How to get over of bitterness / being jaded, etc.

[Fruitee]

Lately I have notice that I am not happy with my behaviour. I am acting like a moody b*tch, I am bitter and jaded. I dont wanna listen to anyone. I blame others for my ****ty life etc. You know the drill.

 

This is taking its toll on my personal life and wellbeing. It is because of all of my dissapointments in relationships with guys.

 

I dont want to be like this anymore. I scare everyone away. And even my friends are starting to be tired with me. I have now taken first steps towards not being so self centered. But what do I really need to do? Because I am lost.

[todreaminblue]

why do you feel so jaded.....that might help if you can identify why you feel the way you do

 

i really feel trying to remember and feel the blessings that have been given in other words all you have to be grateful for can lift your mood....your friends for one.....your family.....your chance you have to actually live a wonderful life......serving others less fortunate than you.....feeling their spirit enter your heart...

go somewhere beautiful...my fave spot is an ocean...or a mountain ...somewhere large.....and natural and unpopulated.....and i almost feel ...weightless..not bogged down in emotions and feelings i dont understand...or other peoples emotions i cant process or handle...i will pray for help....give my lack of understanding to god ..this always helps....he in return gives me....clarity of thought...and peace in my heaRT

 

when i cant get tO somewhere beautiful....i meditate myself there...and i pray....hope i have helped...good luck...music......helps too...sing or listen to music...appreciate the music ....find that spot in your heart that loves music....deb

Edited April 21, 2016 by todreaminblue

[Fruitee]

I feel jaded because of ****ty relationships.

[todreaminblue]

I feel jaded because of ****ty relationships.

 

 

i assume that you arent in a snitty relatiosnip now though....i have been in one or two...i feel that those type of relationships can be used positively....you positively know what you dont want to be in...and you got out...is that not something to be happy about....you are free to choose to have good relationships now with experience on what you dont want...

 

my day today ended rather positively even though i am a little down..i am listening to good music now writing to you...where as an hour and a bit ago....almost had a home invasion and it isnt the first time that a home invasion has almost happened to me.....i have had one actually happen and now two almosts....in some way and some how...i believe god stops them or from people in my house from getting hurt...like my granddaughter for instance who also lives with me ...now i could concentrate ...on the fact that its a sh....ttty thing to happen to me and my family and my life often can get sucky and full of struggles.....or i can concentrate on the fact that my belief is god stopped it.i have faith to help me........tonight when i go to bed....with my door locked and my rottie snoring i will have my comforter of my belief in god..and ill thank him for today...and even though i could be jaded.....i will wake up with hope and optimism when i look at my window.....and see another day with air to breathe.....be grateful for what you have is the best advice i could give you...forgive those who do you wrong...and never give up.......i wish you nothing but the best...ALONG with A LOAD OF GOOD MUSIC.. :0).....deb

[Satu]

Do something for others.

 

Volunteer.

 

Be a friend to someone who is friendless.

 

We aren't just here for ourselves.

 

 

Take care.

[DC77]

I feel we're in the same boat fruitee. I'm experiencing many of the same things. Bitchiness. Bitterness. Off putting to others. Even hatefulness (which is something I never want to be). My bad behavior is a manifestation of stress from unemployment and the feelings of rejection job searching. In turn, other feelings of hurt and rejection are bubbling up from past relationships. Past relationships that I thought were forgiven and long buried...

 

What stress are you experiencing? Are you imposing goals or expectations on yourself that are causing you to feel disappointed? For example, are you feeling lonely. Are you putting pressure on yourself to find someone. Get married. Etc. Other life stress?

 

For me, I can identify that I'm going through a depressive episode as a response. Perhaps you are as well?

 

I'm taking time to journal my thoughts. I'm acknowledging that this is a phase and it will pass. I'm doing my best to maintain positive thoughts and tell myself it will pass and get better. And working on mentally forgiving the people that have wronged me. It's not always easy, but once you can forgive, it lifts a huge weight off your emotional well being...

