Social Media vs Real Life

[FlipMonkey]

It's now about 6 months post break-up, but I still occasionally find myself stalking me Ex on-line (I've blocked her, but I have access to work accounts which make the temptation too easy). I generally can go about 20-30 days, and then suddenly curiosity will get the better of me and I stalk.

 

 

Now the issue I'm facing is the Social Media version of my Ex vs what I've recently seen when she had to pick things up. She's making her online version appear care-free and that she's living a great life and making the most of being single etc, but when I saw her about a month ago, it was the old scared depressed Ex, and definitely not the social media version I saw...

 

 

 

 

So I logically know that the social media version is completely different to what she is in real life, and is a bit of a front to make herself better - I guess I just want to know the magic formula is to emotionally feel that the version I occasionally stalk online is not real and just made up...

 

 

And I really do try to completely avoid stalking her, and the period between doing it gets longer and longer, so I'm getting there...

[DreamBigg]

You just have to remind yourself and go back to when you saw her in person and she was disheveled and nothing like the care free "my life is so fun now that I'm

Not with you " performance she portrays on social media.

 

FB/IG only show you the best parts about someone's life that they want you to see. No one puts up a picture with a black eye in the hospital saying #flashbacklastFriday when my BF got drunk and beat me

Up".

 

If you recognize that the public posts she puts up are being done bc she wants you to yhink she's doing more than what she actually is... They you have the upper hand. You're fully aware that she's trying to get you to

Notice. All you have to do... Is not let her know you peek once a month... Don't mention something in jest or if you run into her, which only someone who followed her accounts would be able to know about.

 

The power lies with the person who cares less.

[basil67]

If you recognize that the public posts she puts up are being done bc she wants you to yhink she's doing more than what she actually is... They you have the upper hand. You're fully aware that she's trying to get you to

 

Or those social media posts may not have anything to do with you. Especially if she thinks you've blocked her on all platforms. It could well be that she's doing a 'fake it till she makes it' thing. It's a very common and effective recovery strategy.

[Raina314]

Think about the way you use your own social media accounts. Do you always post according to how you really feel? If not, it's not too much of a stretch to imagine she doesn't either.

 

Since my ex dumped me, I've been doing the exact same thing, posting all my good news, telling jokes, etc...you'd think I was on top of the world when really I'm still a mess inside a lot of the time. I guess I do it in hopes that if other people believe I'm successful, happy and strong, it'll become easier for me to believe it myself. Social media, as you've recognized, is extremely deceptive.

[Phoenician]

It's now about 6 months post break-up, but I still occasionally find myself stalking me Ex on-line (I've blocked her, but I have access to work accounts which make the temptation too easy). I generally can go about 20-30 days, and then suddenly curiosity will get the better of me and I stalk.

 

 

Now the issue I'm facing is the Social Media version of my Ex vs what I've recently seen when she had to pick things up. She's making her online version appear care-free and that she's living a great life and making the most of being single etc, but when I saw her about a month ago, it was the old scared depressed Ex, and definitely not the social media version I saw...

 

 

 

 

 

So I logically know that the social media version is completely different to what she is in real life, and is a bit of a front to make herself better - I guess I just want to know the magic formula is to emotionally feel that the version I occasionally stalk online is not real and just made up...

 

 

And I really do try to completely avoid stalking her, and the period between doing it gets longer and longer, so I'm getting there...

 

You are just sneaking to make sure she is broken into pieces; what benefit you will get ?

 

Leave the poor lady alone ;

[Melrapuo]

I had my last ex blocked for 3 years. I only unblocked her because I felt I was strong enough to do so without stalking her. I did this about a month ago and haven't looked at her profile once.

 

Social media is always better than what's going on in real life. If I looked at her profile, is probably see all happy photos of her with the guy she's been with since we broke up, vacations, trips, parties, etc. none of them would be fights or just bad times in general. That being said, what are you looking for here? If you just want to see if she's miserable, that won't happen. Everyone puts up a facade. If you're doing it just to stalk, it's not going to help you out at all. You'll just make yourself more unhappy. If you aren't ready to move on yet, I'd really suggest blocking her for a while before you feel like you don't need her anymore.

