My best friends don't support my engagement

[hopefullove]

I'm a bit frustrated so I would love some neutral insight please!

 

So I've finally found my match! He's a wonderful immigrant man from Italy lol. I say that because it took me a while to get used to some cultural differences and also the stereotypical dramatic Italian (which in this case is super true!)

 

When we first met, it bugged me that he didn't want to impress me with dates and plans but he did impress me by being considerate and consistent and always reliable and extremely caring. He told me he wasn't going to pretend to give me 200% when that wouldn't be sustainable forever. He was going to always treat me well and as our feelings grew, his actions will grow too. So that's him. He's always himself.

 

Well, this means he doesn't give the best first impressions. Because if he's in a bad mood, he can't hide it. Also he's direct and sarcastic and you can't take him seriously because most things he says is hyperbole. It took me awhile to get used to so I get it.

 

My issue is, I have a few good friends who dislike him. 2 don't live in the same city as me so they met him like for a dinner and a half. And one good friend that lives in my city. All of last year, my BF has been really nice to my local friend and going out of his way to help her and her husband with their business, and various personal things. He didn't have to but he did cus she's my good friend. Well when our 1 year dating anniversary came up, he reached out to her for advice on my present. She ignored him the first time on text, he asked me to see if she got her message and she was like, my whatsapp is only for family. So he texted her. And she was like you wanted to ask me something? And he asked for advice for my present, he was thinking of jewelry and she was like, yeah she'll like whatever if it's nice. And then he asks her what her plans were for Christmas/New Years and she just never responded. I just know if it were my friends BF and he wanted to buy her jewelry I would make sure she got something she liked and I would help him even if I didn't like him cus in the end, this is for my friend. So I ended up not liking my present and I felt really bad about it. And I was complaining to my best friend that I couldn't believe our friend thought I would like it and she told me my local friend didn't like him. I was so pissed off. And now I'm upset still.

 

So I'm engaged and I feel everyone is happy for me but my 3 good friends. They never gave him the chance. I try to explain to them how great he is to me but they just want him to be better behaved in person. It's not like he's an uncouth person, lots of people like him as he is. It's just specifically these 3 sensitive people who, are really frustrating me and I don't even wanna involve with the wedding. I'm going dress shopping with a friend who actually likes my BF/fiancé cus we hang out together. At first I mentioned this to my BF, like maybe you should suck it up and be more polite to people and he said, why don't your friends, who are suppose to care about you, take some interest in the man in your life. He's right tho, all his friends are so nice to me even tho in the beginning I was a bit of a pain cus I'm moody too. But they continued to be nice to me. So I've talked about this to everyone, cus they have brought it up directly to me, except the local friend who has said nothing to me. And I feel a lot of resentment towards her and thinking of not including her in my bridal party cus why do I want someone who doesn't want to support my partnership?????? Am I crazy or too sensitive???? Help!!!

[d0nnivain]

You are being a bit too sensitive. yes it would be lovely if everybody got along but they don't. If you love your FI, I'm sure they are happy for you that you are getting married. Other than that, what do you expect of them? My friends didn't fawn when I got engaged. People have lives & our milestones don't mean that much to them. Unless they are point blank telling you that they don't like him & that they don't think you should marry him don't worry about them & their behavior.

 

Your BF was wrong to keep trying when your friend blew him off. Yes, it would have been more polite for her to help him but she was under no obligation to do so. Stop making a big deal out of it. I'm like you & I would have helped & put effort into it, but most people aren't that self sacrificing.

[hopefullove]

Thank you for for responding!!!!

 

Well they are suppose to be my best friends and yeah they keep going, are you sure? And telling me how concerned they are. They won't listen when I say or tell them how wonderful he is cus they already decided. It's frustrating because these friends haven't spent time with him. And people who have, adore him. He has a lot of good friends who have accepted me with open arms. I dunno why I'm stuck with these judgement stuck up people in my life.

 

He asked my friend if I would like some jewelry he bought for me and he texted her twice. And she just said, I dunno, sure. And that's it. He's helped her a lot like I said. I guess he wasn't obligated to help her either but did cus he's a good guy, he's really selfless and considerate with people.

 

I'm really frustrated. They don't care that he treats me well, they want him to act differently in front of them to accept him. Anyone is lucky to know this kind of person in their life.

[hopefullove]

they are not happy.

 

im going dress shopping with a friend who likes him. and doing planning with other friends.

these people just dont care to hear or change their minds. after i told one all the great things he does for me, she goes, well i dont care if he does it, he should show it in person, he should give you affection behind the scenes? Well that is her preference. Im sorry but she complains to me about how her bf never helps around the house and i dont have that problem! Me and my bf work really well as a couple. IT SUCKS that its my closest friends who are so blind and stubborn. and i really really wish i didnt invite them to the wedding.

[d0nnivain]

Maybe you will get lucky & the won't come.

 

Celebrate yourself & don't worry about them. Surround yourself with supportive people & let the rest do whatever they are going to do.

[BettyDraper]

they are not happy.

 

im going dress shopping with a friend who likes him. and doing planning with other friends.

these people just dont care to hear or change their minds. after i told one all the great things he does for me, she goes, well i dont care if he does it, he should show it in person, he should give you affection behind the scenes? Well that is her preference. Im sorry but she complains to me about how her bf never helps around the house and i dont have that problem! Me and my bf work really well as a couple. IT SUCKS that its my closest friends who are so blind and stubborn. and i really really wish i didnt invite them to the wedding.

 

Maybe your friends do not like your fiance's personality.

You mentioned that he's sarcastic and doesn't know how to hide when he's upset. I can see how that could make a bad impression.

It's a red flag when more than one important person in your life doesn't like your partner.

 

One question...are you saying that he never took you out while you were dating? I hope that isn't the case.

If so, it sounds like the man you're marrying didn't want to make an effort and found a convenient excuse.

 

My husband and I have been together for nearly ten years and he still takes me out.

[hopefullove]

Thank you posters!!!

 

Oh he takes me out lots and takes me to do things he doesn't like but I like.

Just before I met him I was dating for 2 years and I met really ridiculous men who liked to wine and dine me but with no substance and i was spoiled and used to that. But since I talked to him we do lots of stuff together! He took me out! I don't know what I was expecting....he's always been thoughtful tho. The amazing thing about him is any issue I have, if I tell him he makes the effort to Change and he actually does.

 

You're right that they don't like his personality. He's Italian and my euro immigrant friends, or those who lived in Europe have no problem with him cus they are used to that.

 

That's the thing! WHY is it a red flag when the people who are making the judgement calls have spent less than 4 hours with him OR never met him. They say they care, but maybe they could get to know him to show that they can make an effort. I'm sick of my best friends opinion from half a year ago. They cant take my word that I have a good relationship and insist I'm an idiot. I honestly have everything I want and never felt so calm in a relationship in my entire life! I've been posting here for advice since 2009. And since dating my FI now I haven't posted anything.

[BettyDraper]

Thank you posters!!!

 

Oh he takes me out lots and takes me to do things he doesn't like but I like.

Just before I met him I was dating for 2 years and I met really ridiculous men who liked to wine and dine me but with no substance and i was spoiled and used to that. But since I talked to him we do lots of stuff together! He took me out! I don't know what I was expecting....he's always been thoughtful tho. The amazing thing about him is any issue I have, if I tell him he makes the effort to Change and he actually does.

 

You're right that they don't like his personality. He's Italian and my euro immigrant friends, or those who lived in Europe have no problem with him cus they are used to that.

 

That's the thing! WHY is it a red flag when the people who are making the judgement calls have spent less than 4 hours with him OR never met him. They say they care, but maybe they could get to know him to show that they can make an effort. I'm sick of my best friends opinion from half a year ago. They cant take my word that I have a good relationship and insist I'm an idiot. I honestly have everything I want and never felt so calm in a relationship in my entire life! I've been posting here for advice since 2009. And since dating my FI now I haven't posted anything.

 

 

Those who haven't met your fiance cannot accurately judge his personality. Perceptive types can get a read on someone within a few hours.

 

Have your friends explained why they don't like your fiance? Though there may be cultural differences at play here, a person's nationality does not have to determine their behavior.

 

Another issue could be jealousy if your friends aren't in happy relationships.

 

With respect to taking you out, just because a man wines and dines a woman it doesn't mean that he has no substance. Does your fiance disregard your need for impressive dates? Romantic gestures are not necessary every day but it's not exciting or caring to eschew those things altogether.

[Lois_Griffin]

That's the thing! WHY is it a red flag when the people who are making the judgement calls have spent less than 4 hours with him OR never met him. They say they care, but maybe they could get to know him to show that they can make an effort. I'm sick of my best friends opinion from half a year ago. They cant take my word that I have a good relationship and insist I'm an idiot. I honestly have everything I want and never felt so calm in a relationship in my entire life! I've been posting here for advice since 2009. And since dating my FI now I haven't posted anything.

Honestly? If they only spent a mere 4 hours with the guy and didn't like him, there's a reason for it.

[bathtub-row]

I would have helped him out for my friend even if I didn't like the guy. My only question is: does your family like him? If they do, great. If they don't, you probably need to re-think this whole thing.

 

I wouldn't include those friends in the wedding party. Just invite them. If they don't come, then they don't.

[BettyDraper]

Honestly? If they only spent a mere 4 hours with the guy and didn't like him, there's a reason for it.

 

This was my thought as well.

[preraph]

Here's what a lifetime of experience has taught me. It's one thing if your parents don't think they're good enough for you, because they never think anyone is good enough for you and overvalue you.

 

It's quite another if your mate is setting off red flags in more than one of your old friends who know you well. Now, this doesn't apply if your old friends are not really old friends who know you well but more like friendly acquaintances.

 

You yourself saw some red flags in him or you wouldn't be here, and you mentioned some. Why not just prolong the engagement at least another year so you are certain you know every side of this man.

 

And the trouble is if your friends don't like him, you will probably end up with no friends because he won't want you seeing them. So you better find out right now if he's cool with you spending at least a few hours with friends or if he's doing to text you the whole time asking when you come home or be obnoxious about it.

 

So prolong the engagement for long enough to know. Have friends over and see if they get used to him or if he is rude to them because he doesn't want them there. Try to integrate them. I will tell you right now that if your impulse is to keep them separate because it's easier, something is wrong with the relationship balance or him or you that you would feel like doing that.

[hopefullove]

Really? Is it a red flag for people to not like him having only spent 4 hours?

It was a group dinner. So it's not really any situation where they can know him.

 

He visited my home town and stayed with me and my dad for a week and my dad likes him and he generally doesn't like anyone (mom was on vacation and only met him for 1.5 days cus I booked the trip as a surprise and she already booked her vacay)

 

Guys. He is SO good to me.

As I'm writing this, he's folding my laundry. And showing me the stains he got out of my blazer. Earlier he was starving and made food and I was busy doing something else so he waited til I was done to eat together. It's little things. Earlier today he's telling me how pretty I look, he went to work this morning while I was sleeping and came back with coffee and muffin. I don't know how to express how good a man he is to me. Or keep trying to tell them cus in those 4 hours of terrible weekend for him (there was this event he had been looking forward to for a year, I was suppose to go with him but I didn't want to. My friends decided to visit me that month so I told them to come that weekend so I didn't have to go to his event so he didn't end up goin and was really sad about it. My friends are just like, well he just suck it up but he can't cus he's really dramatic cus he's Italian and that was confirmed as a cultural thing by my friend who lives in Milan and says she's been to many ruined dinner parties where Italians couldn't suck it up) they insist on the fact that he's mean to me.

 

So it doesn't matter that he treats me like a queen, but if they don't see it they won't believe it. Also he doesn't know they don't like him. It's only a few of them that dont. But they are my closest friends. I have other friends that I see more often that they find him entertaining and charming and one newer friend who I've becoming closer and closer with cus she gets him (cus she used to live in Italy so understands the culture).

 

 

Like I said before, his friends are great people and super nice to me and accepted me, and I even bring along my new friend to their outtings too. I just don't get it, he doesn't make a good first impression but he's wonderful to me and we have a good partnership but they refuse to acknowledge it.

[MissBee]

Do you value your friends and their opinions?How well do they know you? What has been their history with men you date? Have they not liked them before (were they right not to?) Or is this the first time?

 

My friends and families opinions about men I'm dating matter to me, especially the people I consider good friends. I choose friends who have similar values as me and who genuinely love and care about me and who have good judgment. My sister for example, if my sister doesn't like a guy/new friend I have, it isn't long before they do something that makes it all make sense. She is NEVER wrong about them if she doesn't like them and she has only to meet them for 20 minutes to know this. Therefore, for me, I listen. I won't dump a guy immediately but I certainly take it into account. That said, my friends and family are nice, polite people, who even if they don't like a man may not necessarily voice it too strongly, so if they do, I would sit up and take notice! That's me anyway...but that's because I know they'd have a reason. It's up to you to decide what your good friends opinions are worth to you and if you think they are completely invalid or not.

 

It seems to me that your bf is a guy you have to "explain" to people. In my own experience when your bf comes with a disclaimer and you have to say "Oh he's sarcastic, he's stereotypically Italian, he said he wouldn't give 200%, he's direct..." to me those usually are things women say when they're with a man they KNOW people are gonna raise an eyebrow at and not for no reason. I don't want a man I have to explain...lol. My ex-boyfriend for example, to this day, although we weren't a good match all my friends liked him mostly because they saw how he treated me and he was also very kind, generous and friendly towards them...I had no need to brief them on him and to explain his behavior....that's usually a red flag if your bf is so odd behaving that upon meeting him people will be put off if you don't offer a previous explanation of him to them. Your bf being "difficult" is either a warning flag that everyone but you can see because you're in love (or maybe you see it but have eventually overlooked it because it seemed like in the beginning you were unhappy with some things but got used to it) or he's just a guy that maybe only few can love....and then you may have to decide to live with that.

Edited April 24, 2016 by MissBee

[hopefullove]

Do you value your friends and their opinions?How well do they know you? What has been their history with men you date? Have they not liked them before (were they right not to?) Or is this the first time?

 

My friends and families opinions about men I'm dating matter to me, especially the people I consider good friends. I choose friends who have similar values as me and who genuinely love and care about me and who have good judgment. My sister for example, if my sister doesn't like a guy/new friend I have, it isn't long before they do something that makes it all make sense. She is NEVER wrong about them if she doesn't like them and she has only to meet them for 20 minutes to know this. Therefore, for me, I listen. I won't dump a guy immediately but I certainly take it into account. That said, my friends and family are nice, polite people, who even if they don't like a man may not necessarily voice it too strongly, so if they do, I would sit up and take notice! That's me anyway...but that's because I know they'd have a reason. It's up to you to decide what your good friends opinions are worth to you and if you think they are completely invalid or not.

 

It seems to me that your bf is a guy you have to "explain" to people. In my own experience when your bf comes with a disclaimer and you have to say "Oh he's sarcastic, he's stereotypically Italian, he said he wouldn't give 200%, he's direct..." to me those usually are things women say when they're with a man they KNOW people are gonna raise an eyebrow at and not for no reason. I don't want a man I have to explain...lol. My ex-boyfriend for example, to this day, although we weren't a good match all my friends liked him mostly because they saw how he treated me and he was also very kind, generous and friendly towards them...I had no need to brief them on him and to explain his behavior....that's usually a red flag if your bf is so odd behaving that upon meeting him people will be put off if you don't offer a previous explanation of him to them. Your bf being "difficult" is either a warning flag that everyone but you can see because you're in love (or maybe you see it but have eventually overlooked it because it seemed like in the beginning you were unhappy with some things but got used to it) or he's just a guy that maybe only few can love....and then you may have to decide to live with that.

 

Hi!

I understand what you are saying but my friends don't live in the same city as me and the meeting with 2 was during a fight and meeting another 2 was when I conned him out of missing an event.

I'm coming home right now from Passover dinner. He just went to drive home his friends grandmother and changed her lights for her. He's an immigrant from Italy. So he has only been here for 3 years. I'm not making excuses but when you are in a completely new culture, you're used to what you have been used to for your entire life. I would say my friends are pretty sheltered and maybe know only a few kinds of homogenized people. My friends who are well travelled, have experienced the world, know different cultures, they like him.

 

So when you say he's a BF I need to explain, it's only to a certain type of people. My coworkers love him. especially my English coworker, again foreign euro. My friend from Moldova liked him from the start, my friend who lived in Milan likes him.

 

Theses friends, of course I value their opinion. But cus we don't live close, we don't hang out and don't understand our dynamics.

 

I'm just trying to help you understand his character. hes been in the country for 3 years, when he decided to move here he contacted a friend he met from student exchange and he stayed with her family when he got here. He lived with them for 2 years and they basically adopted him as a brother, teaching him the family business so he can help take it over. They now opened it up to me, and we go to all family events, like today, Passover. We live together but he goes back and helps them with errands, anything they need. My friends don't care. They don't care he's a really good person or how well he treats me. They just care about what they saw.

