mortensorchid Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I came across this on someone's profile on a dating website. He sent me a wink so of course I went to his profile. This is his introduction to the world: Listen... i don't care about these essays.... neither do you......... they're ridiculous and absurd. ...... hell.... dating is ridiculous and absurd...... so i'm going to skip ahead and say this.... I hate to admit this... We've been brainwashed into thinking that sex is supposed to be so awesome and wonderful.... But when I'm honest, most sex I've ever had has been less than magical. Except for those rare occasions when i felt that undeniable "click" with someone. Do you know what i mean? i imagine you've felt that magic too in your past, once or twice... at least i hope so. Sometimes i lay awake telling myself it's fine...... better not to remember those happier times now....... "i'm doing fine." The world can be a cold, harsh place.... we endure hard things.... and then somehow need to find the courage to be open and receptive to love and joy. (uggghh..... i know.... this whole self-description is embarrassing and sappy.... but screw it.... i don't care.) [Ok... cut to the part .... where the music swells.... and billy crystal is running through the streets of New York... then pouring out his heart to pre-plastic-surgery meg ryan.... trying to get her to listen for christ's sake....] Do you think you might be that weird girl? .......... the one i'm smiling about at work because of something you said that morning... And then I get that warm itch inside at the end of the day that only gets soothed when i'm back breathing the same air as you. ....or just hearing you in the next room, sorting forks and spoons, complaining about fruit flies and how we're almost out of tide pods™. And do you think you can let me try to be your favorite boy?.... the one you wish you could text while you're stuck in that boring meeting .... and get distracted about holding me close....smelling my shirt... like a drug you didn't know you needed .... but now you're addicted...... (it's almost sad.) In the bedroom... taking off your clothes.... i want to own you. Remember the last time a man really "owned" you? ......the two of you growling with pleasure..... glad to be alive in this moment........ he knew just how to touch you..... He just knew.... damn him. Now let's own each other. i want someone to lay there in the dark with, talking and laughing about stuff..... Someone to get up with..... sip chilled chardonnay and make eggs with... Someone to sit across the room from, reading our books and occasionally sharing fun passages....... Someone to listen to the rain on the porch with..... Someone to be snowed-in, watching some old katherine hepburn movie with...... Someone i can spoil and love ....and take care of. And if you ever get diagnosed with a fatal disease.... i will visit you every day in the hospital and bring you jolly ranchers and crossword puzzles and sit there in the chair next to your bed. ....i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. ok... i know........this is awkward and embarrassing ......wading through all this intimate & sentimental stuff. (Maybe i should just delete all this and talk about nascar..... the cavs..... what i like on my pizza.) This is a little ... Yeah ... Link to post Share on other sites
ad4m Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Wow. What a thing to read. I must be honest, I love it. That is possibly one of the best things I have ever read to come from a dating site. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Just....ewwww. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 The whole profile he talks about sex, even starts about it in the 2nd paragraph and goes on the 3rd and more through out the profile.. Sex and negativity.. yeah baby.. that is what gets the girls 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 expect to be ****ed and dumped by this guy... line after line of just.. as another poster mentioned.. ewww... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Obviously a lot of thought went into that profile, good for him. Isn't honesty a lot of what we look for out there? Most of the ones I come across are something like: "If you want to know about me, just ask" I tend to dismiss those profiles as lazy and not really serious about putting themselves out there to be interesting... so this is one is sort of refreshing to see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Goodness, I wouldn't read past the first line of that. All those ......'s makes it look like he's got ADHD or something. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Goodness, I wouldn't read past the first line of that. All those ......'s makes it look like he's got ADHD or something. Or a sticky key on his board, LOL! But, yuck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Ick. Stopped when the intro. started about his take on sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I will admit to really enjoying when anyone makes an effort with their profile, especially the introduction. And I do love a men who has a way with words and this guy clearly does. Having said that, it's a bit heavy for an introduction. Nothing wrong with it of course. As much as I may echo the same desire for connection, it kind of feels like he's setting every girl up for failure. A lot of expectations painted here. It's a tall order to hit it out of the park on all points. I've read profiles similar to this and what I've found is often those men are all talk and no action. Take it with a grain of salt because mere words on a dating site don't make the man, actions do. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 It's unique & it's probably some woman's cup of tea. I hope they find each other. To all those that hate it . . . well, don't date him. Very simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 It's unique & it's probably some woman's cup of tea. I hope they find each other. To all those that hate it . . . well, don't date him. Very simple. I agree. There are definitely women for this type of guy. Not appealing to me (EDITED TO ADD: AT ALL!!!!) but he was very descriptive of who he is. Is it over-the-top? Could he be full of it? Possibly. But yeah there are girls who would totally like this guy. A handful. I do think the negativity, caustic part at the beginning was a REAL RISK and could be a sign of someone who is cynical and with the rest of it, possibly demented lol but it's an attention grabber for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Jacques on stage Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 He's a fake. It's a (rather weak) attempt at a kind of ironically incoherent profundity. He's just after a hook up. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 I will admit to really enjoying when anyone makes an effort with their profile, especially the introduction. And I do love a men who has a way with words and this guy clearly does. Having said that, it's a bit heavy for an introduction. Nothing wrong with it of course. As much as I may echo the same desire for connection, it kind of feels like he's setting every girl up for failure. A lot of expectations painted here. It's a tall order to hit it out of the park on all points. I've read profiles similar to this and what I've found is often those men are all talk and no action. Take it with a grain of salt because mere words on a dating site don't make the man, actions do. Good luck. Personally I love it. 1) Very vivid writing, imagery rather than descriptions. 2) The stream-of-consciousness in style makes it look like he wrote it all in one sitting. 