cipd11 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 I found this site and the people on it such a great help last July when my ex broke up with me. I've got myself into a bit of a pickle and really could do with some any advice anyone has.... I won't go into too much detail but my ex broke up with me back in July last year. Even though I knew it wasn't right, at the time I was devastated. The months that followed were possibly the hardest months of my life. But with help from my friends, family, this site and no contact.... I started to get my life back together. I got a new job, moved to a new city and rarely thought of him! That is until I accidentally sent a package to our old address.... I ended up changing the delivery address, although they did attempt to deliver the package to him and left a slip. He then contacted me to let me know.... This was the first time we had spoken since the break up and it was strange but at the same time it was nice to catch up and to tell him about my new job and to show him I was okay without him. I know it was stupid of me but we remained in contact for the next three months.... I thought I could be friends with him. He came down to my new city for work and asked if I wanted to go for a drink... I stupidly said yes and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together and me confessing I still had feelings for him..... Now since then he has barely spoken to me and when he does hes really not very nice to me at all. I'm not sure how I can come back from this. Whilst I know it is my own fault, I'm embarrassed that I let that happen after I had been doing so well for months. I feel like I've gone right back to the start and am going through it all again..... He was so nice to me before we slept together... I started to think he might potentially want to give things another go because we get on so well. I know this is my own fault and I really don't want any messages reminding me of how silly I have been. I just don't know what to do :( 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 You start again. So, you slept with him? So what? I mean, really. So what? You had sex. You thought one way, he thought another. It happens. Don't diss yourself, kick yourself or blame yourself. You didn't do it on your own. Don't give him any opportunity to be mean, nasty, off-hand, dismissive, curt, rude, cruel.... Go No Contact. So it's step one. So what? You've taken step one before. Just put it down to experience. It's the only way we learn. Cut him off at the knees, and don't let him crawl into your mind and wreak havoc. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, think "F**K him then!" and move on. Don't carry this any further than it deserves. Drop it. It's really not worth the angst. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) Hey, think of it as a blessing. You know what is he is like. Everyone makes mistakes. I slept with an ex 3 years after a split... 3 years! Cried my eyes out after. You can do this feelings come and go. It is only a huge mistake if you think it is Edited May 1, 2016 by Heatemyheart89 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 Thank you everyone for all of your advice. You have no idea how much your words help me. I know I made a mistake and I will try to stop beating myself up over it. The main thing that I regret is stupidly sending him a long email telling him I still loved him. When he didn't reply I text him begging for another chance to which he responded that I was crazy and to stop bothering him. I feel so unbelievably embarrassed and stupid about this. For someone reason it feels worse than when he broke up with me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Now you know with absolute certainty what kind of a person he really is. Base your thinking on that certainty. If you do, you couldn't possibly want to be with him. Forgive yourself. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 First, thank you for sharing your story. For being vulnerable and open. You loved him. And that is what love is vulnerability. This " person" has no humility. Those are the exact ones that come crashing down from their arrogance. It wasn't his fault that you still had feelings for him, but the way he handled the aftermath was terrible. I hope you heal. Take care of yourself. And prove to yourself that your actually better than this. Forget him, prove it to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 Today has been the first day back on NC! I will remember how I **** I feel right now so that I won't make the same mistakes in future. Having gone through this before I know that its terrible at the start but that time and NC will heal everything and I will be back on track to where I was before we spoke again. Its almost a year since he ended things. Since then I haven't been on a single date.... is that bad? Should I be putting myself out there? I just feel like I can't imagine myself having the same connection with anyone else. I'm going away with my parents to visit my brother who lives in another country tomorrow. I was thinking I might just switch my phone off for a week and just enjoy myself. But at the same time that idea fills me with anxiety that I will feel alone. I am over thinking everything at the moment and all I want to do is message my ex!!! How can I be so drawn to someone who actually does not give a **** about me at all? How can I take him off this pedestal and see that what he did was cruel? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Thank you everyone for all of your advice. You have no idea how much your words help me. I know I made a mistake and I will try to stop beating myself up over it. The main thing that I regret is stupidly sending him a long email telling him I still loved him. When he didn't reply I text him begging for another chance to which he responded that I was crazy and to stop bothering him. I feel so unbelievably embarrassed and stupid about this. For someone reason it feels worse than when he broke up with me Someday you will look back and be able to laugh at this. He is the one who should be embarrased. You got a little caught up and tricked. Sooo many people have. It will benefit you now to have a spring cleaning....toss pics, gifts, momentos, defriend/block on social media and emaul and phone. Now you have closure. At some point he will feel like a jerk. It doesnt matter, head high....be glad he 'rejected' you, he is beneath you it just doesnt feel that way right now but it will if you cleanse him out of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I'm sorry about all of that. He distanced himself again because you confessed you had feelings for him. That's so hurtful. I think you will be able to move on more quickly when you implement NC this time around. See this a setback and nothing more. You will be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Its almost a year since he ended things. Since then I haven't been on a single date.... is that bad? Should I be putting myself out there? I just feel like I can't imagine myself having the same connection with anyone else. It's normal. I went on a few dates about 8 months after my breakup, and it was really weird. It was good to get back out there though. You can have a connection with someone else. I've been in love more than once in my life. Time and distance. By distance, I mean emotional distance. Become a new person. Reinvent yourself, and start all over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 We had been speaking on and off for the last three months and it was so nice! It was like it was at the start of the relationship all over again! Then as soon as I we sleep together and I confessed I still have feelings for him.... He just changed! The thing I regret most is asking for another chance and making a total fool out of myself! I feel so embarrassed and sad. All I want is him to send me a message and say he made a huge mistake.... Today I have struggled to get out of bed, all I want to do is sleep! I hope this feeling will end soon! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) We had been speaking on and off for the last three months and it was so nice! It was like it was at the start of the relationship all over again! Then as soon as I we sleep together and I confessed I still have feelings for him.... He just changed! The thing I regret most is asking for another chance and making a total fool out of myself! I feel so embarrassed and sad. All I want is him to send me a message and say he made a huge mistake.... Today I have struggled to get out of bed, all I want to do is sleep! I hope this feeling will end soon! He would have distanced himself at any time that you had confessed feelings. It was only a matter of time. Also, he doesn't live where you live, so he probably felt that he could keep you at arms's length. Sleeping with you didn't change the feelings he had all along. The fact that you admitted you had feelings did not change the way he felt all along. So don't beat yourself up about that. Don't think that this would have ended any differently. You simply sped up the eventual outcome. You made a mistake. So what? We've all made mistakes with exes. You live and learn. Experience is the best teacher. Now, you know that there's no going back, and you have to go full NC. I think you will rebound faster than you did after the initial break up. One good thing is that you don't live near him, so you don't have to see him at all. I had a few setbacks during my no contact period, and I was able to rebound much quicker than I did in the beginning. Edited May 2, 2016 by BC1980 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 We had been speaking on and off for the last three months and it was so nice! It was like it was at the start of the relationship all over again! Then as soon as I we sleep together and I confessed I still have feelings for him.... He just changed! The thing I regret most is asking for another chance and making a total fool out of myself! I feel so embarrassed and sad. All I want is him to send me a message and say he made a huge mistake.... Today I have struggled to get out of bed, all I want to do is sleep! I hope this feeling will end soon! I think he would have been open to have sex with you but emotionally, he didn't want that commitment and that is why he withdrew. He didn't just change -- he had motives. The moment he knew what you expectations were, he had to put the brakes on. Don't beat yourself up. We've all done it. Sometimes those mixed messages get you hopeful and leads to confusion. If anything, it is a blessing. Now you can shut the door, albeit painful, the finality will push you to move on. No more second guessing or wondering. It will end in time. In the meantime, if you feel you are ready to date, then date. If you're still struggling or faltering emotionally, then maybe it's a good idea to give yourself more time. You can't imagine having a connection with anyone else because your heart is still blurred by your ex. There's going to come a time when you get to a stage of indifference and you'll be optimistic about the future. Enjoy the time with your family. You won't feel alone because you'll be surrounded by people who love you. It's normal to still be attached to someone that didn't treat you right. One day you'll look back and laugh at yourself for being so affected by this clown. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this and to give me advice, you have no idea how helpful your words are to me. I am going on holiday with my family tomorrow and I am not going to let my horrible ex ruin my time! I know It'll be hard but I'm going to try and forget about him and forgive myself for the small mistake I made. I think its how I move forward from this that really matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Let me ask you an honest question: Did you enjoy the sex? Just the sex. Forget the emotional involvement, for the moment. Was the sex, good? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this and to give me advice, you have no idea how helpful your words are to me. I am going on holiday with my family tomorrow and I am not going to let my horrible ex ruin my time! I know It'll be hard but I'm going to try and forget about him and forgive myself for the small mistake I made. I think its how I move forward from this that really matters. It's important to make new memories. That was some of the best advice I got. Make new memories with your family. Make memories with new vacations. In time, your memories with him will not be at the forefront. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 It's important to make new memories. That was some of the best advice I got. Make new memories with your family. Make memories with new vacations. In time, your memories with him will not be at the forefront. Thank you for passing this advice onto me..... You are so right! I have taken a screenshot of this so I can remind myself over the week. I think now is the perfect opportunity for me to really try and not think about him and to realise there is a whole world out there and there is someone who will treat me a lot better than he ever did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Let me ask you an honest question: Did you enjoy the sex? Just the sex. Forget the emotional involvement, for the moment. Was the sex, good? Permit me to repeat the question, above...? (On the basis of making good memories, as has now been suggested!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Permit me to repeat the question, above...? (On the basis of making good memories, as has now been suggested!) Haha yes! It was probably the best we ever had actually.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Well there you go. Turn the "Oh no! I made a terrible mistake!" Into "Man, I was hot! Smokin' that time, and I got it good! Wow, what a great session THAT was - and he will NEVER get to have me again! He'd better appreciate that fantastic night, because it's history now, and he will never get to taste THAT honeypot, ever again! Move on, sucker! You just lost the best thing you ever had!!" See? Every downside has an up!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Well there you go. Turn the "Oh no! I made a terrible mistake!" Into "Man, I was hot! Smokin' that time, and I got it good! Wow, what a great session THAT was - and he will NEVER get to have me again! He'd better appreciate that fantastic night, because it's history now, and he will never get to taste THAT honeypot, ever again! Move on, sucker! You just lost the best thing you ever had!!" See? Every downside has an up!! Haha I love this! That is actually the best way to see it! Thank you! Whilst I still wish it never happened..... I'm glad he got to see the the new confident me as appose to the me he saw when we broke up last year! My biggest regret is the long messages telling him I want to give us another chance! I'm going to stop giving myself a hard time about this now Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Good. If he ever responds or comes crawling back, and sends you an opener text, reply "Sorry. Who IS this?" Best thing is to block, delete, do not respond, of course.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cipd11 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Yep he is blocked everywhere and I actually have a new phone number now! There actually is no way that he can get in touch even if he wanted to. That makes me feel so free and like I can finally put this behind me once and for good! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 (Yeah, but don't forget, the sex was totes amazeballs!!) :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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