Break in a LDR, what can I do?

[moncol]

Hi everyone,

 

I've just registered myself to this forum. I was desperately looking for help between friends and family, but I still would like to know neutral opinions on my case:

 

I've been in an online LDR since 9 months with a girl in Columbus, OH. I am from Monterrey, Mexico. Everything was being so charming and beatuiful through all these time. We've eventually started texting more often, raising our relationship levels to Skype, phone calls and other enrichment ways. My plans were to visit her this summer, but the problem started around two or three weeks away:

 

She's the only daughter in her family, she's about to graduate from high school and her mother doesn't approve me because of my nationality and my economical status. My girlfriend called me yesterday telling me that her mother won't accept me; she told her "you continue with him or I won't pay for your college".

 

My girlfriend and I started to cry on the phone, we don't know what to do. Her mother is monitoring all her social media accounts and electronic devices. She asked me for a break. I calmed down a bit since she conceeded me to Skype "one very last time" before the break. She even met my friends during that call and so on, but I'm very sad about this. Probably I'm overreacting a bit, but I have always given my best to make this work.

 

 

I'm terrified she could be forced to block me from every communication mode we have or even worse, to date someone else. Her high school prom is the next weekend, and her birthday is in less than 15 days. I wanted to be in constant communication at least be with her within those special days; but she only accepted to end the break on her birthday. I've sheduled a week long visit to Columbus this June, sacrifying all my savings, friends, parties, and even my family.

 

After this drama and fear that her mother created in our relationship, I've entered into such a pain and panic in my life. I really have found in her a woman who I can trust, love, care for, respect and eventually become a better person.

 

 

I would really appreciate any opinions/thoughts/tips on what should I do, or if I am overreacting, or what. I really love her as I've never loved somebody else.

 

Thank you very much.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I am sorry you're hurting but you need some perspective here.

 

You're not dating if you've never even met in real life, and thus have never been on an actual date with her. It isn't wise to invest so much in someone so far away, especially someone as young as she is. These types of relationships tend not to last because they're just not practical.

 

This isn't "the one woman" for you, and while it hurts, it shouldn't be enough to send you into a panic in your life. I am curious to know, have you dated much in real life? And how old are you? It would be a far better use of your time to cultivate a relationship with a local girl, with whom you can actually connect and be with, physically. I think she probably wants the same; you two are just too far apart. Notice how she doesn't want to be in touch over the prom period? Who is she going with?

 

I don't think you're over-reacting, meaning that I agree this relationship is probably over. You should start working on detaching yourself and accepting that this was a nice chapter in your life but wasn't meant to last.

Edited April 23, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[Satu]

Best to let it go.

 

You'd both be better off interacting with people who are physically present/available to you in your lives.

 

Much of relationships revolve around the physical:

 

Eating together

Touching

Sleeping together

Holding hands

Sex

Dancing

Playing sports

Visiting places

Kissing

Holidaying together

Going to the cinema

Showering/bathing together

 

Etc........................

 

All of these are not present in a 'virtual relationship.'

 

Much of what needs to be there, is totally absent.

 

Let it go, and find something more real and complete.

 

 

Take care.

Edited April 23, 2016 by Satu

[Seni]

Hi,

I know how it feels. It seems that all you had is gone, was taken from you. My boyfriend just broke up with me last week. We had a LDR for 4 years. And suddenly, he tells me he can't be with me anymore. It hurts and it seems that all you did to make this work was for nothing. No further explanation, just a plain argument.

But I agree with them. You need to let it go. It's not going to be easy, but it's the best solution. I've learned something in the past few days: who truly loves, will always fight till the end to be with you. If she is not willing to fight for this relationship, why should you? Love yourself, do never humiliate yourself for someone else.

[justwhoiam]

Besides the young age, I think it doesn't help that you're from Mexico. Sad to say, but I guess we all know Mexicans don't have a good reputation in the USA. Had you been an A-student at Harvard or Princeton, I guess the family would have had a different approach. They might have at least allowed to meet you or something.

 

What are your career perspectives? I know love is not about money, but you'd be an immigrant in a foreign country, and your degree and background can make a huge difference on how your life can go...