Lost mind and quite hurt. My own doing.

[Regan1492]

As the story goes, I had it all. A six figure job, a women with one to match and together we had the most amazing little girl. The cookie crumbles. I am a drug abuser for life and I chose abuse over rectifying my life. The beautiful woman I loved left me, took my child. I have not seen or heard from either in a year. Immensely heartbreaking each day is the only way I can describe life without my daughter. In the process of imploding, I had a older women try and help me, she introduced me to a women my age with 3 kids. We bonded. During this period I was abusing drugs and going off the deep end. I ended up doing 90 days in jail. This new lady, mother of 3, she wrote me, drove 100 miles one way to visit and are bond never really swayed. So I get out. Nothing changes. No child. I'm in a home where the drugs exist. In time I succumb to them. I called out for help and asked my new girl if I could get out of here and stay at her place. She agreed I needed to get out of there and allowed me into her home, her bed, into her kids lives. This did make it harder for her. As the long story is made short I always felt something off, so I manipulated her to admit she cheated on me with a man she was dating prior to me the entire time I was in jail. She blamed me for not committing to her, and said I was in jail. This made me feel so bad. I opened my heart to this women. She is not exactly a paper catch, lives with mom and had 3 kids and no real career yet I bore all when we met. We kissed under the moon. So now here I am living in her home, unable to financially move at this time and I can't get over how she chose to hurt me. I do believe she loves me but this is the first time a women has done me like this. I also am coming from losing a family, my fiancé and child. The mother of my child has never spoken to me in a year. Last time we spoke I told her I fell for another women. That was last. Here the entire 90 days I learn that the bond born with this new women has been betrayed. When I found out I ran away to a hotel, blew thousands on drugs and had no home. She took me back in. Three weeks later I still feel so worthless. I'm 34, quite good looking and brilliant. Everyone I have ever know has died in my life, from my first gf who died in my arms at 16 to my parents in my 20s. I have no family. I created a broken man who is unable to love or live. I have made great money my life and here I sit heartbroken and penniless. It comes and goes but I'm obsessed with the Images of her cheating on me while I suffered in jail. I was beat up there. In with men going away for ten years or more. I suffered deeply. Here my new beautiful woman was on top of a man she knew before me. Here I am telling the mother of my child I love another and in the end I got buried in hurt. This is a new pain for me, it is one that has carved up my pride. I feel hollow and worthless. I still love this woman but since I have made terrible mistakes that have hurt her and I go back and forth between love and hate. I wish she did not cheat on me. I'm not the type who can recover from it despite knowing that she does love me by her actions. Life is hard. Never gets easier and just cause one door shuts it does not mean another opens. The truth is to live is to suffer and I have no found my reason to suffer. Barely breathing.

[d0nnivain]

maybe this is your rock bottom. Get some help to kick the addiction & build from there.

[NTV]

Life is hard. It's a lot harder when you have a drug addiction and are cheating. What the heck are you teaching you kid right now with your actions? Is that the type of father you want to be?

 

 

You control you. Not drugs, not emotions, not lust. You are really the ONLY thing you CAN control in life. Don't forget this. No one else will.