What is the female selection process when choosing a guy?

[d0nnivain]

Hmmmm. But basically you want different things from a fwb than a mate? You just want hotness from a fwb. Not brains or personality?

 

 

Exactly. From a FWB all I cared about was his bedroom skills because I didn't spend time with him outside of having sex. For the relationship I wanted the whole package. For the NSA the sex was all that mattered. They are very different criteria.

[Shanex]

FWB

 

 

1. Is he hot?

2. Is he a good kisser?

 

 

Relationship:

 

 

1. Is he hot?

2. Is he smart?

3. Is he clever

4. Do I like his sense of humor?

5. Is he ethical

6. Is he strong enough to put up with me?

 

All this apply perfectly to women, the thread is for the ladies, got it. If the relationship list in your post is complete from 1. to 6....then i start to be really excited.

 

FWB, yep you got that right too, I'm not too demanding.

[RecentChange]

So we are talking about a first meeting right? I mean, I don't "choose a mate" at a bar, but I might meet someone - and these are the factors that will determine if I want to get to know him more:

 

1. Attraction - he doesn't have to be a model by any means, but I have to be basically attracted to him. That means within the age range I am attracted to, decent body, I am attracted to people who are active like I am - never been attracted to heavily overweight etc. Good grooming, a nice smile (healthy teeth!), dressed well (be it casual & stylish, or well put together - no "nerd outfits" please).

 

2. Smart, I love good conversation, even with a FWB. Brain power is a turn on for me. I'll be a dissenter - even my FWB have to be smart - I just can't suffer a fool. Even a "hot" guy that is a dummy, ends up really unattractive to me in a short amount of time. I don't think its an accident my FWB have included attorneys, engineers, guys with PhD's. Smart is high up on the list for a serious relationship as well of course. Also - I have to respect them to be attracted to them, and if I don't think they are very bright, I probably won't respect them as much.

 

3. How he carries himself - I like a confident, driven man. One that can look me in the eye, smile and "poke back" when I flirt and tease with him. One that knows what he wants (in life, or career, or a woman) and goes after it.

 

All the rest - career, ethics etc etc - well, that comes after knowing someone more.

 

But these are the things that are going to catch my attention, and make me want to learn more.

[todreaminblue]

for anything long term....

is he single

 

Can i trust him

 

 

is he a gentleman

 

does he treat women well

 

does he treat children well

 

does he treat other men well

 

 

is he compassionate

 

 

does he help others

 

 

does he believe in god

 

is he altruistic

 

is he his own person

 

 

is he still single

 

 

does he believe in families

 

is he honest

 

 

does he laugh

 

 

can he make me laugh or even smile

 

can he think fro himself

 

 

can he allow me to think for myself

 

would he stand up for meand stand beside me or others

 

is he reliable

 

is he passionate about life and love

 

is he loyal

 

 

is he patient

 

is he kind

 

does he respect women

 

is he forthright

 

can he dream

 

is he motivated

 

is he observant or ignorant

 

 

is he attentive

 

 

does he really see me, understand me and know me...and accept me......past and all....and still most importantly is he interested in me

 

 

so.....i dont really pick up guys in bars or the supermarket..i have however had a relationship with a bouncer at a bar that lasted for fifteen years...he became my friend when he pulled me out from being bashed in a toilet..as written above....(would he stand beside me or up for me or others)...and seeing i dont date unless i am serious about knowing the guy i am with..my list is too long....i normally only date or choose a guy after a few years....and i have always had many male...friends........deb

Edited April 25, 2016 by todreaminblue

[PrettyEmily77]

On first impressions, what's attracted me to my partner when I met him (in equal order):

 

1. Single

2. Approachable

3. Open

4. Genuine (doesn't pretend to be someone he's not / doesn't put on an act)

5. Witty / Good sense of humour

6. Relaxed, not self-conscious

7. Easy to talk to / good listener

8. Kind

9. Smart

10. Physically attractive / sexy to me.

 

 

 

Never has a Fwb so can't comment on that part.

[alphamale]

good looking girls like guys with money or other resources

[SherryEast]

Oh I forgot, not just looks but you all want a good body too. []

 

Um excuse me, but aren't women under pressure for several decades to have a good body? Believe me, when I go out real quick in a loose summer dress, I don't get much attention. But let me go out in some tight dress and heels and many guys will hit on in me in a matter of minutes, lol, so why don't guys have to keep their bodies in shape? It only makes sense to have what you look for in someone else, offer it in return.

[singlelife]

for anything long term....

is he single

 

Can i trust him

 

 

is he a gentleman

 

does he treat women well

 

does he treat children well

 

does he treat other men well

 

 

is he compassionate

 

 

does he help others

 

 

does he believe in god

 

is he altruistic

 

is he his own person

 

 

is he still single

 

 

does he believe in families

 

is he honest

 

 

does he laugh

 

 

can he make me laugh or even smile

 

can he think fro himself

 

 

can he allow me to think for myself

 

would he stand up for meand stand beside me or others

 

is he reliable

 

is he passionate about life and love

 

is he loyal

 

 

is he patient

 

is he kind

 

does he respect women

 

is he forthright

 

can he dream

 

is he motivated

 

is he observant or ignorant

 

 

is he attentive

 

 

does he really see me, understand me and know me...and accept me......past and all....and still most importantly is he interested in me

 

 

so.....i dont really pick up guys in bars or the supermarket..i have however had a relationship with a bouncer at a bar that lasted for fifteen years...he became my friend when he pulled me out from being bashed in a toilet..as written above....(would he stand beside me or up for me or others)...and seeing i dont date unless i am serious about knowing the guy i am with..my list is too long....i normally only date or choose a guy after a few years....and i have always had many male...friends........deb

 

that's a lot.

[Jacques on stage]

In my experience it's:

 

1, Looks

2, Financially comfortable (or heading that way)

3, Tall

4, Drive

5, Compatible interests

[dreamingoftigers]

that's a lot.

 

Women range a lot.

 

My best friend and I have completely opposite ways of selecting men, with only ONE common criteria: does he take fatherhood seriously.

 

I am married to a laid-back chubby white dude that is quite thoughtful and extroverted. I do a lot of the "man stuff" in the relationship. (Guess who assembles everything? Not husband, he's not handy at all). I like to work and be appreciated for my contributions. He's actually excellent at housekeeping etc.

 

She's married to this tall, muscular black guy who is pretty much a workaholic. He's more of an introvert, probably due to the fact that he has a really harsh stutter (nice guy though). She does the house stuff. I think I would accidentally inhale some dish soap and die or something. Ugh.

 

Both are decent guys, but I couldn't be with someone like her husband and she could never be with someone like mine. I know many many people value fitness etc, but I don't even find her husband attractive to me at all, but I'm sure he gets lots of attention. Meanwhile, it's hard for me not to jump on my husband!

 

But it's also weird for me, I don't notice too much if a guy is "attractive" to me on a physical level until he says something that "clicks" with me. With my husband it was his sense of humor. He made me laugh so much, THEN I became physically attracted to him. Prior to that, no go.

 

Another guy was talking about how he wanted to be a good husband to a future wife, THEN I noticed I was attracted to him. (He's an ex).

 

Another talked about working hard etc at a time where I valued my own work heavily, and it clicked. We never did date.

 

I even find it "weird" that many girls go for looks first. I don't really notice it so much unless a guy is carrying himself kind of arrogantly. That's when I notice and think "I guess he'd be okay or whatever, but why be so cocky?" But I guess a lot of girls really like cocky.

 

And then there are girls who are like "he said he likes me and he has a pulse, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING A MILLION BABIES!"

 

I think most mate-selection comes from a few different sources: 1. Childhood programming 2. Genetic programming 3. Neural function 4. Age. I think we TEND TO select a little better for ourselves as we get older. Then again, some people's neural function degrades a bit and they make REALLY impulsive choices. 5. Experience.