What do I do? I miss him so much I can't function.

[Whatdoidonow1]

Hello I'm so happy I've found this place.

I'm 30 years old with a 3 year old daughter and was in a unhappy relationship.

I had been friends with a man all my life and he also has a 1 year old son.

I'm not sure if it was a affair we had,I'm confused.

I dont know where to begin.

We started texting,just friendly to start.

I would make myself look good if I knew I was going to bump into him.

He grew more interested and then we were talking none stop.

About everything our life's.

We kissed.

We spoke about how good being together would be.

After talking all the time for a year I knew I was falling for him.

Things got physical not a lot just a few times but in between we spoke about our feelings for each other.

He told me he wanted me but he couldn't not be a full time dad.

He used to get upset and cry that he wouldn't be able to miss reading his son a story and tucking him in.

I could see it in his eyes.

We knew it couldn't continue.

I was beginning to get too upset when we never spoke.

He told me he was in love with me but the guilt was too much.

He said he was betraying his son.

The way he used to hold me and kiss my face,was more love I ever felt in all my relationship.

I ended things with my partner but I knew he couldn't do the same.

I would of ended it with my partner regardless because he was a vile man.

Anyway my other man told me he couldn't stand to see me with another man and I knew he meant it.

It ended he told me he couldn't live with it ,he was scared to get caught and loose being a full time dad.

His life is he's child.

That was it he said he couldn't be my friend he needed to just forget I exsisted.

I miss him so much.

It's been 8 month and I still think of him all day every day wondering if he ever thinks about me.

I did a silly thing and looked at his partners Facebook and she was saying she was fed up of his moods and being unhappy all the time.

I know I shouldn't look.

I honestly believe we would of been together now if things were different.

At Christmas I got a random message on Facebook from a person with no name and no profile and I'm sure it was him.

I want him back.

[LovingDelilah]

Don't contact him. If he is going to leave and wants to be with you then he'll come to you. People don't always post the truth Om Facebook. You have suffered through the worst already. I'm sorry it hurts so bad.

[Whatdoidonow1]

I keep thinking if the feelings were real as I thought.

One day if it's meant to be you never know.

I miss him being in my life.

[LovingDelilah]

Just wait and see what happens. It's better if he comes to you as a free man than you cause the break up of his family.

[bathtub-row]

These relationships are extremely intense and I don't really have an answer as to why that is. But you're too young to be wasting your life on an unavailable man like this. And that's really what he is - all he is. Unavailable. One day you will be truly sorry if you don't move on and make a life for yourself.

 

I think his wife was really ridiculous for posting sonething like that on Facebook but it tells you something - they're both miserable and yet they stay together.

 

The thing that helped me get past everything was to imagine him going home, kissing his wife hello, them having dinner together, celebrations, all that - and then crawling in bed together, day after day, night after night. And I realized that even if I did share a place in his heart, I didn't matter one fig in his real life. Not in the great scheme of things. This was very sobering for me.

[sandylee1]

Treat it like any other break up, but know that he's committed to another woman and as such there is no future for you and him.

 

Make yourself busy and seek out other single parents to connect with...either online or in your community. Getting involved with an unavailable man always ends in someone being hurt... don't be a part of that and be a role model to your daughter.

[Whatdoidonow1]

I have so many conflicting thoughts.

If I meant anything why didn't he want me in his life in any capacity.

Why does he want to forget I'm even alive.

It's so painful.

I keep thinking if one day he decides enough is enough and leaves.

I keep thinking is he thinking of me,do I ever pop in his thoughts

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

[LostLonelyGirl]

I have so many conflicting thoughts.

If I meant anything why didn't he want me in his life in any capacity.

Why does he want to forget I'm even alive.

It's so painful.

I keep thinking if one day he decides enough is enough and leaves.

I keep thinking is he thinking of me,do I ever pop in his thoughts

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

 

Because maybe he truly does want to be with you but thinks he's making the right decision for his child by staying in his marriage. So having any contact with you and knowing it can't be what he wants is too painful for him

[RedPurpleOrange]

It hurts. So much.

 

 

But they made their choice.

 

 

You are a being worthy of being loved in a much better way.

 

 

Don't ever forget that.

[Whatdoidonow1]

It amazes me how quickly they can just turn there feelings off for you.

Just disappear out of your life.

[RedPurpleOrange]

It's the coldest part of it all. You feel completely disposable.

 

 

Don't worry, I know what you're going through.

 

 

But I think in the end it might make one a better person...even if right now, things don't quite feel that way.

[Ophelia25]

The thing that helped me get past everything was to imagine him going home, kissing his wife hello, them having dinner together, celebrations, all that - and then crawling in bed together, day after day, night after night. And I realized that even if I did share a place in his heart, I didn't matter one fig in his real life. Not in the great scheme of things. This was very sobering for me.

 

This hurts so much, but is so true. He used to tell me how much he wanted "everything" with me, how he wanted everyday life, going to the grocery store, being bored in front of the tv, yelling at me because my long hair is wrapped around inside his socks, and so on. I think out of all of the crap he sucked me in with, this is the one that won me over, that made my hopelessly in love with him. To feel that what he craved was an actual life with me. Wow, I'm getting better about crying but feel a little choked up typing this.

 

He no longer talks like this, and I know I need to stop thinking about it myself. He has all those everyday things. With someone else, the person he is actually married to. Happy or not, this is what he has chosen. I'm not part of his real life, only his fantasies. Ouch.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Ouch indeed. I had the same things:

 

 

"I wanna spend the rest of my life with you"

 

 

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me"

 

 

"I love you so so much I'd die without you"

 

 

"I can't wait to get married to you"

 

 

"I want your bambino so bad"

 

 

"We're gonna grow old together, me and you"

 

 

She spent hours talking baby names, talking about the romantic wedding we'd have, practicing her new signature with MY surname. So many things. Lol.

