My boyfriend kind of stalks girls on Instagram

[marycc]

We have been dating for 2 years and I honestly think he's the best person I ever met, but then there's some things that he does that make me very insecure. Like this one.

 

We were talking about something similiar that happened to other girl that I know, and I asked him if he has ever done something like that. He said "Oh, I don't know if you noticed it, but the other day I accidently liked some girl's picture on Instagram." Ok. I'm totally fine with that! But then I asked him who was she, he told me she is from another country and said that she liked 3 of his pictures back in August. She doesn't follow him and he doesn't follow her. So I asked him how the hell did he remembered that random girl, that liked 3 of his pictures 8 months ago, and decided to check her account again. He said that he doesn't know how it happened, he just remembered her (This just feels like complete nonsense to me). Then he also told me that he visited her profile some times after August, he doesn't know when or how many times. This just feels weird to me, it has been 8 months, I would never think memorize some random instagram accounts of cute guys. Ok, I can appreciate their beauty, I may look at a bunch of photos, but that's it. So, I asked if this happened any other times. He said yes. He said there's other girls and told me the name of one of them. She's very different from the first one, but none of them are "models", or extravagant, they don't show much of their bodies, nothing "in your face", just normal girls. He says that sometimes there's something that makes him remember about them, and he searches their accounts. I just think this is odd, it feels a bit like an obsession. Also, I should mention that about a year ago, I discovered that he'd been searching on facebook for random cute girls he saw at college. He knew nothing about them, sometimes, and he'd manage to find their profiles, going through other people profiles and stuff like that.

 

I don't know, I just feel like he's very immature and he's not a 100% satisfied with me, because if he was, he wouldn't be REMEMBERING random girls from instagram. I understand what it is to look at someone's account and going through their old pictures, because we found them attractive, I do that. I just don't understand the fact that they get "Stuck" in his head, and as I said before, they are simple girls, not "Insta famous" or anything. I feel insecure, I feel like any girl could be better than me, to him. I told him this and he just says he's sorry, that he knows it's wrong and won't happen again.

 

What should I do? Should I just break up or keep trying?

 

Thank you

[smackie9]

I find it rather sad that he can't find something more productive to do with his time. I think you should talk to him more about it and see how much of a problem this truly is.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

To be blunt it sounds like he is using their images as an alternative to porn. These faces are ones he is familiar with so he will probably return to them from time to time, despite the fact that he said he won't. The temptation of social media and images on the internet makes it so easy to gain access to anything in a click of a button.

 

Should you dump him for it.. I don't know?

 

On the one hand he has been pretty open about the situation and his tastes aren't by your account geared towards the generic model type which may lessen your feelings of insecurity by being compared to average girls, although it doesn't really sound like it has.

 

On the other hand it has clearly left you feeling concerned about his behavior and insecure about your relationship which is a big problem.

 

I think you need to weigh up the pros and cons and figure out what is best for you in the long run. If you can't trust him and think that what he is doing is inappropriate then it may not be worth putting yourself through the uncertainty. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not. I wouldn't judge you either way to be honest.

 

Take some time to think it over

 

Good luck.

[Versacehottie]

To be blunt it sounds like he is using their images as an alternative to porn. These faces are ones he is familiar with so he will probably return to them from time to time, despite the fact that he said he won't. The temptation of social media and images on the internet makes it so easy to gain access to anything in a click of a button.

 

Should you dump him for it.. I don't know?

 

On the one hand he has been pretty open about the situation and his tastes aren't by your account geared towards the generic model type which may lessen your feelings of insecurity by being compared to average girls, although it doesn't really sound like it has.

 

On the other hand it has clearly left you feeling concerned about his behavior and insecure about your relationship which is a big problem.

 

I think you need to weigh up the pros and cons and figure out what is best for you in the long run. If you can't trust him and think that what he is doing is inappropriate then it may not be worth putting yourself through the uncertainty. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not. I wouldn't judge you either way to be honest.

 

Take some time to think it over

 

Good luck.

