colouroflove Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I'm going to make this story as short as possible. Two years ago I called CPS on my younger sister because I found out she was neglecting her children, hitting them, verbally abusing them, locking her 3 year old son in his room for 3-6 hours alone, not feeding them and allowing them to live in filth. My sister is an alcoholic and her and her boyfriend, who is a pill addict, have been living with my mother for the past 8 years. She had my niece 7 years ago and my nephew 5 years ago. Her drinking has been getting progressively worse and 2 years ago she asked me and my husband to come over to help get her house cleaned up for a section 8 inspection (if you aren't aware of what section 8 is, it's low income housing that is provided by government financial assistance). We were happy to help her clean, however when we arrived at the house we found the lock on my nephews bedroom door turned around so she could lock him in and his mattress was bare, sitting on the middle of the floor, there was fecal matter all over the place; the walls, bed, toys, closet...you name it. In addition, there was no food in the house and my niece who was 5 at the time, asked me why I was being so nice to her, because I had fed her some popcorn we brought as a snack. My mother had been calling me telling me about how my sister had physically attacked her and punched her in the face a few weeks prior and that both parent's have been smacking the kids on the back of the legs and screaming at them. She also mentioned how my sister was locking her son in the room from 7am until noon. Letting him out for 1 hour and then putting him back in the room for the remainder of the afternoon. Getting back to the day we came to help clean, I saw my nephew who was 19 at the time, was also staying in the house and I asked my sister why he was there. She went on to tell me that our nephew had recently been a witness to a gang rape and was threatened by his cousin (apparently his cousin was the young man who led the gang rape and put a gun to my nephews head threatening him if he said anything, he would kill him) and that he needed a place to stay, so he was staying there. In addition my sister went on to tell me how she planned to "handle" the situation on her own and didn't feel a need to inform the police of anything. At this point in time, the only thing I was thinking about was the danger my niece and nephew were in. Not only psychologically and emotionally, but I feared for their physical safety because of the threat of gang violence on my nephew, and the fact he was endangering their lives by staying there. I was also questioning the mental capacity of my sister being able to care for two children, when she was already an alcoholic and planned to confront and initiate war with a gang member. It took me 1 month of crying, talking with trusted friends and my husband to make the call to CPS asking them to do a well check. I also reported my nephew to the police as someone who had information on a crime. After doing this, I received a call from my older sister (my nephews mother) telling me I was wrong for everything and that I had betrayed my family and both her and my younger sister have not spoken to me since, nor have they allowed any visitation for my daughter to visit her cousins. My older sister is an enabler and wanted to stay out of taking action in regards to my niece and nephew. She said they were fine because "they were fed and seemed happy." This decision was not made lightly and for the 6 months after the "cut off" from family, I felt like I was going to really lose it. I cried and cried, but I still believe I did the right thing to protect my niece and nephew. The reason I am posting this now, is because my mother visit's occasionally and she continually implies that if I was willing to apologise to my older sister, she would visit me again. The thing is, I don't want to my daughter to ever know any family member, whether blood or not, who would think it's okay to condone physical, mental and emotional abuse, the locking of a child in his room alone while playing in his fecal matter, not feeding them and exposing them to potential gang danger as in any way something to "stay neutral" about. My daughter misses her cousins very much and we pray every night that we'll be able to see them again, but I also don't know if it's wise to allow them back in to my life. I will never apologize for making the phone calls I did. I guess what I am looking for is some reassurance that in the long run, it's best to keep certain family members away in order to protect my daughter from the same kind of behaviors; abuse, bullying, enabling and basically toxic influences all around.
amaysngrace Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 So CPS visited and saw nothing to make them look further into them or did CPS keep the case open? You say you only care about the well-being and safety of the children but then you say you care about your daughter playing with these cousins and how you're being cut off. So which is it?
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Make a list of pros & cons. I think you should apologize if only so you can get another 1st hand look at what is going on with the little ones. It sounds like they temporarily cleaned up their act during the month you were crying & thinking about what to do. When you go back if it's still a problem, take pictures & call immediately. I'd keep your daughter away no matter what, though. 3
Author colouroflove Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 I am not upset anymore about being cut off. I think I am making the right decision to limit her exposure to my family. Initially it was tough and lonely. I care about their well being. They did get the house cleaned in the month I was debating contacting CPS and unfortunately, the police were sent to investigate, not an actual CPS social worker. I'm not really concerned about being around them anymore, as much as reassuring myself I am making the right choice to not initiate contact again. I feel bad that the children have to suffer not seeing one another and I want to know if other's would make the same decision I made based on the circumstances. We have our own family and I am focused on taking care of that. It's not my responsibility to care for everyone else, when they won't even take basic initiative to get help. I've always sacrificed my life, career, time, money into helping my sister's, etc. I guess what I was saying is that, initially I felt extremely weak, as if my choice was the wrong one. After getting over the emotional loss, I realized what I did was necessary. 1
Author colouroflove Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Yes, they had cleaned up everything by the time a police officer investigated the report. A couple of weeks later, my mother called cps on her own because of the continued abuse. Thanks for your advice. It's appreciated. 1
amaysngrace Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 You absolutely did the right thing to call it in. Would you or your mom ever think to foster them? That may be asked of you if the kids get taken away from her. I think they try to place them with family members first. 1
Eaglescout88 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) Hello, being a father of four kids I am a big supporter of parental rights. That written, when a family member or friend is invited into the home and see and hear children being hurt or neglected, it is never wrong to get a third party involved. Be encouraged that you did the right thing. It seems like your sisters need a change of heart. I will be praying for you. Blessings, Kevin Edited April 25, 2016 by Eaglescout88 Clarification 2
Author colouroflove Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Unfortunately, my mother is currently living with them and would never be able to physically care for them. She allowed my younger sister to live with her because she was in need of help due to injuries she received from her last job. It was supposed to be a mutually beneficial living situation, that has resulted in her being physically assaulted on several occasions. My mother was kind enough to put my sister on her section 8 housing to help her because she couldn't afford to live on her own with two children. I would be open to adoption or placement with us, however my sister is physically violent and I would be worried about attempted vandalism or assault. I think of them every day, but I've come to the conclusion that the best option is to stay away.
Author colouroflove Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 I am a huge supporter of parental rights as well, which was why it was so hard to make the call. Thank you for your prayers, they are needed and appreciated.
in_absentia Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 Oh my gosh, this is so scarily similar to my own story. Please check out the thread I started if you're interested. I'm going through hell too. You did the right thing, you did what you could to protect those kids. If I were you, as hard as this is, I'd stay away now. They sound like dangerous people. Missing your niece and nephew will be agonising, it has been worse than a bereavement for me. But what good is going to come out of getting embroiled back into this again? 1
Tayla Posted April 26, 2016 Posted April 26, 2016 CPS failed . You did the right thing. I would encourage you to go one step further and get an unannounced follow up. I cannot wrap my mind around a public system so untrained as to think that the children have not been marred. From top to bottom this CPS has failed the children. Your children will understand in their adult years that such a choice was in their best interest too. 1
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