Trust issues (with reason)

[StephenRog1453]

Hello everybody. I have posted in this forum before and I one again would like to get some advice.

 

First I am just going to give some background information about what led up to this. Me and my GF have been in a relationship for 8 months, and we had been seeing each other for a few months before that. Before I have only been in a short 3 month relationship that a lot of people would consider emotionally abusive. She has been in a few short relationships. The longest of hers was 3 months. I am 21 and she is 22.

 

I made the mistake of talking to a girl and ending up receiving nudes from her one night. I deleted the pictures and confessed to my gf. When I did she admitted that near the beginning of the relationship she sexted a guy and that her and two other guys she would sext with were still in contact.

 

She told me she didn't consider it cheating until she realized I did it once, and she told me she wanted me to block this girl. I agreed and I had to fight with her, but she ended up blocking the guys as well. The situation really didn't bother me, but I went ahead and told her that any kind of sexting would be considered cheating from now on.

 

Now onto my current problem. Several times she has told me that I cannot talk to any girls outside of class, whether it is through a game, or on apps like yikyak. She will also ask me about girls that are in my classes, such as if they are in my other classes and if they talk to me a lot etc. She says this stuff in a jokingly tone.

 

I can tell she is insecure about me having any contact with other women and looking back I don't think this is new behavior. Now (especially recently) it seems to be a bit worse after the sexting.

 

I believe that I trust her. I haven't had any jealous feelings about whoever she is talking to, even after the incident. The worst I have done was look over her shoulder a couple times to see what she is doing, but that was more just out of curiosity than trying to catch her doing something.

 

So what I need advice on is how to handle this. Should I allow her to just dictate who I can and cannot talk to, or should I put my foot down? I don't know as to what would be acceptable for me to do, as I am not sinless in this situation.

 

I understand that a lot of people will say that we should just break up, but I am very reluctant to do so. I would like to exhaust all my options before I make a permanent decision like this.

 

Thank you for reading.

[mikeylo]

While she has gained your trust by cutting out the guys. You have not. She will break up with you. You wont have to do the dirty job.

[CarrieT]

Honestly, you are both so young and have a lot of these types of experiences that you are both going to want before you settle down and commit.

 

Resign yourself to that fact and it will all get a lot easier.

 

Truthfully, at some point one of you will want to cross the line and it *will* be a breaking point in the relationship.

[mikeylo]

Also, you putting your foot down means telling her that you are not going to change your behavior and asking her to accept your BS. Good Luck with that.

[StephenRog1453]

Honestly, you are both so young and have a lot of these types of experiences that you are both going to want before you settle down and commit.

 

Resign yourself to that fact and it will all get a lot easier.

 

Truthfully, at some point one of you will want to cross the line and it *will* be a breaking point in the relationship.

 

Perhaps. I still would like to see it through though. This has been the only girl that I can spend a substantial amount of time with and still get along great.

Aside from breaking up, what would you suggest that I do?

 

Also, you putting your foot down means telling her that you are not going to change your behavior and asking her to accept your BS. Good Luck with that.

 

I apologize, I believe I didn't make my self clear. When I said to put my foot down, I meant in the way that she shouldn't be able to decide who and who I cannot talk to. I understand what I did was wrong and I have no plans on doing that again.

 

While she has gained your trust by cutting out the guys. You have not. She will break up with you. You wont have to do the dirty job.

 

I do not believe this is the case. She has invited me to stay over during the summer so I don't have to move back home. She has also brought me along to spend time with her family and friends a lot recently. If she was planning to break up, I don't see that from her.

[mikeylo]

This is the problem with trust issues ! She has a right to decide from now, whom you talk to and dont talk to.Like it or not. She gave you her trust but you destroyed it.To regain , you have to start all over again. Like I said in the other thread, you have to cut out the third person. Make your relationship strong and then make mutual friends.No short cut !

 

Your plans ? She doesnt care and doesnt know what your plans are ? You need to implement them.

 

Without trust , there is no relationship.You lost it.Now get it back.the right way.Saying that I'm a better person now etc. is going to fall on deaf ears.You have to show.By demanding your right to continue old behavior is asking to be shot in the head.

