What do woman in there 40/50s find attractive in men? What gets your attention

[Michaelroyale]

After starting out on the dating seen again after the end of a long marriage and single a few years now..I'm a 54 year old man but still feel young at heart and im at a loss as to what woman in there late 40/50s really want in a relationship...what style of cloths do you like a man to ware, how do you like to be approached by a man and what kind of conversation do you like to talk about..what would you find attractive in the first few minutes of meeting him and what would be a turn off for you? Any thoughts would be interesting for an old 80s man like me...

[d0nnivain]

Every woman will be different. You shouldn't change your personal style to please another person. Some women like the rugged outdoors type. Others prefer a more professional look -- suit & tie -- & there are a myriad of options in between.

 

 

I think the only universal is neat & clean.

 

 

Be true to yourself & appropriately dressed for the occasion. No need to wear a tux to corner pub but if you are going to a formal wedding at least don a tie

[Larryville]

I'm a 54 year old man but still feel young…

 

Don’t be needy, don’t be the type of dude she has to worry about caring for at some point and don’t force her to be your entertainment coordinator.

[Buddhist]

I'm mid 40's so I'll add my 2 cents. By way of background I never married nor had kids so I tend to look for others with a similar background. I just hear enough divorce and my-ex talk at work to bore the pants off me so not interested in hearing a guy go on endlessly about a past that's irrelevant to me or chat about their kids. I understand children, when you have them, are everything but they aren't everything to a person you're trying to date.

 

- Fitness is really important to me. I work out 7 days and am really fit. I couldn't be with a partner who wasn't. He'd also have to have a similar kind of diet, someone who wanted to live on bread and junk isn't someone I could spend a lot of time with.

 

- Adventure. Not talking extreme sports but someone who has a couch potato lifestyle and wants to sit at home all weekend watching TV would not be a match for me. I'm still getting out there, doing stuff. I haven't really fallen into the mid-life lifestyle because I never settled down in the burbs with a hubby and an SUV. Someone who has and wanted to continue on in that vein wouldn't be a match for me either.

 

- You might want to re-think using that phrase 'young at heart' whenever I hear it what I hear is.....I got old and regret it. We all get old, we all regret we're not 20 anymore. But if you truly are still vital, alive and turned on by life then you don't need to say it. It will be evident by the way you carry yourself, go about life and the energy you have. Energy is the one thing mid-lifers tend to be short on. It's kind of like people hit 45 and decide they are now 'old' and start acting like it. They lose interest in new things, get calcified in their thinking and they start to look tired....really tired.

 

- Interested in life. Pretty much a follow on from the above. But by the time most people get half-way through their life they are so wrapped up in their own baggage and regrets that it starts to become all they talk about, think about and dwell on. By the time people hit 60, most of them are talking about their illnesses and injuries by way of conversation. If you want to avoid the 'old' tag just avoid this mental mindset.

 

As a mid-lifer it's really easy to stand out from the crowd. All you need is a good body that you're obviously taking care of. An aura of energy instead of an aura of being worn down and torn apart by life, interest in new things. The majority of people post 45 (by looking around) lack those things so if you have them you're a rarity.

[Michaelroyale]

Wow..that's great advice especially the fitness...makes sense so would you choose a great body over good to fair looks?

[Buddhist]

Wow..that's great advice especially the fitness...makes sense so would you choose a great body over good to fair looks?

 

Facial appeal isn't something you can change without surgery anyway so there's no point focusing on it. We've got the face we've got. A great body however is easy to achieve and shows more than just physique, it shows you care, are determined, dedicated and make yourself a priority. Physical fitness is a sign this person is still living and not just waiting to die. It's essential for everyone really, regardless of age.

 

Nothing's more unattractive than someone who's let themselves go. At some point they just stopped caring.

[Michelle ma Belle]

As someone who's in her mid forties, I would like to date and be in a serious relationship with a man my age but have found myself dating men much younger instead.

 

Why? Because they have a joie to vivre that matches my own.

 

If men my age weren't severely jaded from their past relationship/marriage, they were behaving like children or worse, are "old" in their mind, body and soul. Not attractive.

 

Apart from having an adventurous spirit and zest for life, I like a man with a strong character, life experience that doesn't just come from years on earth, intelligence is huge, sense of humor, ability to carry conversation is also paramount. And someone who can listen as much as talk.

 

Unlike Buddhist, I don't mind chatting about past relationships and children. For me, it's kind of a test to see how they speak about their ex's. That says a lot about someone in my humble opinion. It's a quick way to determine if we're going to get along or not. I'm not interested in being with anyone who's still angry at the world or can't see the parts they played in their break-ups etc. I think that makes for some nice honest and heartfelt conversation and at this age, I would rather get that stuff out in the open early so i don't waste my time or his.

 

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm mid 40's so I'll add my 2 cents. By way of background I never married nor had kids so I tend to look for others with a similar background. I just hear enough divorce and my-ex talk at work to bore the pants off me so not interested in hearing a guy go on endlessly about a past that's irrelevant to me or chat about their kids. I understand children, when you have them, are everything but they aren't everything to a person you're trying to date.

 

- Fitness is really important to me. I work out 7 days and am really fit. I couldn't be with a partner who wasn't. He'd also have to have a similar kind of diet, someone who wanted to live on bread and junk isn't someone I could spend a lot of time with.

 

- Adventure. Not talking extreme sports but someone who has a couch potato lifestyle and wants to sit at home all weekend watching TV would not be a match for me. I'm still getting out there, doing stuff. I haven't really fallen into the mid-life lifestyle because I never settled down in the burbs with a hubby and an SUV. Someone who has and wanted to continue on in that vein wouldn't be a match for me either.

 

- You might want to re-think using that phrase 'young at heart' whenever I hear it what I hear is.....I got old and regret it. We all get old, we all regret we're not 20 anymore. But if you truly are still vital, alive and turned on by life then you don't need to say it. It will be evident by the way you carry yourself, go about life and the energy you have. Energy is the one thing mid-lifers tend to be short on. It's kind of like people hit 45 and decide they are now 'old' and start acting like it. They lose interest in new things, get calcified in their thinking and they start to look tired....really tired.

 

- Interested in life. Pretty much a follow on from the above. But by the time most people get half-way through their life they are so wrapped up in their own baggage and regrets that it starts to become all they talk about, think about and dwell on. By the time people hit 60, most of them are talking about their illnesses and injuries by way of conversation. If you want to avoid the 'old' tag just avoid this mental mindset.

 

As a mid-lifer it's really easy to stand out from the crowd. All you need is a good body that you're obviously taking care of. An aura of energy instead of an aura of being worn down and torn apart by life, interest in new things. The majority of people post 45 (by looking around) lack those things so if you have them you're a rarity.

 

 

I recall seeing women that look good for their age, and I usually guess that they don't have kids, and low and behold, they never had kids AND never been married.

 

I honestly see connection between this and having a youthful appearance, because being married and having kids does take a toll on a divorced person. Not to forget the amount of stress that kids adds to one's life.

 

You're kind of a step ahead in the game as this was never an issue and chances are the lack kids and having never been married probably played a part. Also, when people are married, they are too busy to prepare foods and just throw a frozen block of meat and vegetables or even just pick up something from a restaurant...as it's more convenient for them to do so, and the kids.

 

Who has time to cook for 3 and eat healthy, when there's restaurants on every block with a drive-through?

 

"Work out? Me running around chasing my 3-year old IS my work out!" (Yes, an expression I once heard from woman who doesn't work out...traditionally.)

 

So it is all connected, but having never been married, with no children allows time to focus on those 7-days at the gym. He**, I thought there was an "every-other-day" rule of thumb for gym go-ers. lol

 

Even the weekends?

 

Reminds me of a 6 mile hike our Meetup went on, and apparently there was this hot latina woman in spandex that went along with us and then said, "Well, now it's off to the gym!" Some people looked at her like she had two heads, "You're kidding, right?!"

 

"Yeah, this is just my warm up"

 

"Brag much?" I thought.

[Michaelroyale]

Yes I agree..I've joined a gym a year ago and dropped some weight I'm trying to build a more physical look..I'm okay to fair looking no brad Pitt not the best smile but do the best with what the Lord gave me...I'll definitely work on my body...on the plus side I'm fairly confident and good personality so there's hope for me.?thanks I'll ponder over your comments to night. ..

[preraph]

I'm older than that now, but I was looking around when I was about 50. I've never been much about body. I alway liked a nice face. I like intelligence and someone with something in common, like my kind of music and also well read. But that just depends on the woman's interests. I wouldn't want to live with a kid, so that's out, but doesn't mean I wouldn't date someone who had them as long as I got enough time and wasn't always feeling third in line. And I don't require much time because I had two jobs at that time. So I wouldn't want someone who wanted to be around much. At my age, I don't even want to sleep in the same bed because I have enough aches and pains and sinus issues that I have trouble sleeping as is. Sex yes, laying around watching tv in bed, yes. Overnight, no.

