What have I done?

[memomma]

I"ve allowed myself to get into a situation that is not making me happy.

I'm in the midst of a divorce. We've been seperated but living in the same house since March 1.

Three weeks ago, my neighbor of 6 1/2 years told me he would like to take me out to lunch. He lives with a woman......has for at least 6 years. I told him I was interested but not while they were living together.

Well, the flirtation continued and I decided I did want to see this person even though he was still living with someone. I have been lonely for a long time and I really wanted and needed the attention of this man.....or so I thought.

We went out. Had a great time. Really. After two weeks, he told the woman to move out because he wanted to date someone else. She assumed correctly that it was me.

A week has gone by.....and guess what? She is still in the house. She is trying to "make it work" even though he has told her....so he says.....he has no feelings for her and wants her to move.

She has a house that she allowed her son to live in. Her son then allowed a girl to move into the house. They are behind on the rent. The girl has ALOT of stuff in the house which is filthy. The girl is not a tenant on a lease. She basically was just living with the son who is behind on the rent.

So.....to me......this is a no brainer. Woman has house. You want woman our of house. Son is behind on rent, house is abandoned.....no lease with tenant. Move stuff out of house, clean house....move in. I feel like if this guy wants this woman out of his house like he says he does...it is not unrealistic to give her a date and tell her the locks will be changed after that time.

I find myself getting caught up in the whole drama and I don't want to. I do like this guy but am not comfortable with the situation as it is. I don't want to be bossy or demanding but I am not at all sure about continuing to see this man while this woman lives there. He says they sleep in seperate rooms now that he has told her and this may be true. The bottom line though...she's still there and it doesn't appear to me as if she has any intentions of moving.

His children were over yesterday for the holiday. They spent time together in the yard and walking around the neighborhood as a family. I think that's great. What got to me.....is this woman was right there in the midst of them.....just like she belonged there. Maybe she does. He told me he has told both of his children what is going on and I know he has told his Mom. His mom lives there as well. I just don't know how to sit patiently waiting for her to decide it's time to move out. Very hard for me to do.

Sorry so long....just trying to understand how and why I've allowed myself to become part of this.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Sorry but it sounds like you are being played. Judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Stop dating him until they move out. Right now it sounds like he has the best of both worlds. He has a live in girlfriend and is dating you at the same time. Words are cheap. Action speaks louder than words and his lack of action on this matter speaks volumes.

[mutton]

Not to be harsh, but this guy sounds a little bit like a dirt bag. What's to say that after he's tired of you, he won't throw you out like he did to the other woman? The fact that this guy is so willing to discard his past live-in relationship for one with you should raise some red flags. The fact that he's taking his time to get the other woman out should be taken into consideration. Think carefully about whether you really trust this guy and his intentions or not. Could it be possible that you're just on a rebound? Divorce is a hard process to go through. Perhaps you should only start truly dating this guy after:

1) the other woman moves out.

2) when you're mind is clearer.

[memomma]

I've thought about all that stuff......really.

Can't say that I'm quite convinced as of yet that none of it is true....is he playing me, what's his agenda, is he a dirtbag? etc, etc.

The thing is....I've lived next to this person for almost seven years. I know him.

He never put the move on me until I came right out and asked him........are you flirting with me? Even then......it was "I would really like to take you to lunch or dinner....that's all".

I don't know for sure if I'm on the rebound. Maybe.......it's been so long since I've had any attention paid to me in this way. I do know that I'm happy when we are together. His Mom lives there with them.....she's aware of the situation. She told me herself that he told her about me after he asked the woman to move out. She said she just wants him to be happy because he hasn't been happy in a long time.

For some reason this woman is not accepting the reality of the situation and continues to act as if things are the same between them. Now she doesn't act that way towards me......no.......she acts like I'm the villian in the whole scenario. I'm not. I just happened to be someone who this man feels comfortable and happy with.

Neither of us were happy in the relationships we were in and this just sort of happened.

Who knows?

It's sort of crazy but I'm just going to ride it out and see what happens.

My eyes are open and if this gets to be too drawn out.......I'll put things on hold and just move on with my life. He knows that. I've already told him.....I'm not playing games.