Why do women marry?

[Lois_Griffin]

But, that's what we have now a days - especially with working women. They have maids (even if they can only afford a cleaning lady once a week), they have babysitters/daycare/relatives, and no sex for their husband (so he gets an affair). It's outsourcing all the things a woman would do to "nurture" her man (cooking, cleaning, caring for him/kids) and then they wonder why their husband is having an affair

LOL.

 

This was entertaining as hell to read.

 

Here's a little reality, now.

 

I absolutely agree that women can do things out of love and a desire to make her husband's life easier/happier/better. I've done it and I'm sure many women do as well.

 

But you tend to think this should only be a ONE WAY street. That only women should be the ones constantly giving and sacrificing and doing for everyone else while she gets nothing in return.

 

That's where your logic takes a drastic turn to the absurd.

 

I don't know a soul who has a maid or a nanny. But I know plenty of women who work outside the home then spend the whole night working their asses off only to get up the next morning and do it all over again. Studies and statistics show this is the case for the majority of households. Of course there are exceptions.

 

But women are only human for God's sakes. We're not super heroes - but we're expected to be. I don't think the overwhelming majority of women are working because they're anxious to climb the corporate ladder. I think a good lot of them are working because they HAVE to. They work because of the incredible cost of living in today's world.

 

So they put in that 8 or 9 hour workday, just like their husbands.

 

But here's where it differs for most women. In your world, the poor beleaguered, tired, overworked husband should be able to come home, relax in his recliner, have his shoes brought to him and be left alone by everyone so he can decompress after that oh-so-brutal day he had.

 

But the woman isn't entitled to that. No sir. After the same brutal workday she had, she now starts her SECOND job. Running to daycare after work to pick up the kids while mentally calculating what's in the freezer to make for dinner or does she have to stop at the dreaded grocery store and pick something up before going home? Because NO ONE ELSE is going to do it if she doesn't.

 

So once she's home, she tends to the thousands of little chores that a woman has to tend to on a daily basis. Emptying the dishwasher. Cleaning the dishes left in the sink from the night before when her husband had ice cream and couldn't be bothered to soak the dirty dish which is now glued to the bottom of the sink. Throwing in a load of the never ending mountain of laundry she's always facing, pulling out the items to create yet another meal for a family of 5 like she's done thousands of times before, making the lunches for her kids to take to school the next day, picking up the spilled Frosted Flakes from that morning's breakfast, going over all her kids school papers and signing permission slips or homework assignments, breaking up the constant little fights amongst the kids as she peels potatoes, making sure her kids do their homework and don't go off in all directions causing chaos, running the vacuum quickly because the dog or cat got fur all over the couch, and the list just goes on and on and on and on and on.

 

Gosh and golly, I sure hope that she's not making too much noise and disturbing the peace for Prince Charming whose taking a well deserved nap out on the couch or in his recliner! That would never do.

 

After she's served up yet another evening meal, she gets to clean up the mess from dinner and mentally make sure not to forget to fold the clothes that are now crumpling in the dryer which stopped over an hour ago. She also has to make sure her kids get their baths and get ready for bed on time. And maybe when ALL these chores are done, if she's not completely exhausted, at 9:00 or 9:30, maybe she can use her last hour before bed to do her nails or get on that treadmill she's been meaning to hit but never has time to do, or read a chapter in a book she's been wanting to read.

 

But in Gloria's world, this woman is dropping the ball. Because poor deprived hubby, whose basically been sitting on his ass playing X-box or watching TV all night and surfing porn on his cell during commercials while his wife has been busting her ass, is feeling deprived. Poor hapless victim! Doesn't his wife APPRECIATE that he helped get the kids in the tub or that he took out the garbage while she was being selfish and cleaning the kitchen and folding those clothes? If his wife were any kind of a woman, she'd learn how to multi-task even better so that her chores don't take so much time! That way, as soon as the kids are in bed, she could turn into a sex kitten and show him HOW much she appreciates that he took out the garbage earlier that night or that he cut the lawn last Saturday because we all know only HIS efforts matter.

 

Jeez, no wonder he goes and has an affair. I don't blame him. These wives need to seriously learn how to be better and more efficient pack mules so they can serve their husbands much better.

 

I'll bring this up at the next secret Wive's Meeting. I'm sure they'll see the error of their ways.

[cocorico]

I'm reading all these threads where sex lacks and/or stops in marriages. Also, others where women want men to talk about their feeeeelings all the time, but when she puts her job, kids, etc over spending time with him, oh, he needs to get over it already.

 

Didn't we have one thread where the average tine for sex is like 5 - 7 minutes? Ok, why can't you simply do that for your husband?

 

Why is it so hard to make time for your man? When you were dating, you moved heaven and earth to make yourself available and cute for him. So, somehow that isn't a priority anymore?

 

I don't know why men even bother to get married anymore if the utter contempt for him is what he'll be signing up for...a prison sentence if you ask me.

