serendipity90 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I've been going out with a guy for 3 weeks nearly and we've seen each other at least 2 times a week. He keeps pushing for me to spend time with his friends but I feel a bit like it's too soon. He's quite a sociable guy whereas I'm more of an introvert and like my own space. I don't know if it's better for us to build a stronger relationship first before we do things with other people?
losangelena Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 My ex and I waited until about 1.5 months to start friend introductions. But to each their own. If you're comfortable, go with it. If not, wait. 3
candie13 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 experience showed me that I first need to wait to have "the talk" first. If I'm interested, if there is chemistry, if he wants us to be exclusive and if sex is good, I'm going for that. I'm too old to be presenting different dudes to my friends every month. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 If he's a sociable guy you best meet the friends. These people are important to him. The more you try to force him to keep you separate from them because you are not ready the more he's going to conclude that you don't fit in with his lifestyle. Meet the friends. It's not that big of deal. The delay & the angst you are ratcheting up in your own mind are doing the most damage. It's a good thing that he wants to bring you around. Keeping you a secret would be bad. Why are you so freak out about this? 2
alphamale Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 my rule is 10 dates or 3 months, whichever comes first 1
Damaged217 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 With with D0nnivain. This new guy I'm seeing, I introduced him to my niece and her BF on the 3rd date because they happened to be hanging out near the bar we were at. I didn't really think about it at all. It's great when the person you are seeing wants you to meet the people that are important to them.
paigej91 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 If he's so anxious to meet your friends and you feel it's early, I don't see why he's not picking up on that. He should introduce you to his first it seems. Best way to be introduced/to inroduce your SO to others is to make it simple and organic. No big groups, just 1 or 2 friends and do something simple like go out for dinner at a casual place. That way you can actually converse and get to know each other.
Shanex Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Usually within weeks if we're headed to relationship, especially LTR. Parents can take a few months, I always tread lightly when introducing a lady to them. It's about what you guys are comfortable with. No rules set in stone.
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 I see no reason why you shouldn't meet his friends. No need to make it a huge deal, IMO it's not like meeting family. Go and have fun! Personally I would be flattered! It shows he is very into you, is proud of you! People complain here when their SO's don't want them to meet friends. Again, it doesn't have to be a huge deal, don't make it one. Meeting family is different. Need to wait a few months for that IMO. So go and enjoy! If one or two have girlfriends..... double date! That's fun too.
TunaCat Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 If you feel like it's too soon, then listen to your gut. Do not agree to meet his friends unless you are 100% on board and ready. For what it's worth, I think it's too early to meet his friends.
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 (edited) To those who think it's soon, I am curious to know why you think so. I mean I am not criticizing your right to feel that way.. to each his own, I am just curious to know why you feel that way.... and why it's considered a big deal or somewhat of a big deal in your opinions. One of the earliest dates with my ex was a double date with one of his friends and his girlfriend. Super fun. We also all went out as a group very early on. Also super fun. We broke up after six years in December and I started dating new guy. After a few dates, we went to the pub to watch a game, and a couple of his friends were there. No big deal at all, again we all had fun! Anyway, I am not getting why this has to be a big deal such that it deems waiting a specific amount of time before happening or even something that needs to be planned. As I said before it's not like meeting family. Now THAT is a big deal IMO. Meeting family represents something important.. like more commitment. But meeting friends? One of my friends met her bf at a club ... his friends were there so she met them that same night! Not a huge deal at all. I dunno, to each his own, and we are all entitled to feel how we feel, but frankly I don't quite get it. Or what one needs to be *ready* for. My questions are mostly rhetorical, but if anyone cares to answer, would be interested in reading. :) Edited April 23, 2016 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Are you exclusive? If you are then I don't see the problem with meeting friends after 3 weeks. It's friends, not family. Usually friends are relaxed, casual, and don't expect anything out of someone you introduce to them, it's completely different than introducing family.
