He broke up with me because I'm not a Christian. But i still have to see him everyday

[Reality.Check]

I joined the site specifically to respond to you. Sorry if this sounds hurtful, but it's the truth.

 

Your (ex-)boyfriend is a selfish, condescending, manipulative religious nutjob. He has repeatedly lied to you about his mindset and intentions. You have agreed to renounce your heritage, faith, and identity, a decision that would have been unimaginable to you when you began the relationship. And instead of accepting your sacrifice, he just trods you down harder.

 

You are a doormat. You are degrading and humiliating yourself. You have disregarded all the good advice you've been given on this forum and done the direct opposite of everything you've been counseled to do. You've also gone against your gut feeling at every stage.

 

To me it's so tragic and pathetic that a Vietnamese Buddhist girl, millions of whose ancestors and compatriots were murdered in a twenty-year American Christian Holocaust in that country, would be so submissive to and abused by an American Christian with a superiority complex in 2016.

 

This scumbag should not be allowed to procreate, because if you think he's making you unhappy with his religious dogmatism now, just imagine how wretched he will make your children. And as you've seen, his Christian BS only applies to his narcissism and contempt for others, and clearly doesn't give him any sincerity or moral uprightness. That is the case with most Christians today, particularly American Christians. At least Buddhists are authentic.

 

Most young people are far more progressive and open-minded than they were a generation or two ago. There's a reason conservative Christians are so stereotyped and disliked in the US, namely, that they attack everyone else and do the same things they preach against in their personal lives. If you can get this boyfriend, you're clearly capable of attracting men. And you can easily find a more tolerant, honest, and intelligent man.

 

By the way, Buddhism is to Christianity what aloe vera is to venom. It's a far less arrogant, pretentious religion that has inflicted astronomically less pain and suffering on the world and whose followers are just much nicer people and much more wholesome human beings. Hell, my country is Muslim (I'm nonreligious) and I wish it would suddenly become Buddhist. We would be like Vietnam, Cambodia or Thailand, where religion has never been a destructive force in society. This a-hole knows as much about God as I do about space shuttle orbiters.

 

Have some respect for yourself. Have some respect for your identity and the sacrifices that were made for it. You need to grow a spine, or your future will be quite miserable.

Edited May 21, 2016 by Reality.Check

[lana-banana]

I think it's clear this had less than nothing to do with religion and everything to do with his spinelessness in ending the relationship. He wanted to bail, but also didn't want to be the bad guy, so he went after one thing he figured would be a dealbreaker. When she offered to convert it suddenly wasn't good enough...and then he revealed he'd been talking to other women. Even if he did want to get back together, deserve a hell of a lot better than someone who treats you so poorly.

 

Keep hanging in there, OP. Every time you have any desire to get back together, just remember what he did to you and allow yourself a full-body shudder at the thought. The guy's a creep. You're a superstar. Take care of yourself and try to stay occupied during his vacation so you aren't tempted to contact him.

[KatieNguyen91]

I need help!!

So he texted me today, but I have his number hidden so I didn’t know that he texted. Until he IM’ed me on Lync asking “can’t answer my message or is that blocked too?”

So I open his message and he asked “So being friends must be out of the question if you felt the need to take me off Facebook?”

And then “Is that a sign you hate me or what?” 2 hours later

I replied “It took you a month and a half to notice I unfriended you on Facebook so it’s obvious that you don’t care.”

He texted

“No, I’ve noticed for a while. I was just so unsure of how to talk to you about it. Been down about it for a while but had so many thoughts about it and didn’t know if you’d even want to talk, which it hasn’t seemed like you’ve had any desire to at all.”

“Still can’t believe you think I don’t care. It’s sucked pretty damn bad to not be able to talk to someone I saw as a best friend.”

“Is there any way at all to close this gaping distance?”

“Regardless if you believe it or not, I do still love you and that won’t change. It was never a question or problem with that.”

I have so much to say to him… but I’m so scared. The past week, he wasn’t at work, and I was on a good track with my recovery, and now this. I just had an anxiety attack at work…

[KatieNguyen91]

This guy is the death of me.

 

So last week, after coming back from his vacation, he started blowing up my phone, wanting to "rebuild the relationship, even just friendship". He wants us to hang out and see where it goes. Basically, he wants to be friends with benefits. He said he still wants me in his life, that I'm a great friend, he hates that we're apart, he didn't think I would cut him out of my life completely like that.

 

He said he wants to be able to hang out without it necessarily having to be determined by where it goes or how it ends up. I told him “if you don’t think we have a future then I’m gonna end this. I can’t be your friend”.

He said: “I didn’t say never, I’m just saying I don’t want that to be the focus, and I wouldn’t want that to be the focus for you and not for me.” So to me, it seems like he just wants the benefits without the commitment. He said "Idk what's going to happen, I can see everything being possible from good to bad." I told him I can’t rely on the half promise of the future. I can’t keep hanging out with him without cling to the hope of us getting back together. I want to get back together and he just wants to be friends. So I wished him well and he apologized for causing me any more pain.

 

I feel like I just throw away my chance of happiness. But all my friends and family advised me that this is for my own sanity. If I was to keep hanging out with him, I’m gonna ended up getting hurt again. I know they’re right, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. So now I guess we’re back to being strangers.

[bathtub-row]

YOU threw away your chance at happiness?? Are you kidding?? No, HE threw it away when he cut you off like you were nobody. When no amount of compromise on your part was good enough.

 

What is it about women's nature that seems to make them natural victims? This guy threw you away like yesterday's garbage and there is no excuse for that. None. What he did to you is a complete and utter dealbreaker.

 

I can guess what happened. He dated someone else, found out it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, or she didn't think he was all that great, and he's now doubting everything he did to you. Now this may sound promising to you and it would be except for some major issues -- he's trying to con you back into his life instead of getting on his knees and begging you for forgiveness. He's pulling this "friendship" nonsense and trying to keep your hopes up so that you'll be waiting in the wings in case his other possibilities don't work out. And the biggest problem of all is the huge flaw in his character. He is a jerk. 100%. He treated you like dirt.

 

I think most of your conversation with him was ok but there are some things you said that you probably shouldn't have. I'm sure you can't see it but an onlooker can -- you're hopeful and can be manipulated. He knows this as sure as he knows the sun will rise tomorrow. I'm not sure what to tell you except that I hope you'll think long and hard about talking to this guy. Your family is right about him. I know it's hard to see it that way and hard to disconnect but he is bad news. I personally would never speak to anyone again who treated me the way he treated you. Game over.

[BC1980]

He just wants you around in case he doesn't find anyone else. That conversation made me so mad to read. Please do not answer anything else he sends. Please block him, so you won't even know if he tries to contact you. He's still playing around with your mind at his will. It's all about him. He broke it off, so he's got to bear the consequences of those actions. I promise you that if you decided to be friends with him, he would drop you so fast once he found someone else. Make no mistake. He wants to hang around you for companionship until he finds someone else.

[mrs rubble]

This guy is the death of me.

 

So last week, after coming back from his vacation, he started blowing up my phone, wanting to "rebuild the relationship, even just friendship". He wants us to hang out and see where it goes. Basically, he wants to be friends with benefits. He said he still wants me in his life, that I'm a great friend, he hates that we're apart, he didn't think I would cut him out of my life completely like that.

 

He said he wants to be able to hang out without it necessarily having to be determined by where it goes or how it ends up. I told him “if you don’t think we have a future then I’m gonna end this. I can’t be your friend”.

He said: “I didn’t say never, I’m just saying I don’t want that to be the focus, and I wouldn’t want that to be the focus for you and not for me.” So to me, it seems like he just wants the benefits without the commitment. He said "Idk what's going to happen, I can see everything being possible from good to bad." I told him I can’t rely on the half promise of the future. I can’t keep hanging out with him without cling to the hope of us getting back together. I want to get back together and he just wants to be friends. So I wished him well and he apologized for causing me any more pain.

 

I feel like I just throw away my chance of happiness. But all my friends and family advised me that this is for my own sanity. If I was to keep hanging out with him, I’m gonna ended up getting hurt again. I know they’re right, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. So now I guess we’re back to being strangers.

How bloody "Christian" of him!! Stay strong and stay away from this man, he's a right piece of work, you deserve so much better than him.

[Cherryz]

Sound like you kind of to desperate for this guy.

 

You cant live life hiding your religion.

There will be many times when you will have to make choices also based on your believe for your child. Like what kind of morels/values you raise it with and so on.

 

Two different religions dont go well.

And i think your ex is right. You should not convert because of him.

 

It wasnt a healthy relationship, also for him to ask you to hide was wrong.

So let it go. Get busy do activity's with your friends. and so on.

Soon you will be over him .

[Cherryz]

Learn from this and work on your self esteem.

You should be more secure in what you believe and stand for.

You sound to desperate to change everything on you for one guy.

 

Find your new place and see if you can work at another department or find

a other work. And never mix work with relationship so you dont have to see exes at work after break ups.