Ex left for a year

[Jax13]

My ex girlfriend of 6 months just left the city and moved 1800 miles away for a year. She has been with another guy for a while before moving away which in a way I still think is a rebound to distract her from both myself and her leaving. She has always cared for me and still does.

 

 

I saw her yesterday just before she left and she told me that she isn't sure what's going to happen once she's gone with him. She knows there's major differences and being alone for awhile will help her figure things out with what she wants in life.

One of the major differences is she is quite religious and he isn't at all. I am religious as well so that works in my favor.

Another thing she told me right before she left was that part of her feels like she is making the biggest mistake in the world by being with him. But she doesn't know where to go in her life and can't even give me an answer on how she feels about me because she doesn't know.

She likes talking to me because I understand her, but she liked hanging out with him because they did exciting things with his friends before she left. Now that she's gone, she will not see him for months because he is broke and can't afford to fly out to see her regularly. So in this case, I have the advantage in communication.

I told her right before she left that I hopes she has a great time and I give her and him my blessing if that is what she truly wants out of life. Right after I said that, she started crying. I also told her that I can not guarantee that I'll wait for her and if she wants to talk to me, she will have to be my girlfriend and I said I would leave her alone until she figures out what she really wants.

 

 

I do plan on going NC now for a couple weeks to let her get settled in and actually realize that she isn't guaranteed to have me in her life all the time.

 

 

Is there any other advice that someone could recommend to get her back? I feel that giving her time and space now that she is away from her new guy will help her see how she does miss me especially when he's not around. Or should I continue to talk to her and be her support and make her realize that I am better support than he is?

[kidm]

Gosh man. She's never coming back. Why will she? She has you now; you never left. She loves and cares for you but has chosen to be with another man because she is confused about what she wants? She wasn't confused enough to stay with you, was she? Now you're just hanging around like a lost puppy waiting to be chosen. I doubt she will have an epiphany that you're the one for her. I'm sorry but you need to grow some b**ls and move on. Two weeks NC is nothing and it is really NC if you have already decided to break it even before it starts? You're just trying to play games at this point. You might as well continue to be in contact and be mr. nice guy/words of encouragement. Stop being her emotional tampon.

 

She has figured out what she wants currently but you refusing to accept you. At this point in her life, she has decided she doesn't want to be with you and has moved on to the next man. She cried, she's is pain, etc. but not enough for her to come running back to you. Your words don't match your actions and she knows it. No guarantees you will wait but want to check in with her after a measly two weeks. Sheeeesh. If there is going to be any hope for the future (which I doubt), you have to move on with your life. What is meant to be will be.

Edited April 25, 2016 by kidm

[Simon Phoenix]

My ex girlfriend of 6 months just left the city and moved 1800 miles away for a year. She has been with another guy for a while before moving away which in a way I still think is a rebound to distract her from both myself and her leaving. She has always cared for me and still does.

 

 

I saw her yesterday just before she left and she told me that she isn't sure what's going to happen once she's gone with him. She knows there's major differences and being alone for awhile will help her figure things out with what she wants in life.

One of the major differences is she is quite religious and he isn't at all. I am religious as well so that works in my favor.

Another thing she told me right before she left was that part of her feels like she is making the biggest mistake in the world by being with him. But she doesn't know where to go in her life and can't even give me an answer on how she feels about me because she doesn't know.

She likes talking to me because I understand her, but she liked hanging out with him because they did exciting things with his friends before she left. Now that she's gone, she will not see him for months because he is broke and can't afford to fly out to see her regularly. So in this case, I have the advantage in communication.

I told her right before she left that I hopes she has a great time and I give her and him my blessing if that is what she truly wants out of life. Right after I said that, she started crying. I also told her that I can not guarantee that I'll wait for her and if she wants to talk to me, she will have to be my girlfriend and I said I would leave her alone until she figures out what she really wants.

 

 

I do plan on going NC now for a couple weeks to let her get settled in and actually realize that she isn't guaranteed to have me in her life all the time.

 

 

Is there any other advice that someone could recommend to get her back? I feel that giving her time and space now that she is away from her new guy will help her see how she does miss me especially when he's not around. Or should I continue to talk to her and be her support and make her realize that I am better support than he is?

 

Dude, you aren't winning this one, especially if you play the "support" role. I mean, you are putting yourself in the friendzone with such actions. She gets the support from you, the fun stuff from him. Best of both worlds. There's no reason to promote you when your best attribute is something you give away freely.

 

Do not play the support role, do not wait around, move forward and stop stagnating. You are making this remarkably easy for her to have her cake and eat it too. And No Contact isn't a game you play for a couple of weeks, you go No Contact and you stay there and you don't go out of No Contact unless a) she goes above and beyond the call of duty and says that she wants to be with you and only you romantically or b) you don't care anymore.

 

But yeah, these friendly talks are awful. You don't want to be her friend, so stop being her friend. Or be her friend and stop trying to get with her romantically.