Should I

[Jabron1]

Who said that he is the main provider?

 

I never said 'main provider'.

 

I'm a single mom and my child is provided for by me. And if I ever get married to someone the same will remain - me and her father will be carrying out our financial responsibilities towards our child.

 

You will go to lengths to ensure that the step-dad is not providing for that child in any sort of financial manner?

 

Of course that includes food in the cupboard, roof over your heads, etc.

 

A stepdad can be her support, her friend, someone to talk to or do things with but the "parenting" is done by her parents, if they are both involved and able.

 

He's a roommate/lodger, basically.

 

How pathetic and degrading.

 

I sense you have issues towards women so I'm just going to back out now.

 

I'm sensing misandry from you.

 

You really can't have it both ways. Either step-dads are respected, or they aren't. Not just respected when convenient like a tool.

 

I don't have this 'issue with women', because I haven't/wouldn't put myself in such a stupid position to begin with.

Edited May 1, 2016 by Jabron1

[noelle303]

I never said 'main provider'.

 

 

 

You will go to lengths to ensure that the step-dad is not providing for that child in any sort of financial manner?

 

Of course that includes food in the cupboard, roof over your heads, etc.

 

 

 

He's a roommate/lodger, basically.

 

How pathetic and degrading.

 

 

I'm sensing misandry from you.

 

You really can't have it both ways. Either step-dads are respected, or they aren't. Not just respected when convenient like a tool.

 

I don't have this 'issue with women', because I haven't/wouldn't put myself in such a stupid position to begin with.

 

I guess an attack is the best defence.

 

No one is saying anything about step-dads not being respected. Any hypothetical future husband of mine would be respected as a person, an equal partner in our marriage and an equal household member. He would also be respected for caring about my daughter, but as far as being an equal parent? I'm sorry, but that is something he would not be. There is a reason why only legal parents have legal/physical custody and are responsible for the decision making.

 

I dislike how you are are going on about him being the provider, him paying the bills and the daughter living under his roof when you don't know the situation of these people.

 

Any house I would live with a husband or partner would be OUR roof and I could never imagine using the "As long as you live under my roof you will abide by my rules" on any child because that is what I find degrading to them. You can't teach children respect if you don't show them respect.

[mikeylo]

When step parents enter the picture , the best thing to keep peace for all involved is : the biological parent makes major decisions for their blood child. Of course they can take opinions from their new partner but discipline, etc is better left for bio parent. The kid feels safe , the parent feels safe and the partner doesn't have any extra things to sort out.

 

Exceptions are there, especially when the new partner takes on financial responsibility of the step child. That changed a lot but again , it depends upon on the person. Some take in the child as their own.

[Gloria25]

I guess an attack is the best defence.

 

No one is saying anything about step-dads not being respected. Any hypothetical future husband of mine would be respected as a person, an equal partner in our marriage and an equal household member. He would also be respected for caring about my daughter, but as far as being an equal parent? I'm sorry, but that is something he would not be. There is a reason why only legal parents have legal/physical custody and are responsible for the decision making.

 

I dislike how you are are going on about him being the provider, him paying the bills and the daughter living under his roof when you don't know the situation of these people.

 

Any house I would live with a husband or partner would be OUR roof and I could never imagine using the "As long as you live under my roof you will abide by my rules" on any child because that is what I find degrading to them. You can't teach children respect if you don't show them respect.

 

How is imposing rules on a child "degrading"?

 

And that's why 2nd marriages and/or RLs with people who have kids from prior RLs/marriages have such a high rate of failure...cuz, how can you tell your current spouse (step dad/mom) to stay out of how you raise your kid if that spouse is your "spouse"?

 

I mean, don't people wanna call these things "blended" families? Ok, blended with everyone under the same roof and sharing bills, but not blended when it comes to how the kids are raised?

 

And, like it or not - even "if" a parent gets child support from the other parent, it isn't enough to cover all your expenses (well unless you were married to a celebrity and child support is in the thousands) so, when you re-marry and/or shack up with someone - yes, that other person (step dad/mum) "is" supporting you and your kids. So how insulting/degrading it is to the step parent to stay out of how you raise your kids.

[amaysngrace]

Are people upset because your brother has a say in how she's being raised or are they upset by what he's saying?

