Reasons that a guy disappears after date #1

[AMJ]

LOL. I'm texting her the responses from this thread. And she keeps feeding me more information. She just said- OMG maybe that's why he ordered the oysters and insisted I eat half! hahaha.

[Jabron1]

LOL. I'm texting her the responses from this thread. And she keeps feeding me more information. She just said- OMG maybe that's why he ordered the oysters and insisted I eat half! hahaha.

 

This guy sounds like such a div

 

The bigger question is why she wants him so bad?

[AMJ]

What are plate spinners?

 

Why does she like him...she says they had fun at dinner telling each other stories and getting to know each other. He seemed nice and was interesting. It's not like she's heartbroken, it was only one date. She's just not used to being rejected, most likely. And she can't figure out what went wrong. She'll get over it

[Imajerk17]

Well AMJ, there's quite the possibility that he freaked *himself* out. That from what you wrote seems the most likely.

 

I don't think her making out w him on the first date or her not going home w him were reasons for his vanishing act.

 

Whatever, his blocking her was quite an uncool move on his part. I can sort of see why he did it though--how was he going to be able to tell her, after he came on so strong, that he wasn't interested after all.

[carhill]

What are plate spinners?

 

Why does she like him...she says they had fun at dinner telling each other stories and getting to know each other. He seemed nice and was interesting. It's not like she's heartbroken, it was only one date. She's just not used to being rejected, most likely. And she can't figure out what went wrong. She'll get over it

 

I lifted this because IMO it's a good, brief explanation:

 

They show up, blow your mind and then pull a disappearing act (nod if this sounds familiar).“If you go out on a couple of dates and it seems like it went well and then you get a text from him 10 days later that says, ‘Hey, what’s up?’

 

 

ETA, this is a style often connected to commitment-phobia.....

This guy sounds like such a div

 

The bigger question is why she wants him so bad?

 

Emotional response. Wonderful date, paid for date, confirmed interest by asking out again, then a bit coarse sexual request in parking lot, then disappear without a trace. Masterful

Edited April 29, 2016 by carhill
ETA

[AMJ]

Well AMJ, there's quite the possibility that he freaked *himself* out. That from what you wrote seems the most likely.

 

I don't think her making out w him on the first date or her not going home w him were reasons for his vanishing act.

 

Whatever, his blocking her was quite an uncool move on his part. I can sort of see why he did it though--how was he going to be able to tell her, after he came on so strong, that he wasn't interested after all.

 

Explain what you mean by him freaking himself out?

[Emilia]

So you're saying, he could very well think he was more attractive than she was?

If we all have over inflated egos or whatever? Hmmm. I didn't meet the guy so I don't really know. She described him as pretty down to earth and said he seemed concerned about winning her over, mostly.

 

She said when they were in her car he straight up asked for a BJ...I'm not really sure what to make of that. The only other interesting detail is that he mentioned his dad was a pro football player and she thought that was really cool, and then he said something like "Oh I hope that's not the only reason you like me". But she says- why tell me that if it's going to be an issue?

Has your friend dated much or does she have male friends? This guy is a talker, full of s**t. How did she not spot that? More importantly, why does she care? Plate spinner indeed: talking to lots of women and see which one falls for it, oldest trick in the book!

[AMJ]

I lifted this because IMO it's a good, brief explanation:

 

They show up, blow your mind and then pull a disappearing act (nod if this sounds familiar).“If you go out on a couple of dates and it seems like it went well and then you get a text from him 10 days later that says, ‘Hey, what’s up?’

 

 

ETA, this is a style often connected to commitment-phobia.....

 

 

Emotional response. Wonderful date, paid for date, confirmed interest by asking out again, then a bit coarse sexual request in parking lot, then disappear without a trace. Masterful

 

Okay well...that all sounds like trouble. Tons and tons of trouble.

[Liam1]

 

She said when they were in her car he straight up asked for a BJ...

 

What?

 

Well, that was her MAJOR clue that he was a jerk.

 

I would never ask a woman for a BJ. That's up to her, not him. He asks on the first date no less, what a whack job.

 

 

Originally Posted by AMJ

 

I still am surprised to learn how hard men will work for sex sometimes. He drove an hour each way and bought an expensive dinner. And she really liked him...if he just kept seeing her a few more times I'm sure they probably would start sleeping together. I guess he doesn't want to wait that long.

 

Well, that is another major clue. NOT ALL MEN will or even need to try so hard to get sex.

 

Personally, I would only drive an hour each way for a woman I was interested in a real relationship with.

 

So if this jerk needed to drive an hour just for a potential hook up, your lady friend is likely right about she being far more attractive than he is.

 

She likely was confused by the fact that he drove an hour each way to see her. It does make it seem that he really was interested in a real quality relationship.

 

But the reality is he had to drive an hour each way for a hook up because he's likely an unpopular jerk, locally.

[Emilia]

A colleague of mine used to tell girls in bars that he was the son of a middle east oil prince. Quite a few bought that line, quite astonishing.

[Imajerk17]

Explain what you mean by him freaking himself out?

He came on really strong. It's possible that the next day he realizes he can't even come close to backing up all the things he said about being so into her on that date. So he disappeared....

[carhill]

Maybe he was a kind and sensitive soul who felt completely overwhelmed and unworthy of the presence and attention of the friend so disappeared. He was completely embarrassed by blurting out such a coarse request but the friend's lips just mesmerized him and, well, oops. He'll get down on his knees and offer his penance to god for making such coarse remarks and treating a lady in such an ungentlemanly fashion and hopefully God will forgive him his sins. Benefit of the doubt version....

 

Heh, maybe he didn't live an hour away Interesting world out there.

[candie13]

Oh girl, quit fretting, he wanted to hit it & quit it and she didn't buy it. Good on her. The whole asking her out on a second date was planned to reassure her. Great great going on her.

 

I dated quite intensely a dude - 5 dates in 2-3 weeks, about to go home for the winter holiday when the dude would push for sex quite seriously - especially during the last date. That seemed odd. The Guy had bought me a really well chosen book as a Christmas present so he seemed légit, we went to the theater etc etc. Well, during the winter hols, he kept intouch, all the regular shyte and exactly 2 days before I return home he goes MIA. The very same day when I am taking the flight back home he tells me that he had ran into a girl he knew before at a party & would like to stop seeing me.

 

While one can say "shyte happens, my intuition tells me he either had dated both of us at the same time or he was just looking for a shag. A lot a lot of men would get into a lot of trouble for sex. Until he asks to be exclusive & in a RS, getting dumped all of a sudden is highly highly probable, especially if you're doing OLD. And even after that. The whole first 6 months are unpredictable.

 

Tell your gf to toughen up. Whatever his reason for blocking her, she doesnt want the same thing as he does. One date is nothing. Wait to see how that feels after a whole bloody month. In The end, it's not rocket science. He is either interested& taking his time or not.

 

One great rule is to not keep the date longer than 2 Hours & leave while he is smitten. It'll guarantee a second and a third date. It'sa tough one, though, but it is bound to work. I mean it really does work.

 

It's not meant to be hard work, though. It's meant to develop naturally, it's meant to flow. So if You or her are struggling, he most prob ain't it. Interested men act interested. Just sayin'

[AMJ]

He came on really strong. It's possible that the next day he realizes he can't even come close to backing up all the things he said about being so into her on that date. So he disappeared....

 

See that's a male type of thinking that I just do not understand. Does that mean he was lying and later realized he wasn't at all interested? Does it mean he doesn't think he's good enough?

 

Now I'm getting the screenshots of their texting..lol.

He asked her to let him know when she got home safely, she thanks him for an amazing date...he says- the pleasure was all mine I promise, but I hope you enjoyed yourself too- she says- "you know I did!" and that's the end of it. She texted him a few days later to ask how his week was going and nada.

[candie13]

So you're saying, he could very well think he was more attractive than she was?

If we all have over inflated egos or whatever? Hmmm. I didn't meet the guy so I don't really know. She described him as pretty down to earth and said he seemed concerned about winning her over, mostly.

 

She said when they were in her car he straight up asked for a BJ...I'm not really sure what to make of that. The only other interesting detail is that he mentioned his dad was a pro football player and she thought that was really cool, and then he said something like "Oh I hope that's not the only reason you like me". But she says- why tell me that if it's going to be an issue?

 

Asked for a bj when getting in the car? She's a perfect stranger! And she expected a RS? The dude was fishing for sex, that is obvious. Prob got pissed off when him investing in a 3 course meal did not have the desired return on investment.

 

I mean, please, so easy to spot !! She can't be serious when saying she's surprised! It's so obvious

[candie13]

A colleague of mine used to tell girls in bars that he was the son of a middle east oil prince. Quite a few bought that line, quite astonishing.

 

That line makes me think of how half on men in this city, active on Tinder, with pictured of their heads shaved and caps on the side mark how they've been to Harvard, as Education ! That would make a damn high percentage of the population from this Swiss city, hahaha !

[Liam1]

See that's a male type of thinking that I just do not understand. Does that mean he was lying and later realized he wasn't at all interested? Does it mean he doesn't think he's good enough?

 

Now I'm getting the screenshots of their texting..lol.

He asked her to let him know when she got home safely, she thanks him for an amazing date...he says- the pleasure was all mine I promise, but I hope you enjoyed yourself too- she says- "you know I did!" and that's the end of it. She texted him a few days later to ask how his week was going and nada.

 

AmJ:

 

Your friend and you, too, are both over thinking this.

 

If the guy really was that smitten with her, he would have called for a second date.

 

Google 14 signs that he's just not that into you.

 

So he said nice things to her. But he is now not responding to her texts. That is definitely not nice. So he put on the nice act for a few hours.

[Jabron1]

I lifted this because IMO it's a good, brief explanation:

 

They show up, blow your mind and then pull a disappearing act (nod if this sounds familiar).“If you go out on a couple of dates and it seems like it went well and then you get a text from him 10 days later that says, ‘Hey, what’s up?’

 

 

ETA, this is a style often connected to commitment-phobia.....

 

 

Emotional response. Wonderful date, paid for date, confirmed interest by asking out again, then a bit coarse sexual request in parking lot, then disappear without a trace. Masterful

 

I could be considered a 'plate spinner'. And I'm like the complete opposite of this guy

 

This guy sounds like a right div.

 

I mean, oysters, asking for a 2nd date on the first date, asking for a BJ. Really?

 

Just think this guy was a plank really . Shocked that his game worked on her.

[Emilia]

See that's a male type of thinking that I just do not understand. Does that mean he was lying and later realized he wasn't at all interested? Does it mean he doesn't think he's good enough?

 

Now I'm getting the screenshots of their texting..lol.

He asked her to let him know when she got home safely, she thanks him for an amazing date...he says- the pleasure was all mine I promise, but I hope you enjoyed yourself too- she says- "you know I did!" and that's the end of it. She texted him a few days later to ask how his week was going and nada.

Why why why spend so much time on someone she has only met once who asked for a bj in the car!

 

When those 'women date jerks' threads come up, this is the reason, tell your friend to snap out of it!!!

 

seriously, women waaaaay over think these things, a male friend would have already told her to get a grip

[AMJ]

Well neither of us are freaking out about this...I was a little bored this morning and wanted to talk to people on loveshack

I think other's opinions are interesting. I agree it's presumptuous to ask someone for a BJ on a first date...lol. But the way she told the story, it didn't sound that out of line given they were attacking each other in her car. And then he was reassuring with this whole "I'm okay with taking things slow" speech. So it confused her- and me too- when he disappeared. Typically a guy who only wants sex doesn't want to buy you dinner and talk to you for several hours and drive two hours to meet you for the first time.

 

She thought the oysters thing was about him testing her to see if she can handle eating them- since so many people don't. He talked a lot about traveling and says he's looking for someone who likes to go to exotic places, so she thought the oysters had something to do with being an adventurous eater. Plus it was a seafood restaurant and they had a variety of oysters.

 

Anyway...all interesting feedback! I'll tell her not to lose any sleep over it.

[candie13]

He wanted to impress her and was future faking as hell. Most likely hoping to cash it back in the car. It really is a waste to time and emotions to have people lying and behaving like that. It's why OLD is so dangerous and slippery. I am sorry for your friend, it is scary to discover the dark side of manhood like that (generally speaking - men and women).

[jen1447]

Has your friend dated much or does she have male friends? This guy is a talker, full of s**t. How did she not spot that? More importantly, why does she care? Plate spinner indeed: talking to lots of women and see which one falls for it, oldest trick in the book!

 

Yeah, the BJ thing was pretty much a dead giveaway. I mean unless your friend was jamming her tongue down his throat and whispering she wants "all of him" in his ear between tongue shots or sth.

 

A colleague of mine used to tell girls in bars that he was the son of a middle east oil prince. Quite a few bought that line, quite astonishing.

 

Wait, is he from Jordan by any chance? I've got like a thousand old emails from that guy in my spam folder.

 

Why why why spend so much time on someone she has only met once who asked for a bj in the car!

 

When those 'women date jerks' threads come up, this is the reason, tell your friend to snap out of it!!!

 

seriously, women waaaaay over think these things, a male friend would have already told her to get a grip

 

I think it's just the 'cast a spell on you' thing ....anybody can fall for it in the right circumstances. The sexual frustration route being one of the more likely ways.

[Imajerk17]

Why why why spend so much time on someone she has only met once who asked for a bj in the car!

 

When those 'women date jerks' threads come up, this is the reason, tell your friend to snap out of it!!!

 

seriously, women waaaaay over think these things, a male friend would have already told her to get a grip

 

Emilia for President

 

AMJ I really like you and all, but the not mentioning the fella asking for a BJ part at the beginning--that is a huge detail for you to wait to divulge. So now I am thinking that the guy was just a tool. Glad to hear that your friend realizes she dodged a bullet.

Edited April 29, 2016 by Imajerk17

[AMJ]

I was learning more details throughout the day. She didn't tell me that part at first so I didn't know about it when I first wrote the thread.

 

It is kinda interesting, by the way, that everyone seems more offended that he asked her for a BJ but asking her for sex seems pretty standard. Why is that? Off topic, I'm sure. But interesting, still.

Edited April 30, 2016 by AMJ

[Shining One]

It is kinda interesting, by the way, that everyone seems more offended that he asked her for a BJ but asking her for sex seems pretty standard. Why is that? Off topic, I'm sure. But interesting, still.

BJs are one-sided. Sex is mutual.