Depressed

[Netsky4life]

I am not gonne do the complete story, i am to depressed for that.

Its saterday night and all i do is cry and think about my ex.

I am 26 and a half.

I had a serious relationsship which lasted 8 years all in all.

But i feel used, abused, mistreated.

She broke up a second time past summer, i saw it coming from january 15 where i started to notice that she wanted to party and have fun rather then commit.

We started dating when i was 17, she was 15.

I made the switch when i was 18 to call her my lifetime love.

And that stil sticks to date, in all my endavoures while i was single dating i never was able to make the switch and to feel what i felt while i was happy whit my ex.

But the more i think off it after almost a year of depression the more i feel used.

I feel used emotionally because i commited to her like no other, but nothing was ever good enough it seems and never did she acknowledge me in the same way as that i did to her, but i didn't care because for a long time i thought that she loved me.

But post relationsship it feels like a stabbed balloon.

I feel abused financially because she did have a bad effect on my savings, the odd thing is she dumped me right before she had here first job, to much of a coincidence to me.

And my personal strong emotional feelings and my inability to coop caused me to do stupid things post relationsship like drunk driving which caused me to lose my driverslicense for 6 months.

It all feels like a vicious circle of pain and hurt feelings.

In which after a year almost post break up i feel severly depressed, can't work because of that depression (which might be better when i got driverslicense back, cause i can only work in jobs where i feel appreciated due to my strong emotions and heavy past).

I got suicide thoughts more and more as of late, i contacted a psychology for it and i am heaving sessions but its not helping for the moment.

I keep thinking of the years where i was happy whit my ex building at my lifetime goal i had as a kid coming out of a broken marriage which was to have a commited long succesfull relationsship for life.

And yes this may sound as a "beta faggot" but thats what i value the most, and i strongly thought she had the same values as we often talked about the future, but now it all seems fake.

I hardly have any friends left except for a few buddies i have over 10 years and i hardly come out anymore whit the simple reason i don't have fun anywhere anymore.

Going to a bar, a comedy show, a sports event whatever nothing is fun anymore.

The majority of my day i sit on the couch and cry.

Cry because i am not able to let go consistently, i do have moments where i am able to coop whit it but they dont last long, the never do.

I keep thinking of her even on the good days and i can start crying in the middle of nowhere.

I used to be a soccerfan for a local team in the area, the last few games i went i was crying, crying because i had memories about my ex.

If i walk in my house i have memories, dumb things like a lighter or a scissor can even pop up memories.

If i am honest i want her back despite the hurt, i stil want to believe that all i felt was true and that she didnt use/abuse me even though it feels like it.

I am not able to continue my life while she can like i never existed.

To top that off i am lonely which strenghtens my feelings to her, like i said i dont have much friends left.

A bunch dropped me and i dropped a bunch whit growing older, but now i am even dropping more people by choice, despite my lonelyness.

Just because i don't care about having lots of friends but i care about a deeper love connection, which is all that mathers to me. And i am not able to make that switch even how hard i try.

I feel like life is giving me a choice of suicide or beeing miserable until death.

And some people tell me its normal, its normal to have feelings like that.

But the truth is it isn't, i know so many people who easily made the switch when coming out of a longterm relationsship, but for some reason i can't.

I am the exception.

The exception thats destroying me in every aspect of my life.

To be honest i am unsure why i am even typing this here, i guess i just need to share my feelings to prevent myself of doing anything stupid.

I am thinking at the moment about a million things and 99% involves her and thats how every day goes and i am tired, tired of living, tired of having pain. I am not able anymore to do simple household chores. I just can't do anything, not laugh not be productive i can only cry and feel depressed.

And i hate myself for it cause beeing productive and having recognition are extreme important to me.

But when i think about that i can only think about memories where i used to receive recognition, where i used to feel important, moments where i made a difference.

I no longer feel that way, and there's no perspective to start feeling that way again.

All i want is her and to have a shot to extend those memories i have.

But its impossible, she's over me and has forgotten me, even after i let her knew how hard it was for me and that i had suicide thoughts she didnt care.

While i feared that she wouldnt care i expected recognizing, because she was/is the only person in my life who can give it to me in a meaningfull way till date, and probably forever.

 

26 years, alone, depressed and not able to coop i feel my life is over.

[sorano]

Hang in there my friend. I, and many of us here are going through the same thing and we all feel lost, used, lied to and mistreated. I know How your feeling. I just had a relapse and have been crying again. I just got back from the bar. I do feel a bit better this week, but hang in there man. I know how painful this is. Just let it out, focus on yourself, and let time heal.

 

Things pass. It will get better. Nothing is permanent. It will go away and we will all be 100%.

[SixxChick]

I know that you do not realize just how young you are. You have your WHOLE life ahead of you. I'm old enough to know that you will have many more experiences with relationships yet to come. Put this past one under your belt, move on, and just be careful in the future. The lesson is, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.

 

Strength and honor.

[Rachel39]

I really feel for you, i felt this way after I split with my sons dad we had been together for 16 years.

 

I know that feeling very well, I didn't take medication but what I did do was go to the gym everyday it was so painful I cried everywhere. In supermarkets, family meals. Walking the dog.

 

It's all part of the healing process, it's one of the worst feelings in the world, ad if you pull yourself through this in a couple of years time you will look back and have a completely different view on things.

 

I have had severe depression before so I honestly know how it feels, if you can just take that little step day by day it will become normal to you and you will look forward to it eventually.

 

Something as little as going to the gym, I joined one and didn't want to go some days I'd drive there and drive back off but I'd seen it as a step then I'd go in and stay for 10 mins then I built it up

 

Do you go to the gym?

Do you take any vitamins ( they can help with depression) b vitamins magnesium?

Do you journal?

Do you watch any motivational clips on you tube

Crying is good for you its realising all your emotions it's better out.

Do you read ?

 

You can turn all this around but you have to find the fight in you to do this!

 

Don't give in and up one day you will be an amazing father, husband To some one who will think the world of you!! Know you are worth everything to the people around you and your family.

 

We are all right behind you here supporting you!!

You can do this ....

[Rachel39]

Take a look at this guy on YouTube he is really good at motivation talks about loving yourself and been mentally strong I'm a woman and I follow him

 

It's called fitlifetv

 

This is one of his links Iv just watched I hope it can give you some lift or inspiration

 

 

Try to practice mindfulness if you can or join a group if there is one local to you ?