DC77 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 (edited) I've recently become aware of something I do that is apparently problematic. Specifically with men. I ask questions; specifically WHY... I had a recent incident with the man that I'm dating where he told me not to do something. I asked why. It didn't turn into a fight but it was definitely a moment of collision. His request was valid, but he was upset that I didn't trust him and take him at his word. It's not that I don't trust him. I just don't see why I should just do as I'm told without having a reason. I had similar issues with another man I dated and an ex boss. With the ex boss, it's a long complicated story involving being hired for a position that didn't exist and promised promotions and a specific salary, which never materialized. I was one of his favorite employees (he was the type to play favorites) until I started asking questions and standing up for myself (always done in a professional and calm manner). Then everything went to hell... Lesson learned get everything in writing even if they tell you they're good on their word. The recent incident just made me realize that there has been a pattern. Men don't like it when I ask questions. Perhaps it has something to do with all of these men are military? When they give a command, you're just suppose to follow it. Perhaps it's a man woman thing? Perhaps I'm oblivious to something else I'm missing? Why is it wrong to ask questions? Why should I just do as I'm told? Shouldn't it be my decision to make?? Do men have these same issues? Edited April 28, 2016 by DC77 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Lots of people don't like it when you're assertive, or spell out a boundary. Sometimes they kick and scream a bit. As long as you're civil and respectful you're within your rights. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 ...Men don't like it when I ask questions. Perhaps it has something to do with all of these men are military? When they give a command, you're just suppose to follow it. Perhaps it's a man woman thing? Perhaps I'm oblivious to something else I'm missing? Why is it wrong to ask questions? Why should I just do as I'm told? Shouldn't it be my decision to make?? Do men have these same issues? Aside from my father (who did his 4-year stint in the Navy, but was not career), none of the men I've interacted with have been [ex]military; I believe my father was just doing his job when telling me what to do. I suspect I, too, was just doing my job (as a child growing up to be a responsible adult) when questioning him. Most of the men I've been in relationships with have had a problem when I push back when they [attempt to] tell me what to do, so I'd suspect it's a "man-woman thing". It may even be a "man-woman of a certain age/generation thing", as I'd hope younger men no longer *suffer* from it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Depends a lot on context I think. This guy you're dating, was it a 'command' or an off-hand remark? Dating partners really don't have 'command' privileges so that would need to be straightened out asap, not really a matter of trust. If your BF/husband wanted you to trust him that would be understandable, but he still shouldn't be giving you commands either. There are plenty of women who do the same thing btw. It's been traditionally men who moreso feel at liberty to give orders but there are bossy women too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 If you don't understand why you're being told not to do this thing, of course it's reasonable to ask for an explanation. That said, I would stay very clear of a guy who thought it was acceptable to tell me what I can and cannot do. Unless you're 12yo and this guy is your father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts