Mr. Lucky Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Looking for some feedback from men (though women welcome ) regarding the handling of Mother's Day. My youngest off to college this fall, two more adult children live nearby. One of them called me today and said "what are we doing for Mother's Day?" and wasn't too thrilled with my "what have you planned?" response. How do others with grown children acknowledge Mom? When the kids were little, I had no problem planning the day, making a dinner reservation, buying the gifts, etc., but it seems that never stopped (my fault!). How do you encourage your adult kids to step in? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I just asked what they’d been thinking about doing and if they needed any help. If they haven't thought about it ask them what they think their mom would like. Throw out generic ideas- restaurant? go to the beach for a picnic? everyone go to her place and make dinner? I never attended but I facilitated and usually paid until they had their own money. It’ll probably only take a couple of years before they’re doing it all themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I feel like adult kids should know to plan for their mothers on Mothers' Day. It's selfish to expect parents to plan for holidays which are supposed to honor them. I don't even like my mother and I still give her a gift and card on Mothers' Day. Sometimes the gift is cash so that she can use it for whatever she wants. I have also bought her jewelry. My brother and I have also taken her out for lunch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Would you do something to honor your wife on Mother's Day regardless of the kids? I know my dad does, as my mom does for my dad. If so, pare your plans down for something between the two of you, and share those plans with your kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 We use to each divvy it up and cook dinner together. We always made sure we included wine and dessert. Plus gifts. She was a great Mom xo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 Would you do something to honor your wife on Mother's Day regardless of the kids? I know my dad does, as my mom does for my dad. I do and and don't want to lose sight of that part of it. I just want our offspring to be more proactive about their part... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 We do things a bit differently. With me, there's what the kids do for me (with Dad's help), then there's what he does for me. My children (including my stepchildren) do a lot for me, but still, Mother's Day is very much a romantic holiday in our house. It's a day where my husband primarily works to make me feel loved and appreciated. Anything the kids do is a nice bonus. However, they're all younger. That said, I'm lucky enough to have both of my parents, so on the respective days, we do things to for them. I usually bake a ton for them, give them some gifts, but we aren't in a position to be able to take them out or bring them on a daytrip or vacation. I also send something to my mother-in-law and used to send something my stepchildren's mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I do and and don't want to lose sight of that part of it. I just want our offspring to be more proactive about their part... Mr. Lucky With my parents, often my father does the plan of taking my Mom to Mother's Day Brunch. But he's also very possessive of my Mom, so if I tried to make independent plans with her, he would show up anyway or blow a big fit. So often I'll find out where he's planned, and then get her a card or something (it varies). Both of my siblings are quite handicapped, so there's no "let's all plan something for Mom" session. Well, I could do it with my sister, (She's autistic and savant) but she spoils any surprise. She tells me my Christmas presents every year etc. So, it's usually brunch my father pays for. And it's kind of more "all about the fact he's paying" than "oh hey your Mother is awesome." I find Father's Day the bigger challenge. It's really hard to find a card I feel honest about giving. They don't tend to make "Thanks for not going into a psychotic rage this month, you're the best Dad in the room" cards. I found one years ago saying "Dad, you are due back all of the love you give." I thought that was perfect. As for getting your kids to step up, why not ask? Why not say, "hey kids, can we plan for Mother's Day?" Or "Can YOU kids plan for Mother's Day?" Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 If your adult kids wanted to plan something I would just have them coordinate it and then see if they want/need your help with anything. IMO if they are adults they need to maintain/nurture the relationship with their parents too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 How do you encourage your adult kids to step in? YOU back off - basically. you let them know on time that it's on THEM to plan everything & you'll do your own little personal thing for the mothers in your life. of course - you offer help and advice but that is it. that's what worked on me, personally... when i finally realized that both my dad & stepdad really expect me to plan ALL and come up with something - i started stepping in, in the future. shock therapy, i guess... LOL. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 I do and and don't want to lose sight of that part of it. I just want our offspring to be more proactive about their part... Mr. Lucky They need to find their own motivation. You do your thing, and tell them your plans (which don't include them). They may screw up the first year, but that's part of learning. Surely they'll figure out how to buy a card and send flowers! If you want them to do it your style (make reservations, buy gifts), you can't. They will do it in their own style. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 If you want them to do it your style (make reservations, buy gifts), you can't. They will do it in their own style. If their job is to thwart my expectations, they've taken turns over the years giving a master class . They're all good kids, just busy with life, careers, kids, etc. Thanks for the help, we'll work out the details... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Looking for some feedback from men (though women welcome ) regarding the handling of Mother's Day. My youngest off to college this fall, two more adult children live nearby. One of them called me today and said "what are we doing for Mother's Day?" and wasn't too thrilled with my "what have you planned?" response. How do others with grown children acknowledge Mom? When the kids were little, I had no problem planning the day, making a dinner reservation, buying the gifts, etc., but it seems that never stopped (my fault!). How do you encourage your adult kids to step in? Mr. Lucky Our family goes out for brunch and we give our mom flowers. Sometimes we ask her if there's a specific place she'd like to go to, she'll let us know or we'll pick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 I do and and don't want to lose sight of that part of it. I just want our offspring to be more proactive about their part... Mr. Lucky I would tell them that. They aren't children so stop being led around by the nose waiting for someone else to plan things. Get off their duffs and honor their mom (and dad). Link to post Share on other sites
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