A11A Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 Been a week since my ex told me to never contact her again, before blocking me on facebook. Context to what happened can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/577665-first-love-first-heartbreak in short tho, i didnt handle the breakup as well as i would of hoped and confided a lot in two mutual friends (who were closer to her) that i thought i could trust (stupid in hindsight i know). They then proceeded to say what i confided in them to my ex. Words were then exchanged. Been broken up for nearly two weeks now, and its been one week since our last exchange. It's been a hell of a week, lots of ups and downs. Yesterday i had a genuinely great day with friends, and barely thought of her. Had a lot of fun and felt like my old self. Yesterday i was going up on the emotional rollercoaster, today i'm going down. i really want to text her, partly to see how she is, partly so I can quit holding onto the false hoping gnawing at me that we'll get back together after some space. It's really tough. Is it better to just text her and go with my heart, then sort out whatever fallout there is later with my head, or to just keep fighting the urge and wait, surely if its ment to be, she'll contact me herself right? i'm of a very conflicting mindset on the whole thing. Part of me feels as if i should reach out first, as she might feel hurt, angry etc. Part of me feels I need to wait and if it's ment to be she'll reach out to me. it's really difficult though and it's really tearing me up. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 Do. Not. Contact. Her. Read the NC Guide in my signature. 'Nuff said. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 do. Not. Contact. Her. Read the nc guide in my signature. 'nuff said. ^^^ this ^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author A11A Posted April 23, 2016 Author Share Posted April 23, 2016 Do. Not. Contact. Her. Read the NC Guide in my signature. 'Nuff said. Am doing my best. The hardest part is letting go of this false hope feeling. We arent getting back together, yet some part of me can't let go of the idea that we might get back together. So frustrating haha. And its draining a lot of my thoughts and energy which could be better spent on revision for exams. If i didnt have exams it would be a lot easier for sure, as i could just socialize with friends to get over this. For the moment i'm just stuck with all my thoughts, and contact with friends is just messaging them over whatsapp etc when i need to vent or to chat. My friends are saints for putting up with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 Keep posting As much as you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author A11A Posted April 23, 2016 Author Share Posted April 23, 2016 Keep posting As much as you want. I guess on some level i do feel as if we will get back together, especially since i can't give up this false hope feeling. Texting her would just make things so much worse. Yet it's what i really wana do. As i guess a part of me reckons it'll just fix everything. Like theres nothing to really apologize for as far as i'm concerned. i confided in people i thought i could trust, naive as it was of me to trust them, i'm not going to apologize for sharing how i feel. i can see why she was mad as she's a private person. But i'm a very open person and i'm not about to apologize for who i am. I definetely didnt handle things as well as i could of, but as this was my first love & relationship, i dont exactly have any experience to draw from. i regret exchanging words with her friend. But i was hurt and had my trust broken. And i feel as she should be able to see my point of view for how i acted. As i can see her point of view. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jason9 Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 (edited) I know what youre feeling, the hardest part is giving up the false hope, I havent given up that hope for 3 months now but I havent gotten into contact with her once. All I can say is hang in there. Theres a good chance she wont come back, and if she doesnt, just know that you didnt know your ex before you met her and you dont know the next girl you will meet, but she is somewhere out there, believe me. The point is, its a big world out there and plenty of women. For now, just work on bettering yourself and be patient. Edited April 23, 2016 by Jason9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author A11A Posted April 23, 2016 Author Share Posted April 23, 2016 I know what youre feeling, the hardest part is giving up the false hope, I havent given up that hope for 3 months now but I havent gotten into contact with her once. All I can say is hang in there. Theres a good chance she wont come back, and if she doesnt, just know that you didnt know your ex before you met her and you dont know the next girl you will meet, but she is somewhere out there, believe me. The point is, its a big world out there and plenty of women. For now, just work on bettering yourself and be patient. Wish you the best bud. It's pretty ****. I'm in a far better spot than i was last week thankfully. i was much more emotionally raw then. A lot of things still make me all weepy though haha. Just thankful i've such wonderful friends. Yeah she probably won't. Part of me realizes that, part of me holds onto hope. I guess it's up to my heart to catch up with my head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Broken_Hearted1 Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Sorry to hear about your condition. Its been two weeks since I broke up with my gf and not once has she contacted me and I dont think she ever will. This is not the first time that people have decided to exit my life. I believe she is doing this based on suggestions by her friend which makes me really sad. Her thoughts are constantly at the back of my mind and whenever I am not doing anything my mind just plays back the memories like a recorder. I try to get out of the house and get moving everyday and I think its the only way to move forward. Earlier I planned to quarantine myself from the world but thanks to my friend I decided not to. I just wish I would wake up someday and not think about her or at least her thoughts dont crush my heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Sorry to hear about your condition. Its been two weeks since I broke up with my gf and not once has she contacted me and I dont think she ever will. This is not the first time that people have decided to exit my life. I believe she is doing this based on suggestions by her friend which makes me really sad. Her thoughts are constantly at the back of my mind and whenever I am not doing anything my mind just plays back the memories like a recorder. I try to get out of the house and get moving everyday and I think its the only way to move forward. Earlier I planned to quarantine myself from the world but thanks to my friend I decided not to. I just wish I would wake up someday and not think about her or at least her thoughts dont crush my heart. It's only been two weeks, so don't expect overnight success. Getting over heartbreak is like going cold-turkey on drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. It hurts like nobody's business to begin with. It will get easier. Distractions are exactly that. Distracting, until you become unoccupied again. Then, the thoughts and memories flood back in. The problem is, you let them snowball. Gather speed and momentum. Until one tiny little grain of thought ("I really miss her") becomes a full-blown, blow-by-blow soap opera episode. The trick is to stop that first little grain of thought. Use the snap-band method. Get a wide rubber band that fits around your wrist comfortably, and every time you realise you're thinking of her, snap it sharply against the inside (pulse-side) of your wrist. After a while you'll become tired of both the mental - AND the physical - pain and anguish. Give yourself time. Not because time heals (it doesn't), but because you have to be patient with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Self-discipline and willpower are needed. If you refrain from contacting her, your self-esteem increases. If you give in, and contact her, you self-esteem decreases. Summon up your self-discipline and willpower to get you through this. It gets easier. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Been a week since my ex told me to never contact her again, I really want to text her, partly to see how she is, partly so I can quit holding onto the false hoping gnawing at me that we'll get back together after some space. It's really tough. Is it better to just text her and go with my heart, then sort out whatever fallout there is later with my head, or to just keep fighting the urge and wait, surely if its ment to be, she'll contact me herself right? . She told you to never contact her again but you want to text her? Are you a stalker? Does she need a restraining order against you? Respect her wishes. She never wants you to contact her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author A11A Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) She told you to never contact her again but you want to text her? Are you a stalker? Does she need a restraining order against you? Respect her wishes. She never wants you to contact her. Appreciate the brutal honesty man, but thats a bit harsh. I'm just a man who is new to heartbreak doing my best to deal with it. It's tough and i'm doing better than i was last week. Still doing my best, it's hard to just completely pretend that somebody you shared such a deep bond with doesnt exist anymore. Especially when the wound is so fresh. I have the urge to message her and talk like we used to, but things aren't the same anymore obviously, which is why i posted here for support. Messaging her would just hurt a lot of people. And i dont want that. Day by day these feelings will fade, then i can be good ol happy me again. Until then i do the best i can, today was a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be good as well Edited April 24, 2016 by Meph Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Appreciate the brutal honesty man, but thats a bit harsh. I get what you are feeling. However, when she specifically told you to never contact her again, that is very clear. Hash would be ending up in jail because you won't leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Appreciate the brutal honesty man, but thats a bit harsh. But fair. I'm just a man who is new to heartbreak doing my best to deal with it. We know. Hence the advice. Which has been given...Ooooh...too many times for me to even begin to think about calculations... because we know - it - works. It's tough and i'm doing better than i was last week. Still doing my best, it's hard to just completely pretend that somebody you shared such a deep bond with doesnt exist anymore.Nobody has asked you to 'pretend she doesn't exist'. Of course she exists. She's the current source of your pain. And as with all pain, you have to first address the symptom; once that's under control, you address the cause. So first, (Symptom), No Contact is the remedy. Then, Cause (her) wish her well, a good life, many blessings and much happiness. With all sincerity and meaningfulness. But not in person, not face to face, not directly, or even via any form of messaging. Within your heart. Because that's where the Pain is. Especially when the wound is so fresh. I have the urge to message her and talk like we used to, but things aren't the same anymore obviously, which is why i posted here for support. And you're getting it. In spades. So listen to it. Ok? Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreams82 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 aw hun I know how you're feeling and it's horrible. No doubt about that. You most definitely need to show her you're strong and respectful of her decision that you need to go no contact at least for a month. Be strong and stick to it and it will do you many favours. You can do it x Link to post Share on other sites
FlipMonkey Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Everyone says go no contact - and that means everything including no social media... and there's absolutely good reason why! I didn't follow no contact, and continued to check my Ex on social media and occasionally had to deal with them, and I can say it certainly made it so much harder to move on. 8-9 months later, I still have thoughts about them, and am still trying to avoid checking up on Social Media, and also resisting sending that 'reaching-out' text. I know the pain and the intense feelings of wanting to get in touch, but honestly being further out from that now, I can say you will only hurt yourself if you do try and get in touch, or even have 'little birds' telling you things about them. Do the hard yards now of resisting that contact, and you will definitely benefit later! I can only wish I had had the strength to have gone full no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
urmysong Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 It's indeed very difficult to stop the urge of contacting her if You still love her. But just think of it, it's her wish not to contact her again , so respect it. I am in the same process. It's been month and half since my husband for 9 years broke up with me and he is my first boyfriend and first lover. It is so hard for me to stop myself not to email him cause I love him very much. I never had any other man before him. So I don't know how to control myself. I never thought that the man who is half older than me will just dump me so easy. I still can't believe that it is happening. I am just so worried about our son having a broken family. But we have to be strong and move on. Life must go on. Our ex may not love us anymore but think that there are other people who loves us and will never let us down. Our parents and our sisters and brother and friends. Time will come that we will just smile about the past. Right now still hurts but if it is meant to be, it will in God's plan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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