[keiji]

Social media is complete BS. An old ex-girlfriend suddenly stopped posting her usual pictures partying, on holidays, etc, etc. I thought her life was miserable without me (it was a mutual breakup). As I learnt recently, because she told me so, she met someone a month after our breakup and they were together for a year. In that time she also went on a fantastic trip to the US with friends, among other things. She was quite happy, to say the least. She just became bored of FB and the like. After our breakup, my latest ex-girlfriend (the one who brought me here) kept posting pics on FB with her friends, night-outs, etc. I thought she had moved on in just two months and it really hurt. When we met afterwards, she was completely devastated and she said she was an unhappy person after our breakup. Pure façade.

 

Nothing you find there is an indication of how they're really doing. So the moral of the story is: never look. EVER.

Edited April 26, 2016 by keiji

[Heatemyheart89]

Hello social media sucks for this. Most of it is fake or only displays good bits. I could take pictures and put them on , showing only fun bits of life. Two friends of my told me they say on facebook they have had a good night , even when it was bad. One person I know put an instagram pic up with hashtags #fun#amazing etc. and I was there and the night was awful. Focus on you

[witchypoo31]

Omg. I'm in the exact same situation where I have my ex blocked but have access to my sisters acct and so can look. My ex posts things public now and shows all of his check ins. I know him too well tho and know it's his weak attempt to make it look like he's having fun. I sorta laugh at it but am all the while pissed at myself for continuing to look. How do you stop??? If he wouldn't post publically there would be nothing to look at but since he's doing it, it's like I see something new every time I look so it keeps me coming back. It doesn't upset me, just more of curiosity I guess, but I want to stop it. I also look at what photos he "likes" and can tell exactly where his head is since he tends to like all these stupid memes about relationships. I wish I had no access but then I think I would go back and forth b/w blocking and unblocking so I could peek. Ugh. Just want to stop! I'm only on day 10 of NC.

Edited April 27, 2016 by witchypoo31

[FlipMonkey]

Thanks all for the great feedback - hearing the words different or with different viewpoints definitely helps.

 

 

Also, I think Phoenician is onto something - I do agree there is an element that I want to see my Ex not enjoy life as much without me, as there's an element of pride attached. Also part of it was that she made my life hell over the least few years whilst I supported her through some extremely difficult stuff, and I guess it sucks to see her just dump it all, and appear to also get over all the other issues so easily.

[SixxChick]

Also part of it was that she made my life hell over the least few years whilst I supported her through some extremely difficult stuff, and I guess it sucks to see her just dump it all, and appear to also get over all the other issues so easily.

 

I, too, supported my ex when his business was flailing and he told me he had no one else to turn to. That should have been a red flag. But I believe in people and I thought I could lift him up. I have since taken off the rose-colored glasses and stomped all over them. Do I believe he got over the other issues so easily (to use your term)? I don't think so. But he has decided to move on without me and turn to social media internet friends whom he has never met personally. Good luck with that, right? My door was always open and I was willing to be an oasis to him.

 

Anyway, strength and honor.

Edited April 29, 2016 by SixxChick

[contel3]

There's no way to emotionally "know" social media is not real. Thats why you shouldnt look until youre over it.

[drewdude]

It's good to see some responses regarding this. But please don't look till youre completely over it.

 

I'm currently 23 days NC but I got really drunk over the weekend and peeked at her IG (which is currently public) due to something a friend told me about.

 

I saw pics of her saying how she's starting a new chapter in life, her out with friends drinking(she was borderline alcoholic) with hashtags saying beer makes everything better and some new guy she drank with I'm assuming she monkey branched for passed out in the dorm living room while she was drunk talking to herself on a video.

 

Is it all true? Idk. But it's obvious now that she don't give a damn for me and the time/energy/money I put in on our 1 year relationship. I won't lie, it stung bad and still hurts but gave me more of a push to try and get over her.