Question for those who had or are having [an affair] in the workplace

[lftbehind]

I am doing better now but it has taken a long time to feel better and I still have some bad days. It's a work in progress to move forwards.

 

I know it's difficult when he is your manager/boss but you both need to find a way of keeping it strictly professional.

 

That's good you are doing better and moving on. I can imagine that it takes a while to get over it and you will have some rough days.

 

I want to keep it strictly professional with my boss and hopefully he won't give me a hard time about it.

[Got it]

In the US and the UK, if a company has only one policy it is on supervisor/subordinate relationships. There is an unbalance of power and it puts the company at great risk of a lawsuit. So in your scenario he is far more vulnerable if he continues down that road.

 

I can't tell you if you should or you shouldn't.

[lftbehind]

Just updating my story about me and my boss from last week. We texted early Saturday afternoon, but he didn't text me back at night like he usually would. We didn't text the rest of the weekend. I saw him at work on Monday and every day this week and he's only said a few words to me the whole week. He hasn't called or texted me at all. I feel like he's punishing me for not texting him by not talking to me. We see each other all day and it hurts that he's ignoring me. I thought that we could at least be friends at work. I see him checking me out at work still, but he won't even be civil to me. What are some opinions on my situation?

[RedPurpleOrange]

In that situation, you can never be friends. Just stick to your guns and leave it, he's getting the message but also trying to make you chase him. His 'game' is so transparent!

 

 

Let him ignore you. If it hurts for him to be ignoring you then obviously you don't want him to be ignoring you. But if you want the best outcome out of this situation, then let him ignore you.

 

 

My trouble is, I can't do with games. My head doesn't work like that. I just like the truth but 99% of people play games. Frustrates me, constant nightmare! But, jeez, what you can do to yourself in your own head!

[lftbehind]

In that situation, you can never be friends. Just stick to your guns and leave it, he's getting the message but also trying to make you chase him. His 'game' is so transparent!

 

 

Let him ignore you. If it hurts for him to be ignoring you then obviously you don't want him to be ignoring you. But if you want the best outcome out of this situation, then let him ignore you.

 

 

My trouble is, I can't do with games. My head doesn't work like that. I just like the truth but 99% of people play games. Frustrates me, constant nightmare! But, jeez, what you can do to yourself in your own head!

 

I guess that I can't be friends with him, but I was hoping we could be more civil. It's like he's going out of his way to ignore me. He doesn't say hi or bye to me. When I said buy and told him to have a good weekend on Friday, he didn't say anything. He just waved his hand and didn't even look at me. I was only 3 feet away from him. I guess that I just have to deal with it.

 

How did seeing you ex at work go last week? Hope it was okay.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Maybe it's best that he's being that way. He's probably peed off you aren't chasing him and his actions translate into that behaviour and he's hoping his moody way of treating you gets you to act. It's a control method (don't forget he's a supervisor...there is a method in the madness...some types of people go for certain jobs for reasons).

 

 

As for my week? One day of what seemed like heaven and then utter hell! But only five more days to go come tomorrow. Then I can heal.

[lftbehind]

Maybe it's best that he's being that way. He's probably peed off you aren't chasing him and his actions translate into that behaviour and he's hoping his moody way of treating you gets you to act. It's a control method (don't forget he's a supervisor...there is a method in the madness...some types of people go for certain jobs for reasons).

 

 

As for my week? One day of what seemed like heaven and then utter hell! But only five more days to go come tomorrow. Then I can heal.

 

It probably is best that he's being that way. I won't be wanting to talk to him if he's treating me so poorly. I think that he does want control and to feel like I'm chasing him. It does make me feel bad about myself sometimes that he's treating me that way.

 

Sorry that your week didn't go well. I must have been hard to see her. Did you talk? That will be good when you're on different shifts and you can heal.

[RedPurpleOrange]

It probably is best that he's being that way. I won't be wanting to talk to him if he's treating me so poorly. I think that he does want control and to feel like I'm chasing him. It does make me feel bad about myself sometimes that he's treating me that way.

 

Sorry that your week didn't go well. I must have been hard to see her. Did you talk? That will be good when you're on different shifts and you can heal.

 

 

Yeah. He's showing his true colours. Trying to act dismissive, manly, "so you don't want me, ah?". You don't need him. You're the one who's gonna get the brunt of the problems if you get involved. He'll be scot-free. Remember that.

 

 

As for my week...yeah, it was so hard to see her. I know she loves me but she's made her choice now and it's too tough to back out of that straight away now, for both of us (a financial bombshell hit me hard midweek). She was trying to rekindle early in the week, madly. I was weak. We had one great day that felt more 'right' than ever. Then that bombshell hit, sent it all to pot. My mood changed, her mood changed, we had an argument on Friday and I stormed away. Depressing week.

 

 

One more week to go. Whatever happens will happen. In the meantime, I gotta pull my socks up and get my financial situation sorted. It's like juggling with glass-encrusted bricks is this.

[lftbehind]

Yeah. He's showing his true colours. Trying to act dismissive, manly, "so you don't want me, ah?". You don't need him. You're the one who's gonna get the brunt of the problems if you get involved. He'll be scot-free. Remember that.

 

 

As for my week...yeah, it was so hard to see her. I know she loves me but she's made her choice now and it's too tough to back out of that straight away now, for both of us (a financial bombshell hit me hard midweek). She was trying to rekindle early in the week, madly. I was weak. We had one great day that felt more 'right' than ever. Then that bombshell hit, sent it all to pot. My mood changed, her mood changed, we had an argument on Friday and I stormed away. Depressing week.

 

 

One more week to go. Whatever happens will happen. In the meantime, I gotta pull my socks up and get my financial situation sorted. It's like juggling with glass-encrusted bricks is this.

 

Sorry that you're week was so rough and you're having financial problems. It is hard to make it nowadays and the cost of living is so high. Hope that it improves for you soon. Just stay strong and do what you need to do for yourself. She'll have to work on her own situation. Hope that next week is better for you. Going to see my mom for Mother's Day.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Sorry that you're week was so rough and you're having financial problems. It is hard to make it nowadays and the cost of living is so high. Hope that it improves for you soon. Just stay strong and do what you need to do for yourself. She'll have to work on her own situation. Hope that next week is better for you. Going to see my mom for Mother's Day.

 

 

Lol, rough, rough week. Once more unto the breach tomorrow! I think after Friday I kind of (subconsciously intentionally) chased her away. So I don't think she'll try and hassle me tomorrow. And I'm gonna be working solely in one area the next couple of days and she rarely needs to come by those parts. So I'm gonna leave it and get on with my job. It's only about 8/9 months since we were trying to have a kid together (loopy) and now we're both like strangers most of the time! So so awkward. This is why I advise you staying out of workplace affairs because of what happened to me. And that finances thing...that's also related to our situation. It never rains it pours!

 

 

Anyway, I'll stop yammering on, I hope you and your mum have a good Mother's Day.

Edited May 8, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[lftbehind]

Lol, rough, rough week. Once more unto the breach tomorrow! I think after Friday I kind of (subconsciously intentionally) chased her away. So I don't think she'll try and hassle me tomorrow. And I'm gonna be working solely in one area the next couple of days and she rarely needs to come by those parts. So I'm gonna leave it and get on with my job. It's only about 8/9 months since we were trying to have a kid together (loopy) and now we're both like strangers most of the time! So so awkward. This is why I advise you staying out of workplace affairs because of what happened to me. And that finances thing...that's also related to our situation. It never rains it pours!

 

 

Anyway, I'll stop yammering on, I hope you and your mum have a good Mother's Day.

 

Hopefully this week is better and you won't need to see her much this week. Sounds like she cares about you, but like you said she made her decision. That must make it a lot harder to move on for you. I don't think he cares about me, so it should be easier for me to let it go. It would be nice not to have to see him, though. Hope that your finances get better soon.

 

Thanks, I had a good Mother's Day with my mom.

[lftbehind]

Hi, an update. My boss ignored me for another week and didn't even talk to me at all, not even to say hi or bye. It's like he's going out of his way not to talk to me. I think that he'was trying to get me moved out of the department. but I told the manager above him that I couldn't work in the other department. I if could work over there, I would move. It hurts my feelings to be ignored, but I'm handling it okay. How was your week RPO? hope that it went okay.

[RedPurpleOrange]

^He sounds like he's abusing his 'power'. What a weed. Let him ignore you. And if you can move, move.

 

 

My week? Well, she wasn't in at all. And I suspected why and I was proved to be right (damn my gut instinct.) He abused her last weekend. She's black and blue. She had to take the week off work sick. He destroyed her phone. It was the first 'public' case of abuse and all her family know now. They wanna kill him. She's begging to be back with me. So effing hard, lol.

 

 

But I knew this would happen.

[lftbehind]

^He sounds like he's abusing his 'power'. What a weed. Let him ignore you. And if you can move, move.

 

 

My week? Well, she wasn't in at all. And I suspected why and I was proved to be right (damn my gut instinct.) He abused her last weekend. She's black and blue. She had to take the week off work sick. He destroyed her phone. It was the first 'public' case of abuse and all her family know now. They wanna kill him. She's begging to be back with me. So effing hard, lol.

 

 

But I knew this would happen.

 

I'm hanging in there. The working conditions are too rough in the other department, so I can't work there.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about her being abused last weekend. Is she staying with family or in a shelter? She needs to stay away from him forever and abusers don't change. I'm sure it's a hard decision for you as far as getting back together with her. You probably need some time to think about it.

[RedPurpleOrange]

I'm hanging in there. The working conditions are too rough in the other department, so I can't work there.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about her being abused last weekend. Is she staying with family or in a shelter? She needs to stay away from him forever and abusers don't change. I'm sure it's a hard decision for you as far as getting back together with her. You probably need some time to think about it.

 

 

The silly fool is still there. He's supposed to be moving to his sister's. I don't know, tbh, I only spoke to her Friday for an hour. He's taken her RIGHT back to what she was before, even lesser. God, it's frustrating. Her parents are helping her make divorce plans and she's having abuse counselling this week. It's really, really tough. I love her to bits and I'm sooooooo in two minds about everything. I know we'll probably get back but she's done a LOT of damage to me. In the meantime, I'm just getting my charm on with other women, I'm 50/50 on things, I always said inside I'd give her one more chance but I've got some contingency plans in place right now. Tough stuff!

[lftbehind]

The silly fool is still there. He's supposed to be moving to his sister's. I don't know, tbh, I only spoke to her Friday for an hour. He's taken her RIGHT back to what she was before, even lesser. God, it's frustrating. Her parents are helping her make divorce plans and she's having abuse counselling this week. It's really, really tough. I love her to bits and I'm sooooooo in two minds about everything. I know we'll probably get back but she's done a LOT of damage to me. In the meantime, I'm just getting my charm on with other women, I'm 50/50 on things, I always said inside I'd give her one more chance but I've got some contingency plans in place right now. Tough stuff!

 

She really needs to get away from him. He may go too far next time when abuses her. I was in that situation before and my ex used to abuse me. He liked to hit me and choke me. My feelings for him died after he started that and we split up after about 8 months. I went to abuse counseling and it does help. Sounds like she needs to get her situation worked out before you two think of getting back together. Just take your time and make sure it's the right situation for you.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Yeah it's horrible, I feel so helpless but her side of the family are really nice, good people. And I know her brother is not happy at all about things, I'm glad he's around her. I worry about all kinds of stuff every moment I'm not with her but I have to let her make her own mistakes now. God, she's in a real bad place, he can dehumanise her so easy. But such is life.