 

He has only gotten better and better as a person

About the 200% comment. Lemme explain. And he's right. When he first met me, he told me it's not sustainable to give 200% to try to impress me. And it's true cus my last BF was the best BF in the entire universe for the first 6 months. Then he turned into a selfish jerk. This Italian boyfriend has become the most selfless, person person I've ever met. What he meant was he isn't going to be anyone unless it is himself. He isn't going to do things just to impress me, but do them because he wants to, and making me happy makes him happy. My friend who divorced with a man who gave her 200%, til he couldn't anymore and said that he couldn't live up to everyone's expectations.

[hopefullove]

Honestly? If they only spent a mere 4 hours with the guy and didn't like him, there's a reason for it.

 

Like I said. He is an immigrant from Europe. The only people who don't like are sheltered. People from Europe, or well travelled people, they like him a lot.

only people that don't like him are people who don't actually try to know him.

[BettyDraper]

Really? Is it a red flag for people to not like him having only spent 4 hours?

It was a group dinner. So it's not really any situation where they can know him.

 

He visited my home town and stayed with me and my dad for a week and my dad likes him and he generally doesn't like anyone (mom was on vacation and only met him for 1.5 days cus I booked the trip as a surprise and she already booked her vacay)

 

Guys. He is SO good to me.

As I'm writing this, he's folding my laundry. And showing me the stains he got out of my blazer. Earlier he was starving and made food and I was busy doing something else so he waited til I was done to eat together. It's little things. Earlier today he's telling me how pretty I look, he went to work this morning while I was sleeping and came back with coffee and muffin. I don't know how to express how good a man he is to me. Or keep trying to tell them cus in those 4 hours of terrible weekend for him (there was this event he had been looking forward to for a year, I was suppose to go with him but I didn't want to. My friends decided to visit me that month so I told them to come that weekend so I didn't have to go to his event so he didn't end up goin and was really sad about it. My friends are just like, well he just suck it up but he can't cus he's really dramatic cus he's Italian and that was confirmed as a cultural thing by my friend who lives in Milan and says she's been to many ruined dinner parties where Italians couldn't suck it up) they insist on the fact that he's mean to me.

 

So it doesn't matter that he treats me like a queen, but if they don't see it they won't believe it. Also he doesn't know they don't like him. It's only a few of them that dont. But they are my closest friends. I have other friends that I see more often that they find him entertaining and charming and one newer friend who I've becoming closer and closer with cus she gets him (cus she used to live in Italy so understands the culture).

 

 

Like I said before, his friends are great people and super nice to me and accepted me, and I even bring along my new friend to their outtings too. I just don't get it, he doesn't make a good first impression but he's wonderful to me and we have a good partnership but they refuse to acknowledge it.

 

Why do you feel the need to prove to us and your friends how great your boyfriend is?

 

I don't doubt that cultural idiosyncrasies can be hard to deal with. However, you can't keep using culture as an excuse for behaviors which others find difficult to handle.

 

Since your boyfriend is in a new country, he will have to learn to adapt to the culture here. I know Italians are emotional and forthright but that doesn't mean that they can't manage their feelings in a mature way.

[Eternal Sunshine]

What's his visa status?

[Miss Peach]

That's the thing! WHY is it a red flag when the people who are making the judgement calls have spent less than 4 hours with him OR never met him. They say they care, but maybe they could get to know him to show that they can make an effort.

 

FWIW - I've had friend say they don't like the guy I'm dating. When I have looked back I realized they were right and I could do better. There are some BFs/GFs of friends and friends of friends I can't stand that I have spent probably the same amount of time (a dinner or two). I won't interfere in their lives but if they ask my opinion I will tell them and can actually pin point it to certain actions/comments that I found rude.

 

The thing is that our friends and family should know us so if they are getting bad signs then it's worth reflecting on. I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm just saying it's worth reflecting on and really trying to see if there is something there. It might be worth having the conversation as to why they are being so rude and disrespectful. To be honest these friends don't sound very friendly. If my friend had a BF I didn't like, I would at least do some of these things for my friend.

 

Now the thing is some people are just jealous or have other motivations. So the thing is you need to look at these friendships. How have they been? Have they ever gone against your best interests in the past? If not, this could be a red flag. If so, then I don't see any reason to doubt him; especially if you are willing to let these friends go. At some point that is likely to come up or put distance in your friendship. So if you go forward I would go forward with the understanding these people might not be friends with you much longer or you won't be close anymore.

[Cablebandit]

Quit worrying about your friends. If this guy treats you well, in a way that makes you feel loved and cherished, continue on the path you are on. It sounds like he speaks your love language. This guy probably knows the REAL you and your needs better than your friends.

[TaraMaiden2]

I take serious issue with your description of him and excuse it by the fact he's Italian.

I'm Italian.

I have a whole shedload of Italian cousins and relatives and honestly, if the guy acts like this, it's not because he's Italian.

It's because he's a douchebag.

 

Don't excuse poor behaviour with culture.

If he behaves in an unsociable manner, it's because he's rude, boorish and spoilt, and ill-mannered.

 

That has absolutely nothing to do with his being an Italian.

 

Italians are in general, highly sociable, affectionate and voluble people.

It might have something to do with his upbringing, but to consider all Italians like this mamma's boy, is inaccurate and frankly, a little insulting.

[BettyDraper]

I take serious issue with your description of him and excuse it by the fact he's Italian.

I'm Italian.

I have a whole shedload of Italian cousins and relatives and honestly, if the guy acts like this, it's not because he's Italian.

It's because he's a douchebag.

 

Don't excuse poor behaviour with culture.

If he behaves in an unsociable manner, it's because he's rude, boorish and spoilt, and ill-mannered.

 

That has absolutely nothing to do with his being an Italian.

 

Italians are in general, highly sociable, affectionate and voluble people.

It might have something to do with his upbringing, but to consider all Italians like this mamma's boy, is inaccurate and frankly, a little insulting.

 

Thank you for saying this!

 

I think the OP is using her fiance's culture as an excuse far too much.

[NTV]

Looking at the back and forth on your post here, I find it hard to think you might be receptive to and advice that doesn't support your decision to become engaged. If you feel like you need that decision supported then it's likely that you yourself have major doubts.

 

I'm not going to tell you what I think about your fiance or friends or the conflict there because I think it's a straw man you set up so that you wouldn't risk facing seeing a response that would call those doubts into the forefront.

 

What I can tell you is that you are right to have those doubts. Every one getting married has them. It's normal.

 

BUT it's also something you want to address before any actual wedding. Talk to your family. Your friends. your fiance. your coworkers. Your fiancé family. about this.

 

As I said everyone else that's been married has been through it. But don't just tell them... listen to what they say closely. Marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever do in life.

 

For some it's also the most rewarding for others it's the most painful mistake they ever made. What a married person tells you will help in MANY ways--some very unexpected.

 

I hope that you can calm your inner turmoil and find a place of inner grace that can lead you to the peace of mind you need here. Good luck!

[Gaeta]

You have been dating for 6 months only and you are engaged? What's the rush? He is still a stranger. Not even 4 months ago you had a thread about how his negging bothered you.

 

There is a reasin why yours friends don't like him.

 

You need to date this man another year before calling him the man of your life.

 

My best friend started dating someone 2 years ago. He was negging her all the time. I came to deeply hate this man. Yes he does nice things around the house and fold clothes and cook but that doesn't keep him from putting her down every chance he gets. So time went by and they now live together. Each time her and l speak she tries to re-build him in my eyes but it does not work. I dislike him and will dislike him forever for how poorly he treated her.

 

There is nothing you can say that will rebuild their opinion of him. Don't say they have no reason to dislike him. They do. Recognize it. Accept it.

 

Again. You need more time to get to know this guy.

[preraph]

I take serious issue with your description of him and excuse it by the fact he's Italian.

I'm Italian.

I have a whole shedload of Italian cousins and relatives and honestly, if the guy acts like this, it's not because he's Italian.

It's because he's a douchebag.

 

Don't excuse poor behaviour with culture.

If he behaves in an unsociable manner, it's because he's rude, boorish and spoilt, and ill-mannered.

 

That has absolutely nothing to do with his being an Italian.

 

Italians are in general, highly sociable, affectionate and voluble people.

It might have something to do with his upbringing, but to consider all Italians like this mamma's boy, is inaccurate and frankly, a little insulting.

 

I'm glad you said it because I was just about to direct the OP to her third paragraph of elaborate and leaky excuses she's making for him.

 

I renew my plea to the OP to give it at least another year before jumping in. Remember that first impressions are usually pretty accurate.