alphamale Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Are you exclusive? If you are then I don't see the problem with meeting friends after 3 weeks. It's friends, not family. Usually friends are relaxed, casual, and don't expect anything out of someone you introduce to them, it's completely different than introducing family. meeting friends after 3 wks? wtf
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) meeting friends after 3 wks? wtf I know this was in response to Gaeta... but good gawd.... you make a big deal out of nothing. They're friends dude, not parents. And what's with the 10 date or three-month "rule"? Did you go to college? Did you have a girlfriend? Chances are she met your friends the night y'all met at some party or something. My gf first met her bf at a club and all his friends were there, and she met them the same night. My ex and I double dated with a couple of his friends around two weeks after we started dating. Mind telling me what the big deal is? I am really curious! Edited April 26, 2016 by katiegrl
lana-banana Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I know this was in response to Gaeta... but good gawd.... you make a big deal out of nothing. They're friends dude, not parents. And what's with the 10 date or three-month "rule"? Did you go to college? Did you have a girlfriend? Chances are she met your friends the night y'all met at some party or something. My gf first met her bf at a club and all his friends were there, and she met them the same night. My ex and I double dated with a couple of his friends around two weeks after we started dating. Mind telling me what the big deal is? Yikes. Judgmental much? The OP says it feels too soon; are her feelings invalid too? Some people take a long time to get comfortable with someone new. It can take a while to adjust to that dynamic. While I might not mind going out to a show with some friends after a few weeks, I would be very uncomfortable grabbing dinner or doing other conventional couples' activities at such an early stage. She barely knows the guy. She's still trying to get to know him and now she has to add a bunch of strangers to that dynamic? OP: I have waited anywhere between one to four months before bringing a new person into my social circles. Tell this guy you aren't comfortable quite yet. If he's worth it he'll understand.
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) Yikes. Judgmental much? The OP says it feels too soon; are her feelings invalid too? Some people take a long time to get comfortable with someone new. It can take a while to adjust to that dynamic. While I might not mind going out to a show with some friends after a few weeks, I would be very uncomfortable grabbing dinner or doing other conventional couples' activities at such an early stage. She barely knows the guy. She's still trying to get to know him and now she has to add a bunch of strangers to that dynamic? OP: I have waited anywhere between one to four months before bringing a new person into my social circles. Tell this guy you aren't comfortable quite yet. If he's worth it he'll understand. Wow, okay fair enough, to each his own. Just surprises me tis all. I would think folks would feel happy his/her SO wanted them to meet friends.... as opposed to so many threads from folks complaining about their SO's wanting to maintain distance... putting up walls to keep from getting too close, etc. To me, meeting friends is very relaxed, casual and fun, as Gaeta said. Not a huge deal at all. Especially if exclusively dating. Just me. But okay lana, like I said fair enough to each his own. Apologies for coming off as judgmental, knee jerk reaction. Edited April 26, 2016 by katiegrl
GravityMan Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 How long before you introduce the person you're dating to friends? When it feels right to do so. That could be very early on, or it could be a little while. In other words, it's more of a gut feeling or a "listen to your intuition" kind of thing, instead of something to devote a lot of brainpower or logic to. It depends on a lot of variables...how I feel, how she feels, the friends themselves (including which ones), how we originally met (perhaps we met thru mutual friends), our personalities, schedules, and so on. Ultimately it just boils down to the overall "pulse" of things...which is usually fluid and dynamic. Like many other aspects of dating, I think it's wise not to overthink this...don't blow it out of proportion.
