sunshine2 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Ever since my breakup my confidence and self esteem have taken a big hit. I never felt beautiful with my X BF because he rarely complimented me or made me feel special. But I have always had issue with self esteem anyway even when I was young and thinner. When I think about dating someone else, I just know I am not good enough. I go over all the things that are wrong with me physically and just break down and cry. I feel awful. Why would anyone want me? There are so many other beautiful women that are in their 50's like me who have nicer bodies are beautiful. Im just a loser and hate everything about me. I know this sounds pathetic, I just cant seem to get out of the dumps about myself. I don't want to feel this way and I know that when you are in this space in your head, you are not attractive and people pick up on it. I just cannot move forward. What can I do to get out of this mindset? Is there any self help books that will help? I mean telling myself I love myself is not working, so affirmations are not what I am looking for. I have done therapy, it works for awhile then Im back to the dumps again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Here is a truth: Nobody is as pretty or handsome as they'd like to be. Nobody. It's not the way you look that makes you unhappy, it's what you say to yourself about the way you look, that makes you unhappy. I'm just going to leave you with that one simple comment. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 How about a makeover? Have you tried a different hairstyle/clothes? Have you got a friend who could go on a good old girls shopping trip with you? Spend your spare time doing things that make you happy- whatever they may be horse riding, hiking, kite flying, line dancing, pole dancing, dart throwing?? Make a list of the things you know will make you happy and do them. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 I know this sounds pathetic, I just cant seem to get out of the dumps about myself. I don't want to feel this way and I know that when you are in this space in your head, you are not attractive and people pick up on it. I just cannot move forward. What can I do to get out of this mindset? Is there any self help books that will help? I mean telling myself I love myself is not working, so affirmations are not what I am looking for. I have done therapy, it works for awhile then Im back to the dumps again. I'm mid 40's and had the same problem as you. All my life my self esteem was rock bottom and I had depression for a good 13yrs or so and recently developed PTSD as a result of a bad relationship. So yeah, not exactly flying high on the self esteem scales here. Affirmations never worked for me either and I just couldn't figure out why people ever thought they worked. They just made me frustrated and angry because they kept stirring up the negative emotions I had on the subject. I tried them for a good decade or so. The problem is, it's putting a happy sticker over something much deeper. They really only work when you're affirming something thats easy to believe. Saying 'I'm beautiful' when you have low self esteem is just too much of a stretch your mind rejects it. I was lost at sea until this month. I started with a book called The Presence Process by Michael Brown. If you want to get a gist for it he has a bunch of youtube vids up that touch on the subject to get an idea. I will tell you this.... - In 2 weeks my PTSD symptoms are all but gone. The mild symptoms I have left are easily dealt with. - This process is easy (mechanically speaking) but emotionally.....it will challenge. You can really only do this one if you are so fed up that it's your last hope. Experiencing periods of utter confusion, grief, sadness etc is common experience with this. But those experiences are thankfully brief and pass quickly. Not at all like the similar you get from long term depression that lasts for weeks or days. - It WILL stir up all your negative emotions. It does that for a reason, so you stop suppressing them and finally deal with them. Then they are gone for good and the underlying beliefs that have kept them in your life for so long. - Within days I felt a lightness of being I haven't experienced in years. But everyday you start again you do have to deal with the ****ty feeling stuff. - It's one for the brave, or those at their wits end, but in my opinion 2 weeks into the 10 week thing. It works. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Sorry you're in this position. However, I do have to say it's unfair to blame your ex-boyfriend for this. We need to be in charge of our own self esteem, not rely on others to boost it for us. I'm not saying this to be mean, I just want you to realise that you need to look inwards for the cause of this. My advice is similar to that of Mrs Rubble. Get a makeover. Have a department store/mall stylist figure it all out for you. New hairstyle. Or at the very least, watch some TV makeovers and see how they turn frumpy into fab with some good styling. And do things which make you happy. What are you good at? What would you like to learn? Being chuffed about my latest achievement is a great mental boost. Link to post Share on other sites
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