Why do women marry?

[Aniela]

I am full supporter of equal relationship s but too many these days days don't understand the difference between equal and adversarial. Actually being nice and loving to your husband does not make you a stepford wife doormat.

 

My parents divorcing had nothing to do with my mother dominating anything. The final reason was my dad not listening to her about something that involved the whole family (he moved us back to a place she hated).

[Liam1]

 

Because falling in love, and sharing your life with someone is a grand way to experience life.

 

Agreed. I like the partnership thing. I like an intellectual woman. I don't see anything wrong with it. I also do not see anything wrong with someone wanting to be a homemaker.

 

It likely boils down to compatibility. These issues need to be discussed before marriage.

 

I don't think women are to blame for the current state of affairs in american homes,

Yes, and obviously that is why women have affairs, too. It's the state of the marriage that is the issue. Both the man or the woman can be all or part of the problem in marital disputes.

 

nor do I think men are the simple creatures you make them out to be.

Thank you, Recent Change, for saying what I was thinking. I am not solely motivated by food or sex. I like the partnership Idea. For me there has to be more to a relationship than sex and a nurturing type person. Really, I hate being mothered. Ugh. My mother was very independent and taught me to be independent.

 

Others may not feel as I do, but not all men are solely motivated by food or sex or wanting to be mothered. Most of the men I know need more than food or sex or mothering to keep their relationship going.

 

Humans are very complex, as are our emotions and motivators.

 

There REALLY is more to a relationship than cooking dinner and having sex all the time. Believe me, there is. I have always had the higher sex drive in our relationship, and I cook amazing meals 6 days a week (we go out for dinner once a week). I keep up the "home" in a traditional sense (while still being the bread winner). Yet that didn't prevent infidelity, that didn't prevent issues.

 

Its not as simple as you make it out to be.

I cook gourmet meals sometimes and so does my wife. We do not keep score, though.

 

My wife keeps the home front humming more than I do because she cares about that stuff more than I do. Although, I do like a nice home.

 

I keep other things humming, like our exotic car collection, Our small planes, and her personal car.... things she enjoys being involved in, but does not care to tend to.

 

But, yes, even though we were extremely compatible in many ways, it did not prevent an affair.

 

Sex, was not that important to me, but it was a part of my life I was not yet ready to forsake COMPLETELY, my wife was.

 

My affair was only a sexual affair. I could never have considered my affair partner for a long term relationship. My FOW claimed the same thing, but then changed her mind.

 

Still, IMO, I think there are women out there, like men, who do not want a divorce but are having an affair to fill a void in their marriage that the other spouse may or may not be willing to acknowledge of address.

 

Still, in my marriage, neither of us wanted a divorce. We addressed the problems and are still together. We are together because we BOTH want to be together.

 

Marriage takes work, and both partners need to be willing to face their own issues and admit to what may be causing a problem for the marriage.

 

IMO, it is when one partner is insisting that they are an angel and the other spouse the demon that is what causes many reconciliations to fail. Or many divorces, in general.

 

BOTH PARTNERS, need to be willing to take a look at their shortfalls. Both partners need to want to pull their weight.

[dreamingoftigers]

I got married because I thought I found someone who shared the same (or similiar) values, dreams, goals and sex drive as me.

 

I saw marriage as something we both wanted. (He REALLY pushed to get married. It was very sweet as well though.) I really thought it was going to be tons of ever-improving sex with the man I adore. (Ha ha yeah right).

 

The only disagreements we have to this day focus around the betrayal of trust and withholding of intimacy he's done since. In fact, the typical 'hot button issues' most married couples have: parenting, in-laws, religious difference, money, housework. Those are non-issues to us. We respect each other's beliefs. We KNOW each other's parents are nuts, so they don't get to interfere or control anything. We set those boundaries long long ago. Housework is divided with him having a larger share, but I work more and later hours too. We agree pretty much seamlessly on how to parent (which is odd considering we both come from dysfunctional backgrounds that we both shed exactly what we DIDN'T want.)

 

You see, just because I have the vagina, doesn't mean I'm the one doing the rejecting. All of the sandwiches in the world, mothering and lingerie aren't going to magically transform my sex life. He's got baggage (I won't delve too deep into why, but I suspect most would sympathize).

 

And I can assure you, he resents deeply anything "mothering" in regards to his day-to-day life. Although he does like meals prepared. We often do it together.

 

He would be very disappointed/upset if I quit working. And frankly, so would I. I get VERY BORED doing home-making. He is more inclined that way and feels very accomplished doing cleaning / laundry. We have our tasks that we picked ourselves, not by gender norms.