 

But literally everyone is different. I wouldn't date anyone who wasn't self-sufficient like I would when I was younger. They'd have to bring something to make my life easier instead of harder.

[sunshine2]

I am mid 50's and do workout 3 days a week but I don't think I will ever be a hard body LOL. Im not into men who are gym rats, not interested in men who say they workout constantly and are fitness freaks. Normal is fine. I look at a mans smile and personality first. I look at the inside rather then the outside most the time. Of course I have to be attracted to them, but its not all about looks for me.

 

Men have told me a lot of stories about dating in their 50's and some of it shocked me. Most women my age have kids that are grown and gone and they really are not interested in dating a man who has younger kids. One guy told me that a women he was dating told him that she expected him to leave weekends open for her, he had a 8 yo son, and he couldn't do that as he had custody on weekends. She stopped seeing him. Another women told him it was her or his son, she didn't want anything to do with his kid! I guess I am a bit more easy on that end since I have a 16 yo still at home, but I do have more freedom as she is with her dad 50% of the time and she is older and not really hanging out with mom much these days.

 

The biggest turn off for me is when I meet a guy and all he talks about is his X wife or girlfriend and in a negative way. It shows me that they are still not completely healed from the break up. I give them a couple of chances though, but if it doesn't stop I will make sure to mention that it bothers me. My last BF talk about his X constantly on the first date, second he didn't. But it never ended and there was so much drama around their relationship, breakup and custody of the youngest child, it got old fast. I became his therapist. Not something I will do again though.

 

So just be yourself and do your best and treat them well. You will find someone who appreciates you for you. Enjoy the adventure!

Edited April 25, 2016 by sunshine2

[CarrieT]

I was single and dated through much of my 40s and finally met and got married at the age of 49.

 

Conversely of those who are/were heavily into fitness, if I met a guy who spent every day at the gym, I would have been turned off as that would appear to me as someone who is trying to reclaim some lost youth.

 

The first thing I looked for in a guy was a compatibility of mind and philosophy. I enjoy hiking and whatnot, but was more interested in finding someone who would appreciate the same activities so that we might build upon a life with mutual interests.

 

I am lucky that I found a guy who was equally as bored as I am with gym rats. I don't think it is a stretch to say that anyone in their 50s doesn't still feel "young at heart," except those who have been completely beaten by life (a horrific failed marriage?) but those people tend to not be out there, trying to date.

 

In dating for those of us in our 40s and 50s, it should be about those similar interests upon which we could build a life together. I'm not a sports fan and wouldn't want to date someone who would spend every Sunday watching a game. I don't like country-western dance music and wouldn't want to date someone who like to go line-dancing. Instead, I found someone who had season tickets to the opera and symphony, loves art museums, and enjoys fine dining.

 

Clothes and whatnot? Just someone who is well-groomed and clean; khakis and a button-up shirt is fine.

[No_Go]

Conversely of those who are/were heavily into fitness, if I met a guy who spent every day at the gym, I would have been turned off as that would appear to me as someone who is trying to reclaim some lost youth.

I can relate so much to this... my BF is really into sports, for me it actually is something that I need to learn to accept because I find it an attempt to beat the natural time-line (which is, to be completely honest, just impossible).

 

I think older people can date just fine, have all the options, but it is just a turn-off to see someone that is playing 'young' (wording like: 'I look 3-5-10-20 years younger than I am' makes me laugh... it is NEVER the case unless you're looking from an airplane/theater scene). Nothing is sexier than empbracing ones age and the life experience that comes with it...

 

I was single and dated through much of my 40s and finally met and got married at the age of 49.

 

Conversely of those who are/were heavily into fitness, if I met a guy who spent every day at the gym, I would have been turned off as that would appear to me as someone who is trying to reclaim some lost youth.

 

The first thing I looked for in a guy was a compatibility of mind and philosophy. I enjoy hiking and whatnot, but was more interested in finding someone who would appreciate the same activities so that we might build upon a life with mutual interests.

 

I am lucky that I found a guy who was equally as bored as I am with gym rats. I don't think it is a stretch to say that anyone in their 50s doesn't still feel "young at heart," except those who have been completely beaten by life (a horrific failed marriage?) but those people tend to not be out there, trying to date.

 

In dating for those of us in our 40s and 50s, it should be about those similar interests upon which we could build a life together. I'm not a sports fan and wouldn't want to date someone who would spend every Sunday watching a game. I don't like country-western dance music and wouldn't want to date someone who like to go line-dancing. Instead, I found someone who had season tickets to the opera and symphony, loves art museums, and enjoys fine dining.