 

 

We discussed it a bit on Friday. IF it happens, it's gonna be real, real slow. And like I said, I'm 50/50, a lot of damage has been done now, and I'm certainly not a desperate man. I doubt all the time now. I know she loves me, I know she's weak, but I sense this is truly the endgame now. My mind changes all the time. But that feeling inside just won't go away yet. Aaaargh.

[lftbehind]

Yeah it's horrible, I feel so helpless but her side of the family are really nice, good people. And I know her brother is not happy at all about things, I'm glad he's around her. I worry about all kinds of stuff every moment I'm not with her but I have to let her make her own mistakes now. God, she's in a real bad place, he can dehumanise her so easy. But such is life.

 

 

We discussed it a bit on Friday. IF it happens, it's gonna be real, real slow. And like I said, I'm 50/50, a lot of damage has been done now, and I'm certainly not a desperate man. I doubt all the time now. I know she loves me, I know she's weak, but I sense this is truly the endgame now. My mind changes all the time. But that feeling inside just won't go away yet. Aaaargh.

 

That's good that she has her family around her and she is going to go to counseling. Once she gets away from him, she can start to rebuild her life and feel better about herself. She has to be ready to make that decision, though. Your relationship will be better when she's stronger and she's making decisions coming from a stronger place. Hope things go well.

[RedPurpleOrange]

That's good that she has her family around her and she is going to go to counseling. Once she gets away from him, she can start to rebuild her life and feel better about herself. She has to be ready to make that decision, though. Your relationship will be better when she's stronger and she's making decisions coming from a stronger place. Hope things go well.

 

 

Cheers love, I don't really know what I'm doing but my Spidey Senses tell me not to stop. Not just yet. I can take a bruising or eight but I'll stop after a point. Going slow would be better for me, too, we both jumped in too deep, too fast, anyway. I think I'd prefer it less full-on for now to get my head around stuff and she's SO messed up, she needs to get that sorted. So we shall see!

[lftbehind]

Cheers love, I don't really know what I'm doing but my Spidey Senses tell me not to stop. Not just yet. I can take a bruising or eight but I'll stop after a point. Going slow would be better for me, too, we both jumped in too deep, too fast, anyway. I think I'd prefer it less full-on for now to get my head around stuff and she's SO messed up, she needs to get that sorted. So we shall see!

 

Yes, just take your time.

[lftbehind]

Here's and update. I never ended up having an A with my boss. I felt like I was chasing him with the texts and wanting to talk on the phone. I wanted to see if he would pursue me, so I pulled back a little bit and he never called or texted me or even tried to talk to me at work. I work right near him and he pretty much avoids me. I think that he's trying to get me moved to another department, but it's a department that I can't physically work in an he knows that. I'll just have to quit my job at that point. I don't know why he would be upset with me since he never wanted to hang out with me when we got off of work early or anything. He would just go home. I think that he just wanted sex from me, basically and we didn't have it. The whole thing doesn't make much sense. I guess that it's a cautionary tale to not get involved with your boss at all romantically and you are the one that will lose if you do.

[lftbehind]

Did a lot of you have a point fairly early on in the A where you thought that you should stop seeing your AP and go NC right away, like a voice in your head telling you to run? Do you wish that you had, instead of staying in the A? My point was when there was less contact and interest and hot and cold treatment. I kept seeing him, though.

[Messy Lady]

Contrary to what some might believe, yes I do have that nagging voice in my head. What I should do and what I want to do is causing me stress along with the guilt I feel.

[lftbehind]

I think we have that self protective voice to protect us, if we would only listen to it. We get too emotionally involved to end the A.

[immokk]

Did a lot of you have a point fairly early on in the A where you thought that you should stop seeing your AP and go NC right away, like a voice in your head telling you to run? Do you wish that you had, instead of staying in the A? My point was when there was less contact and interest and hot and cold treatment. I kept seeing him, though.

 

I never had this early on. I couldn't see outside of my own feelings.

 

On reflection, this was a worrying sign and probably points to how out of character I was at the period in my life when the A started.

 

Given that I stress, second guess and worry about just about everything it is odd that I would not worry, or care, early on in the A.