How did I let this happen?

[BrokenBae]

So I have been dating this guy I met on the internet about 8 months. We chat online every single day when we first started dating. about a month after we decided to met. Apparently he didn't live too far from from me about 1.5hr drive from my work and its the same direction i take to go home (usually takes 2hrs to get home). Anyway so I stopped by to meet him. first off we agreed to a time to meet. i was ontime. i parked in his yard for about 2hrs before he showed up all the while he was texting me still saying he's coming wait. So that first meet ended ok beside the wait. The first date there was some a major sexual tension between us, we started hooking up but I told him I wasn't interested in sex on the first official hang out, he was ok with that. He was a gentleman. The next day he started texting early mornings as soon as he woke up all the sweet things. So all day i thought about him. I figured this relationship may really go somewhere. so on my way home from work i called him he was ok with me stopping by. this time we ended up having sex ( I am so disappointed in myself, I really had intended to wait a couple months). Next day he texted and all the sweet words i could possibly want to hear. So on my way from work i thought I would suprise him and stop by since he was off from work that day... I rang the bell no answer i called his phone no answer. so i left and went home i called him all disappointed and told him what i did. he was pissed. started talking to me about being disrespectful and showing up. So i felt like crap. and told him i couldnt talk anymore. he didnt message me anything sweet the rest of the week and I didn't message him. when we did talk again i wanted to see him he was like he didnt know with work or whatever when it would be. eventually I saw him about 3weeks after that. We were having a good time at his place... then this car pulls in his driveway. he told me to be quiet he locked the room door and he went downstairs. I could hear him talking to a woman but i couldn't make out what was being said. When I asked him about it he said she was his ex. So I wanted to know more than that he told me to just let it go am ruining our evening by talking about it it was nothing. I felt sad but i tried to just look as if i was ok. shortly after that the same cycle. So maybe 2 month in i asked him to be honest with me about whats going on let me make an informed decision on what i will or will not be a part of. he gave me some long story about how they lived together in that same house and dated 5 years and had broken up 5 months before he met me online. says he doesn't talk to her and that he didn't know why she thought it was ok to just show up at his place. So i asked him y he behaved like i did something wrong. just tell her your seeing someone & she can't just pop over. He told me he doesn't want to disrespect her like that they are still cool. So am thinking its ok to disrespect me.... locking me in a room so she doesn't know am there? No response just that am stressing him out. So all the texting stopped after that. If i messaged him he was say well y i took all day to contact him and he would accuse me as if i should be messaging him all day. the more i told him babe your changing i miss the morning messaging and late nights falling asleep on the phone. he does things because he wants to not because i tell him that's what i wanted.

 

During our 3rd month he lost his job. at the time I was on vacation from mine he seemed stressed out i told him lets get away. he explained he would love to take me out & do stuff that normal couples do but he couldn't afford it. i thought he was genuine. So I paid for us to go on vacation everything tickets accommodations food tours. When we got back he started being sweet once again told me he loved me and that remained for about 4 months. then it seems he had misfortune after misfortune. he had a job interview asked me to borrow some money until he started work. i lent it to him reluctantly but i said things were better with us so i ignored that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. So now its been 2 weeks since he started working, now i don't hear from him again. When i message him late night he told me don't call him those hours... i was shocked because previously if i couldn't sleep he and i would stay on the phone until morning. So i told him i wanted to find out how his days been its been a while since we've seen each other. He replied that he needs space and he doesn't feel like talking about it. i gave him 4 days then messaged to see how he was he replied as if he didn't know what i was talking about. so I explained that our last convo he needed space so just wanted to know if he cleared his mind and ready to talk. he simply replied, "i will let u know". So i asked him if he got back with his ex, he said "no. the issue is u". I told him to explain. he just got angry and said "i am too tired for this conversation maybe talk tomorrow". that night my sleep was so restless. I messaged him the next day he read the message and didn't respond. that was 2 days ago.

 

I am so confused I don't know how to feel. I feel used. I feel lied to. And I feel heartbroken. all i do is look at our pictures together and wonder what happened? I thought if two people are in a relationship they should talk about issues. I was supportive i was loving why is he treating me like am less than nothing. please give me your input, am not thinking clearly because after all of this i still check my phone or online hoping he would call and say anything!

[BrokenBae]

Also is it too soon to message him that i want the money I lent him back? Even if things have ended I want the money back. or should i just let it go, don't bother messaging him anymore, he probably wont answer anyway.

[Keke1]

Leave it alone. You're not the issue from what you've wrote. He played you. Ask for the money but don't expect it back. & please don't fall for his bull any longer because you pulling the rug from under him won't go smooth. There is a very good chance there's another woman as well.

[Zahara]

I think you should forget about the money because I can bet he's not going to care about paying you back. He is a user and manipulator. I have a strong feeling he was seeing the other woman while he was with you. This guy smells rotten.

 

He's not interested in a relationship anymore. It would be best for you to cut contact and start moving on from him. Don't ever let him back in because he'll use you again.

[S2B]

Yes ask for your money! He was probably seeing several women while seeing you.

 

Next time require a man you're dating to take you OUT on actual dates! Stop making it easy for men to use you.

 

And don't be nice about getting your money back. He owes it to you!

 

I hope you used protection with this user/dirtbag.

[hippychick3]

Definitely ask for your money back and if he refuses, let him know you will take him to small claims court.

 

Do not under any circumstances take him back as your boyfriend. He's a user and a manipulator. You can and should do so much better!

[LydiaLong]

You won't get your money back. I hope you can afford to write this off as a lesson learned.

[Lois_Griffin]

Why are you 'confused?'

 

All the signs that he's a complete user and loser were there from the start.

 

Your entire 'dating' history consisted of YOU making all the effort. He didn't do squat. You would stop by his house to basically give him curb service. He didn't have to lift a finger or even leave his house. You'd show up, you'd have sex, you'd leave, and he didn't have to do a damned thing. And then this loser locks you in the bedroom when his girlfriend comes by and you believe his bull-crap story about her being an ex and STILL stick to him like glue. You spend a couple thousand dollars to take him on vacation when he hasn't even taken you out for dinner or on a proper date, and then you throw more money at him when he's jobless and asks you for money.

 

I'm sorry, but you made it SO completely easy for him to just use you for everything you were handing him. All he had to do was sit in his house and feed you a few sugary, empty words and that was enough for you. You weren't in a 'relationship,' you were in a situation where you were handing him everything on a silver platter and all he had to do was tell you what you wanted to hear and he'd be rewarded with sex and vacations and money and everything else.

 

It's not rocket science. You were continually doing all the work and contributing everything, and he was doing NOTHING but taking it. It just got to the point where he grew bored with the situation and now he's looking for a new victim to suck dry. Even users and opportunists get bored after a while with the same thing over and over and want something new.

 

Stop contacting this loser. He's taken from you everything he needed, and now he's onto using someone else. Don't disrespect yourself even MORE chasing him.

 

What I would do is send him a certified letter - something that can be traced for court documentation - demanding your money back. After 30 days when the POS doesn't pay you back (you don't really expect him to have a shred of decency, do you?) I'd sue him in small claims court. I'd absolutely sue him for every penny.

 

That's how losers like this continually take advantage of people like you. Because no one makes them accountable for their sh*t behavior.

 

Be the one that makes him accountable.

 

My biggest piece of advice to you is to NEVER, EVER give more than you're getting in a relationship. That's the lesson you need to learn from this.

[d0nnivain]

You feel used because you were used.

 

 

You were nothing more than drive up delivery sex for this guy, no effort on his part required. You were a rebound.

 

 

Here's where it went wrong:

 

 

1. You went to his house for the 1st date. Never do this unless you want to have sex. A 1st date off the internet should be in a neutral well lit location

 

 

2. When you got there & he wasn't home you waited for 2 hours? What?!!!! I would have been outta there in 15 minutes. He's lack of respect for your time is ridiculous. From that alone you should have been able to tell that this guy only cared about himself.

 

 

3. You invited yourself over unannounced. Of course he was pissed. Anybody with an ounce of sense would have been. My best friends of 40 years don't show up at my house unannounced. Again, coupled with your willingness to wait 2 hours for a man on the 1st date makes me question why you have such low self-esteem. Get that addressed.

 

 

4. When he locked you in a room & didn't tell his EX you where there because he didn't want to disrespect HER, you needed to break up with him right then & there & never look back. He didn't want to disrespect HER?! What about you?

 

 

5. Never ignore the nagging feelings you get. When you know something is wrong believe yourself.

 

 

All in all you need to take better care of you & learn to recognize red flags.

 

 

This guy was horrible to you. The fact that he is now out of your life is a GOOD THING. It will give you time to analyze why you let such a jerk in your life. Once you realize why you did that & improve your own self worth, then you can prevent guys like this from using you in the future.

 

 

It was lovely of you to treat him to a vacation but honestly that was your choice. All he owed you for that was a thank you, not a promise to stay with you forever

 

 

5 months is not enough time for him to have gotten over