urmysong Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Hello...my husband broke up with me march 15 this year after 9 years of married. We have 1 son 4 years old. I did send lots of beg and plead emails after he emailed me that we will separate. I did not agree the breakup. I just start the nc rule but did not complete the 30 days NC rule. It was just 19 days. Because I had to tell him the school tuition for our son. And also I had to tell him about the car that something leaking on the left back wheel. My questions are: 1. Did I make the wrong move for breaking the NC rule? 2. He replied that not good to drive the car like that cause it is a brake problem and i might kill somebody if car will not brake anymore and not good to go to jail. Does his reply means that he still cares for me as a wife or lover? 3. He always tell me to go to mechanic and fix the car if something problem but this time, he just tell me to leave it in garage and remove both battery clamps. Does this mean that he doesn't care anymore if I have car to use? 4. I always tell him anything what happens here even how little thing it is. Like the light bulb in bathroom doesn't work anymore. The cat did not eat enough today. I cooked cheesecake and everything about my day. Now that we are separate, should I stop telling him all that? Thank You...I would appreciate any replies... Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Complete NC is pretty much impossible when you have a young child together, but can be adapted so that the ONLY thing you discuss is your child, you absolutely should stop telling him every little thing about your day, his actions in leaving you have shown he no longer wants to be a part of your daily life, now he's gone he should lose access to that info. It stops you from moving on when you keep him updated on your life. NC isn't a tool to get a partner back into your life, it's a way for you to move on from the failed relationship with dignity. I wouldn't read too much into what he said about the car being dangerous, unless he comes to you telling you he's made a huge mistake, wants to come home and is willing to do the necessary work to improve the marriage and make it up to you, anything else should be white noise. I recommend you proceed as if he's never coming back and start focusing on yourself and your son. I'm sorry you're hurting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ashley1992 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 hi.. just wondering.. did he tell you why he wanted to separate? what had happened? and yes its almost impossible for NC if you have a child. its much harder to move on and stop thinking about him.. sounds like he became distant and showing less care about you.. do you think he seeing someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I'm not a huge fan of NC and it's especially ridiculous when the two of you have a child together. There's no way of knowing whether he still cares about you or not but most people aren't going to leave a 9-yr relationship with no emotions. You seem to be very needy in a sense and that is possibly what drove him away. Learn to leave him alone while you spend your time trying to learn from whatever mistakes you've made in this relationship. Not to imply that this break up is all your fault but it's always wise to look at how we affected things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author urmysong Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 What can You say if husband stopped wearing his wedding ring? I just don't understand why he stopped and I am afraid to ask him because he will just tell me stop complaining. He just leave his ring on our bistro. He works in canada but he is home in philipines for 4 months and even here with me he doesn't wear it anymore. I understand that he did not wear it at work cause dangerous for his hands cause he is fixing machines at work. He is a millwright. But even in philippines with me he stopped wearing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Deirdra Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 (edited) What can You say if husband stopped wearing his wedding ring? I just don't understand why he stopped and I am afraid to ask him because he will just tell me stop complaining. He just leave his ring on our bistro. He works in canada but he is home in philipines for 4 months and even here with me he doesn't wear it anymore. I understand that he did not wear it at work cause dangerous for his hands cause he is fixing machines at work. He is a millwright. But even in philippines with me he stopped wearing it. You can : 1--Ask him. If he says, "Stop complaining" then you can shrug and say to yourself, "I knew he was going to say that." 2--Assume he stopped wearing it because you're separated and maybe plans to stay that way. You may want to ask him about that. 3--Figure he got used to not wearing it. 4--Conclude it still poses a hazard in his work and he's tired of changing it out so he leaves it off. Edited April 23, 2016 by Deirdra Link to post Share on other sites
Author urmysong Posted April 23, 2016 Author Share Posted April 23, 2016 We just got separated a month ago. He already stopped wearing it 3 years ago. When we got married, he keep telling me "always wear Your ring. I don't want anybody could take You away from me. Always wear it so they are aware You are taken". I just want to know what are Your idea about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts