SixxChick Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) There have been many threads on this subject. Social media is cool, for many reasons. But it has the capacity to wreak havoc on relationships and break ups. I’ll admit, I was guilty of going to my ex’s FB page after our disintegration. It was only to my own individual peril after seeing posts of memes in a passive-aggressive of way of expressing his view of dealing with “haters”, how relationships should be, how they fail, overcoming adversity, blah blah blah. If that kind of thing empowers you, and you get a lot of “likes”, more power to you. We all know how to Google to find what we need. All of a sudden, my ex becomes a therapist on FB? Yeah, right. There have been a number of people on this forum who have brought up the crucial point that FB is not a real depiction of what is going on in many peoples’ lives. And that is very true. Like, I’m going to post a picture of the bruise I got while crying my eyes out and tripping over a pile of laundry? My point of this post is, to anyone who is still going “there”, stop it. It almost became addictive for me. But the minute I stopped, the more I gained in recovery from the freakin’ nonsense. I know for a fact that all of what I saw was not an accurate portrayal. Therefore, I don’t need to go back to a bad fictional movie. PLUS, it violates the entire structure of NC. Strength and honor. Edited May 1, 2016 by SixxChick 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 FACEBOOK is NOT the Problem. People - are the problem. Facebook is an inanimate, static tool. Just like a 'phone, email account or a gun, utterly innocuous and harmless, if nobody uses it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 It really needs to be said loud and clear that checking an ex's facebook page IS a violation of no contact. I liked to think I was practicing no contact with my ex. I broke up with her last September. Haven't sent a text or anything. But, I have been checking her Facebook page about every month or so. I think she was almost performing for me, or maybe that's my ego. But, she put up a 'social media sad face' about a week after I broke up with her, changed that to her main picture - and has left it that way since. Also, she keeps putting stuff online that references things - either directly or indirectly. None of this felt like I was violating no contact for some reason. But, the last time I checked her facebook there was some new guy orbiting. Now she's a very attractive and sexy girl, and has had guys telling her that since the break up. None of that has bothered me. It's actually been a turn off, because a lot of these people were in her social circle - people I had met. They were obviously smelling blood. I just thought that these people in her scene were beneath me, and looked at this with contempt. But this new guy... he's like a bloody doppelganger or something. He really looks like me. So, I am compelled to check out this guy's page. Turns out one of his likes is the pub that she frequents. So, now I know what the deal is here... I've been replaced Now, I don't care if this guy looks like me, there's no way in hell he's got the game that I do. You don't replace me. But, still this whole thing really got to me for a couple of days. Anyway, I've shut down my facebook page (again lol), I'm done with this bs Onwards and upwards. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 ^^ I rest my case. ^^ Best of luck, Jabron1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 You are both right. It's just become one of THE ways to communicate. Just like us. We are here on a website. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Like most inaminate objects FB can be used for good or bad. No-one is going to post; "I broke up with A because I thought B was a better, bet but now I've found that I'm not better off, because B does XYZ and I wish I had stuck with A" Instead they will post; "The best day of my life was when I met B and we are so happy and so in love and I wish I had met him/her 10 years ago." Pah ! That's why they call it "Fakebook". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 You are both right. It's just become one of THE ways to communicate. Just like us. We are here on a website. Exactly. Neither Facebook nor LS are losers by our absence, and gainers by our presence. Neither Fb nor LS give a fiddler's elbow whether we participate or not. As with a knife, it serves its purpose, if we grasp it by the handle, or the blade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 As with a knife, it serves its purpose, if we grasp it by the handle, or the blade. I guess my purpose of this post was to learn how to not to grab it by the blade. And I learned it the hard way. Thank you for your intellectual input. As always, TM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Cuts heal. Wounds inflicted by words and actions of others, take longer. Forgive yourself, but work on the pain caused by the heartbreak.. The secret is to feel it - but to not give in to it. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Melrapuo Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I'll just throw in my more recent findings... I unblocked my ex a month ago, but it's been 3 years since we broke up. I had a couple reasons. 1. I don't hate her anymore. Emotional ties are just really linked to some lingering sadness, but it's more about "why haven't I found some yet," as opposed to "Why doesn't she love me anymore?" Though I've unblocked her, I've never looked at her profile once. The occasional picture of her with her family has popped up, but there's nothing really there. I know she's gained some weight, but that's it, really. 2. One day, I was on Facebook (about a year ago) and saw some guy had commented on someone a mutual friend of ours had posted. His name did seem familiar, but couldn't figure it out. I snooped and realized it was her current FB. Felt stupid for looking, but just decided to block him. Wasn't worth the energy to snoop. 3. I know she can see things I post on mutual FB friends' pages, but we seem to not be interacting on those posts, which is nice. I used to have a fear, like seeing her on social media would just tear open old wounds. It's been years, so the sting of seeing her with someone else lasts only for a few seconds, not several days. Like everyone else has said, social media is just a tool, not a real glimpse at reality. My ex could be happier than ever, or secretly miserable. Neither really changes anything though, since she's not part of my life anymore. I also have my own personal beliefs that some ex's are easily forgotten, and others will just always be special to us, even if they are no longer with us. Once you accept that not every relationship will be the same, things just get easier. But that's just me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 Like everyone else has said, social media is just a tool, not a real glimpse at reality. My ex could be happier than ever, or secretly miserable. Neither really changes anything though, since she's not part of my life anymore. Thank you for your thoughts. And, you are right. Some ex's are easily forgotten. I wish that was the case for me with this last one. That is the hard part in all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I equate social media stalking to real life stalking. Q. If you drove past their house and saw an unfamiliar car in their driveway, how would you feel? A. Like sh-t. Because that used to be your car or because they are with someone new. Doesn't matter. It still will drive you nuts. Q. If you look at their social media and see them in a photograph with an unfamiliar person, how would you feel? A. Like Sh-t. That used to be you and they are with someone new. Still doesn't matter. You are basically confirming that they are moving on without you. Just because they don't know you're stalking them online, doesn't make the pain any less real than if you stalked them in person. The end result is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 The prettiest people do the ugliest things. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 The prettiest people do the ugliest things. Kanye west lyric. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) Kanye west lyric. Ah. I did not know. I am a Motley Crue fan (duh). But, I love it. Thank you! And, now that Guns N' Roses is supposedly back together: "I used to love her. But I had to kill her." Edited May 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for the Crue ~ V Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) Ah. I did not know. I am a Motley Crue fan (duh). But, I love it. Thank you! And, now that Guns N' Roses is supposedly back together: "I used to love her. But I had to kill her." Seeing as we're doing song quotes now "Have no fear. There are wounds that are not meant to heal. And they sing 'in venere veritas'" Sort of apt for this thread Edited May 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator See previous ~ V 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 (edited) Seeing as we're doing song quotes now "Have no fear. There are wounds that are not meant to heal. And they sing 'in venere veritas'"[/url] Whoa, wait, back up. I didn't know that lyric until I clicked into your link. HIM? My favorite, and so lovely. Here we go. Thank you!!! "Rip out the wings of a butterfly for your soul ..." Edited May 3, 2016 by SixxChick 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts