Author LostLonelyGirl Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 I saw he was online and messaged him like an idiot. Thought it would make me feel better but of course it didn't. Realized today it's been almost a month since he dumped me. And I still feel so miserable. Everything depresses me and reminds me of him. I miss him all the time and he is fine just acting like nothing ever happened between us. I don't wanna be depressed anymore. I don't want to keep crying. How can someone just turn their emotions off and walk away. How can someone do this to another person. I pretend like everything is fine when I talk to him. I just act like a friend like he said he wanted. But I feel like my heart is dying inside of me. I feel so hurt and he's just all happy and in love with his wife and I was just this mistake he made. He doesn't ask me about my life. He doesn't ask how I'm doing. He is so insanely selfish it's unreal. So why do I keep going back, hoping he'll say something he would've in the beginning. Who was that man. How could that man turn into this person I can't stand...I can't understand how anyone can have the ability to quit caring like that. So Suddenly. I guess I'm just getting what I deserve. karma for trying to have someone who wasn't mine to have. I just wanted to be happy. And I was finally happy. SOOOO happy. It wasn't worth it to have this pain all the time. I'm in so much pain. I can't hardly take it. And just knowing that he doesn't feel the same is so immensely devestating. I feel like I am such a massive disapointment to anyone who gets to know me. Anytime I let my guard down I get hurt. Anytime I was insecure I would apologize and he would say that I was the only one who could change being that way. But I don't know how to be different.... I just wanted him to make me feel the way he did before. To treat me like I was special. To look into my eyes like I was all he wanted. I didn't feel it anymore. I just felt used towards the end. used and lonely. I can't stop crying as I'm writing this and I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to think about him anymore..... Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I saw he was online and messaged him like an idiot. Thought it would make me feel better but of course it didn't. Realized today it's been almost a month since he dumped me. And I still feel so miserable. Everything depresses me and reminds me of him. I miss him all the time and he is fine just acting like nothing ever happened between us. I don't wanna be depressed anymore. I don't want to keep crying. How can someone just turn their emotions off and walk away. How can someone do this to another person. I pretend like everything is fine when I talk to him. I just act like a friend like he said he wanted. But I feel like my heart is dying inside of me. I feel so hurt and he's just all happy and in love with his wife and I was just this mistake he made. He doesn't ask me about my life. He doesn't ask how I'm doing. He is so insanely selfish it's unreal. So why do I keep going back, hoping he'll say something he would've in the beginning. Who was that man. How could that man turn into this person I can't stand...I can't understand how anyone can have the ability to quit caring like that. So Suddenly. I guess I'm just getting what I deserve. karma for trying to have someone who wasn't mine to have. I just wanted to be happy. And I was finally happy. SOOOO happy. It wasn't worth it to have this pain all the time. I'm in so much pain. I can't hardly take it. And just knowing that he doesn't feel the same is so immensely devestating. I feel like I am such a massive disapointment to anyone who gets to know me. Anytime I let my guard down I get hurt. Anytime I was insecure I would apologize and he would say that I was the only one who could change being that way. But I don't know how to be different.... I just wanted him to make me feel the way he did before. To treat me like I was special. To look into my eyes like I was all he wanted. I didn't feel it anymore. I just felt used towards the end. used and lonely. I can't stop crying as I'm writing this and I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to think about him anymore..... I'm so sorry. I completely get it. Everything you said is how I felt after my dday. How does someone just walk away. I feel your pain. My dday was almost two years ago and I am still hurt but in such a better place. I still miss the way he was but it was all smoke and mirrors. You miss the intimacy with another person. That's normal. The best thing you can do is to seriously block and delete any way that you can contact him or him you. I'm begging you to do this. Your posts sound like me!! I feel like I'm telling this to myself two years ago. Let him go...if its meant to be it will be. And on another note... He remembers you and still loves you. But it just isn't enough for most men to leave. Trust me he can pretend all he wants but you know the truth. You sound like such a nice person. You will get through this but don't do what I did...we'd go no contact and then one of us would break it and this is going on awhile....it just prolongs the inevitable and you get more and more hurt everytime....private message me anytime.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostLonelyGirl Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 I'm so sorry. I completely get it. Everything you said is how I felt after my dday. How does someone just walk away. I feel your pain. My dday was almost two years ago and I am still hurt but in such a better place. I still miss the way he was but it was all smoke and mirrors. You miss the intimacy with another person. That's normal. The best thing you can do is to seriously block and delete any way that you can contact him or him you. I'm begging you to do this. Your posts sound like me!! I feel like I'm telling this to myself two years ago. Let him go...if its meant to be it will be. And on another note... He remembers you and still loves you. But it just isn't enough for most men to leave. Trust me he can pretend all he wants but you know the truth. You sound like such a nice person. You will get through this but don't do what I did...we'd go no contact and then one of us would break it and this is going on awhile....it just prolongs the inevitable and you get more and more hurt everytime....private message me anytime.... I feel so lonely. He became my whole world. His leaving has left me feeling like someone sucked all the air out of the room. I know it's probably best it ended now, because no matter what he never would've left. But I'm in so much pain. I want him to hold me and tell me he wishes he could be with me. I want to know that he's hurting to and that it wasn't just some exciting sexcapade that got boring. That I got boring. I hate my mental issues, my anxiet, my depression, my insecurities and low self esteem. I know men like confident women. I tried to be confident and nonchalant, not caring if he didn't message me...But it's not how I am. I feel like who I am isn't loveable. I'm just pretty. Pretty and funny but too much to deal with. Too emotional and annoying. He made my self esteem rocket skyhigh and now I feel like it has plummeted through the floor. I was supposedly his "dream girl". But I wasn't good enough to keep him longer than two months. He had me up on this pedestal and I fell off when he saw me flaws and all. I know I'm rambling on. I just feel so alone and I feel SOOOO depressed tonight thinking about him(pms involved). I need people to talk to tonight really bad Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I feel so lonely. He became my whole world. His leaving has left me feeling like someone sucked all the air out of the room. I know it's probably best it ended now, because no matter what he never would've left. But I'm in so much pain. I want him to hold me and tell me he wishes he could be with me. I want to know that he's hurting to and that it wasn't just some exciting sexcapade that got boring. That I got boring. I hate my mental issues, my anxiet, my depression, my insecurities and low self esteem. I know men like confident women. I tried to be confident and nonchalant, not caring if he didn't message me...But it's not how I am. I feel like who I am isn't loveable. I'm just pretty. Pretty and funny but too much to deal with. Too emotional and annoying. He made my self esteem rocket skyhigh and now I feel like it has plummeted through the floor. I was supposedly his "dream girl". But I wasn't good enough to keep him longer than two months. He had me up on this pedestal and I fell off when he saw me flaws and all. I know I'm rambling on. I just feel so alone and I feel SOOOO depressed tonight thinking about him(pms involved). I need people to talk to tonight really bad You sound like me... I totally understand everything your saying. But right now you need to try to distract yourself with other things. Surround yourself with people that love you. Confide in someone. I'm not going to lie it takes awhile. My affair was ahead and a half, almost two years. I've never been so happy in my life and when it ended the depression was so overwhelming I could barely get out of bed. I'll always love him but he isn't good for me just like your mm is not good for you. Be glad it didn't go on longer. You are good enough. You have to remember who you were before the A started and get back to that girl! You can do it! You can totally do this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostLonelyGirl Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 You sound like me... I totally understand everything your saying. But right now you need to try to distract yourself with other things. Surround yourself with people that love you. Confide in someone. I'm not going to lie it takes awhile. My affair was ahead and a half, almost two years. I've never been so happy in my life and when it ended the depression was so overwhelming I could barely get out of bed. I'll always love him but he isn't good for me just like your mm is not good for you. Be glad it didn't go on longer. You are good enough. You have to remember who you were before the A started and get back to that girl! You can do it! You can totally do this... Thank you for the support. I feel like there's no one you can talk to about an affair because they treat you like you're a worthless piece of scum or just look at you with "that look". I know I made a bad decision. I'm aware. But it doesn't make the pain of the aftermath less real. If he hadn't been my friend for so long things would probably feel less awful. Also the thought of deleting him and then having to delete his wife and then thinking about her asking him why I did that. I'm sure he'd make up some reason that makes me look awful but not him....It's just hard to think about Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Thank you for the support. I feel like there's no one you can talk to about an affair because they treat you like you're a worthless piece of scum or just look at you with "that look". I know I made a bad decision. I'm aware. But it doesn't make the pain of the aftermath less real. If he hadn't been my friend for so long things would probably feel less awful. Also the thought of deleting him and then having to delete his wife and then thinking about her asking him why I did that. I'm sure he'd make up some reason that makes me look awful but not him....It's just hard to think about I was friends with my mm for years so I get it.Yes we made bad choices but sometimes we just can't help who we fall in love with...but you have to know that this is a life lesson and there is someone out there waiting and looking for you.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Regretthis Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I wish there was a way to talk privately because your story sounds a lot like mine. I don't know what to do either. The best thing to do is probably just NC. Even though it hurts to think nothing will ever come to be its better to start getting over it now. Link to post Share on other sites
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