Shanex Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) It boils down to the person YOU are dating. Not your fault if he or she refuse to meet anyone. At 18, so a while ago I introduced a girlfriend, just girlfriend and in all honesty it was a rather casual relationship (we were barely adults) but I still felt like introducing to a relative after two months, no less. In my twenties I've had different women, and some of them weren't too thrilled about meeting parents, about friends it didn't mater after a couple weeks. Friends are people you party with, parents it's the formal dinner People can be either shy or do not want another family (ie I have my own family already and it's problems I don't need another ) maybe it's being worried about commitment. Ultimately I think if a man refuse by all means to be introduced to relatives or friends after many months something ain't right. You can't ''hide'' forever, especially being in love, or at least pretending to be so. Edited April 26, 2016 by Shanex
seekingluck Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 I am a pretty social person. I am also the person who introduces "new people" to the circle often. OP, if your boyfriend wants to introduce you to his friends already, it means he thinks you will fit right in with the crew. All good signs. I'l introduce someone somewhat "early" if they seem like someone who I would be friends with anyway. Be worried if you are dating a social person who has lots of social circles who doesn't introduce you to anyone. It means that they don't think you are a good match, their friends will approve or they are embarrassed. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 To those who think it's soon, I am curious to know why you think so. I mean I am not criticizing your right to feel that way.. to each his own, I am just curious to know why you feel that way.... and why it's considered a big deal or somewhat of a big deal in your opinions. One of the earliest dates with my ex was a double date with one of his friends and his girlfriend. Super fun. We also all went out as a group very early on. Also super fun. We broke up after six years in December and I started dating new guy. After a few dates, we went to the pub to watch a game, and a couple of his friends were there. No big deal at all, again we all had fun! Anyway, I am not getting why this has to be a big deal such that it deems waiting a specific amount of time before happening or even something that needs to be planned. As I said before it's not like meeting family. Now THAT is a big deal IMO. Meeting family represents something important.. like more commitment. But meeting friends? One of my friends met her bf at a club ... his friends were there so she met them that same night! Not a huge deal at all. I dunno, to each his own, and we are all entitled to feel how we feel, but frankly I don't quite get it. Or what one needs to be *ready* for. My questions are mostly rhetorical, but if anyone cares to answer, would be interested in reading. :) I had a friend that was dating a woman, tough it was a couple of month, they were intimate (in the kissing stage). He said he was talking to her one time and he mentioned he was going to a cultural Meetup event, but didn't invite her...even though she hinted at wanting to go with him. He invited ME however, and said, "Don't tell her I invited you, and didn't invite her...in case you run into her." And I was like, "Ummm, why?" He said, "She said she was wanting to go, but I didn't invite her and I don't feel comfortable about bringing her among my friends" First of all, it's a Meetup...where it's open to the public in a sense...and since she was WANTING to go...I actually thought it was silly not to include her. I told him, "Dude, seriously....I don't see what the big deal is." This is kind of like when people who are dating someone, go on vacation of Europe and have their boyfriend take photos of them, but not of them TOGETHER. Just weird. 1
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) It boils down to the person YOU are dating. Not your fault if he or she refuse to meet anyone. At 18, so a while ago I introduced a girlfriend, just girlfriend and in all honesty it was a rather casual relationship (we were barely adults) but I still felt like introducing to a relative after two months, no less. In my twenties I've had different women, and some of them weren't too thrilled about meeting parents, about friends it didn't mater after a couple weeks. Friends are people you party with, parents it's the formal dinner People can be either shy or do not want another family (ie I have my own family already and it's problems I don't need another ) maybe it's being worried about commitment. Ultimately I think if a man refuse by all means to be introduced to relatives or friends after many months something ain't right. You can't ''hide'' forever, especially being in love, or at least pretending to be so. This thread pertains to meeting friends. And I agree with everything you said Shanex.... friends are people you socialize with, and imo doesn't represent anything other than wanting to include your SO in your social activities ... because you like them, and enjoy the social aspect of your relationship as well as the more intimate moments. Why shut them out of that? What's the point? Do you want this person to be part of your life or not? I especially agree with your last paragraph. Hiding them (which is essentially what is happening) from friends for weeks (months?) = something ain't right. Speaking personally, if my boyfriend(s) did not want me to meet his friends, or meet mine, for weeks or months, that would indicate to me he prefers to keep me at a distance which would not fly with me. I mean why? I think that might even be a dealbreaker for me. If for no other reason than we are not compatible and want different things. I prefer closeness, he prefers distance. That's the message. Again, my opinion. I completely understand the hesitation with wanting to meet parents, relatives. Meeting parents represents a deeper commitment, in most cases. Again, to each his own though. Edited April 26, 2016 by katiegrl
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