AMarriedMan Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 (edited) I think she is unhappy for some reason and the daggers thrown at you, your financial status and your mother's jewellery may be easy targets she has chosen to hit to cause maximum hurt, rather than the real problem. She's 28, Does she feel life has passed her by maybe? Does she have any friends? Is she lonely? Is she bored? Does she want children? Does she feel trapped? Is she regretting the marriage? Are you meeting her needs? You need to start talking to her seriously and find out what the real issue is here.. Yes, he is not meeting her financial needs, and yes, she is probably regretting the marriage. I do not wish to be rude to elaine567, but I have to call BS when I see it. To me it seems obvious that cutedragon nailed it. We are talking about an entitled young woman who married her high school sweetheart. In high school, parental socioeconomic status simply does not factor in. Now that the couple has been married for two years and the two are approaching their thirties, socioeconomic status and differences thereof between the families of each partner are of utmost importance. The young wife in question is beginning to realize that her husband will probably not be able to provide her with the kind of lifestyle her father did for her. It is fortunate that there are no children involved. No need for any psychobabble to muddle the waters here. And even less need for guilt tripping the man. Edited May 5, 2016 by AMarriedMan Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Yes, he is not meeting her financial needs, and yes, she is probably regretting the marriage. I do not wish to be rude to elaine567, but I have to call BS when I see it. To me it seems obvious that cutedragon nailed it. We are talking about an entitled young woman who married her high school sweetheart. In high school, parental socioeconomic status simply does not factor in. Now that the couple has been married for two years and the two are approaching their thirties, socioeconomic status and differences thereof between the families of each partner are of utmost importance. The young wife in question is beginning to realize that her husband will probably not be able to provide her with the kind of lifestyle her father did for her. It is fortunate that there are no children involved. No need for any psychobabble to muddle the waters here. And even less need for guilt tripping the man. If this was a short term arrangement I would buy into this but this woman has known the OP for a long long time, so I do not think this is as simple as the obvious "rich woman unhappy with poor husband" that some would like to paint this as... It is a far more complex issue than that. If you do not want to be seen as rude, then it is best not be rude. Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 (edited) If this was a short term arrangement I would buy into this but this woman has known the OP for a long long time, so I do not think this is as simple as the obvious "rich woman unhappy with poor husband" that some would like to paint this as... It is a far more complex issue than that. If you do not want to be seen as rude, then it is best not be rude. I considered it to be a harmful waste of time for OP to take your advice and start wallowing in self-doubt, questioning his own actions and worrying what little thing he did or otherwise went wrong that caused such a radical shift in OP's wife's attitude towards him. Nothing significant OP mentioned changed in his and his wife's life other than the marriage. OP and his wife started dating in or right after high school. That is, at an age when socioeconomic status does not factor in in mate selection. At that age, young people wish to create their own lives apart from the ones of their birth families. Adult responsibilities loom very far in the future for most people at that age. I believe OP's wife sincerely loved him until the last couple of years or so. It is no coincidence that the wedding ceremony and the beginning of trouble in the relationship are so closely timed. Marriage is serious adult business and that fact has no doubt lingered in the back of OP's wife's mind. In her mind, now that she is a married woman, the man responsible for maintaining her lifestyle is no longer daddy but her husband. Edited May 5, 2016 by AMarriedMan Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I considered it to be a harmful waste of time for OP to take your advice and start wallowing in self-doubt, questioning his own actions and worrying what little thing he did or otherwise went wrong that caused such a radical shift in OP's wife's attitude towards him. Nothing significant OP mentioned changed in his and his wife's life other than the marriage. A "harmful waste of time" for him to be considering why his wife may be feeling the way she does???? Really!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 A "harmful waste of time" for him to be considering why his wife may be feeling the way she does???? Really!!! Of course not. But he already did a pretty good job at it. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 One good thing about marriage is - if you work together - you can improve your financial status. Berating you doesn't help though. Maybe you two can make a plan to get the financial level she desires and work together to get there. Marriage isnt about financial status though. Money isnt happiness. Working to qualify as wealthy "enough" in your wifes eyes will be exhausting if all op wants is peace, fun dates, and to be healthy and happy. This is why marriage is so hard...people enter it based on love then once married say...well I wanted life to be more xyz....so the spouse was chosen to make her financial lifestyle dreams a reality? Thats not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Marriage isnt about financial status though. Money isnt happiness. Marriage is about providing children a stable environment to grow up in. That is the purpose of marriage. Children are very expensive to raise in a modern society. In financial terms, children are an enormous liability in a society where at least fifteen years of education is required of a citizen to become a fully productive member of society. On average, it costs about $200,000 to raise a child from 0 to 18 in America. Add college tuition on top of that. Working to qualify as wealthy "enough" in your wifes eyes will be exhausting if all op wants is peace, fun dates, and to be healthy and happy. This is why marriage is so hard...people enter it based on love then once married say...well I wanted life to be more xyz....so the spouse was chosen to make her financial lifestyle dreams a reality? Thats not fair. Women marry for financial reasons as they should. Raising children is hard work and very expensive. No woman wants a layabout for a husband and rightly so. Link to post Share on other sites
Cablebandit Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Marriage is about providing children a stable environment to grow up in. That is the purpose of marriage. Women marry for financial reasons as they should. Raising children is hard work and very expensive. No woman wants a layabout for a husband and rightly so. UHHH that is not universally true. My wife and I didn't marry for any reason to do with children as we don't have any together and don't want any. My wife works and makes more money than I do. She did not marry for financial reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 UHHH that is not universally true. My wife and I didn't marry for any reason to do with children as we don't have any together and don't want any. My wife works and makes more money than I do. She did not marry for financial reasons. The institution of marriage wasn't invented for the voluntarily childless. It doesn't mean that such people may not marry, however. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cablebandit Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 The institution of marriage wasn't invented for the voluntarily childless. It doesn't mean that such people may not marry, however. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage offers a lot of interpretations of marriage most often defined by society/culture. I only bring this up because too often we ascribe our own personal ideas about marriage onto others. Link to post Share on other sites
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