Some version of this^^^^^ i think it is a form of voyuerism. Sure with with crush-like connotation. I think he chooses girls that are more normal or ones he knows from a distance at college because that "feels" more accessible. There's no telling whether he would act on it. From what you wrote here, doesn't sound like it or not enough info to tell. I think it's somewhat harmless but i can see why you don't like it either. It's a personal preference and how much you believe this problem should take weight in your relationship. Good luck

[Gloria25]

To be blunt it sounds like he is using their images as an alternative to porn.

 

I agree ^^...

 

I know that men like to look at porn and/or nude magazines and stuff, but IMO, girls on social media is more personalized than a magazine or some skin movie. Especially if he's returning to them...IMO, it's like having a LDR.

 

You guys are just dating two years and if he isn't into you that much that he still needs to look at pics of other women to get off, then IMO, he's got issues that no woman will ever be enough for him.

 

Lastly, IMO, he's a creep for objectifying women. I mean, I know all the self-centeredness and desperation of women now a days where you got women on Facebook, Instagram, etc. putting up endless selfies and all giddy cuz a bunch of gross, strange, weirdo, etc. guys "like" their pics..but for your bf to objectify these women is also bad.

[itstoni]

We have been dating for 2 years and I honestly think he's the best person I ever met, but then there's some things that he does that make me very insecure. Like this one.

 

We were talking about something similiar that happened to other girl that I know, and I asked him if he has ever done something like that. He said "Oh, I don't know if you noticed it, but the other day I accidently liked some girl's picture on Instagram." Ok. I'm totally fine with that! But then I asked him who was she, he told me she is from another country and said that she liked 3 of his pictures back in August. She doesn't follow him and he doesn't follow her. So I asked him how the hell did he remembered that random girl, that liked 3 of his pictures 8 months ago, and decided to check her account again. He said that he doesn't know how it happened, he just remembered her (This just feels like complete nonsense to me). Then he also told me that he visited her profile some times after August, he doesn't know when or how many times. This just feels weird to me, it has been 8 months, I would never think memorize some random instagram accounts of cute guys. Ok, I can appreciate their beauty, I may look at a bunch of photos, but that's it. So, I asked if this happened any other times. He said yes. He said there's other girls and told me the name of one of them. She's very different from the first one, but none of them are "models", or extravagant, they don't show much of their bodies, nothing "in your face", just normal girls. He says that sometimes there's something that makes him remember about them, and he searches their accounts. I just think this is odd, it feels a bit like an obsession. Also, I should mention that about a year ago, I discovered that he'd been searching on facebook for random cute girls he saw at college. He knew nothing about them, sometimes, and he'd manage to find their profiles, going through other people profiles and stuff like that.

 

I don't know, I just feel like he's very immature and he's not a 100% satisfied with me, because if he was, he wouldn't be REMEMBERING random girls from instagram. I understand what it is to look at someone's account and going through their old pictures, because we found them attractive, I do that. I just don't understand the fact that they get "Stuck" in his head, and as I said before, they are simple girls, not "Insta famous" or anything. I feel insecure, I feel like any girl could be better than me, to him. I told him this and he just says he's sorry, that he knows it's wrong and won't happen again.

 

What should I do? Should I just break up or keep trying?

 

Thank you

 

Honestly,drop it and move on. The fact that this is even an issue shows how healthy this relationship is. You digging in deeper who when what he like. It doesn't matter. Learn to trust and crap like this wont matter.

 

If this really does effect you then end it with him. He won't stop.

[DreamBigg]

Seriously? Surprised at some of the replies here. Take it from a guy. This is a complete non issue and you're only going to create a problem where there isn't one if you let this bother you and hold it against him.

 

Think about what you're saying. First of all, your boyfriend was honest with you and just told you "yea I liked some girls pic on IG last summer. Think she was from Europe or something."

 

You are worried about some random girl... That he's never met... Or talked to... And who lives in another country/continent... Because, your BF "liked" a couple pics she had????! Cmon now.

 

Sorry if this is piling on.. But I'm big on "picking your battles" so I hope you'll at least see that the great things you see and have in him, far outweigh the social media nonsense you're asking about.

 

People you date are going to have social media. They're also going to keep their eyeballs even when you become a couple. As long as their hands and minds stay loyal to you... Then don't even worry about the crap that gets double tapped with their thumb randomly.

 

How could he remember a girl who's pic he liked last summer? I saw a trailer for Transformers and haven't forgotten Megan Fox's name since then. Never met or talked to her in my life. Your BF probably followed her so he can see her username every now and then. He's allowed to notice and realize other girls are attractive.

 

If he was liking and commenting on bikini pics and pics of girls who were dressed provocatively... Or following ex gf's and liking those pics... Then you can be pissrd at him because it shows a lack of respect.

 

If i asked someone why they broke up with their BF who was a genuinely good guy and the girl told me "he liked a regular girl from Sweedens picture on IG last August and when he told me about it I just felt like he looked at her profile a bunch of times... So I ended it"

 

I would roll my eyes and give up

[elaine567]

Well all this depends on the extent of this "stalking" in reality.

Is he telling the truth in that all this is just harmless "liking" of pics, or is he interacting with these girls on a daily basis and even organising hook ups or declaring undying love.

Who knows?

 

The fact that he was searching for random cute girls he sees at college is a bit of a worry here too.

Is he really taking this relationship seriously, or is he in fact looking for a replacement?

[DreamBigg]

Well all this depends on the extent of this "stalking" in reality.

Is he telling the truth in that all this is just harmless "liking" of pics, or is he interacting with these girls on a daily basis and even organising hook ups or declaring undying love.

Who knows?

 

The fact that he was searching for random cute girls he sees at college is a bit of a worry here too.

Is he really taking this relationship seriously, or is he in fact looking for a replacement?

 

 

Looking through IG and taking a glance at the good looking girls from college, or the girl you ran into at the bar for the first time in years , isn't a red flag. The entire point of social media is to look, glance, follow, etc. As long as he's clear and loyal In his relationship then I don't see the detriment

[elaine567]

Looking through IG and taking a glance at the good looking girls from college, or the girl you ran into at the bar for the first time in years , isn't a red flag. The entire point of social media is to look, glance, follow, etc. As long as he's clear and loyal In his relationship then I don't see the detriment

 

As I said it depends on the extent of his "stalking" here.

IF he is loyal then fine, but you don't actually know that, nobody does apart from him.

[Rainah]

It sounds like he is being open and honest about it, sometimes I randomly remember a username or name of someone I used to know be friends with back in the day and will search them to see what they are doing in their life just out of curiosity its harmless and thats what social media is for now days anyway, if someone doesnt want to be lookes at they shouldnt have a social media

[marycc]

The thing is: He is not just looking at hot girls pictures that appear on his feed. If it was the case, I'd be totally ok with that. He doesn't follow any of them, and they don't follow.him either. They are not models or "insta famous". Just.completely random and normal girls (that at the same time don't have nothing in common in terms of appearence, btw). The thing that bothers me the.most is that, he still remembers these random girls (not models, celebrities, famous, I repeat) and keeps returning to their profile.

one of them, at least, lives in our country, I don't know if there's more girls,

and this one looks a lot like me. So why would he do that? Doesnt he have Me? It really seems like he's searching for alternatives, even if he's telling me it's not that. Actually, he doesn't have an answer for many things, he just says "i dont know!".

Edited April 25, 2016 by marycc

[amaysngrace]

This is your insecurity. If you can't trust your BF then you probably shouldn't be with him.

 

There is nothing you can do to keep him from cheating. He either will or he won't. But making this about you just shows how insecure you are.

 

If he cheats on you or acts sleazy behind your back HE is the one who is lacking. Not YOU.

 

So why are you torturing him? You want him to feel as badly as you do or something?

 

Sorry but it doesn't work that way.

[katiegrl]

OP, your reaction is precisely why guys lie to their girlfriends, which he could have done too, but chose honesty instead when YOU asked the question.

 

So much for honesty, given your reaction and if you break up with him because of it, you just sent him the covert message that it's better to lie. Good job.

 

So he looks and likes some random girls' pics. He remembers them big whoop.

 

I wonder if we took a poll how many other guys, guys with girlfriends, guys with wives, do the same exact thing.

 

It is social media for heaven's sake!

 

Being in a relationship does not mean never looking, and admiring another woman ever again, sheesh. And remembering.

 

IMO your insecurity is what is at issue here.

 

If everything else is great in your relationship, he treats you well, etc, which you say it is and he does (the best guy you have ever been with) then let it go! It is not that uncommon, again it's social media.

 

It is a diversion in most cases, stop taking it so personally.

 

And to be considering ending your entire relationship because ot it?

 

It's not even like he was keeping it a secret or anything, he was open and honest about all of it!!

 

Gave you more detail than even necessary IMO.

 

Again let it go.

 

Work on your insecurity, where it comes from.

 

Best of luck.

Edited April 25, 2016 by katiegrl

[Jabron1]

No one seems to have picked up on the fact that she said she does the exact same thing - looking at guys pictures

 

Apparently the issue she has is that these images/girls are 'stuck in his head'.

 

They're both as bad as each other. My advice is to get over it.

 

Lastly, IMO, he's a creep for objectifying women.

 

The whole 'objectification' idea is just piffle.

 

She also said that she checks out guys pictures to 'appreciate their beauty'

 

Male sexuality = evil. Female sexuality = empowering.

 

This sort of sh*t test is what separates the men from the boys

[katiegrl]

Apparently her issue is that he remembers whose pics he liked. My question is why wouldn't he remember? He has a brain, the brain remembers things. Mine does!

 

OP what do you think it means? Do you think he is planning on flying over there to search for her or something.? Secretly in love with her (them)?

 

Hell, no one is even following anyone, just liking, which you do too.

 

But he remembers... and that bothers you.

 

Again, work on the insecurity.

 

The fact he remembers is so normal to me. I remember everything too. Even from years and years ago. Entire conversations!

 

It means nothing, only that I and many people, including him apparently have good memories.

[Jabron1]

Actually, I was kind of expecting to be on her side. I don't think men should be orbiting other girls on social media when in a relationship.

 

But the fact that she does the same sort of thing makes me lose any sympathy.

 

Both of them just sound immature to me.

[Larryville]

I honestly think he's the best person I ever met

 

Oh, I don't know if you noticed it, but the other day I accidently liked some girl's picture on Instagram."

 

Are you serious!? WTF!

 

To be blunt it sounds like he is using their images as an alternative to porn.

 

Yup

 

If this really does affect you then end it with him. He won't stop.

 

The fact that he was searching for random cute girls he sees at college is a bit of a worry here too.

 

Is he really taking this relationship seriously?

 

No... but hey...

 

Another similar thread where someone’s social media use checking out “hot women” is seemed as “harmless” by some yet it causes a woman OP to feel more insecure than she already is.

 

This quote:

 

I find it rather sad that he can't find something more productive to do with his time.

 

It is freaking sad and those who wish to excuse clearly don’t see that once these oddities start AND when they affect the relationship it is a much greater issue.

 

But the fact that dudes these days don’t have $#it else to do but to troll freaking Instagram is just insane to me.

 

Ok well OP feel free to keep thinking it is not a big deal, go on about your business, you say “the best person I ever met” basically means your standards of dudes you have met are not that high, and when women like yourself latch onto something because they believe that can’t do any better will tolerate any crap.

[katiegrl]

Actually, I was kind of expecting to be on her side. I don't think men should be orbiting other girls on social media when in a relationship.

 

But the fact that she does the same sort of thing makes me lose any sympathy.

 

Both of them just sound immature to me.

 

Personally speaking, I honestly don't think I would care if I discovered my boyfriend (now ex) liked other women's pics on social media. And rememberd.

 

Hell he probably was! I never checked or asked, did not care!

 

Men look and admire women every single day. On the street, on social media everywhere.

 

So do I! Sometimes I would notice a beautiful girl, and would point her out and we would both admire her!

 

I looked at men too (not sure if he did but wouldn't care).

 

I think this is human nature, and to expect your SO to suddenly stop something so natural and normal just cuz he/she is in a relationship, is a bit much to me.

 

Maybe I am just more open than others , who knows.

 

But honestly, I would not give it a second thought.

[marycc]

He's not just looking at hot girls that appear on his feed on Instagram, and then decides to check their profile to see more of it. If it was the "problem", I would be ok with it. I do that too. If suddenly I see some cute guy on instagram, sometimes I may look at his profile, but then I forget about him. It's not like he gets "stuck" in my head and I keep going back to his profile for 8 freaking MONTHS. Why the hell would I even remember them and keep "track" of them from time to time? I can't imagine feeling the need to do it when I'm in this relationship.

 

And they are not his friends. They are not celebrites, models or even "Insta famous". They are just random, normal girls. He doesn't even follow them, and neither do them. If he followed them, it would be normal to remember them since they would keep reappearing on his feed, but no, it doesn't happen.

Also, at least one of those girls is from our country and she looks a lot like me, her facial features and everything. So why would he do that? Doesn't he have me? Is she like a better version of me? It makes me feel like he is looking for alternatives.

Edited April 25, 2016 by marycc

[katiegrl]

OP re your last post, IMO it sounds similar to crushing on a celebrity, which also means nothing.

 

She is not a celebrity, but a sort of fantasy image, which is the same.

 

Not an alternative to you, you are the *real* deal!

 

Again, work on the insecurities.

[Jabron1]

Personally speaking, I honestly don't think I would care if I discovered my boyfriend (now ex) liked other women's pics on social media. And rememberd.

 

Hell he probably was! I never checked or asked, did not care!

 

Men look and admire women every single day. On the street, on social media everywhere.

 

So do I! Sometimes I would notice a beautiful girl, and would point her out and we would both admire her!

 

I looked at men too (not sure if he did but wouldn't care).

 

I think this is human nature, and to expect your SO to suddenly stop something so natural and normal just cuz he/she is in a relationship, is a bit much to me.

 

Maybe I am just more open than others , who knows.

 

But honestly, I would not give it a second thought.

 

Of course I notice other women when I've been in LTRs. But, I have boundaries.

 

A guy repeatedly looking up a particular woman, and liking her pictures for eight months, is a kind of pursuit IMO.

 

Not saying he will necessarily act on that. But, I am saying he has crappy boundaries.

[marycc]

OP re your last post, IMO it sounds similar to crushing on a celebrity, which also means nothing IMO.

 

She is not a celebrity, but a sort of fantasy image, which is the same.

 

Not an alternative to you, you are the *real* deal!

 

Again, work on the insecurities.

 

It's not just one girl, apparently it's many of them, I just know about two of them.

 

If it was a celebrity, I wouldn't mind, because, well, I know he would feel like they are "unreachable". But they are normal girls. Why would he choose them over celebrities or models? He could look at them instead, but he chose girls that he knows he can contact. He even said "I noticed them because they liked my pictures and they are attractive"...and then decides to visit their accounts for MONTHS....?

 

I feel so bad, honestly.

[marycc]

Of course I notice other women when I've been in LTRs. But, I have boundaries.

 

A guy repeatedly looking up a particular woman, and liking her pictures for eight months, is a kind of pursuit IMO.

 

Not saying he will necessarily act on that. But, I am saying he has crappy boundaries.

 

He doesn't like her pictures, but yeah, he searches her account "from time to time". That's what he told me. I asked what's the frequency and he says he doesn't know, that sometimes he goes a long time without looking at her profile, but he doesn't know how long...

[katiegrl]

It's not just one girl, apparently it's many of them, I just know about two of them.

 

If it was a celebrity, I wouldn't mind, because, well, I know he would feel like they are "unreachable". But they are normal girls. Why would he choose them over celebrities or models? He could look at them instead, but he chose girls that he knows he can contact. He even said "I noticed them because they liked my pictures and they are attractive"...and then decides to visit their accounts for MONTHS....?

 

I feel so bad, honestly.

 

Well then I think you should speak with him about how you feel..

 

What your concern is, how badly you feel.

 

Hopefully he will understand, say or do something to reassure you.

 

And/or realize perhaps he has a bit of an obsession going on and how unhealthy it is for your relationship. And choose to stop it for the sake of your relationship.

 

Good luck hun, feel better..