No idea at this point.

[treelife]

Hi all,

 

Haven't been on for a while, I was afraid of having to come back here for advice but I just really don't know what to do anymore.

 

So as a college student finals have been up my butt this whole week and including next week, as I will be graduating in a few weeks it's crunch time for me. I don't have much to worry about other than doing well on my exams to get that diploma, then freedom for a while.

 

Let's just get to the chase, my boyfriend lend me his laptop to study since renting a laptop in school was impossible since everyone took all of it and even the computers in the library were taken. I don't have a laptop so I was very happy enough he let me use his, he had class and didn't feel like studying so I wanted to take that time to be productive instead of just hanging around doing nothing.

 

Anyway, about 2 hours went by and I started getting a little angsty from sitting too long so I went to the restroom and came back then for some reason I had the urge to check his Facebook. I contemplated for a while whether it were right for me to do and/or would this mean I'm feeling insecure about him blah blah blah. After much contemplation I decided to check, I mean why not? (And mind you his Facebook was already logged in) I wasn't expecting anything but then I checked his messages. Surprising he didn't delete them but I checked one particular message obviously with a girl he used to date then, and seeing that he stopped talking to her around the time he met me, so reading the whole thread it's a conversation you would usually have with your partner; sexual, loving, etc. Didnt mind all that so curious enough I checked his deleted messages and saw one in particular of his ex gf, wasn't much but he was clearly dating her as he kept calling her "babe" but it seems as if he may have deleted messages that I did not wanna see (cus who really leaves their Facebook open for everyone) because how can you only possibly have one message to your girlfriend if you say you've been dating her for a year and a half?

 

So whatever I saw it and it wasn't much either. BUT THEN. I checked the dates.

 

The deleted message from his ex and the Other from another chick (I think she blocked him cus all it said was "Facebook User") which I'm sure was someone he dated too were all in the range of the same dates. I mean why else would you call someone "baby, and/or babe?". He was dating both girls at the same time.

 

He totally cheated and he told me before he never did. I just couldn't believe it's true, and it's funny because I don't think he thought I would check.

 

I don't believe he's doing it to me now because I'm with him almost all the time. And he's pretty free with his phone and would leave it in plain sight and he would even show me at times who he's texting blah blah blah. But now it all seems like a lie to me, I don't think he's faithful regardless if he's not doing it to me.

 

This really bummed me out till now and it sucks even more because it's harder for me to leave. It'll be a year next month and we're graduating together. Obviously anyone reading would tell me to leave, I'm 99% sure I would I just don't know the right time to do it. I have finals this week and next week (so does he) and we have a graduation ceremony attending together in a few weeks. He's becoming closer to my family as I am to his and.... It's just way too hard. Also I'm very emotional, break ups always suck for me and I don't wanna have this crap as a distraction for my finals. But in any rate, I do intend on joining the Navy Reserve anyway as an officer sometime this summer, so I'll be away for a while, but knowing that my boyfriend's a lying sneaky cheater, You think it would be a good idea to break the chain then?

 

Thanks

[Rainah]

Your getting yourself worked up about it already break up or not. I think your concern is he will do it to you like he did with these 2 girls. If there is no proof of him currently cheating on you now then why feel insecure. Why snoop something that happened in his past? You have a few options, break up with him because you don't trust him, be honest tell him you snooped and try see if he will be honest enough to give you any details about it to put your mind at ease or just drop it and trust he will not do the same to you.

[basil67]

Why is it obvious that anyone reading this would tell you to leave? I wouldn't tell you that.

 

What I'd tell you is that people can and do change. And I'd also tell you that spying in a partner's Facebook and reading deleted messages etc is a really low act. It's quite hypocritical for you to be upset about breaches of trust.

 

I guess it doesn't matter if you're leaving to join the Navy Reserves though. Long distance relationships are really sucky at the best of times, so just end it and move on.

[smackie9]

Oh like anyone would say "YES! I did cheat I had two girls going at the same time!" to their future GF. No this was something stupid he did once....oh well we are only human and well...he, you and everyone else will make poor choices a few times in a lifetime.

 

He's actions are not of a real serial cheater so don't worry about it.

 

Stop snooping in his stuff.....seriously, this could jeopardize what you have, if he found out. How would you like it he was looking through stuff from your past???

[PegNosePete]

It seems you've already made up your mind.

 

If you don't trust him, don't want to be in a relationship with him, and are going away in a few months anyway... then break up.

 

If you want to wait til after exams then wait til after exams.

 

Not sure what you're looking for, it seems you've already decided you don't want to be with him.

