jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 Quick background about me... Parents divorced when I was a baby. Dad never wanted me in the first place. Only child, raised by my mom who never remarried. Visits with Dad as a child were terrible, because he was always high on pot and would insult my mother, and didn't really care much to see me....it was always about collecting the child support which he most often would say he couldn't fork over. Mom and I were really poor. Haven't seen my Dad in four years. I was very close with my mom's dad, who for all intents and purposes was a real father to me. I saw grandpa several times a week until he died of brain cancer when he was 60 and I was 12. I was devastated. So here we are on Father's Day. It's been 19 years since my grandpa died. Every Father's Day I go his gravesite and put out some flowers and spend some time talking to him...hoping he can hear me. So much time has passed since he died, but thinking about him and how much I miss him always brings me to tears. Every man in my life, with the exception of my grandpa, has willingly abandoned me: My biological father, my ex-husband, a fiance and one long-term boyfriend. All my girlfriends are spending today with their dads, and all I get to do is sit on a grave and remember what it was like to have the unconditional love of a wonderful man. Sorry, I know this sounds like a pity-party, but I'm so sad today....and nearly every day when I feel how much I've lost in my 31 years on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 20, 2005 Author Share Posted June 20, 2005 :( :( Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 aww.. I'm sorry Jen. At least you can be happy knowing that you had a great father figure in you life for a time, and remember that. Sadly some people never do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 20, 2005 Author Share Posted June 20, 2005 B, Fundamentally, I know you're right. I was blessed by having him in my life, even for such a short time. I guess it's like this... There are sometimes (especially when I'm going through a rough time with illness, scared, or whatever) that I still feel like the little girl who wants the love and safety of her dad. Link to post Share on other sites
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