3) Honest, dude isn't afraid to say what he wants. The ellipses are horrendous. That's the biggest problem with it. But I think it's overall better than like 90% of profiles, and virtually all of the generic profiles I've seen posted on here seeking advice. Should the OP marry him? Maybe not. But in terms of what would technically make a profile description good, I think that is an awesome profile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned_2011 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Let us know how the date goes! What age group is that and what dating site? Sounds like a fun guy, a little full of himself. Maybe a female friend has written it for him? Sounds a little woman-ish. But different. And that's never a bad thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 It's unique & it's probably some woman's cup of tea. I hope they find each other. He's a fake. It's a (rather weak) attempt at a kind of ironically incoherent profundity. Many years ago when I went thru this anger and frustration stage with OLD I wrote this long, (slightly creative... none of the sex talk tho) rambling diatribe that was a little on the mean side too... I have never received so many responses for any profile I had written, even to this day. My profiles generally are cool and honest a do just fine but that old profile was frankly NOT honest at all, was not me. Profiles like this written by dudes is covering for something and it is a desperate cry for attention. YES some women might think it’s cute, creative, “unique” in a way and as mine did get lots of attention… (I even got attention from women who had no real interest in me, but wanted to “discuss” my profile) The smarter, more educated, in tuned women absolutely knew my profile was BS and some actually called me out on it too. Just a note for dudes who want to try something like this just remember, writing the profile is one thing, living it is another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) uhhhggg! *roll eyes* Maybe psychopath or schizophrenic. Ever listen to Manson talk? lol I'm gonna go with "cray cray jibber jabber" for 500 Alex. Edited April 27, 2016 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 There is something to be said about men and women that put little or no effort into their profiles and also the ones that go over the top. Give me one somewhere in the middle and with not so much "creative" writing. Give me a profile (I'm a man by the way) with maybe 5-8 current photos from different occasions with at least one that shows the person's full face and body, isn't sideways or blurry, isn't cropped showing another mans arm around them and isn't 10 years old. Also, please don't have 6 out 7 photos doing the exact same thing, like a mud run. For the written part, just stay away from clishes. Link to post Share on other sites
powerbab Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Yeah...I'm that woman that thought he was pretty funny...course its not funny now. He is definitely into sex....big time! He is looking for a partner that can fulfill his specific sexual preferences. Caught him on match again after he supposedly deactivated it. Mama didnt raise no fool...bye Felicia! Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I will admit to really enjoying when anyone makes an effort with their profile, especially the introduction. And I do love a men who has a way with words and this guy clearly does. Having said that, it's a bit heavy for an introduction. Nothing wrong with it of course. As much as I may echo the same desire for connection, it kind of feels like he's setting every girl up for failure. A lot of expectations painted here. It's a tall order to hit it out of the park on all points. I've read profiles similar to this and what I've found is often those men are all talk and no action. Take it with a grain of salt because mere words on a dating site don't make the man, actions do. Good luck. Right, that's why it's best to keep the profile as generic as possible. This guy is "too much, too soon" or just "too much" lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I think if I'd read it, I would wonder if it was professionally written. I don't know why but something about it makes me think of those bank adverts where they are 'there for you' and they talk about the little quirks in family life to make them seem all cosy and understanding - when we really know they want your money. Dating sites have become very clever about putting the odd professionally written profile on there. I don't trust them. They know what appeals to women. The 'not great' sex might not appeal, but to women who have not had good experiences or who aren't really into sex, well, they may empathise with that. Oh dear, I'm obviously getting more cynical in my old age! Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 It's pretty over the top. BUT: At least it's something different, that looks like it took some thought just to come up with the descriptions, which are vivid. Hell, I'd give the guy a chance with at least one quick coffee chat. It could be that he's completely "normal" in person, but is weirded out like a lot of us by the whole online dating BS. It could also be that he's totally weird and over the top in person, too, but all you have to lose in finding out for sure is about 2 hours, tops. Where I live, I wade through profile after douchey profile of, "I love being outdoors, dirt biking, skiing, camping, but sometimes it's cool to chill inside with a good movie, too." What the F does that tell me? We all live in the mountains because we have some kind of affinity for the outdoors. Show me that you think differently than the rest of them. Show me that you have a brain, and not just an ATV and a lot of testosterone. If you do go on a meet 'n greet with this guy, please let us know how it goes. It's a risk...but this could actually prove to be for real. Or super-douchey...in which case you'll have a funny story to tell. Think of it as a science experiment :-) Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I would give him a shot! UNLESS he has a pic of himself w a dead fish. Thats a deal breaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I liked it too... What it says to me is here is a man that is a bit fed up but dealing with it. Here is a man who wants someone special and is not settling for just whatever happens to come along any more. I liked his irony and honesty. Because lets face it isn't that how we all feel about OLD? We just don't have the balls to write it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I liked it too... What it says to me is here is a man that is a bit fed up but dealing with it. Here is a man who wants someone special and is not settling for just whatever happens to come along any more. I liked his irony and honesty. Because lets face it isn't that how we all feel about OLD? We just don't have the balls to write it... One the one hand, I think you're right Toodaloo, it's refreshing to see something as articulate as this profile, but on the other hand, majority of profile critiquers would rip him a new one for being so descriptive or what even the other posters has stated. That its way too much. "I don't want to read a novel" some may say and just keep it to descriptors and generic, cliche'd "Looking for a partner in crime" type of profile and find out more about them later. Funny there's a 50/50 split between the opinions. Which makes me think when people come here asking for advice, should they even listen? lol Kind of half joking there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts