My story, and dealing with the heartache

[Dad of two]

My wife and I have recently separated after 15 years together, 8 of which we were married. We have two young children together. Over the course of our relationship we had our ups and downs like every couple. At times I know I let her down, I didn't show her the affection that I have felt for her the whole time.

 

There were two earlier instances of infidelity on her part. Plus one emotional affair. txt, pxt etc. I blame myself to a degree, for enabling this behaviour, as I would get angry / upset. Then just push past it and get on with life hoping things would get better. This was the wrong approach I didn't deserve to be treated this way. And if she was really unhappy, she should have left and done the right thing. This is just my opinion of course.

 

If I FF to the last six months. I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my gut just like the other times. I tried to desperately seek the answers. Asked all the questions. She was making regular weekly out of town trips to stay with a "friend" as she needed space. She was unhappy. This left me with the kids every weekend while she would go out of town spending large sums of money we couldn't afford to spend. When I wasn't getting the answers to my questions I started looking deeper. Everything pointed to one person. She still denied it everytime.

 

Eventually she told me she didn't want to be married anymore. Then immediately started talking about selling the house, custody of the kids. She had thought about this for sometime. I wanted to go to counselling, it was too late for this. She would only attend one session. The legal separation went through. I bought her out of the house, and retained custody of the kids for the bulk of the time. She has started her new life in the new town with the person I suspected all along. Still hasn't admitted it, but won't deny it any longer.

 

Personally my heart is broken. All I ever wanted was my family together. Like so many others here. I struggle in the home that we built so many dreams and memories in. I see her around the house in my mind. Think about her all the time. I've sent many heartfelt text's, a lot of which I regret. I'm sure they are probably laughing at my expense. I love my kids dearly, and without them I don't know what I'd do. I am very thankful that I have them five days a week and am able to work and keep the family home.

 

My Ex left me for another woman. Which has also been difficult for me to get my head around. There has been little that I could find on the internet about this type of situation, so I thought I'd come here. But really I guess its just another complication. At the end of the day, she left me and the kids for someone else. It doesn't really matter which sex they are. I am going through the process of getting court ordered custody to safeguard my future and that of the children.

 

I know time heals all, as people say. It doesn't make it any easier at the time though does it? I'm trying to keep myself busy on the weekends, when the kids are with my ex and her new partner. Fitness is a big part of my life which I love. Spending time fixing the house up, slowly as I can afford it. Trying to make new friends.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am so glad I found this forum and can share my experience with people that have been through it. It truly is one of those things many others can't understand unless they have been through it themselves.

Edited May 1, 2016 by Dad of two
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[Weathersf1]

I'm really sorry for what you and your kids are going through. I went through a break up 4 months ago but it was nothing like yours. You're already doing all the right things by keeping your mind busy and making sure the kids are taken care of.

 

It'll take time to recover and it won't be easy or quick but you will make it. Our support and prayers are with you.

[spiderowl]

I'm really sorry about what's happened. I do admire the way you are finding ways to cope and to carry on looking after your kids. They've got a great dad who is there for them.

 

Regarding your wife leaving for another woman, I know someone else this happened to. As far as I can see, it's hurtful whether it's a man or a woman. I'm just sad that you've been hurt. You are still going through the grief stage and you will come out of that stronger and knowing better what to look for in a partner.