 

I think it's the latter.

[mrs rubble]

How is imposing rules on a child "degrading"?

 

And that's why 2nd marriages and/or RLs with people who have kids from prior RLs/marriages have such a high rate of failure...cuz, how can you tell your current spouse (step dad/mom) to stay out of how you raise your kid if that spouse is your "spouse"?

 

I mean, don't people wanna call these things "blended" families? Ok, blended with everyone under the same roof and sharing bills, but not blended when it comes to how the kids are raised?

 

And, like it or not - even "if" a parent gets child support from the other parent, it isn't enough to cover all your expenses (well unless you were married to a celebrity and child support is in the thousands) so, when you re-marry and/or shack up with someone - yes, that other person (step dad/mum) "is" supporting you and your kids. So how insulting/degrading it is to the step parent to stay out of how you raise your kids.

 

Actually I have raised two sons mainly on my own, with no child support money.

I have experience with step parenting as well, both being a step parent and having a step parent for my sons. I fully support noelles views on this. Step parents are best in the background not making rules and disciplining children.

[Gloria25]

Actually I have raised two sons mainly on my own, with no child support money.

I have experience with step parenting as well, both being a step parent and having a step parent for my sons. I fully support noelles views on this. Step parents are best in the background not making rules and disciplining children.

 

And that's why I don't date guys with kids and if I ever would, I wouldn't wanna be involved - AT ALL.

 

I'd just be the "hamburger on the weekends" girl. When the kids are 18, up and out, maybe I'd consider marrying him. That way, hopefully they'll be adults and have their own lives and wouldn't have to suffer "sitting around in the background" and bitting my tongue.

 

I mean, how can you be a "spouse" - yet be told that you have no say in how the kids are raised and you're all living under the same roof? So, if I'm a step-mom and his daughter is chatting up boys and having sex, and coming home all times of the night - I'm just supposed to smile and look the other way? I rather he see me on the weekends and/or when his family/kids' mom has visitation and I not be involved.

[amaysngrace]

I agree Gloria simply because it's your house too. Not every child is a Stepford Kid.

 

Besides, being involved shows that you care about those children. Nothing says I Don't Give A Crap About You like indifference does.

[Jabron1]

I guess an attack is the best defence.

 

No one is saying anything about step-dads not being respected. Any hypothetical future husband of mine would be respected as a person, an equal partner in our marriage and an equal household member. He would also be respected for caring about my daughter, but as far as being an equal parent? I'm sorry, but that is something he would not be. There is a reason why only legal parents have legal/physical custody and are responsible for the decision making.

 

I dislike how you are are going on about him being the provider, him paying the bills and the daughter living under his roof when you don't know the situation of these people.

 

Any house I would live with a husband or partner would be OUR roof and I could never imagine using the "As long as you live under my roof you will abide by my rules" on any child because that is what I find degrading to them. You can't teach children respect if you don't show them respect.

 

Listen, I really don't care at the end of the day. None of this effects me in the least. This is your problem, not mine.

 

The only guy that will accept your terms is a simp. If that is what you're after, good luck to you.

 

Live and let live, and all that

[noelle303]

How is imposing rules on a child "degrading"?

 

And that's why 2nd marriages and/or RLs with people who have kids from prior RLs/marriages have such a high rate of failure...cuz, how can you tell your current spouse (step dad/mom) to stay out of how you raise your kid if that spouse is your "spouse"?

 

I mean, don't people wanna call these things "blended" families? Ok, blended with everyone under the same roof and sharing bills, but not blended when it comes to how the kids are raised?

 

And, like it or not - even "if" a parent gets child support from the other parent, it isn't enough to cover all your expenses (well unless you were married to a celebrity and child support is in the thousands) so, when you re-marry and/or shack up with someone - yes, that other person (step dad/mum) "is" supporting you and your kids. So how insulting/degrading it is to the step parent to stay out of how you raise your kids.

 

Setting rules and boundaries is not degrading in itself. Dangling the "as long as you live under my roof" threat in front of the children is. Especially by someone who is not even their parent. I can't even imagine how unsafe and unwanted they would feel in that moment.

 

And as a final thought, all teens who have sex are not some bad, out of control kids and it doesn't mean that their parents are doing something wrong raising them.