guywithnoname Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hi everyone, I'm a successful 24 year old guy with his life mostly together. I came to post my situation because I have not been able to get over a relationship I was in and threw away. I need help because I have not been able to function day to day like I used to for the last month or so. I'll try to keep it short to save you time but please read the entire post. 8 months ago I was in my last semester of college and met a girl who was 4 years younger than me that just started out at another university. We instantly hit it off and I asked her to be my girlfriend. I literally adored this girl and she did me as well. She had an ora about her and it was such a high being around her. She had an amazing backstory and I bonded with her on many many levels. I fell madly in love with her but never completely told her how I felt. I never told her I loved her (which I regret very much) though we both knew we loved eachother. Her hometown away from school was 6 hours from mine and 4 months after we were together my insecurities began to get the best of me. I had been in a long distance relationship before and I became scared that this situation would end up similarly to my past one which caused me enormous heartache. In my ignorance while she was away on break I called her and broke up with her and told her the reasoning. She told me it was a mistake and that she would be there for me and that we could work through it but I tried to be firm in my decision. I had to block her on social media and her number because I was having a hard time handling my decision. A month later I contacted her and unblocked her from everything. She gave me a second chance but I messed it up. She asked me to visit her but the day of I flaked out. I had gotten a new job and graduated from college and my life was changing rapidly. I was flooded with stresses and this is what caused me to ruin my second chance with her. Since then we had agreed to be friends. She told me that I really hurt her with how I broke up with her and I profusely apologized and told her that I was hurt as well. She accepted that I was having a hard time with my life but she had moved on. My contacting her after my apologies caused her to block me on everything like I had done to her. She was trying to move on which I respect. I sent her a message on Facebook which I was still able to do and wrote an extremely heartfelt note about my feelings for her and how I would like to start over and make things work. She declined and said she did not want to hurt me and that she started seeing someone else. She did not believe in third chances. This hurt me but I understand because of how I treated her. Recently I began seeing a counselor. My counselor has helped me to the point of being confident again and getting back on my feet. I messaged my now ex saying that I would like to be unblocked and told her about how I was getting psychological help. She agreed to unblock me and I followed her social media accounts again with the intent of being friends but deep down I would take her back in an instant. Being blocked was a worse feeling than seeing how she's doing. This is the heart of my current situation. My ex girlfriend is now dating a woman. An amazing woman. And she's absolutely gorgeous. I realize this has nothing to do with me but seeing these things has me severely depressed and I need help on how to remain level headed and friendly without overreacting to her being a lesbian or bi now whichever it is. I feel devastated but time machines don't exist and I cannot change anything. I just need advice on what to do at this point. Continue counseling? Try to start talking to her again as a friend? Crawl into a hole? I've kept myself busy but nothing seems to help. Everything in my life is together except my love life. I have a great family, job, and support system. I'm not sure why I am experiencing such heartache this long after a break up. I feel like I may have lost the love of my life due to my own insecurities. I would give up all of my successes to have her back.
Michaelroyale Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 It's always difficult when you've created the situation that's caused you so much heartache...but here's the thing you are still young and look at this as a learning experience I wouldn't contact her any more if there's any interest for you let her become curious about you and contact you first...The other problem is her sexuality I think this would be a big problem for you in a relationship. ..at the moment work on yourself and become a strong man, therapy will help you to work on your emotions and when you finally find that one special woman this will of been all worth it for you...best of luck. 2
Rachel39 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Did she explain to you she was no when you met? I don't think this is something that has just happened, how would you feel secure in a relationship with her knowing this now! I'm not saying she would be unfaithful to you but if you struggle with insecurities you may always be questioning her with other women. I dated a guy when I was younger ...who I later found out was bi..... And did so through fb... It did nothing for my self esteem or insecurities I never knew when he would leave if it would be with a man or women.. Going out with him wasn't fun he was stunning and he would get hit on constantly by both sexs. It drained the life out of me and has hard as it was at the time I knew it had to be over 1
Author guywithnoname Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 It's always difficult when you've created the situation that's caused you so much heartache...but here's the thing you are still young and look at this as a learning experience I wouldn't contact her any more if there's any interest for you let her become curious about you and contact you first...The other problem is her sexuality I think this would be a big problem for you in a relationship. ..at the moment work on yourself and become a strong man, therapy will help you to work on your emotions and when you finally find that one special woman this will of been all worth it for you...best of luck. I agree that I need to learn from this and I still have a lot of life ahead of me. Moving on is much easier in theory than it is to put into practice, especially when I feel like I'm to blame. I'm going to continue to work on myself and just hope that time can heal things for me.
Author guywithnoname Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 Did she explain to you she was no when you met? I don't think this is something that has just happened, how would you feel secure in a relationship with her knowing this now! I'm not saying she would be unfaithful to you but if you struggle with insecurities you may always be questioning her with other women. I dated a guy when I was younger ...who I later found out was bi..... And did so through fb... It did nothing for my self esteem or insecurities I never knew when he would leave if it would be with a man or women.. Going out with him wasn't fun he was stunning and he would get hit on constantly by both sexs. It drained the life out of me and has hard as it was at the time I knew it had to be over She did not tell me that she was interested in girls when we were together. I know that she was very comfortable about her sexuality but there was nothing to hint she would want to be with a girl. Even though I know this now, she is not the unfaithful type and I was not insecure about her cheating on me. My insecurities were about distance causing loneliness and creating emotional distance and other things. If she had told me she was bi I feel like I would've been ok with it because I had such a strong connection with her.
DreamBigg Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 No guy has ever gotten his ex back by pleading with her to unblock him and confessing that he's getting psychological help and wants to be able to look at her social media page every day again. Does that seem like something a girl would want to come back to or be attracted to? Because that's rxactly what you're doing
Author guywithnoname Posted April 24, 2016 Author Posted April 24, 2016 No guy has ever gotten his ex back by pleading with her to unblock him and confessing that he's getting psychological help and wants to be able to look at her social media page every day again. Does that seem like something a girl would want to come back to or be attracted to? Because that's rxactly what you're doing Right on mate
Recommended Posts