Should I call my ex after 15 years no contact?

[Art_Critic]

Tracking him on FB, Twitter, You Tube Channels and Email, I'm sure there is other forms you are keeping tabs on him, friends.. googling him etc. etc..

 

You need to let it go, if my wife was internet stalking an Ex I'd have an issue with it...

 

We all have put an ex into google or looked them up but you seem to keep him very close to you thru the internet and it seems to have become an obsession.. be very careful as this is hurting your marriage, the time and energy as well as your emotions that you spend on it should be your husbands time....

[brothers343]

This road leads to a black hole. And if you keep going you will take everything and everyone you know for the last 15 years with you. Good luck.

[keiji]

And sometimes I wonder, does my ex treat me as dead.... my messages and email seem to be sent into a black hole.

 

Again, I think you should really evaluate your current relationship. Could this be you fantasizing because your marriage isn't fulfilling? I don't know, could be anything, but your situation doesn't make any sense to me. One and a half decades after you awake to the fact that you were rude to him after being cheated on? It's the least that could happen when you face a situation like that. Why do you think you owe him an explanation? Are you trying to reignite a long-gone spark? As I told you previously, I don't want to raise more doubts in you, but I think those doubts would be reasonable anyway.

[Elle2016]

You have raised valid points, I think it's wrong for me to track him this way too. My current relationship has its challenges but we are working to be together, so I'm not looking to reignite any sparks with the ex. Recently I read someone posted about love addicts and love avoidants, I am trying to read up more on the love addict part as there's some part of it applying to me.

[jen1447]

Jen1447, yes he was the one who lied and dumped me. The day he dumped me was the day I knew the truth. But I had already worked through all those pain and this contact that I am trying to make is actually more for myself. As I did say some nasty words to him then (being a human cheated upon), but still I did not understand his circumstances for the lies, maybe he really loved me, maybe he really wanted to let the girlfriend go, I won't know, I just feel like saying sorry for those hurtful words I spurted in the moment. And I did it through email, which I'm not sure if a call will make it more sincere. But like previous poster said I need to balance what I do and consider my loved ones. So now I'm growing to believe that I won't call him anymore.

 

Well again, it's a moot point - he's not talking anyway.

 

I still don't think you should feel any shame for wanting resolution. You're not exactly fitting the creepy stalker profile here just by looking someone you shared history with up on Facebook and wanting to clear the air.

[Elle2016]

Thanks Jen1447 for your kind words

[Elle2016]

Been some time and thought I will just update. I called him and we spoke and done the usual catching up over the phone for half an hour.

 

He denied completely that he saw me and ran. He said he never saw me at all those couple of times and I was completely aghast at how he could just lie blatantly. After all these years, some things just never change like a person's integrity.

 

So I've gotten the answer I wanted and we are on amicable terms now after this phone call.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for coming back to provide an update.

 

Not to give you a hard time, but jeopardizing your marriage and your relationship with your husband for an a-hole from fifteen years ago was not the wisest decision. It doesn't make sense to be on any terms, amicable or otherwise, with a chronic liar who cheated with you. Why seek him out repeatedly even as he ignores you?This isn't the type of person to keep in your life. Not to mention, what you've done is just so hurtful to your spouse.

 

Please put yourself in husband's shoes. How would you feel if he insisted on making contact with an ex from fifteen years ago, even as that ex repeatedly avoided him. Shouldn't your husband's feelings matter more than this douche bag's, who was cheating with two women?

 

It might be worth individual counseling, just to understand why you prioritized this ex and your husband the way that you've done...why staying on friendly terms with him even though your paths almost never cross was so critical. You sound very committed to your marriage, but your choice suggests there may be a void in it. Therapy can help you identify and then address whatever that void might be.

 

Best of luck!

[Elle2016]

Angel.eyes thanks for your message. I have the same concerns that you mentioned here. I do not understand what that void is and why do I place this ex inside my heart still and repeatedly needing answers. The good thing that came out of this conversation is that he is still a liar and I don't think there is any more reason for me to contact him anymore.

I don't have access to affordable counseling at this juncture, so I'm also at a loss as to what is missing in my life.

[angel.eyes]

That's too bad that you can't afford counseling. Sometimes there are resources through your job? Do you go to church? If so, your pastor or someone at the church might counsel you for free. Also look online to see if there may be free/low-cost services offered in your area.

 

You seem well-intentioned, but getting some intervention to work on your marriage will definitely help. Twice, you alluded to working on your marriage, which suggests you're going through a rough patch...to be expected in any long-term relationship.