 

Clothes and whatnot? Just someone who is well-groomed and clean; khakis and a button-up shirt is fine.

[truthtripper]

After starting out on the dating seen again after the end of a long marriage and single a few years now..I'm a 54 year old man but still feel young at heart and im at a loss as to what woman in there late 40/50s really want in a relationship...what style of cloths do you like a man to ware, how do you like to be approached by a man and what kind of conversation do you like to talk about..what would you find attractive in the first few minutes of meeting him and what would be a turn off for you? Any thoughts would be interesting for an old 80s man like me...

Sweetness. I love a sweet man. Caring, gentle, sensitive, self-confident/assured, not too quiet. I've fallen in love with men whom I was not physically attracted to. For me, personality and character override looks.

 

Women here can give their thoughts, but ultimately you should just be yourself. The right partner is the person who loves and accepts you for who you are, not for the fake persona that you can't pull forever.

Edited April 26, 2016 by truthtripper

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am mid 50's and do workout 3 days a week but I don't think I will ever be a hard body LOL. Im not into men who are gym rats, not interested in men who say they workout constantly and are fitness freaks. Normal is fine. I look at a mans smile and personality first. I look at the inside rather then the outside most the time. Of course I have to be attracted to them, but its not all about looks for me.

 

Men have told me a lot of stories about dating in their 50's and some of it shocked me. Most women my age have kids that are grown and gone and they really are not interested in dating a man who has younger kids. One guy told me that a women he was dating told him that she expected him to leave weekends open for her, he had a 8 yo son, and he couldn't do that as he had custody on weekends. She stopped seeing him. Another women told him it was her or his son, she didn't want anything to do with his kid! I guess I am a bit more easy on that end since I have a 16 yo still at home, but I do have more freedom as she is with her dad 50% of the time and she is older and not really hanging out with mom much these days.

 

The biggest turn off for me is when I meet a guy and all he talks about is his X wife or girlfriend and in a negative way. It shows me that they are still not completely healed from the break up. I give them a couple of chances though, but if it doesn't stop I will make sure to mention that it bothers me. My last BF talk about his X constantly on the first date, second he didn't. But it never ended and there was so much drama around their relationship, breakup and custody of the youngest child, it got old fast. I became his therapist. Not something I will do again though.

 

So just be yourself and do your best and treat them well. You will find someone who appreciates you for you. Enjoy the adventure!

 

Right, I've noticed people in their 50s either have grown, adult kids, or very young kids. So the 50 year olds that have adult kids usually won't date a 50 year old with an 8-year old. It's kind of a turn off for them that a 50 year old would have kids that young, when their kids left the nest.

[Michaelroyale]

all great info and advice will definitely consider the fine words of wisdom...thano you all lovely people?

[LivingWaterPlease]

A guy who seems convincingly smitten (whether he is or not, I suppose) by a woman's beauty, charms, whatever, is a powerful attractant for a woman.

 

There was an old song, "You, you, you, I'm in love with you, you, you...you could make my dreams come true, with someone like you you you..." instead of a guy who focuses on himself (me, me, me, I'm in love with me, me, me, lol!)

 

Focus on the woman, learning all about her, let her know you find her fascinating, beautiful, whatever it is that attracts you to her...

 

We are charmed by those who find us irresistible...

[LookAtThisPOst]

A guy who seems convincingly smitten (whether he is or not, I suppose) by a woman's beauty, charms, whatever, is a powerful attractant for a woman.

 

There was an old song, "You, you, you, I'm in love with you, you, you...you could make my dreams come true, with someone like you you you..." instead of a guy who focuses on himself (me, me, me, I'm in love with me, me, me, lol!)

 

Focus on the woman, learning all about her, let her know you find her fascinating, beautiful, whatever it is that attracts you to her...

 

We are charmed by those who find us irresistible...

 

Not in my experience, that's a good way to be put in the friend zone or...make a woman who isn't interested uncomfortable.

 

Women don't become attracted to men who express how into them THEY are. That was something men used to do in the early 1900s, where women had a different lifestyle of becoming a home maker and wife.

[MidwestUSA]

OP, I'm 54 as well.

 

Best I can say is stay true to yourself. But, be young at heart. I'm living my third childhood at the moment. It never gets old.

 

Good luck!

[Tayla]

Something ageless, such as cordial manners, delightful humor and a zest for life!

 

I love the Old soul types, they have wisdom to carry them thru lifes challenges and celebrate the journey!

 

They enjoy their hobbies and have a sensibility.

