TemporaryForever Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 So long story short, my ex and I got back together after 2 and a half months. He initiated contact and told me how much he missed me and loved me, and I feel the same way. Now that we're working on getting back together, I feel like things are moving too slow. We used to see each other almost every day and talk all day and night. Now we don't see each other nearly as much or talk as much as we used to. It's been about a month, am I just way to anxious? Are you supposed to take things slow getting back together? I was hoping we'd pick up where we left off, but it's not happening that way. Should I tell him? I don't want to ruin what could be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spacecadet420 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 It depends really, if you're not communicating too much I would take that as a warning sign that you're at a dead end.. But otherwise going slow is a blessing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 He got what he wanted. You, back. Now he presumes he can relax, take it easy, because when he wants it, sex is there, and he figures that if all he has to do to get you back is say "love you, miss you!" what more effort does he need to put in?? Getting back together means working together to fix what was wrong in the first place. I take it nothing has been agreed in that direction...? Given that you seem to be regressing, rather than moving forward.... See, this is why 'second time around' rarely works. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 No details on the breakup but, in general, second chances are new relationships if they're healthy. Hence, one doesn't have an 'instant' relationship unless that's one's historical style. Things proceed like any new relationship. If you've only been apart a couple months, detachment isn't complete IMO so, if the original relationship was unhealthy, the reconciliation will likely be similar. If the foundation was good, better chances. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Brutum Fulmen Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 He's going about it totally the wrong way. He's going back to the same guy when you broke up - lazy and complacent. You should be dating and having fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TemporaryForever Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 He broke up with me because he said he didn't have time. I missed him, but I accepted it for what it was. When he came back and I was hoping we'd pick up where we left off. I knew we still had some issues to work out, and I was trying to but I didn't see any effort from him. Most of the time I wanted to see him he wasn't available. We would text almost once a day, but the communication was off. I told him what I wanted and he told me he wasn't sure. He continued talking to me and seemed to make more of an effort, but then it fell off again. There was a situation where I thought another girl was involved and I confronted him about it. It caused a huge argument, and he didn't talk to me for 2 days. He also said some pretty mean things to me in the argument. I ended up blocking him on social media and he noticed and we talked about it, and the situation with the girl. He never apologized or took responsibility for anything. I took responsibility on my part. Now I only hear from him every few days, and he short texts me. He always initiates contact though. I should also mention that he's going through a lot of personal issues, but he wouldn't communicate with me what was going on. He used to tell me everything and talk to me all day and night. Any way, I'm glad we're still talking but it seems we took a step back now. Maybe I rushed it, but I told him what I wanted and whenever I asked him he told me he didn't know. He kept giving me mixed signals. One day he'll want me, another day he doesn't. Maybe it's because of everything he's going through, maybe I was being insensitive. I still miss him and want us to go back to the way we were, but idk what to do to get us moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 I still miss him and want us to go back to the way we were The way you were, was him not having enough time for you. In fact it was so bad that he broke up with you. Why do you want to go back to that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TemporaryForever Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 The way you were, was him not having enough time for you. In fact it was so bad that he broke up with you. Why do you want to go back to that? The way we were when he had time. He was going through some things, I assumed him coming back meant he got over it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 (edited) The way we were when he had time. He was going through some things, I assumed him coming back meant he got over it. So, not the way you were then... You shouldn't assume things. When reconciling an old relationship, you should always address the issues that caused the split and ensure they will be fixed this time. Explicitly, by talking. Sorry to say, it seems things are exactly as they were. He still doesn't have (or doesn't want to give you) the time. Edited May 27, 2016 by PegNosePete 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 A second chance is often the chance that comes after what should have been the last chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TemporaryForever Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 So, not the way you were then... You shouldn't assume things. When reconciling an old relationship, you should always address the issues that caused the split and ensure they will be fixed this time. Explicitly, by talking. Sorry to say, it seems things are exactly as they were. He still doesn't have (or doesn't want to give you) the time. Thanks, I guess you're right. It's just frustrating that he even came back without trying to make time for me. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Yeah but you know the saying. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... Sorry not meaning to have a go at you or blame you. But you need to learn from this. If you want things to be different, you need to make sure they are different. Not just cross your fingers and jump right back into the same situation / relationship as before.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TemporaryForever Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Yeah but you know the saying. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... Sorry not meaning to have a go at you or blame you. But you need to learn from this. If you want things to be different, you need to make sure they are different. Not just cross your fingers and jump right back into the same situation / relationship as before.. It's not that I was trying to jump right back into it...yes I was excited, but I still tried to address the issues and get him to work on it but he wouldn't. Well he tried and then stopped. He said he had too much going on. I don't know why he even still contacts me because I told him I didn't want to be friends. But whatever, what's done is done. I appreciate you for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
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