Too unhealthy to have a f-buddy who works in the same company?

[edgygirl]

I am going on a work trip with this man from my regional team, only the two of us. He does not work in my office and we usually only meet on team trips where a lot of team members are present.

 

Two months back on one of those work trips he hit on me, sending me a very bold message while we were having dinner with other team members. I was a little flabbergasted as most of the companies I worked for, men were either designers or gay (the two go together often), so people from my own company hitting on me is something I am not used to.

 

I am not interested whatsoever in having a relationship with this man - different background, religion, interests... he's the typical American guy's guy - masculine, confident, a little cocky but overall nice. I am into more intellectual geeky men. But lately I started thinking it wouldn't be that bad to have someone to warm me in our work trips, and it could also be exciting for its secret adventurous streak. Also, I have been a little on the celibate side lately as I don't want to do it with someone I have no connection with so I might be even more tempted if he hits on me again this time when we're by ourselves on this trip.

 

Bad idea?

 

Bad idea also if I get turned off by him right after... the fact? lol.

 

I kinda know what your answers will be, still I thought I'd ask.

[len51]

Having gone down that road a few times I can say that it never ends well. Either she left the company or I did when it was over. The president of my company had our CEO as her FB. They went at it hot and heavy for six months and when it ended because it was getting too serious, the CEO left the company. It just gets too awkward and if one of the two have feelings, it is not a good way to spend each day.

[edgygirl]

I work on a Fortune-500... thousands of employees. And we're not in the same office although we are in the same regional team. Still a bad idea?

[Michelle ma Belle]

As the saying goes, don't sh*t where you eat.

 

It's a saying for a reason.

[edgygirl]

I confess the more I think this is wrong the more excited about the idea I get, lol I am not usually like this, not sure what's up.

[whichwayisup]

Don't do it. You're taking the chance of ruining your professional reputation as well as it might be really uncomfortable later. There are millions of other men to have fwb with, just stay away from the ones at work.

[O'Malley]

There's strings attached to this no strings fantasy, since you'll be working and traveling with him on future projects. It's fun to feel desired and pursued, but the situation has the potential to turn uncomfortable at some point and there's no guarantee that the sex will live up to your expectations. Enjoy the attention, but redirect your energy into meeting men where there won't be any entanglements or fallout.

[edgygirl]

True...

 

I read this online and I think I can relate to it: "overworked, lonely and with little time for a social life, Kate says she “ended up giving in” to the pressure to go out with him."

 

I don't really need attention to be honest, there are so many men hitting on me online but the thing is I am having online dating burnout and not finding anyone interesting.

 

Hence it's tempting to try to go for something that pertains to the real world I guess.

 

There's strings attached to this no strings fantasy' date=' since you'll be working and traveling with him on future projects. It's fun to feel desired and pursued, but the situation has the potential to turn uncomfortable at some point and there's no guarantee that the sex will live up to your expectations. Enjoy the attention, but redirect your energy into meeting men where there won't be any entanglements or fallout.[/quote']

[bathtub-row]

It wouldn't even occur to me to sleep with a guy I wasn't attracted to, but whatever floats your boat. Just remember that men are just as gossipy as women so if you want his work buddies knowing about this, then carry on. Just remember that men are very unforgiving toward women that they perceive as sleeping around. The double standard is alive and well. This really isn't a reputation that you want to develop at work. But if it still turns you on, then go for it. It may turn out to be no big deal either way. It's just a matter of whether you want to take the risk or not.

[edgygirl]

Where did I say I am not attracted? He might not be my ideal type but he's sexy and charming and a different type than what I usually go to, hence interesting in a way.

 

Agree though... I don't know him that well and the guy's talk... there is a large group of men in our team who know each other for a long time.

[clia]

I agree with the others -- bad idea. And especially so since you are still pretty new to the company and job. The last thing you need is gossip floating around. Stay professional.

[SherryEast]

I also have to agree with the others, and right now I'm being promoted and relocated to work with a man who absolutely turns me on. This is HARD but it's not a co-worker, he's the owner... so as much as it might be fun to think about, I gave it a lot of thought, this is WORK and I can't let a fantasy screw up my real life lmao

[RecentChange]

In my experience, it works best when FWB do not share ANY of the same social circles - not friends - not work - not the same "hang out" spots.

