Jump to content

Husband has "moved on" but is being very difficult during divorce.

Heart'OGold

By Heart'OGold,
in Separation and Divorce

 Share Followers 0

Recommended Posts

Heart'OGold

Heart'OGold

Posted
Posted

I've been trying to get my divorce finalized for the last two years. I recently found out my ex got his girlfriend pregnant. He's been very negligent with our divorce this whole time, not cooperating with papers and documents... I don't understand why he's dragging this out. I would assume he would want to get this done, especially with a baby on the way.

 

Any insight or advice would be helpful.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mikeylo

mikeylo

Posted
Posted

Is he paying the bills , child support etc? If not , he is doing this to annoy you. Many divorcing people have wrong focus - how to hurt the other. Can you not push for it ?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
PinkElephants

PinkElephants

Posted
Posted

He's doing it so you can't leave. The new gf is probably pushing for marriage which he may not want since he just got out of one. As long as he stays married to you he can put her off by saying "my darn ex-wife just won't cooperate and sign the papers! I'd marry you today, baby, but I just can't because of her." Then the fact that they're not married is your fault, not his, and he continues to get laid while they bond against a common enemy: you.

 

The new gf isn't going anywhere and he doesn't want you to go anywhere either. Maybe he knows you don't date until the divorce is final and he wants to prevent other men from touching you. Maybe he wants to know he still matters to you. If he annoys you then he matters because people who don't matter receive indifference. Maybe he's selfish and simply wants two women attached to him because it makes him feel like more of a man.

 

No matter what, his reasons are childish and kind of shameful. Can you have it finalized without his cooperation?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Heart'OGold

Heart'OGold

Posted
  • Author
Posted

No, he isn't paying any of the bills.

 

He took off with all of our money and moved to another state. My attorney has been working diligently to get things done and we're pushing for a trial hearing tomorrow. I just assumed he would want to get this done and over with, and just pay me my half of our assets... not spend a fortune going to court, which he will have to pay for, on top of what my half of our assets is. We don't have kids, thank goodness.

Link to post
Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
No, he isn't paying any of the bills.

 

He took off with all of our money and moved to another state. My attorney has been working diligently to get things done and we're pushing for a trial hearing tomorrow. I just assumed he would want to get this done and over with, and just pay me my half of our assets... not spend a fortune going to court, which he will have to pay for, on top of what my half of our assets is. We don't have kids, thank goodness.

 

Well there's part of it: trying to get away with all of the $$$$.

 

He's not too bright, I take it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Arieswoman

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

HeartO'Gold,

This is a really infuriating situation and you have my sympathy.

I don't know the law in USA, so is there any way you could push this through without his agreement?

 

PinkElephants gives several reasons for this behaviour and any one could fit.

 

I think they do this to exercise the last bit of control they have over you. They don't like the idea that you are getting on with your own life. They maybe want to keep you as a back-up plan.

 

I hope you can get it sorted soon, two years is a long time to be tied to an a$$wipe.

 

Good luck x

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author
Heart'OGold

Heart'OGold

Posted
  • Author
Posted

The divorce was my husbands idea, he didn't want to try to make our marriage work. Our marriage was great, but he had anger and drinking issues. We've been in the process of going through our divorce for 2 years now. During these last two years he's been difficult in regards to the divorce. We've both moved on and I just want to live my life in peace. I'm with a loving man, he's supposedly happy... has been dating someone for a year and a half, his gf is about 5 months pregnant, and they've been living together since November.

 

I've been busting my butt trying to get this divorce done, but he's done nothing to move things along. We have not received proper disclosures from him or anything. He took off with our Savings account, and I just want my fair share which is 50%. I'm not going after anything else of his... but now he claims he wants half of my 401K after he took off with all of our money. He claims to want to move things along, but he's been all talk, and no follow thru.

 

My attorney is getting the courts involved, but I don't understand why he can't spend 15 min. to gather the essential documents and email them to his lawyer. We've granted him numerous extensions during the last two years... and nothing.

 

Since he's moved on, and has a baby on the way, I would assume he wants to get this done asap... but he's done nothing!

 

I just don't know why he's being so difficult, any help would be greatly appreciated. We're getting the courts involved now, and he's going to have to pay me what he owes me plus attorney fees... I don't understand why he's making this worse than it has to be.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing

AlwaysGrowing

Posted
Posted

Typical Conflict-Avoidance.

 

You are correct.....that in the end he will have to return the funds that are rightfully yours. With punitive costs of litigation.

 

Look up Conflict-Avoidant personality.....see how many boxes he checks off.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

He's being a greedy pig and it's good you have a lawyer who is taking this to the courts. He has already helped himself to your money and wants more.

 

Let your lawyer handle this, including all conversations. Your exH is playing a game of avoidance and hoping it will upset/drive you crazy. Don't react.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
PegNosePete

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted (edited)
We've granted him numerous extensions during the last two years... and nothing.

Why grant him extensions? Seems like if you give him an inch he takes a mile, so why keep giving him more and more inches?

 

I just don't know why he's being so difficult' date=' any help would be greatly appreciated.[/quote']

We can't know the contents of his mind. Sometimes people do illogical things for illogical reasons, but sometimes their actions seem illogical because we can't see it from their side. Maybe his stalling and delaying has totally logical reasons behind it, but you can't see the logic because you don't know the facts.

 

At a surface glance I would say most likely it's the money. He has the money right now. They say possession is 9/10ths of the law. He's also getting interest on the savings which he may be tucking away into another account or keeping as cash or offsetting against his mortgage. Or maybe there's some other financial reason he doesn't want to co-operate with proceedings. At the end of the day money is usually the reason for most people's actions.

Edited by PegNosePete
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
elaine567

elaine567

Posted
Posted

At a surface glance I would say most likely it's the money. He has the money right now. They say possession is 9/10ths of the law. He's also getting interest on the savings which he may be tucking away into another account or keeping as cash or offsetting against his mortgage. Or maybe there's some other financial reason he doesn't want to co-operate with proceedings. At the end of the day money is usually the reason for most people's actions.

 

I agree it is the money, he doesn't want to give you back your half of the savings account.

Yes, he may have squirrelled it away, but he may not actually have it any more, as he has spent it.

If he has drinking problems, he may actually be in dire financial straits, therefore he keeps stalling.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 0
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...