girlfriend is too controling, gets it from her mom

[pipman1]

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, she is 19 and i'm 24 and it has been hell lately. She tells me what to do, what to watch on tv, (no undressed women including in there underware because it is sick and perverted to her) no strip clubs not that i care about those places, what to do with my money, how many cigs i can smoke. she always says i stress her out with smoking and spending money she orders her family around too and her mom is the same way but not as bad, maby cause i ain't with her mom. With all of this she starts fight after fight saing it's my fault and i'm no good, i'm stupid, etc.. This is fight # ? and have not talked for 5 days. she said she would change but it has been 1 year and nothing. SHOULD IT BE OVER OR IS IT TIME TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP? we were suposed to get married in 2002. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dragonflys]

and don't look back!

[Tony T]

Why are you engaged to this lady? Are you out of your mind? You've just listed every reason to get away from her and you say you are engaged to her. I hope you will reconsider.

 

The lady you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with thinks you're stupid and no good. Wow, how romantic!!!

 

Now, on the more positive side, researchers are doing a lot of genetic engineering these days. If this controllling nature was inherited from her mother, medicine may one day be able to find a way of manipulating her genetic material to help cease this behavior.

 

I think some things are worth going to counselling for. But this relationship is really bad on the face of it. You are a passive wimp here and it could be decades before a psychologist could change the both of you so this could be healthy. The major mistake you made is not putting your foot down on day one.

 

Relationships have to be two ways. The very first day she started bossing you around, you should have informed her that this was something you would not tolerate. Now that you have taken her crap for quite a while and given a great deal of positive reinforcement, those changes will just not happen in good time.

 

Save yourself years of unhappiness and discontent by cancelling your engagement, leaving this situation, and finding a lady who will love you for you and not be intent on telling you how to live every second of your life.

 

Of course, this lady may make an excellent motion picture director. In that case, marry her and stay with her until she's rich...then you can get a nice settlement.

[clia]

Think about it like this. There is a girl out there for you who won't belittle your 'faults'.

 

"She tells me what to do,"

 

Where is your spine?

 

"what to watch on tv, (no undressed women including in

 

there underware because it is sick and perverted

 

to her) no strip clubs not that i care about those

 

places,"

 

Your girl is very, very insecure. Personally, I love to go to the strip clubs with my man. Always makes for some great sex later on. I would never dream of telling him not to go there, as long as it's not ALL the time. The way I see it, if he wants to be with a stripper, then I hope he doesn't let the door hit him on the way out.

 

"what to do with my money"

 

Excuse me, but if you earn a paycheck and you aren't married to this girl, then you can do whatever the hell you want to do with your money.

 

"how many cigs i can smoke."

 

I broke up with a guy after 2 years because I couldn't deal with his constant bitching about my smoking. Sure, I know it's bad for me. I'm not a moron. But I happen to like it. You can find a girl who won't care, trust me.

 

"she always says i stress her out with smoking and spending money"

 

If you stress her out so badly, then why is she with you? I think she's insecure so she's trying to make you feel as insecure and lacking in self confidence as she obviously is.

 

"With all of this she starts fight after fight saing it's my fault and i'm no good, i'm stupid, etc.."

 

Why are you with someone who so clearly has no respect for you? If you're so no good and stupid, then why is she with you? Again, insecurity. You have the upper hand here, even though you don't realize it. She is terrified that you will leave her, so she's trying to make you feel like you have nothing to offer anyone else. Don't believe her.

 

"This is fight # ? and have not talked for 5 days. she said she would change but it has been 1 year and nothing. SHOULD IT BE OVER OR IS IT TIME TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP? we were suposed to get married in 2002. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

I think you should dump her flat. Seriously, this girl can't be doing anything positive for you. A relationship is supposed to make you feel good, not bad. This girl is not deserving of you. Dumping her might teach her a lesson for future guys. Do not marry her. It will only get worse.

[Miss Mojo]

...and just imagine how it will be when you are married.

 

i cringe at the thought - it will get worse.

[pipman1]

Her mother said she should be a lawyer, anyway I have been putting my foot down and her mother said it's my attitude change lately because my friend is hanging back around BUT i think he's watching out for me. She says she loves me but i don't feel it anymore, I love her BUT i'm not in love She said she would change and thats why were engadged BUT a week after the ring went on she ##### all over me and then said sorry ,##### all over me then said sorry and so on. I like her family more than her.

Why are you engaged to this lady? Are you out of your mind? You've just listed every reason to get away from her and you say you are engaged to her. I hope you will reconsider. The lady you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with thinks you're stupid and no good. Wow, how romantic!!! Now, on the more positive side, researchers are doing a lot of genetic engineering these days. If this controllling nature was inherited from her mother, medicine may one day be able to find a way of manipulating her genetic material to help cease this behavior. I think some things are worth going to counselling for. But this relationship is really bad on the face of it. You are a passive wimp here and it could be decades before a psychologist could change the both of you so this could be healthy. The major mistake you made is not putting your foot down on day one. Relationships have to be two ways. The very first day she started bossing you around, you should have informed her that this was something you would not tolerate. Now that you have taken her crap for quite a while and given a great deal of positive reinforcement, those changes will just not happen in good time. Save yourself years of unhappiness and discontent by cancelling your engagement, leaving this situation, and finding a lady who will love you for you and not be intent on telling you how to live every second of your life. Of course, this lady may make an excellent motion picture director. In that case, marry her and stay with her until she's rich...then you can get a nice settlement.

[pipman1]

the thing with girls on tv,strip clubs, etc.. is that she thinks that i think about those other girls and that i have a sick mind if i go or watch tv. She got pissed cause i watched "BayWatch" with my mother. My uncle in C.A. send me jokes with naked women meaning no harm and my girlfriend says he is a sick pervert and his wife should leave him. SHE HAS NEVER MET HIM.

Think about it like this. There is a girl out there for you who won't belittle your 'faults'.

 

"She tells me what to do," Where is your spine? "what to watch on tv, (no undressed women including in there underware because it is sick and perverted

 

to her) no strip clubs not that i care about those places," Your girl is very, very insecure. Personally, I love to go to the strip clubs with my man. Always makes for some great sex later on. I would never dream of telling him not to go there, as long as it's not ALL the time. The way I see it, if he wants to be with a stripper, then I hope he doesn't let the door hit him on the way out. "what to do with my money" Excuse me, but if you earn a paycheck and you aren't married to this girl, then you can do whatever the hell you want to do with your money. "how many cigs i can smoke." I broke up with a guy after 2 years because I couldn't deal with his constant bitching about my smoking. Sure, I know it's bad for me. I'm not a moron. But I happen to like it. You can find a girl who won't care, trust me. "she always says i stress her out with smoking and spending money" If you stress her out so badly, then why is she with you? I think she's insecure so she's trying to make you feel as insecure and lacking in self confidence as she obviously is. "With all of this she starts fight after fight saing it's my fault and i'm no good, i'm stupid, etc.." Why are you with someone who so clearly has no respect for you? If you're so no good and stupid, then why is she with you? Again, insecurity. You have the upper hand here, even though you don't realize it. She is terrified that you will leave her, so she's trying to make you feel like you have nothing to offer anyone else. Don't believe her. "This is fight # ? and have not talked for 5 days. she said she would change but it has been 1 year and nothing. SHOULD IT BE OVER OR IS IT TIME TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP? we were suposed to get married in 2002. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

I think you should dump her flat. Seriously, this girl can't be doing anything positive for you. A relationship is supposed to make you feel good, not bad. This girl is not deserving of you. Dumping her might teach her a lesson for future guys. Do not marry her. It will only get worse.

 

[pipman1]

I'll see her tonight it's her sisters 13th birthday and she is the smartist one in the family and it's not her fault so thats why i'm going. I'll let you know what happens and I think you are all wright thanks to all.

...and just imagine how it will be when you are married. i cringe at the thought - it will get worse.

 

[pipman1]

Te reason for the fight we just had is because i went with my frend to help him and was not home waitng for her so she flipped and started cring and said it was over. I told her i would be back in 20 min but she said no and that i was on her time and i'm a jerk. She always said that she doese'nt wait for no one, OK for her but not for me, BULL!!! We don't even have SEX!!! cause her mom said no to that BULL!!!

I'll see her tonight it's her sisters 13th birthday and she is the smartist one in the family and it's not her fault so thats why i'm going. I'll let you know what happens and I think you are all wright thanks to all.

[Tammie]

for yourself. This kind of thing can wreck your self esteem, and you want to work out whatever issues you have so that you won't end up with someone like this again.

 

Also, both of you are too young to be getting married.

 

Good luck.