[StephenRog1453]

This is the problem with trust issues ! She has a right to decide from now, whom you talk to and dont talk to.Like it or not. She gave you her trust but you destroyed it.To regain , you have to start all over again. Like I said in the other thread, you have to cut out the third person. Make your relationship strong and then make mutual friends.No short cut !

 

Your plans ? She doesnt care and doesnt know what your plans are ? You need to implement them.

 

Without trust , there is no relationship.You lost it.Now get it back.the right way.Saying that I'm a better person now etc. is going to fall on deaf ears.You have to show.By demanding your right to continue old behavior is asking to be shot in the head.

 

I cut the third person out a while ago. I will follow your advice.

 

Thank you!

[usa1ah]

Was she not sexting get 2 or 3 guys as well?

[usa1ah]

The both of you sexted with people, you with one and she did it with three.

 

As soon as it happened with you, you deleted the photo's that were sent to you and informed your GF of what happened.

 

She then tells you she had sexted three guys, one at the start of your relationship and was still in contact with two of them.

 

She then tells you to block the girl that sent nudes to you and with no hesitation you do.

 

Then you ask her to block the guys she was still in contact with and she FIGHTS you about it.

 

This is your problem, she wants to have anyone she wants as a friend but wants to dictate who you can be friends with. This is not a trust issue this is her wanting to control you and the relationship. It was fine for her to stay in contact with the guys she was sexting with until a girl sexted you. Then she fights to stay in contact with the guys, really?

 

This looks more like she is insecure with herself. She gets affirmation from these other guys is why she fought you to keep them as friends.

 

I don't know what her boundaries are but you better find out unless you are ok with her straying on day.

[smackie9]

What a hot mess. IMO there is nothing wrong with having opposite acquaintances as long there are boundaries like letting them know you are in a relationship, no flirting, don't lead others into thinking you are available to them, etc.

 

I think it's silly to have to restrict any kind of contact with the opposite sex. We are social creatures, so what harm is it to have a non sexual conversation with someone that isn't your SO??

 

I think your GF can't trust you because she can't even trust herself.

[Space Ritual]

Hello everybody. I have posted in this forum before and I one again would like to get some advice.

 

First I am just going to give some background information about what led up to this. Me and my GF have been in a relationship for 8 months, and we had been seeing each other for a few months before that. Before I have only been in a short 3 month relationship that a lot of people would consider emotionally abusive. She has been in a few short relationships. The longest of hers was 3 months. I am 21 and she is 22.

 

I made the mistake of talking to a girl and ending up receiving nudes from her one night. I deleted the pictures and confessed to my gf. When I did she admitted that near the beginning of the relationship she sexted a guy and that her and two other guys she would sext with were still in contact.

 

She told me she didn't consider it cheating until she realized I did it once, and she told me she wanted me to block this girl. I agreed and I had to fight with her, but she ended up blocking the guys as well. The situation really didn't bother me, but I went ahead and told her that any kind of sexting would be considered cheating from now on.

 

Now onto my current problem. Several times she has told me that I cannot talk to any girls outside of class, whether it is through a game, or on apps like yikyak. She will also ask me about girls that are in my classes, such as if they are in my other classes and if they talk to me a lot etc. She says this stuff in a jokingly tone.

 

I can tell she is insecure about me having any contact with other women and looking back I don't think this is new behavior. Now (especially recently) it seems to be a bit worse after the sexting.

 

I believe that I trust her. I haven't had any jealous feelings about whoever she is talking to, even after the incident. The worst I have done was look over her shoulder a couple times to see what she is doing, but that was more just out of curiosity than trying to catch her doing something.

 

So what I need advice on is how to handle this. Should I allow her to just dictate who I can and cannot talk to, or should I put my foot down? I don't know as to what would be acceptable for me to do, as I am not sinless in this situation.

 

I understand that a lot of people will say that we should just break up, but I am very reluctant to do so. I would like to exhaust all my options before I make a permanent decision like this.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

 

Your relationship is going nowhere and you and her have wasted 8 months of each others time. Go your separate ways.