Rosslyn5 Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I have been in no contact with my ex-boyfriend for almost three years now. Our break up was very sudden (I initiated it), and I was heavily influenced by family and friends to just end it and not give him the satisfaction of contacting him ever again. I went into a rebound relationship about a month later, broke that off after only a couple of months, and have been in a serious relationship with someone else for just over a year now. The fact that I never got that closure that I wanted has been driving me insane for the past few months - yes, I am with someone now and we are a great couple. But I can't help but think about him and how I suddenly just stopped the relationship and never responded to any of his messages from that point onwards. It seriously drives me insane. I was going through some old FB messages a few days ago and there are clearly some areas of improvement on my end - if anything, some things I said were quite embarrassing and almost in an attempt to control him. My ex's responses seem justified, but only now do I realise that. We were both young and we were each other's first real boyfriend/girlfriend. Anyway, I am getting this real urgency to reach out to him in some way - be it through text or email - and just laying it all out to him. Apologising it took so long for me to contact him and to apologise for the way I was when we were together. I get that the past cannot be changed, but it's almost like I need to get this off my chest and just apologise for the lack of closure and immaturity on my end. The concern I have is that he will ignore me or I will receive a not-so-nice response; I would feel pretty annoyed if someone suddenly broke up with me and went in a rebound relationship a month later. I don't really know what I want out of this. I don't want to get back together, but if there is a way that we can keep in contact, I would like that. He is not a bad person and there are many things we have in common - both special interests and personality wise. What do you think I should do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Send him the apology via email and keep it general––don't rehash item by item. Wish him well sincerely and do NOT allow it to be taken as anything more than trying to give some of the closure that you denied him at the time. Don't expect anything in return. Don't encourage a response, but also don't be surprised if he gives it to you with both barrels. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 ^^^ This ^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 It seems that he was the one missing closure, not you since you were the one to break up with him. You can send an email apologizing but I doubt after this long he will care. I'm thinking it might be best to leave the guy alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Unless you want to change the world ; don't even contact him . an EX contacted me once (relation was 20 yrs old) ... I was the one who ended the relation too , and the outcomes was catastrophic ; I was very close to cheating ... AS I always say : “The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” I would say also .... Don't awake the love of a man without the intention of loving him . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 What was so bad about him that your family and friends were so against you having a relationship with him? Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 No, don't contact him. It'll only bring back old, hurt feelings. You dumped him suddenly, so I'm sure the closure he needed has been found by now. Having been dumped by my ex three years ago, very painfully, I can honestly say that if he contacted me out of the blue now when I've moved on and am happy with someone else, it'd only bring back all of the pain and make me think he's being incredibly selfish. The only reason you want to contact him is for yourself and your own wants and needs, sorry but once you end a relationship with someone it's best to move on and not try and get back into his life. You have no idea what the outcome will be, but given that things are fine now and you've moved on, why would you go back and stir it all up? Sounds like an ego trip, or you're hoping to assuage your guilt at how it ended by getting in touch and having him say 'honestly, it's okay'... if you didn't want that, you wouldn't be so concerned about him responding angrily or in a 'not nice' way. This is all on you, own it and move on. Don't drag him into it, no good can come from it. If you're so happy with your current partner, maybe you should be asking yourself what it is within you that's imploring you to reach out to an ex to become part of his life again? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosslyn5 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 What was so bad about him that your family and friends were so against you having a relationship with him? Honestly, a lot of it was on me and my over-dramatisation of petty disagreements that we had. If I had realised what it was that he meant and had not been so immature, I don't think my family and friends would have had such a bad perception of him. Yes, there were things that he did that weren't so nice, but there were also things that I did that were just as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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