 

We got married because it was the only way we could be together. We'd have preferred not have the State present in our bedroom, but that wasn't possible.

 

And it's true that sex has decreased since we're married. Where it used to be 3-5 times a day, we're now down to 1-3 times a day. Some of that is due to changing circumstances (and getting older), but some of it is probably due to being together a dozen or so years, and the urgency slowly morphing into a more measured intimacy as we recognise each other's rhythms.

 

We're fortunate though that our kids are all grown. My SIL had kids really late and as a result their lives are dominated by having to get up early to sort kids, having their days punctuated with kid stuff and having very little time for themselves as a couple in amongst it all. I did all my parenting as a single parent, which I think is far easier. It allowed me to compartmentalise myself as a parent from myself as a lover from myself as a worker etc. I think the role blurring of trying to be a parent, a worker, a lover etc within the same context / relationship would have driven me to homicide, or infanticide, or both.

 

I have noticed that many people (including on these boards) especially Americans tend to prioritise being a parent over being a partner, and just expect their partner to deal with it. When I grew up, things were very different - kids were not at the top of the heap, and if adults wanted "adult time" - whether for sex, or just to have a proper conversation without constant interruptions - they had no compunction in telling the kids to go and play outside and not to return until it was dark, or to go play in their room for an hour, or whatever. These days there's much less of that - though kids in Europe still seem to be raised like that - and so parents' "adult time" has all but vanished.

[serial muse]

What I'm getting from this thread is that whatever reason a woman has for deciding to marry is wrong and whatever she's doing she's doing it wrong and it's all a bad deal for her husband anyway because marriage is only good for women. This also applies to: work/life balances, parenting choices, etc etc etc ad nauseum.

 

I have learned so much. :/

 

Edit: I guess what I'm really saying is that I don't understand the judginess. People have different reasons for getting married. They have different choices of lifestyles. Any emotions that we attach to these choices are just that. It is not rational to condemn these choices as less likely to succeed because nobody actually knows that. If you wouldn't choose it for yourself, well, that's fine. But there is nothing inherently wrong with viewing a marriage as a partnership or with men doing the cooking and women the car repair or men being stay-at-home-dads; any negative connotations attached to that are an artefact of the viewer, not intrinsic to the viewed. There are no data that suggest that these different choices are in themselves responsible for the dissolution of marriages. It's all anecdotal to suggest that American parents don't pay sufficient attention to their relationships. Yes, it's a bad idea to neglect your relationship, and that's probably going to be bad for it. News at 11. But it's a GIANT leap to suggest that marriages not based on pre-selected roles are doomed to fail because of something something. It's just...all anecdata, all of this. And if we're going to sling anecdata at one another, then the successful partnerships and non-traditional arrangements cited by people should probably carry AT LEAST equal weight as the nebulous "I have heard that" arguments, or the "my sister's friend who treated her husband like crap" arguments, which are based on NOT BEING A PART OF THAT RELATIONSHIP.

Edited May 3, 2016 by serial muse

[Sub]

I did all my parenting as a single parent, which I think is far easier. It allowed me to compartmentalise myself as a parent from myself as a lover from myself as a worker etc. I think the role blurring of trying to be a parent, a worker, a lover etc within the same context / relationship would have driven me to homicide, or infanticide, or both.

 

This is an interesting perspective. Though I think you could have made it work if you wanted to. Seeing how my W is as a mother to our son is actually somewhat of a turn-on. And she feels the same with me. It's all part of the attraction with us. I think sharing time with your kids, as adults, doesn't necessarily have to take away from "adult time". It can be stressful at times, but you find a way to make it great if you want to. There's more to that bond between to people in love than just sex, in my opinion.

[S_A]

I believe that with dual-income marriages the affection/attention sinks cuz you don't see that person as anything other than your "partner".

 

If both people are working, then who's making the "house" a "home? Yea, we have chores being divided, but it isn't done with love, it's more like a "roommate" situation.

 

Disagree with this. When the woman does not work she gets completely OWNED by the husband. The wife is stuck with a huge gap in employment and lacking references and work experience. What happens if the Husband cheats? You can't leave because you are now financial dependent. What if he is abusive? You can't leave because you are now financial dependent. Or how about this... Assume he is the perfect husband and there is no reason why this perfect husband and his stay-at-home wife would ever split with each other. Well, he dies the next day and you are stuck with having to raise two kids without any earning power.

 

If the wife does not work she will end up like the mom of someone I know. This mom can't leave her husband because she depends on him financially. I personally don't want my future wife to be in that position. I have no problem with my wife being independent with the power to exercise her choice to leave me, but she only has that power through working; it's up to me to not give her a reason to leave (and vice versa )

 

With all that said, you can definitely build a warm and loving home when both the husband and wife are working. My mom sure did it (while working) and I could not have asked for a better childhood.

 

A woman that chooses to not work dooms herself. It's why women from years past have fought so hard to earn the privilege to work.

[katiegrl]

LOL.

 

This was entertaining as hell to read.

 

Here's a little reality, now.

 

I absolutely agree that women can do things out of love and a desire to make her husband's life easier/happier/better. I've done it and I'm sure many women do as well.

 

But you tend to think this should only be a ONE WAY street. That only women should be the ones constantly giving and sacrificing and doing for everyone else while she gets nothing in return.

 

That's where your logic takes a drastic turn to the absurd.

 

I don't know a soul who has a maid or a nanny. But I know plenty of women who work outside the home then spend the whole night working their asses off only to get up the next morning and do it all over again. Studies and statistics show this is the case for the majority of households. Of course there are exceptions.

 

But women are only human for God's sakes. We're not super heroes - but we're expected to be. I don't think the overwhelming majority of women are working because they're anxious to climb the corporate ladder. I think a good lot of them are working because they HAVE to. They work because of the incredible cost of living in today's world.

 

So they put in that 8 or 9 hour workday, just like their husbands.

 

But here's where it differs for most women. In your world, the poor beleaguered, tired, overworked husband should be able to come home, relax in his recliner, have his shoes brought to him and be left alone by everyone so he can decompress after that oh-so-brutal day he had.

 

But the woman isn't entitled to that. No sir. After the same brutal workday she had, she now starts her SECOND job. Running to daycare after work to pick up the kids while mentally calculating what's in the freezer to make for dinner or does she have to stop at the dreaded grocery store and pick something up before going home? Because NO ONE ELSE is going to do it if she doesn't.

 

So once she's home, she tends to the thousands of little chores that a woman has to tend to on a daily basis. Emptying the dishwasher. Cleaning the dishes left in the sink from the night before when her husband had ice cream and couldn't be bothered to soak the dirty dish which is now glued to the bottom of the sink. Throwing in a load of the never ending mountain of laundry she's always facing, pulling out the items to create yet another meal for a family of 5 like she's done thousands of times before, making the lunches for her kids to take to school the next day, picking up the spilled Frosted Flakes from that morning's breakfast, going over all her kids school papers and signing permission slips or homework assignments, breaking up the constant little fights amongst the kids as she peels potatoes, making sure her kids do their homework and don't go off in all directions causing chaos, running the vacuum quickly because the dog or cat got fur all over the couch, and the list just goes on and on and on and on and on.

 

Gosh and golly, I sure hope that she's not making too much noise and disturbing the peace for Prince Charming whose taking a well deserved nap out on the couch or in his recliner! That would never do.

 

After she's served up yet another evening meal, she gets to clean up the mess from dinner and mentally make sure not to forget to fold the clothes that are now crumpling in the dryer which stopped over an hour ago. She also has to make sure her kids get their baths and get ready for bed on time. And maybe when ALL these chores are done, if she's not completely exhausted, at 9:00 or 9:30, maybe she can use her last hour before bed to do her nails or get on that treadmill she's been meaning to hit but never has time to do, or read a chapter in a book she's been wanting to read.

 

But in Gloria's world, this woman is dropping the ball. Because poor deprived hubby, whose basically been sitting on his ass playing X-box or watching TV all night and surfing porn on his cell during commercials while his wife has been busting her ass, is feeling deprived. Poor hapless victim! Doesn't his wife APPRECIATE that he helped get the kids in the tub or that he took out the garbage while she was being selfish and cleaning the kitchen and folding those clothes? If his wife were any kind of a woman, she'd learn how to multi-task even better so that her chores don't take so much time! That way, as soon as the kids are in bed, she could turn into a sex kitten and show him HOW much she appreciates that he took out the garbage earlier that night or that he cut the lawn last Saturday because we all know only HIS efforts matter.

 

Jeez, no wonder he goes and has an affair. I don't blame him. These wives need to seriously learn how to be better and more efficient pack mules so they can serve their husbands much better.

 

I'll bring this up at the next secret Wive's Meeting. I'm sure they'll see the error of their ways.

 

^^This post was awesome and 100% right on!

 

Best you've ever written LG.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm more than happy to do my own fluids on my car etc. I can pretty much tell whatever screws up on it too.

 

Ha, guess who put together the baby stuff in our house?

 

Myself and my six year-old daughter. She REALLY wanted to put the screws in.

 

My husband isn't "handy." At all. I love him, but putting things together and maintaining things isn't his strong suit. Brilliant with computers, not so much with a toolbox.

 

But guess who did two nights of feedings? He did. Stayed up with our son and did a ton of the sleep-loss nuturing things

 

I think smarter partnerships play to each other's strengths instead of trying to make each other fit roles or have skills that they don't necessarily.

[dreamingoftigers]

While I don't totally disagree, the stuff you guys are referring to is more common among those kids that have had a lot of stuff handed to them...At that point, why bother, when your parents have been carrying you your whole life..

 

That being said, do you really think some 27 year old kid in rural North Carolina(or Michigan) is paying shop rates of 100+/hr to replace the alternator or the radiator in his 97 Chevy Pickup?

 

Nope....

 

TFY

 

I think a lot of those skills were passed on by fathers back in the day.

 

Over the last fifty years, more and more single Moms were raising kids with absentee fathers.

 

My husband lost both his biological parents and was raised mostly by foster care and his maternal grandmother for a spell. Not much rolemodelling or skill-set passing. More like just surviving.

 

In my case, my father reluctantly passed on some skills to me. He was present (workaholic, alcoholic, abusive) but there was no typical boy present to help him out. He's also colour-blind. So given the fact that he worked with a great deal of machinery, he would often need me (normal vision) to differentiate wiring colour etc.

 

In a lot of cases there are parents supplying the kids with "everything." In many cases there wasn't the teacher of the skills present to pass on the skills.

 

Both ways, women today (in general) haven't come to expect that the men carry the traditional skill-sets. Which is okay, because we have often filled in many non-traditional roles and don't expect a "traditional" man in most cases anymore.

[jay1983]

Depends what side of town you're from. Around here no one takes their car to the shop unless it's a serious problem such as transmission. Earlier this year, there was a kid outside watching a step by step youtube video on his iPhone while changing his brakes.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think a lot of those skills were passed on by fathers back in the day.

 

Over the last fifty years, more and more single Moms were raising kids with absentee fathers.

 

My husband lost both his biological parents and was raised mostly by foster care and his maternal grandmother for a spell. Not much rolemodelling or skill-set passing. More like just surviving.

 

In my case, my father reluctantly passed on some skills to me. He was present (workaholic, alcoholic, abusive) but there was no typical boy present to help him out. He's also colour-blind. So given the fact that he worked with a great deal of machinery, he would often need me (normal vision) to differentiate wiring colour etc.

 

In a lot of cases there are parents supplying the kids with "everything." In many cases there wasn't the teacher of the skills present to pass on the skills.

 

Both ways, women today (in general) haven't come to expect that the men carry the traditional skill-sets. Which is okay, because we have often filled in many non-traditional roles and don't expect a "traditional" man in most cases anymore.

 

 

Quite honestly, this(LS) is the only place I know of that women actually don't care that their men are "all thumbs"....Unless the guy is a complete boob that thinks women should be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, just about ANY woman can appreciate a strong and secure man that is a "do it all" type...

 

Most of the guys I know are types that can and will tackle anything...Even though I can afford to pay anyone to do anything for me at this point, I pride myself in my capabilities, both physically and in the "traditional" male sense..I didn't have a dad to teach me this stuff...I learned these skills along the way because I had to in order to survive and I also liked the fact that it set me free...Gave me independence...Made me feel like I was never beholden to anyone....

 

When we had a cold snap over this winter, I had a pipe freeze behind the wall of a very tight area......For me, its a no panic situation...Shut off the water, cut the section out, sweat in a new piece, and we are back in business.....for a half hour of time and probably less than 5 bucks...You know what everyone else was doing? Cleaning out flooded basements and waiting days without any running water for a very busy plumber to arrive....Then get a huge bill....Oh what fun...

 

Went boating with friends....The boat crapped out in the middle of the trip...Engine shut down...Everyone panicked....I asked the boat owner for a screwdriver, a pair of pliers, and a few rags....Took apart the carburetor and got the engine running....Trip resumed without an issue..

 

Call me out of touch, but I prefer a more "feminine" type of woman...Not the prissy types that are like China Dolls, just a more traditionally feminine type.. The thought of a 220lb woman digging a trench and carrying heavy logs out in the yard in order to prove she is "just like the guys", just doesn't do it for me...sorry to say...

 

Quite frankly, I wouldn't ever ask or expect any woman to lay on her back in the freezing cold to rip out a greasy, 40 lb starter motor..I wouldn't even tell a woman I didn't like to do it...

 

So I guess the push today for both men and women to be exactly the same in what they know or do is here to stay...Gone are the traditional roles(?).I dunno, but judging by the number of ever climbing divorce rates, it's unlikely to be "better" than it was before...but whatever

 

I wont judge anyone for their own life choices, that's for them to deal with....What I do works pretty well for me, though and I dont really run into any pushback on it......that's about all I can say about it...

 

TFY

Edited May 4, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[Gloria25]

LOL.

 

This was entertaining as hell to read.

 

Here's a little reality, now.

 

I absolutely agree that women can do things out of love and a desire to make her husband's life easier/happier/better. I've done it and I'm sure many women do as well.

 

But you tend to think this should only be a ONE WAY street. That only women should be the ones constantly giving and sacrificing and doing for everyone else while she gets nothing in return.

 

That's where your logic takes a drastic turn to the absurd.

 

I don't know a soul who has a maid or a nanny. But I know plenty of women who work outside the home then spend the whole night working their asses off only to get up the next morning and do it all over again. Studies and statistics show this is the case for the majority of households. Of course there are exceptions.

 

But women are only human for God's sakes. We're not super heroes - but we're expected to be. I don't think the overwhelming majority of women are working because they're anxious to climb the corporate ladder. I think a good lot of them are working because they HAVE to. They work because of the incredible cost of living in today's world.

 

So they put in that 8 or 9 hour workday, just like their husbands.

 

But here's where it differs for most women. In your world, the poor beleaguered, tired, overworked husband should be able to come home, relax in his recliner, have his shoes brought to him and be left alone by everyone so he can decompress after that oh-so-brutal day he had.

 

But the woman isn't entitled to that. No sir. After the same brutal workday she had, she now starts her SECOND job. Running to daycare after work to pick up the kids while mentally calculating what's in the freezer to make for dinner or does she have to stop at the dreaded grocery store and pick something up before going home? Because NO ONE ELSE is going to do it if she doesn't.

 

So once she's home, she tends to the thousands of little chores that a woman has to tend to on a daily basis. Emptying the dishwasher. Cleaning the dishes left in the sink from the night before when her husband had ice cream and couldn't be bothered to soak the dirty dish which is now glued to the bottom of the sink. Throwing in a load of the never ending mountain of laundry she's always facing, pulling out the items to create yet another meal for a family of 5 like she's done thousands of times before, making the lunches for her kids to take to school the next day, picking up the spilled Frosted Flakes from that morning's breakfast, going over all her kids school papers and signing permission slips or homework assignments, breaking up the constant little fights amongst the kids as she peels potatoes, making sure her kids do their homework and don't go off in all directions causing chaos, running the vacuum quickly because the dog or cat got fur all over the couch, and the list just goes on and on and on and on and on.

 

Gosh and golly, I sure hope that she's not making too much noise and disturbing the peace for Prince Charming whose taking a well deserved nap out on the couch or in his recliner! That would never do.

 

After she's served up yet another evening meal, she gets to clean up the mess from dinner and mentally make sure not to forget to fold the clothes that are now crumpling in the dryer which stopped over an hour ago. She also has to make sure her kids get their baths and get ready for bed on time. And maybe when ALL these chores are done, if she's not completely exhausted, at 9:00 or 9:30, maybe she can use her last hour before bed to do her nails or get on that treadmill she's been meaning to hit but never has time to do, or read a chapter in a book she's been wanting to read.

 

But in Gloria's world, this woman is dropping the ball. Because poor deprived hubby, whose basically been sitting on his ass playing X-box or watching TV all night and surfing porn on his cell during commercials while his wife has been busting her ass, is feeling deprived. Poor hapless victim! Doesn't his wife APPRECIATE that he helped get the kids in the tub or that he took out the garbage while she was being selfish and cleaning the kitchen and folding those clothes? If his wife were any kind of a woman, she'd learn how to multi-task even better so that her chores don't take so much time! That way, as soon as the kids are in bed, she could turn into a sex kitten and show him HOW much she appreciates that he took out the garbage earlier that night or that he cut the lawn last Saturday because we all know only HIS efforts matter.

 

Jeez, no wonder he goes and has an affair. I don't blame him. These wives need to seriously learn how to be better and more efficient pack mules so they can serve their husbands much better.

 

I'll bring this up at the next secret Wive's Meeting. I'm sure they'll see the error of their ways.

 

Then why did she have kids with a guy who needs her income?

 

This isn't the Middle East - where women are forced into arranged marriages.

 

If you and your husband need two checks, then get a pet instead of having a kid.

[Gloria25]

Disagree with this. When the woman does not work she gets completely OWNED by the husband. The wife is stuck with a huge gap in employment and lacking references and work experience. What happens if the Husband cheats? You can't leave because you are now financial dependent. What if he is abusive? You can't leave because you are now financial dependent. Or how about this... Assume he is the perfect husband and there is no reason why this perfect husband and his stay-at-home wife would ever split with each other. Well, he dies the next day and you are stuck with having to raise two kids without any earning power.

 

If the wife does not work she will end up like the mom of someone I know. This mom can't leave her husband because she depends on him financially. I personally don't want my future wife to be in that position. I have no problem with my wife being independent with the power to exercise her choice to leave me, but she only has that power through working; it's up to me to not give her a reason to leave (and vice versa )

 

With all that said, you can definitely build a warm and loving home when both the husband and wife are working. My mom sure did it (while working) and I could not have asked for a better childhood.

 

A woman that chooses to not work dooms herself. It's why women from years past have fought so hard to earn the privilege to work.

 

Then if you're entering a marriage just waiting for the day your husband will cheat on, divorce, etc you - then why bother marrying and making kids with this "enemy who lies in wait to ambush you some day"?

 

Stay single then...

[Gloria25]

This is an interesting perspective. Though I think you could have made it work if you wanted to. Seeing how my W is as a mother to our son is actually somewhat of a turn-on. And she feels the same with me. It's all part of the attraction with us. I think sharing time with your kids, as adults, doesn't necessarily have to take away from "adult time". It can be stressful at times, but you find a way to make it great if you want to. There's more to that bond between to people in love than just sex, in my opinion.

