6 wks post BU - 13 days NC

[lostnlove007]

Post this in breakup forum but may be more appropriate here. Mods delta if necessary:

 

Hello All,

 

New to this forum but have been lurking for sometime. My GF(26F) and I (34M) broke up about six weeks ago. It was a LDR for about 9 months but we have a history of about 6yrs (friendship and hookups).

 

Six weeks ago she came to visit and we attended a function and had a great time. We got home and had a few more drinks at which time I got blackout drunk. I made a remark that i was moving solely for her rather than my job (she was a big push but I wanted to move before i met her) and she asked if we could talk tomorrow. At that point I flipped out (this is all according to her, I have no memory), we go to bed and I lay there for a few minutes and then tell her it's over. At this point I was out of control and proceeded to scream and tell her that it had been a one sided relationship the whole time and that I'd rather have other women at my house then her. She left and told me all this the next morning.

 

I know that I was wrong, hurtful, out of control, and immature. This has happened in the past (last time I told her I loved her) about 2 yrs ago. We love each other deeply but she says she can't forget that night. She claims to still want this to work and me move, but now feels that this may have happened for a reason (we're not supposed to be together).

 

We've spoken several times in the last 6 wks, but I always initiated the contact (same with intimacy during relationship) and when we would speak it would be fine and then it's like she'd remember she's pissed and just turn cold. I've since started NC for the last 13 days, because the way I see it, her actions are speaking clearly right now.

 

I know what I did was WAY out of line but she knows thats not who I am as a person. I rarely drink and couldn't care less if I ever had another drink. A part of me feels that if she truly loved me, she would attempt to try this again. I know I have no right to tell someone how hurt to be, but relationships take work and I feel like she just threw the towel in on the relationship.

 

Just looking for feedback or advice because right now I hurt so badly. I think know what I need to do (move on) but still want to have hope for us.

[partlysnitty]

I joined because I'm very close to in your exGFs shoes right now, 1 month post BU, 13 days NC, he lashed out and ended it.

 

I have to ask, are you serious? You hurt her and lashed out, YOU need to make amends. You need to take the risk of telling her you screwed up and hope to salvage what you had.

 

She rightly owes you no favor right now, as you lashed out at her. I'd take my ex back if he made amends, and she probably will too. If you want her, do that.

[lostnlove007]

I joined because I'm very close to in your exGFs shoes right now, 1 month post BU, 13 days NC, he lashed out and ended it.

 

I have to ask, are you serious? You hurt her and lashed out, YOU need to make amends. You need to take the risk of telling her you screwed up and hope to salvage what you had.

 

She rightly owes you no favor right now, as you lashed out at her. I'd take my ex back if he made amends, and she probably will too. If you want her, do that.

 

Thanks for your input partlysnitty! I have apologized a million times over starting the next morning when she told me what happened. I've told her it literally made me sick to hear her retell the story. I know that I was way out of line that night and apologized sincerely and told her my reason for the blowup.

 

We were LD so communication was lacking on my part, because I didn't want to argue the 2-3 days we saw each other over minor things. Prior to her coming down that week, she text to ask me if she could have lunch with her ex's grandmother. This is strange to me, but I got over it and said no problem. Thursday she text to ask if it's ok if a girlfriend of hers cook her dinner on Friday and she comes to my house on Saturday morning. From the outside there is no issue here, but she would always change plans when coming to visit and never to spend more time with me. Also, she had just had dinner with that same girlfriend on Wednesday night. I made really nice dinner reservations for us for that Friday, when I informed her of those plans, when she called on her way from dinner she was upset and told me I should have said something and she would've come down. My reply was that, "I shouldn't have to convince you to come see me and want to spend time with me." When she came on Saturday we ended up having a great day together and then it all went south after the event.

 

In hindsight I would've much rather voiced my frustrations rather than letting them build up and boil over and cost me a great relationship. I do feel that what I did was inappropriate, rude, and way out of line. I'm just puzzled that this was our first major fight and after telling someone you love them for the last eight months that you just throw your hands up and walk away from the relationship. But what do I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