 

Your cookie-cutter ideas are so far off of the practice of my life that I have trouble grasping how that can simply "be."

 

And, no, I REALLY didn't marry for financial security. LMAO. I met my husband when he was homeless. He wasn't a "sad-sack" homeless dude or anything. In fact, we didn't have much in common at the time. But we were both conversationalists and we clicked almost instantly. He quit drinking the week he met me, picked up his backpack and we travelled across the country together. Weird, yes. Unusual, yes. A decade later though....

[alphamale]

Still, marriage is a huge risk, and should not be entered into lightly.

well said central

[Gloria25]

For financial security if they don't have that themselves?

 

I agree with you there...ask my neighbor's wife and her dad to confirm that one!!!

[SoulCat]

I agree with you there...ask my neighbor's wife and her dad to confirm that one!!!

 

 

That is hugely unfair Gloria, for one thing you know next to nothing about her, you just fill in the blanks yourself.

You have no way of knowing what motivates these people.

 

 

You're just pissed off with her because she's married to the guy you have the hots for, and who turned you down flat.

[Gloria25]

That is hugely unfair Gloria, for one thing you know next to nothing about her, you just fill in the blanks yourself.

You have no way of knowing what motivates these people.

 

 

You're just pissed off with her because she's married to the guy you have the hots for, and who turned you down flat.

 

No, I'm happy that he's gonna get what's coming to him for playing with my heart.

 

Honey, if I don't know a thing about her and where her "type" comes from, then geesh, how could I predict her moving her dad in shortly after the wedding?

 

Trust me, seen their scenario a hundred times....

 

And turn me down flat? Uh, no. He ran scared cuz he's a loser who thinks he can't do any better than her. Oh, and he still obsesses over me, his ex, and anything other than Petunia

 

Oh, and I'm pissed off cuz he's back to following around people and staring like he lost something. Can't stand sorry people like him. If you're unhappy/unsure then leave her. If you're upset just cuz I'm finally getting some action after playing your game, get over it.

 

It upsets me that he sits around bending to her overweight, sorry butt, but enjoys messing with my heart, and considers me a "cancer" when she's the one sticking it to him. He's a freakin loser.

 

Thank you SoulCat for letting me get that off of my chest

Edited April 28, 2016 by Gloria25

[SoulCat]

Did I strike a nerve there, Gloria?

[Aniela]

I agree with you there...ask my neighbor's wife and her dad to confirm that one!!!

 

Do you know her dad? Why do you hate her so much? Do you even know her?

[wmacbride]

Gloria25,

 

 

 

This woman cuts the grass, puts out the trash, and cleans the cars on occasion.

I can also decorate, lay concrete, grow vegetables and chop wood.

 

In UK if a couple aren't married and live together, they refer to the other person as their "partner". I can't see a large % of the UK population in a "room-mate" situation.

 

Affairs aren't caused by a man "lacking nurturing" - they are caused by him lacking boundaries, character and having entitlement issues.

 

Same here.

we have gone through time when my husband has been away more than he was home, and I have to be able to do everything for myself.

 

He knows I am here because I want to be, not because I don''t have other options or need him in order to exist myself.

 

I find the idea that men should do all the physically demanding traditional male roles around the house to be degrading and sexist towards men. what's wrong with a man who enjoys and wants to do the cooking and his wife mows the lawn or fixes the car?

 

Why should a husband who wants to stay at home with the kids do so while his wife is the one who works? It could be that he loves being a dad and wants to do it full time.

[Gloria25]

Did I strike a nerve there, Gloria?

 

Not really....

 

Neighbor was creeping today and it got my eyes rolling. And, hate to disappoint him, but I may be upset but not gonna make me stop seeing my current guy.

 

That's what neighbor does....if he doesn't get my undivided attention he starts acting silly. But no worries, with her dad under the same roof with them, it'll stop real quick.

 

Geez what is weird is that I actually feel sorry for him. But me feeling sorry for him doesn't mean that I want anything to do with him. I want him to go away. I care about him, but like a friend you feel sorry for...

Edited April 29, 2016 by Gloria25

[thefooloftheyear]

Same here.

we have gone through time when my husband has been away more than he was home, and I have to be able to do everything for myself.

 

He knows I am here because I want to be, not because I don''t have other options or need him in order to exist myself.

 

I find the idea that men should do all the physically demanding traditional male roles around the house to be degrading and sexist towards men. what's wrong with a man who enjoys and wants to do the cooking and his wife mows the lawn or fixes the car?

