Ex and I working through some problems. Things I should keep in mind?

[sigurpol]

Backstory about us, we recently broke up about three months ago and dated for almost two years. The breakup was the result of us just sort of drifting from one another, partly due to my commitment problems and maybe some unchecked depression. To which I'm seeing therapy for.

 

We decided to remain civil/friendly to one another since we had a pretty deep connection, we're both pretty emotionally intense but in different ways. So for the first few weeks, we kept in loose touch. Maybe a text or a funny link every now and again.

 

It wasn't until a month or so into our breakup when I realized I was forming some nasty habits out of loneliness, was extremely depressed. So I contacted my old therapist and decided to start up again, plus there were other things about me I wanted to seek help for. The ex and I still kept in good touch, and were talking a little more frequently at the time. Part of me wanted to bring up some things, but decided it wasn't a good time which a lot else going on for myself and it just seemed so soon.

 

Finally we took a walk one night, about two weeks ago and really caught up with one another. It made me feel a lot better, I told her that too. And we started to hang out a little bit more and she offered some ideas/future plans to hang out. I was really about to tell her how I felt at this point, mainly much about how I was sorry for how I acted in the past, I'm trying to fix some things about me. She was way more into me than I was into her during our time and we agreed that the door would always be open for the other person if we wanted to try things again.

 

Last week I called her to make some plans when she didn't answer. She texted me to tell me she couldn't talk, so I figured I'd hear from her later. I didn't. The same thing happened the next day, too. I called, no answer, didn't hear from her. I started to panic, having no idea what happened or what was going on.

 

The next night I finally heard back from her, she explained to me that someone she knows who lives across the country came to stay with her for a week. I was bummed, but said that was okay, I just was worried that something happened that I wasn't aware of-- or if I did something? She said no, that she wanted to tell me but didn't know how. We talked a little more on the phone, about myself and I apologized for getting upset.

 

But the last few weeks have been tough, the timing of this is kinda crappy too. We had a long few talks the other day, one of which she called me to have. I laid a lot of my feelings out for her, things I've wanted to see but I shell up and have trouble getting close to people. She told me that the first time she went out with me, she knew I was "the one" and said she knows we'll end up together again, but she's actually dating this guy in the meantime, but expressed her doubts about him. Says she compares him to me all the time, doesn't listen like I do, and that she wishes I would have told her all of this sooner. Before he came to visit.

 

Apparently they tried to date before, I came along and she stopped talking to him. Then after we split up, they started to talk again. So she's stuck.

 

But she's expressed that she;s afraid things won't work, she has her trust issues as well. The last talk ended on a good note, she kissed me goodnight, and told me to tell her when I get home.

 

Since then, we've been back to our usual talking routine. She asked to come over to my place the other night, but at the last second canceled because she wasn't feeling well. But asked if she could spend time with my on my birthday and if I wanted to go with her out of town for a day next month. So, these are good things.

 

My mind gets the best of me, though. I always have this nagging anxiousness going on inside of me, telling me I should shell back up again so I can't get hurt. I don't know if anyone else has gone through this? Should I be proactive and ask her to do things as well, or give space, or what?