 

Yes, there's other joys that come in a relationship (kids, working as a team on bills, life, decisions, etc). But unfortunately sex, intimacy (holding hands, kissing, date nites, bonding), and simply keeping your appearance for your SO takes a back seat and people become "roommates/partners" rather than "husband/wife"

[Eternal Sunshine]

People marry and have kids because that's the most common "life pathway" of the humans. They usually don't give it much thought beyond that.

 

Marriage in general benifits men. Married men were proven to live longer while married women do the opposite. Women are still expected to make most of the sacrifices in the marriage: from career to housework to emotional labour to maintaining their weight.

 

As for "sexless marriages", we only hear male sides of the story. Women are more complex in the sense that if they are not happy in one aspect of their marriage, sex will be the first to go.

 

I really don't understand why most women want to be married.

[Jabron1]

Marriage in general benifits men.

 

You have got to be having a laugh.

 

Have you forgotten that men can be expelled from the family unit at any moment on a whim?

 

Yeah, not exactly a small detail. Kind of important.

 

Married men were proven to live longer

 

Animals in the zoo live longer than animals in the wild too.

 

while married women do the opposite.

 

Yet are still expected to outlive their husbands...

 

Women are still expected to make most of the sacrifices in the marriage

 

Men who marry are sacrificing their whole sexual strategy in devotion to one woman. Do you recognise that?

 

As for "sexless marriages", we only hear male sides of the story. Women are more complex in the sense that if they are not happy in one aspect of their marriage, sex will be the first to go.

 

The average guy has 15 times the testosterone that a woman does. Sex is much more important to us.

 

I really don't understand why most women want to be married.

 

Now imagine having the government against you too, and the threat of 'eviction' looming.

 

Seriously don't know a single thing that a man loses out on by not being married. There is no benefit at all.

Edited May 4, 2016 by Jabron1

[Phoenician]

Then why did she have kids with a guy who needs her income?

 

This isn't the Middle East - where women are forced into arranged marriages.

 

If you and your husband need two checks, then get a pet instead of having a kid.

 

Very few percentage nowadays are forced arranged marriages ; I am specifically talking about Lebanon , Egypt , Jordan ..

 

In lebanon specifically , I doubt that you can see more than 3-5 % of arranged marriages; especially for Christians amd Muslim sunnite and dourouz .

The most conservative groups are shiite , and some sunnite living in the north .

 

Shariaa is never applied in Lebanon .

 

 

However , Women in Lebanon are almost forced by society to get married to be more socially protected, So the main reason why they get married is social protection and kids .

 

Since men are almost obliged to get a house grant it to the wife as a security , and be the bread winners ; this context of security is for the benefit of women noawadays ; because if he divorces / cheats she is at least getting the house and a lump sum amount that is worth a retirement plan .

 

The burden nowadays is pushing young to avoid marriage , and increasing the ratio of unmarried couples.

[Lois_Griffin]

Then why did she have kids with a guy who needs her income?

 

This isn't the Middle East - where women are forced into arranged marriages.

 

If you and your husband need two checks, then get a pet instead of having a kid.

My son is over 30 and well established in a highly successful career. I got to stay home with him until he was in pre-K. We actually didn't 'need' two paychecks but even back in the 80's I was smart enough to know that staying home and not working anymore - in essence, making myself completely financially dependent on my husband - was not a smart thing to do.

 

I didn't say every single woman on earth works because she has to - I said a good majority of women probably have to work because the household needs the extra income. So you're suggesting that women who have to work outside the home shouldn't be allowed to have kids and should get a canary instead?

 

While you're certainly welcome to your thoughts and opinions on a woman's role in marriage - as we all are - S_A above brings up a very excellent point. Go read some of the infidelity message boards and see HOW many women are stuck with lying cheating verbally or emotionally abusive husbands because they've chosen to live the lifestyle you're advocating. They've got 3 or 4 kids, they haven't worked in 8 or 10 years, and are completely dependent on their husbands. They're literally trapped - no longer marketable on the job market, unable to support themselves and their 3 or 4 kids on their own even with child support (and for some some, alimony if applicable). The cost of daycare for 3 or 4 kids is so high that the average woman couldn't afford it unless she was a top earner.

 

So these women are trapped.

 

We were all young and idealistic at one point in our lives, but with age and experience comes wisdom. You'll come to see that not all husbands who cheat do so because the WOMAN dropped the ball. There are tons of serial cheaters out there who would cheat no matter what their wives did for them. There are plenty who are merely sexually bored and crave the variety of being with different women - and unless a woman has the ability to physically morph into a different woman every night, shes going to get cheated on no matter WHAT she does. There are those who simply have poor boundaries and no self control and if the situation fell in his lap, he'd give into temptation.

 

There are men out there that once their wives give birth to a child, they can no longer see her as a sexual partner. Again, not the woman's fault, but she's going to have to deal with being with a cheater because of it.

 

Make no mistake - there are also plenty of men out there who simply think it's their birthright to bed as many woman as they can simply because they're male.