 

Why should a husband who wants to stay at home with the kids do so while his wife is the one who works? It could be that he loves being a dad and wants to do it full time.

 

Not much, other than most women would find that man unappealing....Oh...they'll say its great...As long as its not them or their man...

 

I can see it now...

 

Guy says..."Ok, hun...Ill make a grilled cheese sandwich for us, while you go out and lay on your back in the freezing cold and change out the greasy and nasty starter motor in the pickup truck, I'll watch you from the bay window, just in case the jack fails and the truck falls on top of you....."

 

Happens every day, right??

 

TFY

Edited April 29, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[Woggle]

Not much, other than most women would find that man unappealing....Oh...they'll say its great...As long as its not them or their man...

 

I can see it now...

 

Guy says..."Ok, hun...Ill make a grilled cheese sandwich for us, while you go out and lay on your back in the freezing cold and change out the greasy and nasty starter motor in the pickup truck, I'll watch you from the bay window, just in case the jack fails and the truck falls on top of you....."

 

Happens every day, right??

 

TFY

 

Very true. I am a full supporter of equality and equal roles but I encourage to seek out women that actually walk the walk on this issue.

[Tayla]

Yup in some families it does.

 

Which is why some open minded ladies can respect their mates .

 

I happen to enjoy car repair , and my one son happens to excel at his chef skills or pastry delights. so your point is what? That you consider it emasculating if a man is choosing to sew or design clothes.. He is effeminate? or that the women is masculine for working on cars?

 

My son and his wife would take caution to that level of categorizing.

 

bring on the grilled cheese! And I'll wash up from the brake repair:)

[RecentChange]

Not much, other than most women would find that man unappealing....Oh...they'll say its great...As long as its not them or their man...

 

I can see it now...

 

Guy says..."Ok, hun...Ill make a grilled cheese sandwich for us, while you go out and lay on your back in the freezing cold and change out the greasy and nasty starter motor in the pickup truck, I'll watch you from the bay window, just in case the jack fails and the truck falls on top of you....."

 

Happens every day, right??

 

TFY

 

Hum... Maybe not those extremes, but I did date a guy would was a wonderful cook, and I really enjoyed the meals he made for us. Not a car guy.... But reasonably handy around the house, and masculine, I had no issue with our roles that way.

 

And I *do* know my way around a car - back when my dude and I were flipping vintage cars - wouldn't be unusual for him to come home and find out I had just completed installing the new wiring harness, replaced the master clutch solenoid or completed the body work on the fender.

 

He is just as competent around a car as I am. But many guys aren't.

 

So perhaps I wouldn't be into a total role reversal, but I have no problem with (and enjoy!) "Man duties".

 

It's one of the great freedoms of the " modern woman".

 

Cars interestest me more than many "home making" duties, and I am free to persue that.

[thefooloftheyear]

Hum... Maybe not those extremes, but I did date a guy would was a wonderful cook, and I really enjoyed the meals he made for us. Not a car guy.... But reasonably handy around the house, and masculine, I had no issue with our roles that way.

 

And I *do* know my way around a car - back when my dude and I were flipping vintage cars - wouldn't be unusual for him to come home and find out I had just completed installing the new wiring harness, replaced the master clutch solenoid or completed the body work on the fender.

 

He is just as competent around a car as I am. But many guys aren't.

 

So perhaps I wouldn't be into a total role reversal, but I have no problem with (and enjoy!) "Man duties".

 

It's one of the great freedoms of the " modern woman".

 

Cars interestest me more than many "home making" duties, and I am free to persue that.

 

Well thats great, ...I just hope you had enough sense not to soil your house dress...

 

What ever happened to the house dress anyway?? I guess no one wears them anymore......All the women in my family wore them back in the day...Id have figured they'd make a comeback....

 

TFY

[MuddyFootprints]

Well thats great, ...I just hope you had enough sense not to soil your house dress...

 

What ever happened to the house dress anyway?? I guess no one wears them anymore......All the women in my family wore them back in the day...Id have figured they'd make a comeback....

 

TFY

 

The house dress evolved into flannel pajama pants and a well-worn concert t-shirt

[Gloria25]

The house dress evolved into flannel pajama pants and a well-worn concert t-shirt

 

Yes, standard uniform for your "partner"

[carhill]

Heh, I'm staring across the room at an old White sewing machine from the 40's that I'm selling right now and remembering the dozens of house dresses it sewed from patterns, along with repairing a lot of my 'mistakes' as a child. Probably not a reason anymore but if one enjoys doing that kind of stuff, and the owner of the machine appeared to greatly, getting married frees up more time to pursue such things. Perhaps that was one advantage of the old fashioned SAHM if she liked such pursuits. If working at a job all the time as a single person, far less time and energy. If it wasn't sewing in the den, it was canning in the kitchen. There was always something going on, all day long. Times certainly have changed in that department, in general.

