet to let you down gently. Again, keep your dignity.

 

Please understand he may have moved on to someone else. He also probably doesn't think you can change or that you did change. It may not even matter. You think that he broke up with you over something that you can control. He may simply have wanted to be single. You also said he was working too much. Especially if you have no idea about his present schedule he still may be working too much in your opinion or at least not want to hear from you about what you think he ought to work. Regardless, one person isn't always the only reason a relationship ended.

 

Give it one try but don't hold out much hope. Perhaps his second rejection of you will be the impetus you need to move on.

[Sgthaytham]

Since he dumped you, DO NOT contact him - I repeat, DO NOT.

 

It has to be him contacting you to say how sorry he is for breaking up and how he wants to get back together.

 

That could be in 2 weeks time, 3 months or a whole year.

 

As the dumpee, there is absolutely no reason for you to contact him.