[treelife]

Yeah I spoke with him and told him what I did, thought about what I was complaining about and here I was snooping around as well.

 

Although he still denied it. Which further brings me to really leave this time.

 

I don't have time for this honestly lol. It sucks but can't have this kind of crap when I'm trying to live a life. I will be leaving so no point in staying!

 

Thanks for all the feedback though

[greenly24]

I totally understand your situation about personal issues and finals. I finished up my finals this week and I know that any little distraction can totally consume your thoughts. It sounds like you’ve already decided to break up with him, but now you’re just deciding on timing. Correct me if I’m wrong. I’d say do whatever is the least distracting to you in the midst of finals. Basically I guess you have to decide what you won’t think about more: waiting to break up with him or actually breaking up with him. In any case, best of luck on your finals!

[Space Ritual]

Hi all,

 

Haven't been on for a while, I was afraid of having to come back here for advice but I just really don't know what to do anymore.

 

So as a college student finals have been up my butt this whole week and including next week, as I will be graduating in a few weeks it's crunch time for me. I don't have much to worry about other than doing well on my exams to get that diploma, then freedom for a while.

 

Let's just get to the chase, my boyfriend lend me his laptop to study since renting a laptop in school was impossible since everyone took all of it and even the computers in the library were taken. I don't have a laptop so I was very happy enough he let me use his, he had class and didn't feel like studying so I wanted to take that time to be productive instead of just hanging around doing nothing.

 

Anyway, about 2 hours went by and I started getting a little angsty from sitting too long so I went to the restroom and came back then for some reason I had the urge to check his Facebook. I contemplated for a while whether it were right for me to do and/or would this mean I'm feeling insecure about him blah blah blah. After much contemplation I decided to check, I mean why not? (And mind you his Facebook was already logged in) I wasn't expecting anything but then I checked his messages. Surprising he didn't delete them but I checked one particular message obviously with a girl he used to date then, and seeing that he stopped talking to her around the time he met me, so reading the whole thread it's a conversation you would usually have with your partner; sexual, loving, etc. Didnt mind all that so curious enough I checked his deleted messages and saw one in particular of his ex gf, wasn't much but he was clearly dating her as he kept calling her "babe" but it seems as if he may have deleted messages that I did not wanna see (cus who really leaves their Facebook open for everyone) because how can you only possibly have one message to your girlfriend if you say you've been dating her for a year and a half?

 

So whatever I saw it and it wasn't much either. BUT THEN. I checked the dates.

 

The deleted message from his ex and the Other from another chick (I think she blocked him cus all it said was "Facebook User") which I'm sure was someone he dated too were all in the range of the same dates. I mean why else would you call someone "baby, and/or babe?". He was dating both girls at the same time.

 

He totally cheated and he told me before he never did. I just couldn't believe it's true, and it's funny because I don't think he thought I would check.

 

I don't believe he's doing it to me now because I'm with him almost all the time. And he's pretty free with his phone and would leave it in plain sight and he would even show me at times who he's texting blah blah blah. But now it all seems like a lie to me, I don't think he's faithful regardless if he's not doing it to me.

 

This really bummed me out till now and it sucks even more because it's harder for me to leave. It'll be a year next month and we're graduating together. Obviously anyone reading would tell me to leave, I'm 99% sure I would I just don't know the right time to do it. I have finals this week and next week (so does he) and we have a graduation ceremony attending together in a few weeks. He's becoming closer to my family as I am to his and.... It's just way too hard. Also I'm very emotional, break ups always suck for me and I don't wanna have this crap as a distraction for my finals. But in any rate, I do intend on joining the Navy Reserve anyway as an officer sometime this summer, so I'll be away for a while, but knowing that my boyfriend's a lying sneaky cheater, You think it would be a good idea to break the chain then?

 

Thanks

 

No admonitions from me. Rather just wanted to tell you that you did good and discovered a few things.

 

Don't feel bad about looking at his stuff. If he was that stupid to leave it hanging around for you to see then it is on him. You didn't invade his privacy. You invaded his secrecy.

 

second you learned he is full of crap. You know now the cardinal rule of cheaters. That is given the opportunity with little fear of being caught, generally they will take the risk. And why would you want to have that albatross hanging around your neck while you go away to reserve training this summer and have enough on your plate as it is?

 

You have a bright future ahead of you. Life is far too short to waste it on someone that you discovered by happenstance you really can't trust. And at this late date, why take the risk?

 

Dump him off at the next curb and tell him as a final parting shot that he should look into a permanent Delete extension for FB for his laptop for the next person he dates...which thankfully won't be you!

 

 

You have nothing to feel bad about. You dodged a bullet.