[MuddyFootprints]

It's the hobo garden shoes that complete the uniform.

 

Have you been in a fabric store recently? It used to be a frugal way to clothe your family. I do admit to wearing re-sewn bedding and drapery as a kid.

[Keats]

Going to work is easy. Housework is easy.

 

However when you throw in stay at home mom. She wins with burden of labour.

 

And frankly men need to help out or be more self sufficient. They are adults not babies.

 

Besides isn't it the leading advice on this forum for men, to help out their wives more, to gain more sex? Lol...

 

My husband also cooks, cleans, is a great father. If he wasn't I think I would hate his privileged lifestyle and end up hating men in general.

 

Because since I became a mother, I can tell you, I'd rather got to f'ing work. Actually no I wouldn't, but f'ing work is easier.

 

Yes happily married people don't bother sharing their marriages with others. They are too busy making the effort to make it work. Even they will say marriage is bloody hard work. At times it is bloody soul sucking. People want to jump ship all the time, mostly due to human issues not martial ones, but it is hard work. The reward of marriage is never gained by doing nothing. You live with someone who has the potential to hurt you with words. And you have the potential to hurt as well. It is continual... once you get the hang of it marriage is amazing.

[len51]

Your problem is that you are letting a forum that is about marital or relationship problems color your view of marriage. I am happily married over 40 years. If you focus on one particular thing, you get a feeling that the thing you are focusing on is greater than it actually is.

 

Marriage itself is not a prison. The rules of society and religion form the walls of the prison. Remove those walls and marriage can be a wonderful thing. You get to share your life with a person who puts you above all else. Someone who will be with you in your old age and change your diapers if they have to. However, that love does not have to preclude others as long as the marriage and love for your spouse is held above all else. We led a non traditional marriage that included a few others and a long time girlfriend that my wife and I loved and shared throughout our 40+ years of marriage. Our walls never held us prisoner since they could be moved and eliminate as the need arose.

[wmacbride]

Not much, other than most women would find that man unappealing....Oh...they'll say its great...As long as its not them or their man...

 

I can see it now...

 

Guy says..."Ok, hun...Ill make a grilled cheese sandwich for us, while you go out and lay on your back in the freezing cold and change out the greasy and nasty starter motor in the pickup truck, I'll watch you from the bay window, just in case the jack fails and the truck falls on top of you....."

 

Happens every day, right??

 

TFY

 

You might be surprised how often it does.

 

It could be a cultural thing, but here, many women do household tasks that might be considered by some to be masculine, and many men do a lot of the cooking, cleaning and other tasks that some may see as feminine.

 

When it comes to both spouses working, in many cases, it's done out of necessity. Sometimes, it's not what a couple planned for, but it's what ended up happening. For example, out in Alberta, the economy received a lot of input from oil shale extraction. when that sector crashed, many men were thrown out of work, and their skill set was not always easily transferable. They went from earning, in many cases, a six figure income to struggling to find work. Those who were lucky enough to have a wife who works at least have that to fall back on.

 

If someone is fixated on how men and women need to follow "traditional" roles in a marriage, it may well be doomed to fail or at least be a recipe for unhappiness.

[wmacbride]

Your problem is that you are letting a forum that is about marital or relationship problems color your view of marriage. I am happily married over 40 years. If you focus on one particular thing, you get a feeling that the thing you are focusing on is greater than it actually is.

 

Marriage itself is not a prison. The rules of society and religion form the walls of the prison. Remove those walls and marriage can be a wonderful thing. You get to share your life with a person who puts you above all else. Someone who will be with you in your old age and change your diapers if they have to. However, that love does not have to preclude others as long as the marriage and love for your spouse is held above all else. We led a non traditional marriage that included a few others and a long time girlfriend that my wife and I loved and shared throughout our 40+ years of marriage. Our walls never held us prisoner since they could be moved and eliminate as the need arose.

 

It sounds like you have found a marriage that works well for both you and your spouse, and it is one with a strong foundation of honesty.

[BlueIris]

Why do women marry?

 

Lots of people, men and women, get married because they want to have a family. It's why I got married. My husband wanted that too.