 

Your idealistic theory that if a women basically enslaves herself to a man and lives her life to cater to him is NOT a foolproof recipe to keep a man from cheating. I'm sorry, but it's not.

[wmacbride]

And here we see the guilt that has been pushed on to women for so many years, and also the guilt that's been pushed on to men.

 

If you are a woman, you have to be the perfect little suzy homemaker. You have to keep a dozen balls in the air all at once, and heaven help it if you should happen to drop even one. If you do, someone will be sure to snidely bleat " you practically forced husband to cheat on you".

 

When it comes to men, many expect them to be the strong, tough breadwinner, and if he has troubles, or if he would prefer to be the parent who stays at home with the kids, some see him as less of a man. They get the " if you were more 'alpha', she wouldn't have cheated on you".

 

Then we come to the most guilt ridden group of all. Parents. No matter what you do, someone will be sure to pipe up with their "advice" or "observations". This is so easy to do, especially when you have never had kids and have zero idea of what it is like.

 

If everyone waited until it was the perfect time to have kids, very few would ever have them. Also, a couple may start out in good financial shape when they are planning their fmaily. The kids come along and suddenly dad loses his job, the kids get sick and need more care and can't just be shoved into their room or out the door so the parents can have " adult time".

 

You want your kids to go to a good university, maybe get a scholarship to help them pay for tens of thousands in student debt they're likely to accumulate? Then that means shuttling the back and forth to a myriad of activities. Want them to have a computer of smartphone so they can keep up with their schoolwork? There goes another few hundred out the door. If they are struggling in school because they need extra help and in a class of maybe thirty kids they aren't going to get it, then you need to hire a tutor. If one or more of them has a health problem that needs extra care, it can mean thousands going out the door, even a a country with free health care.

 

This idea of "traditional families" from decades gone by where mom and dad sit and enjoy a cocktail hour while the kids play quietly and then the whole lot of them come to the table to enjoy the delicious six course meal that was instantly prepared by mother while she wore four inch heels and a formal dress then they all gather around the piano to sing the songs from " the sound of music" ? Guess what? That never really was, except maybe for a few families in old films.

 

As I said above, if things were so perfect back then, then why the need for "mother's little helper" or dad's four drinks a day habit?

 

Back then, there were plenty of messed up families, but it wasn't as out in the open as it is today.

[Liam1]

I agree, Jabron:

 

More women outlive their husbands. Just ask any financial advisor who has a number of wealthy 90 year old women clients who inherited their husband's wealth and have outlived their husbands by 20 or more years.

 

Men live longer when married because their wives likely push them to see doctors or take their meds. Those are two things single men are very lax about. Still more women live to their 90s and 100s than do men.

 

As for it being a common lament from men that women are no longer interested in sex after awhile or sometimes even as soon as the wedding vows are completed....., well yes, It's testosterone, not a happy go lucky attitude that keeps men MORE interested in sex.

 

Men do not need for every aspect of their marriage to be Shangri la to still desire sex BECAUSE they have testosterone to fuel their sex drive.

 

If women only what sex when their lives are perfect, well that is going to cause a problem in their marriage because the reality is that NO MARRIAGE is perfect, and NO ONE lives a perfect fairy tale life.

 

Therefore, if they can not have sex unless life is perfect, then the reason they lose interest in sex is not really all that complex.

 

It's simply rooted in an unrealistic expectation of marriage or life in general.

 

With that said, I think the majority of women because they lack testosterone are just normally FAR LESS interested in sex, always. It has very little to do with their state of mind, although they may claim that as a reason to save face.

 

 

 

You have got to be having a laugh.

 

Have you forgotten that men can be expelled from the family unit at any moment on a whim?

 

Yeah, not exactly a small detail. Kind of important.

 

 

 

Animals in the zoo live longer than animals in the wild too.

 

 

 

Yet are still expected to outlive their husbands...

 

 

 

Men who marry are sacrificing their whole sexual strategy in devotion to one woman. Do you recognise that?

 

 

 

The average guy has 15 times the testosterone that a woman does. Sex is much more important to us.

 

 

 

Now imagine having the government against you too, and the threat of 'eviction' looming.

 

Seriously don't know a single thing that a man loses out on by not being married. There is no benefit at all.

[S_A]

Then if you're entering a marriage just waiting for the day your husband will cheat on, divorce, etc you - then why bother marrying and making kids with this "enemy who lies in wait to ambush you some day"?

 

Stay single then...

 

Stay single? Who will support you then? Guess you will have to work? Might as well get married then and trust in your womanly intuition that you married a great guy and continue working anyway. Incase he screws up, you at least won't be dependent on him anyway. No offense, but I don't find your quoted post to be an argument at all.

 

BTW, all this advice is for the person that wants to get married. I think you've said you're not the marrying type, which is totally normal. But for the woman that wants to get married (just like a man may want to get married), the best advice I can give her is to work.