 

 

I look at my phone, it says "17.42 Saturday 23 April" and we've been split up nearly two months and she's back with the hubster.

 

 

Bang Bang.

[LostLonelyGirl]

This hurts so much, but is so true. He used to tell me how much he wanted "everything" with me, how he wanted everyday life, going to the grocery store, being bored in front of the tv, yelling at me because my long hair is wrapped around inside his socks, and so on. I think out of all of the crap he sucked me in with, this is the one that won me over, that made my hopelessly in love with him. To feel that what he craved was an actual life with me. Wow, I'm getting better about crying but feel a little choked up typing this.

 

He no longer talks like this, and I know I need to stop thinking about it myself. He has all those everyday things. With someone else, the person he is actually married to. Happy or not, this is what he has chosen. I'm not part of his real life, only his fantasies. Ouch.

 

I once said I wanted to do mundane everything things with him and he said me too. Because with you they would have meaning. Amazing how much they can say and then not mean any of it later

[bathtub-row]

I have so many conflicting thoughts.

If I meant anything why didn't he want me in his life in any capacity.

Why does he want to forget I'm even alive.

It's so painful.

I keep thinking if one day he decides enough is enough and leaves.

I keep thinking is he thinking of me,do I ever pop in his thoughts

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

 

People are probably sick of hearing me say this but I'll say it anyway if it helps you. Women make this mistake over and over again -- they think that men put the same value on love that we do. But men come from a whole different perspective and the more women would understand this, the better off they would be.

 

Men are driven by many things but, for most of them, these are the main things that drive their decisions: responsibility, reputation, money, and family. All else -- even soulful love -- will take a backseat to these things. Women on the other hand see love in a whole different way. Tell me, how many men sit around watching romance movies voluntarily? Not to say they don't value love and that it doesn't affect them deeply but it will not be the first priority in the face of other factors. This is why so many women will leave a bad relationship, and why so many men will cheat instead of leaving.

[RedPurpleOrange]

PMen are driven by many things but, for most of them, these are the main things that drive their decisions: responsibility, reputation, money, and family. All else -- even soulful love -- will take a backseat to these things.

 

 

For me it's soulful love uber alles. There are some of us out there...but we all be posting in threads like this, natch!

[Whatdoidonow1]

I think in a way I'm pleased he didn't lie about the future.

He told me he was living his life for child.

He told me he isn't happy and I do believe that but his child brings him enough happiness to continue.

If I had to choose him or my child there would be no contest,my child would win any day,I would die for my children.

I don't know whether he will reach a point where he leaves or if he just stays and plods on.

I do hope he was genuine with me in respect that he did have real feelings.

Otherwise I would be crushed.

[Whatdoidonow1]

He said to me "you deserve better than being a bit on the side,I wouldn't just want you as that,you deserve something special"

I took that as meaning he wished we could be more but didn't want me as the "other woman"

[RedPurpleOrange]

He probably did have. But things were just tough and it was easier to just run.

 

 

He's made his choice now. And whatever you do, it won't matter. You'll just hurt more thinking all the why?s and what if?s.

 

 

I'm in a similar boat but grim reality creeps up slowly but surely every darn day. I've been shot down but I'm not dead and that wound won't bleed forever...it is simply impossible for that to happen.

 

 

In the end...it's his loss. He lost a person who loved him THAT much. He lost.

[Whatdoidonow1]

He probably did have. But things were just tough and it was easier to just run.

 

 

He's made his choice now. And whatever you do, it won't matter. You'll just hurt more thinking all the why?s and what if?s.

 

 

I'm in a similar boat but grim reality creeps up slowly but surely every darn day. I've been shot down but I'm not dead and that wound won't bleed forever...it is simply impossible for that to happen.

 

 

In the end...it's his loss. He lost a person who loved him THAT much. He lost.

 

That's a great way to think about it.

I'm not sure he realised how strong my feelings were.

I never told him,I didn't see the point,he wasn't mine,I felt like if I admitted to him how I felt my heart would be broken more when it did stop.

This way I feel less vulnerable.

I know il be ok,1 day il look back I think and be pleased we had what we had even if it was minuscule,he made me smile if just for a little time and that's better than nothing.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Yeah...in some way you can be glad to know you can feel those feelings. Feel such BIG emotions. Feel your soul soar and swoop. A lot of people never experience that. I know people who have never found a love they see in that way.

 

 

At least we FELT...and we are quite, quite alive.

[Whatdoidonow1]

I need to stop looking at her Facebook.

She's just posted tonight so I'm ill and "John"changed name ..has decided to get drunk and disappeared with his friends.

If you don't want to be here go.

 

I know I shouldn't look but this makes me think he isn't happy

[whichwayisup]

It amazes me how quickly they can just turn there feelings off for you.

Just disappear out of your life.

 

Maybe the feelings weren't as deep as yours, maybe he wasn't as emotionally invested. Either way, this man has chosen to stay married because he doesn't want to lose out on his child's life. For him, that's a valid reason enough to stay with his wife.

 

Please stop looking their fb pages, focus on healing and moving on.

[Whatdoidonow1]

I do need to stop looking,I know that's not healthy.

It was him who always talked about feelings and I was always the one kind of holding back.

Maybe if things change in the future.

I don't know.

[RedPurpleOrange]

I feel the grief you feel.

 

 

But deep inside me is this feeling. She ****ed me over. I gave her my heart entirely and she ****ed me over. Maybe not out of evil. But I am still left disappointed, damaged and ****ed over.

 

 

And if they can do that to you....