 

Maybe it's the ultimate compartmentalizing - but F' buddies are for F'ing and nothing else - if you have to interact with them in other ways it can get sticky.

[Miss Peach]

Do you tend to go to the same locations? It might make sense to cultivate a FB there if that's what you want.

[edgygirl]

I think most of you are right. It's not worth the bother and might end up badly. It's hard to predict the outcome, so not worth it specially since I am not crazy about him nor expect or want anything serious developing from this. This made me think I should just have a friend with benefits elsewhere so this kind of experience doesn't get too tempting.

 

I think the idea of it will just stay in my mind as a fun/funny experience, and nothing more. Thank you for your input.

[bluefeather]

Can I give one last thought? I don't always agree with your posts, but I still respect you as an intelligent person. And I apologize if this is off; it's just my view - this looks like a situation of a douche trying to score with the sexy alternative chick. If you go through with it, hey, it could be fun. He probably has experience? But any time FWB in the workplace comes up in my life, it's always guys high-fiving each other and saying, "You know the girl who works in that department? She gives it." After that, word spreads. Even if you threaten to take away sex if word gets out, many guys can't help but brag.

[jen1447]

If you're resolved that's cool edgy but I can give you a diff spin, and as someone sort of in your shoes - big company (hundreds of employees not thousands and not Fortune 500 but still 'big' and national). I've had quite a lot of success w/travel flings, and I actually find that ppl tend to be discreet more or less. And I mean like you, with them being distant ppl who work for the same company but not really right alongside you.

 

I think it'd be diff if you worked in a small company but when it's like a city in itself the dynamics just change. Most of the ppl you 'work with' you don't know and probably never met. Hooking up w/one or a few of them on trips isn't really like turning your office mate into an eff buddy.

[bluefeather]

If you're resolved that's cool edgy but I can give you a diff spin, and as someone sort of in your shoes - big company (hundreds of employees not thousands and not Fortune 500 but still 'big' and national). I've had quite a lot of success w/travel flings, and I actually find that ppl tend to be discreet more or less. And I mean like you, with them being distant ppl who work for the same company but not really right alongside you.

 

I think it'd be diff if you worked in a small company but when it's like a city in itself the dynamics just change. Most of the ppl you 'work with' you don't know and probably never met. Hooking up w/one or a few of them on trips isn't really like turning your office mate into an eff buddy.

 

True, true. I am used to smaller companies. This may not have to do with what I said, as now I'm imagining a meetup at a hotel in another state type of scenario. :shrug:

[preraph]

As long as it's a casual place where no one judges you, then whatever. But just realized everyone knows. Now, I had to start my old career over a couple of times and go back to working record stores, which is the best fun but doesn't pay well, and so I wasn't going to let anyone tell me who to sleep with for that small amount of money and did whatever I wanted, but then it was in a very casual atmosphere with little hope of advancement anyway, and I certainly wasn't the only one doing it. So that was all just fine. Everyone was friends forever.

 

But in a work environment where you're trying to build your career and have a lot at stake, that get very political and once I moved on from that place to a dream kind of job, I didn't sleep with anyone I worked with, and I was there 10 years. Had a near miss or two, plus there were two guys working there I had had significant affairs with prior, but I thought it was the best way. That way no one could be getting mad because I wasn't sleeping with them because they heard I was sleeping with some other guy, because that's how it was back before Anita Hill hearings.

[loverboy69]

I agree with Jen here:

 

It's not like you work in the same office and have to sit by him everyday. That way if it does't work out there isn't some daily awkward interaction.

 

There's always some risk no doubt. But that's life.

 

My advice: Make sure he's hot and worth it whatever the outcome.

[ASG]

My dating pool is work.

Current FWB is a work buddy. We're both freelancers, so we don't necessarily work together all the time, we just work for the same company a lot. We've been sleeping together for a year and a half. Almost no one knows, in the company, apart from his housemate and my best friend, who both freelance for the same company as well.

And about a year ago, he decided to get back together with his ex, and told me about it. And we still managed to work together quite successfully during that time.

 

I've also had hookups with people I was working with, within a small company, albeit temporarily (like I said, I'm a freelancer, my contracts tend to be short and sweet). And the next day we got back to our normal interaction, as if nothing had ever happened.

 

I have many many MANY positive stories when it comes to hooking up with co-workers, and not really a single negative one... So take that as you may.