Swan89 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 (edited) I dated a girl for 2 months at the end of last year and we broke up even though we weren't official because she was dealing with depression and wasn't over her ex so she couldn't handle dating me when I started to like her a lot and got upset by her hot/cold behaviour. She has trust issues and is a very busy, education oriented woman with an independent nature. Fast forward 2 months of me trying to stay in her life and be friends with a rare bit of 'benefits' and I shut her out of my life because my self esteem was shattered because I wanted more. I stopped talking to her for a month and one night, her friend told me that she wanted to hookup NSA that night as she'd been out drinking at a gig. So after the initial shock of hearing that, I decided to go for it but promised myself not to get attached again. So we met up for a drink and had a good night and had some great sex. All the resentment and anger I'd harboured disappeared that night. She wanted me to re-add her on Facebook but I didn't until a day later because I was unsure, but she was glad that I did. I also asked her if she thought we just weren't meant to be together and she said its not that, and that "You just know, its meant to be easy and due to circumstances it wasn't" and something like "whoever you're meant to be with..." "I want someone to fall for me instantly", etc. She said she has a soft spot for me and hinted about coming over again sometime. I don't know if she will ever want to be with me and I'm tired of heartache. So I'm thinking of just keeping my distance and pursuing other girls but the problem has always been that I'm very attracted to her, she's just my type and I have troubles measuring up other more stable girls compared to her. How should I play this? Edited April 20, 2016 by Swan89 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 She has no serious interest in you. Don't put yourself in the degrading position of being a lovesick guy who she can use when the mood takes her. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Swan89 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 A while a go she once said that "we could have been more but you pushed me away too much" because I pursued her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 She has made it perfectly clear that she is not interested in a relationship with you, other than a purely sexual one. If you're not down with that, you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 A while a go she once said that "we could have been more but you pushed me away too much" because I pursued her so much. She probably likes being pursued to some extent, but tires of it. Honestly, you can do better than her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Swan89 Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 This is the first time I have ever been involved with a woman that is so commitment-phobic. It seems every woman I've ever known has wanted the guy to commit at some point. But not this one. I've never met anyone like her, so difficult. She has a lot of mental instability. She is slowly coming off anti-depressants. Should I ask her if she will ever see us having something more? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 This is the first time I have ever been involved with a woman that is so commitment-phobic. It seems every woman I've ever known has wanted the guy to commit at some point. But not this one. I've never met anyone like her, so difficult. She has a lot of mental instability. She is slowly coming off anti-depressants. *Should I ask her if she will ever see us having something more? *Only if you want a life of emotional chaos. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 YOU were the rebound and now she wants to keep you on her FWB list. Seems you want a whole lot more, but she doesn't really see you as relationship material, hence the booty call. YOU should stay away, as you are far too emotionally invested to handle a FWB arrangement. YOU will get seriously hurt here when one day she is over her ex and is ready to date properly again. When that day comes, she will overlook you completely and date some other guy. Sorry! Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 This is the first time I have ever been involved with a woman that is so commitment-phobic. Who says she is commitment-phobic? Just because she doesn't want a relationship with you, means she has something wrong with her? Should I ask her if she will ever see us having something more? She has already answered that question plainly and simply. No, don't bother asking her again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Disposable Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 Take it from someone who has walked that path and seen the consequences. Walk away. Please. You will regret this down the line. No amount of rationalizing that "the experience of dating her is worth the risk" or that "this is some earth-shattering love" will ever alter the facts. It sounds pretty on paper and I know it's easy to get distracted when a girl is beautiful/interesting. You're just going to get hurt. You're in love with her and she's in love with being wanted by you. It ain't gonna change anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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