afoolinlove Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Hello everyone, I've been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year now of which i've spent about 4 and a half months with my S.O. in person. We live half across the world from eachother at the moment but there are serious plans to move closer to eachother this year, and maybe even move in with eachother. However, i've been dealing with alot of sadness and frustration for a while.. Sometimes my S.O. doesn't reply to my texts.. it happens more and more often that sometimes my s.o. leaves me hanging over night without any kind of reply, cause of work, so it seems.. But then i see that they've been on facebook very frequently at the same time. Or i would wake up to nothing and see a big snapchat story of how hard they partied at a club or wherever after work. my s.o. has been quite distant with me, or atleast so i feel, and not really meeting my needs in communication or putting in effort to make this relationship work. When we're together in person though.. but we're not right now.. I'm starting to reach a point where i'm starting to get exhausted of feeling sad, not a priority and angry.. What do i do? I don't want to give up, but it IS taking the best of me right now. He/she says that she loves me and i make him/her a better person but i dont know what to believe. Is it all in my head? Or what.. i'm kind of lost.. Any help is appreciated. PS. I didn't mention a gender on purpose.. would like to know both sides of the story, from both a male and a female perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Dude, she's out partying and living it up. You're sitting around being miserable, messaging and waiting on responses that you don't receive even though you can see she's been online. I think you need to get off the computer and go live your life. LDRs are hard even if you're close enough to be together every few weeks. My guess is that this one is collapsing under its own weight. Why don't you try going silent on her for a few days and see if she even notices? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 LDRs are very hard. When you are not there it is unreasonable to expect the other person to sit home & pine for you. They are allowed to have a life & you should not expect them to be at your beck & call. Time zone changes make things even more difficult. If you want specific things, tell your SO what they are. Hopefully that person will care enough to give them to you. However, if you want for them to have no fun whatsoever in your absence & respond to your texts within minutes, you are being unreasonable & I would recommend you date somebody locally for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Having been in a LDR myself for 3 years I can tell you that it is hard work and it ONLY works if you BOTH are working it. Hell, you could say that about any relationship but LDR take even more effort to keep the connection alive. The fact that he/she's grown increasingly distant, add to that he/she dismisses your texts yet finds the time to frequent his/her social media pages instead says a lot. I know it's hard to give up on something you want but you can't carry this relationship all by yourself. There are no rewards for being a martyr in this day and age. Although I'm not one for playing games, I would agree that going silent for a while to see how he responds might be in order. See how long it takes him to notice. At the very least I think your relationship is due for a serious conversation. All relationships need a check-up to see what needs tuning and LDR are no different. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author afoolinlove Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 It's not that he/she doesn't text me at all, and if I pop a radiosilene he/she will for sure notice and try to reach out. But I don't want to be that person that does that. He/she actually called me last night and it's hard to say what I think because there's always something that relates to our plans to see each other which makes me think if it's not just in my head. S.o. seems to be clueless when it comes down to this.. Also, how is it weird to expect your partner to text back within a reasonable amount of time? Doesn't have to be instantly by all means but any response you know. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 The honeymoon stage of your relationship is over....the desire and infatuation has fizzled out....this is why she is out more and ignoring you. This is normal. When you don't have physical contact, you don't have that emotional bond which keeps you close. I agree with the others you can't possibly expect her to be at your beck and call with texts....but ya when she doesn't acknowledge you when she is one line....it's a done'er. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 It's not that he/she doesn't text me at all, and if I pop a radiosilene he/she will for sure notice and try to reach out. But I don't want to be that person that does that. He/she actually called me last night and it's hard to say what I think because there's always something that relates to our plans to see each other which makes me think if it's not just in my head. S.o. seems to be clueless when it comes down to this.. Also, how is it weird to expect your partner to text back within a reasonable amount of time? Doesn't have to be instantly by all means but any response you know. Who wants that type of relationship? Your SO would hopefully reach out due to a desire to connect, not because they suddenly noticed you were quiet. It sounds like there's not a lot of interest on your SO's end anymore. How old are you both? And who is planning to make this move to be closer - both of you, or will one of you be making the bigger leap? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Yes you are in a LDR, but your SO is now experiencing real life, partying and meeting real people - you with your texts, cannot compete with that. She is not including you, she is now excluding you and is going distant. Sorry to say, but this is all over bar the shouting. Link to post Share on other sites
Gosh Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 I am in the exact position right now, only difference is i do not know if he ignores me when he is online. On that i have to say if we are talking about showing up online on messenger, don't take that seriously, sometimes you can get on messenger for 30 seconds and it keeps you in for 10 minutes. Besides that, i truly know how devastated you might be, i do not think it is over but i really do think you guys need to talk about it. Thats what i am planning to do. It may be over, it may not be. One thing that is surely over is the honeymoon phase and it hurts real bad when it ends over an LDR. In a CD at least you scan still share a coffee in silence and be totally ok with it. You should build up the courage to talk to him/her. Sometimes it helps to write it down. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
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