Trouble in the horizon (ring)

[flowerdream]

Hi!

 

I will try to give some context so you will understand my situation. I met this guy 11 years ago. We dated for about 4 years and everything was fine except the fact that I was finishing off my college degree and I was going to leave my parents place very soon and buy a house so he decided it was too serious of a relationship and broke it off with me and moved to another town.

 

Obviously I felt really hurt, but life goes on and about a year and a half later he decided to ask me out for a coffee and eventually we started dating again. We moved in together some months afterwards and our baby came along although we didn't really planned the pregnancy and it was a turbulous time, I actually thought he was going to dump me at the time but things turned out fine.

 

After our son was born I started to rethink some stuff and thought it would be better if we got married. None of us were really interested in marriage, it wasn't even something that crossed our minds, yet now I believe it's something we should do. So we had a talk last year, I got a ressounding No, without much explanation really, he said it was useless, it was something for people with religious beliefs and that it was a social construct he did not want to be part of. I was sad and said Well fine then, when you want a commitment from my part that is similar to it I will say No, just because.

He was speechless, and eventually and very sadly said it was fair.

 

Alright fast foward to the ring thing.

 

On the first anyversary when we first started dating he gave me a simple sort of engagment golden band. Although marriage was not our thing it was mostly a sentimental thing. We both used it until we broke up.

 

When we got back we still had the bands so we wore them. Some days he would use it on a necklace instead of his finger, I thought it was weird but whatever. Then I lost my band in the second year we were together. And he stopped wearing his said we didnt match because he had his but I didn't mine and I said ok. Then I asked him to get me one and he said it wasn't a priority that we were tight on finances and I said sure it's a valid reason.

 

Last year our finances were better than ever so I brought up the subject again. He said he didn't like rings, it didn't mean anything to him and didn't understand why people have the need to show exterior signs of their love. By this he meant the ring and marriage. So I was sad but said fine whatever.

 

On valentines this year he said he had a surprise for me. He didn't said what it was but I found out that his old band is gone and that he's been in contact with someone to get me a ring. I don't know what the arrangment is, if he's using his old ring to make a new one just for me or if he's using the old ring for the person to make a copy so we have two rings.

 

Obviously he's not going to propose because I know him well enough. But I don't understand why he is trying to get me a ring. I don't even wear jewelry, I think I have a single silver necklace I use on my birthday and on feast days and that's about it. And if it's two rings well I think it would be hard not to laugh at it.

 

So could someone try to make sense of it, because I really can't imagine what is going on in his head.

 

English is not my native language so my apologies if something is not grammatically correct.

Edited April 29, 2016 by flowerdream

[SJS]

Ok, I'm confused. You asked him to get you a ring, but now that he might be you don't understand why. Is this correct or did I misread?

[flowerdream]

I asked him if would replace my old band for an equal one which we could buy at the same store. However he said he didn't like the rings anymore and had no value for him so he refused to buy it for me because he was not willing to wear his.

 

It is confusing for me because for one I not the kind of girl that wears jewelry, I only have one piece I use very rarely so it makes no sense for him to get me a ring as a gift and if he is getting two rings as in a promisse / commitment band it's weird because he said he didn't care about it before.

 

Also he has never bought me any jewelry aside from that first band on our first year anyversary when we were dating 11 years ago. The necklace I have he bought it to me because I said I loved it when we were passing by a store one day and I saw it on the window.

Edited April 29, 2016 by flowerdream

[greenly24]

If it was a sentimental gesture before, maybe it's a sentimental gesture now. I know people like you who wear no jewelry except for their wedding ring. It is a symbol of your commitment to each other, which may have been why he felt weird wearing his when you didn't have yours. He may say it's not important, but it seems like it is still important to him. I think it's very sweet that he is giving you a new ring.

[MidwestUSA]

He's trying to surprise you!

 

Wait and see how it plays out. You may be pleasantly surprised.

[anika99]

He told you on Valentine's Day that he had a surprise for you and now it's almost May and you still haven't received it? Makes me wonder if there even is a surprise. How long are you going to wait before you mention it to him?

[veryhappy]

He's getting you a ring because you asked for one. He's trying to make you happy. So when you get the ring, react positively and stop questioning his motives for the ring.

 

 

 

 

If you want marriage, say so. If he won't and it's that important for you, find somebody else who wants to get married. Does marriage where you live offer you any protection or benefits? Are kids viewed differently if the parents are not married?