[wmacbride]

Funny how men claim to know all about how women think and feel when it comes to sex, and never, ever get the notion that a woman may not be interested in sex with her husband because he simply isn't as great as he thinks he is. It's easier to say "they have lower testosterone".

 

Many women love sex and do want to have it, but what they don't want is the wham-bam-let me go back to what I was doing now that I am satisfied-m'am".

 

Ever heard a man boast about how he and his wife/partner have sex five or six times a day? He gets this look on his face as if he is king of the mountain and a real stud, meanwhile, his wife/partner is sitting behind him rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

Guess why?

A two minute roll in the hay isn't exactly rocking her world. He has turned what should be a loving and intimate act between two people into nothing more than a chore on her list. He then blames her for not being more interested.

 

Of course, not every guy is like that, and some women do prefer "quickie sex", but for those in that situation who want more it can be a very disheartening lifestyle.

[Woggle]

Funny how men claim to know all about how women think and feel when it comes to sex, and never, ever get the notion that a woman may not be interested in sex with her husband because he simply isn't as great as he thinks he is. It's easier to say "they have lower testosterone".

 

Many women love sex and do want to have it, but what they don't want is the wham-bam-let me go back to what I was doing now that I am satisfied-m'am".

 

Ever heard a man boast about how he and his wife/partner have sex five or six times a day? He gets this look on his face as if he is king of the mountain and a real stud, meanwhile, his wife/partner is sitting behind him rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

Guess why?

A two minute roll in the hay isn't exactly rocking her world. He has turned what should be a loving and intimate act between two people into nothing more than a chore on her list. He then blames her for not being more interested.

 

Of course, not every guy is like that, and some women do prefer "quickie sex", but for those in that situation who want more it can be a very disheartening lifestyle.

Then why marry a man she doesn't want to have sex with? What is the point of marrying you resent and don't want to touch you? Nine Times out ten the guy gives clues as to who he really is.

[Liam1]

Then why marry a man she doesn't want to have sex with? What is the point of marrying you resent and don't want to touch you? Nine Times out ten the guy gives clues as to who he really is.

 

Exactly Woogle, and an excellent point.

 

Then why do the women who feel that way bother to marry at all? Good question.

 

Perhaps, it's for money and financial support, only? What a bait and switch, and an unsavory reason to trap a man, that would be. But apparently it happens.

 

And if the ladies married because they at first confused lust with love and were once in lust and married due to that..., why then, when they no longer are interested or in love or lust with their spouse, do they stay married.

 

If some women hate their spouse, or perhaps all men for that matter, and can not bear to have sex with that spouse, yet they stay married, then they are living a deceitful Shameful lie.

 

I do think that in some marriages, some women expect to be treated like a queen without ever having to give anything back. They want their spouse to be perfect, yet they are imperfect and expect that to be okay.

 

I am lucky my wife can see both sides of he issue and does not make everything all about her. Both people in a marriage need to work at it. My wife realizes that.

 

If the spouse is a wham bammer, that can be fixed. But the wife needs to be able to communicate effectively. If it can not be fixed and she is miserable, then set yourself and your spouse free and get divorce. Do not live a deceitful lie.

 

That is not fair to the unhappy spouse, nor is it fair to the duped spouse

Edited May 4, 2016 by Liam1

[RecentChange]

Then why did she have kids with a guy who needs her income?

 

This isn't the Middle East - where women are forced into arranged marriages.

 

If you and your husband need two checks, then get a pet instead of having a kid.

 

Ummm have you paid any attention to the state of the economy over the last oh, 40+ years? A dual income household is a new necessity for MOST. Very few careers allow the man to work, and keep a "kept wife" at home.

 

Also, I am not sure what part of the country you live in - but if you live in a highly competitive area like I do - again, you need two incomes, its just the reality out there. Rent alone is over $40,000 a year - He would have to be clearing some serious dough to keep the wifey settled at home (and you know, buy her a nice wardrobe so she can look good and smell sweet when he gets home).

 

Yes, there's other joys that come in a relationship (kids, working as a team on bills, life, decisions, etc). But unfortunately sex, intimacy (holding hands, kissing, date nites, bonding), and simply keeping your appearance for your SO takes a back seat and people become "roommates/partners" rather than "husband/wife"

 

You know that this isn't a given right? Granted, we chose not to have children, but we go on date nights about twice a week (just went out last night ), make out like teenagers, enjoy frequent, passionate, sometimes kinky sex - and I don't watch what I eat, and run 5 days a week because its "fun" - I do it to stay healthy and sexy

 

Gosh, typing that makes me so happy I am not single.

[Sub]

Yeah, and it's not just about what's needed. My W wants a career. She always has. Same with me. For us, it's just been a given that we want the careers and the kid(s). And since we wanted it, we've made it work in the long run. Having the kid around doesn't keep us from being affectionate or doing things for just us. It's crazy to think you have to choose between the two to be happy or fulfilled. If you want both, you do what you have to - as a couple - to make it happen. We both grew up with two working parents, so I guess we didn't see it as an either/or scenario.