 

Stress can be very destructive. Are you under some sort of stress? Try to identify that stress. Acknowledge that this is just a ****ty phase you're going through. It doesn't have to last long. Really do your best to affirm positive thoughts, especially when something negative wants to spew out. Counter it with something positive. I know that sounds corny and half the time I want to tell my Suzy Sunshine self to F off, but I always keep at it. It's amazing what positive thought can do...

 

Take a break from dating. Take a break from your friends while you work on things. I'm also a big advocate for deep breathing and yoga. It always helps me clear my head and feel good. Simplify. Be sure you're getting rest (but not too much) and get some sunshine. Read to distract your thoughts. Or do something you enjoy. Even if it doesn't work overnight, keep at it. Rinse. Repeat.

 

Eventually you'll find yourself again... At least these are things that work for me. Hope something in there helps.

[basil67]

If there's a history of bad relationships, it's more than coincidence. I think that overcoming being bitter and jaded towards others is to examine how we contribute to our own messes and learning how to do things differently.

 

For example, should you be more ruthless? Learn to walk away when you see red flags? Have better boundaries?

[Offspring]

If there's a history of bad relationships, it's more than coincidence. I think that overcoming being bitter and jaded towards others is to examine how we contribute to our own messes and learning how to do things differently.

 

For example, should you be more ruthless? Learn to walk away when you see red flags? Have better boundaries?

 

This.

 

You're feeling betrayed, because you have let the wrong people in. Prevention is the best cure, so practise good boundaries and stop people from getting in until they have proven themselves to be trustworthy.

 

I'd work on myself if i were you. Understand why you feel so betrayed / slighted, process it and then let it go.

 

Make a set of rules for yourself, eg, if something is not sitting right with this person ('red flag'), walk away so that you can get a clearer view of what they're really about. Have a set of standards for yourself about what ypu will and will not accept, and how you want to be treated (and how you will treat others). This takes time, so give yourself time out to do it. I find walking and exercise good.

 

Have a set of things you say, eg, if you feel somebody is being pushy, say "i need some time to think about it. I'll let you know by tomorrow / next week" etc.

 

Good luck with it. I am the same, and i'm practising these principles

Edited May 9, 2016 by Offspring

[BelleSkye]

Same here - my heart has for the first time ever turned stone-cold....was even playing with puppies and kittens and could not find joy in that....

 

When I am constantly observing double standards / hypocritical behaviour on a daily basis and seeing 'scummy' people get away with questionable behaviour and choices - I'm myself starting to lose faith in humanity and any sense of goodness in my heart...the worst part is - I can actually FEEL the bitterness in my heart...this a first ever.

[Tayla]

I recall a therapist sharing with me a tip in listening. He said,people often talk in tunes. The "nobody knows the troubles I've seen" being rather popular, Or the "Don't rain on my parade".

 

So basically Start listening to those tunes...acknowledge it,then find a more stable mindset. I found that humming a nonsensical tune,gets me out of the rut so I can regroup.

 

Just a tip if seeking a way to reset an attitude.

[Methodical]

Lately I have notice that I am not happy with my behaviour. I am acting like a moody b*tch, I am bitter and jaded. I dont wanna listen to anyone. I blame others for my ****ty life etc. You know the drill.

 

This is taking its toll on my personal life and wellbeing. It is because of all of my dissapointments in relationships with guys.

 

I dont want to be like this anymore. I scare everyone away. And even my friends are starting to be tired with me. I have now taken first steps towards not being so self centered. But what do I really need to do? Because I am lost.

 

Set healthy boundaries and adhere to them. Alienating ppl who care about you will only compound the misery you find yourself swimming in now and make matters worse. You are disappointed bc you realize your self-worth and value, and it's demoralizing and irritating when you are treated poorly by ppl who really couldn't care less about how their actions affect you.

[basil67]

Same here - my heart has for the first time ever turned stone-cold....was even playing with puppies and kittens and could not find joy in that....

 

When I am constantly observing double standards / hypocritical behaviour on a daily basis and seeing 'scummy' people get away with questionable behaviour and choices - I'm myself starting to lose faith in humanity and any sense of goodness in my heart...the worst part is - I can actually FEEL the bitterness in my heart...this a first ever.

 

You must not forget that you have a choice in whether or not to have this mindset.

 

Choose to see all the wonderful things in the world done by good people - or choose to see the bad. It's up to you.

[whichwayisup]

Lately I have notice that I am not happy with my behaviour. I am acting like a moody b*tch, I am bitter and jaded. I dont wanna listen to anyone. I blame others for my ****ty life etc. You know the drill.

 

This is taking its toll on my personal life and wellbeing. It is because of all of my dissapointments in relationships with guys.

 

I dont want to be like this anymore. I scare everyone away. And even my friends are starting to be tired with me. I have now taken first steps towards not being so self centered. But what do I really need to do? Because I am lost.

 

Instead of putting blame on others, take time to really think and ask yourself what choices you made have had an impact too. And your expectation level.

 

Many people go through tough times in life and seek counseling, maybe that's an option for you? To help you cope in a healthier way so you won't be bitter and jaded and lose friendships.

 

Admitting you aren't happy and posting here is the first step. It's hard work to work on yourself but well worth it at the end - You become a stronger and wiser person.

[S_A]

Lately I have notice that I am not happy with my behaviour. I am acting like a moody b*tch, I am bitter and jaded. I dont wanna listen to anyone. I blame others for my ****ty life etc. You know the drill.

 

This is taking its toll on my personal life and wellbeing. It is because of all of my dissapointments in relationships with guys.

 

I dont want to be like this anymore. I scare everyone away. And even my friends are starting to be tired with me. I have now taken first steps towards not being so self centered. But what do I really need to do? Because I am lost.

 

I don't have a solution, but I'm pretty impressed that you are able to recognize that you might have an attitude problem and that you want to take the neccessary steps to fix it. It honestly makes me think you're probably not as mean or grumpy as you make yourself out to be

[minimariah]

I don't have a solution, but I'm pretty impressed that you are able to recognize that you might have an attitude problem and that you want to take the neccessary steps to fix it. It honestly makes me think you're probably not as mean or grumpy as you make yourself out to be

 

i second this!

 

OP - you sound mature. you recognized the problem and want to fix it, asked for help. that's HUGE, trust me. bravo for that, i have no doubts that you'll continue to grow as a person.

[Aniela]

I know what you mean OP. I wish I had a solution. For me, it's increasing here and there, because of the attitudes I'm running into, regarding women and age. Along with personal things that have affected me over the past six years.

[Arieswoman]

Well, hats off to you fruitee !

 

You are mature and self-aware enough to see that there's a problem, so that's half-way to fixing it - well done!

 

OK, now, what to do about it....

 

If you want to stop having $h!££y relationships, then you need to stop picking $h!££y people. Easier said than done, I know

 

So you need to set boundaries, raise standards and don't "sell yourself short".

 

And, you're going to have to learn the most difficult thing I ever had to learn - and that's when to walk away.

 

I'm sure many of us are guilty of staying in unfulfilling relationships that are past their sell-by date.

 

We're scared to be alone, we've invested time and money in this person, what would our friends/family think?

 

If we walk away then are we a failure? - Absolutely not !

 

If we stay in a relationship that isn't fulfilling us, making us happy, or hurting us then we are failing ourselves.

 

Lot's of good info on this site - Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue ? Empowering advice for helping you offload your baggage & discover the great you that already exists.

 

Good luck x

[Fruitee]

Thanks guys for all of your nice comments. Realizing this problem I have wasnt easy and it was like slap in my face but at the same time best thing that happened to me this spring.