 

Bright eyes with a glint of mischief seems to be charming. And bring along a hearty laughter, its one of the sounds that says...yes life is filled with follies to be enjoyed!

[serial muse]

 

Bright eyes with a glint of mischief seems to be charming.

 

Agree - this is attractive at any age!

 

I think when I was younger I found moody types somewhat compelling. Now I can't imagine why. As many people have already said - zest for life, joie de vivre, etc etc. Humor rather than anger. And competence.

[Miss Peach]

I'm a little younger than your target age but I've dated in that range and have many friends who have too.

 

What I'm looking for over and above everything is someone I feel chemistry with, whose company I enjoy, and who treats me well. If that basic stuff isn't there, then I'm not going to be interested in anything more than friendship or a few dates. You can polish certain things like hair and clothing. Make sure you are well groomed. No need to turn into something you're not though.

 

I have seen a lot of men who act like children, can't see their contribution towards their problems, want to be taken care of (including financially), don't want to put in any effort and just want what's easy, are very jaded, or just unable/unwilling to emotionally connect. That has been my largest struggle on the dating market and why I hadn't agreed to even be exclusive with most men I had met prior to my BF. I'll also echo what Michelle said - if the character and integrity aren't there, then it's not a good deal for me to attach to them IMO.

 

You'll also see people want things all over the board in regards to marriage, kids, etc. in this age range. Many people will rule you out based on that or their experiences with that. For example, my BF didn't want to date single moms prior to me because he never had any good experiences from them. I've had a number of men not want to date me or put my in the 'good time only' category based on that. I've also seen people be very for or against getting married in this age bracket. You will not appeal to everyone so it's best to figure out what you want and own it.

 

The best and sexiest thing IMO is confidence. If you have confidence, can lead, and take risks then you will be attractive to many women. Women are more forgiving than men in terms of things like having a hard body and looks. Most women will usually find a guy more or less attractive based on how they feel around him.

[GemmaUK]

I'm 47 so at the lesser spectrum of your age range.

 

I exercise 7 days a week (not a gym rat as I hate gyms).

I'm slim and petite and I like a guy who is lean with some muscle tone same as me pretty much. I'm not a fan of tummies hanging over a belt, nor moobs.

 

He's got to be attractive to me facially, have a great smile and wickedness about him.

Someone who has passions but not footie and the pub.

Someone who wants to try new stuff and intro me to new things too.

Likes to learn, read, grow.

Self sufficient, can cook and look after himself properly.

 

Over my few years of OLD I have only so far found men around my age who take no responsibility for their own problems or things that have gone wrong in their life (they will find reasons out of nowhere to blame anyone else)and weirdly, men who don't understand that anti-perspirant is not the same thing as deodorant!! Lol!

 

Clothes wise, I've done a few makeovers when asked to - go see a personal shopper (they are free) and will help you with a style that suits you which is age appropriate.

[thefooloftheyear]

Despite the recent advances in women's pay rates and compensation/opportunities..most divorced guys have really taken it on the chin...The lifestyle drop off is so dramatic in many of the cases(I know of anyway), its bound to cause a huge amount of resentment and cynicism of the whole idea of going through that again..

 

And while I don't discount that women of divorce also have to accept some downgrades, I think the loss seems to affect men more than women...Right or wrong, they often place a higher value on lifestyle/status and their "stuff' than women do..Women seem more fluid and better able to deal with it on an emotional level(the downgrade of life/material stuff)

 

Women also seem much more positive about relationships in general..Even if they have been burned dozens of times, they still hold out hope for "the one"...Conversely, many guys I know that have been crushed(even if its only one time), dont bother going back...They can get sex if they want, and wont bother with all the other stuff..

 

So, if you are a middle aged guy that looks good, has a good sex drive and working parts,. and keeps a good body, then its your game to win....Because from where I see it, its like 1 quality guy for 40 quality women at this stage in the game......I think where women may lose out is that many middle aged guys that aren't out of shape/old looking and bitter, and are like what I described, are going for younger women....They seem to have not much issue with the age gap, because most guys their own age don't really keep themselves that sharp anyway...

 

.02

 

TFY

Edited April 26, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[Jacques on stage]

I'm 47 so at the lesser spectrum of your age range.

 

I exercise 7 days a week (not a gym rat as I hate gyms).

I'm slim and petite and I like a guy who is lean with some muscle tone same as me pretty much. I'm not a fan of tummies hanging over a belt, nor moobs.

 

He's got to be attractive to me facially, have a great smile and wickedness about him

 

Ironic this follows the previous comment about women being more forgiving over looks.

 

I think women are equally superficial, and this actually increases with age.