claire77 Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 I've been on and off with a guy for about a year and a bit more now. For about the last 6 months, we've been in a cycle I really don't like. We're not actually "together", but we will be for a few weeks or a month at a time. Then one day, he'll have a "freak out" where he decides I am not right for him, he starts being very critical of me, we should just be friends, etc. Then a week or two later we go right back into being with each other again. During the times that we are "together", its really great, but I always know that another freak out is coming eventually. Is there any way to get him to stop doing this and to treat me with more kindness and compassion? He seems to have no regard for me or my feelings right before this happens. He also doesn't seem to be able to talk rationally about this--somehow he always turns it around to make me feel like there are things I've done wrong (like being nosy, acting like we're in a "serious relationship, etc). He does the same things to me! He has really amazing qualities and we have many things in common, but I want him to treat me more respectfully and kindly. Is there anything I can do? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 Originally posted by claire77 Is there anything I can do? NO Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 How about you change it to just "off." That'll fix things. F*ck his amazing qualities. He can't be too amazing if he keeps hurting you with the constant rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 He can't be too amazing if he keeps hurting you with the constant rejection. i agree why would you want to be with sum one who hurts you and doesnt treat you the way you want him to? thats just dum to be with some one who treat you like shyte you know what i mean... you cant let any one treat you like that...psh **** him you can find some one else who will treat you right.....dont waste your time on some dumbass mother ****er who cant decise what he wants in life if he wants to be messing with a hoe let him you dont have to be part of his selfish games.. lol im sorry but this just got me mad lol Link to post Share on other sites
oopemily Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 if only we could choose who we love and they could be perfect right...well i think that if you love him it is worth it. I am having similar issues. You need to pull away and let him take the lead...not only that but even if he is trying to push the relationship to go fast...don't let him. dont tell him you are doing it..but just keep things fun slow and casual. he needs to be able to love you and not feel like it will "trap" him. this is so hard to do of course...I am suffering through the second "break up" with a boy that I love and who I know does love me, but he is very scared of love...and the fact that he really did start to feel love..is what drove him away..ironic and frustrating, but i think it happens a lot. right now i am just getting my own life in order..getting my confidence as a woman back..so that when the time is right i will be able to be my strong happy self and not be needy.. . let him come back and justknow that you are the best woman for him. he obviuosly loves you if he keeps coming back. this is a tough situation but you can gain controll by not controlling of you know what i mean. if you truly love him/...don't stop believing. I really do feel that if it is really over...you would know...you would feel it...and you might be sad, but the desire to "get him back" would not be there....it's the uncertainty that is hard...but i dont think most people are capable of lying to themselves to this extent...it may not be perfect..but if we feel that we don't want to loose this love..i know there is a reason. it's not over yet. life has a funny way. (and yes people, i know ...in fairy tale land...we don't love men like this... they are not worth while..and they are easily replaced) ..but in the real world.. these men are sometimes the perfect match... just very confused. i know this isnt "PC"..but it's true.... lying to yourself and convincing yourself u dont love him and he isnt worth while is just as bad as lying to yourself the other way. this is all vague...but i would love to share more with you and hear more about how your situation is going. i cant seem to figure out how to private message on here...but message me if you want./ id love to talk with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I really do feel that if it is really over...you would know...you would feel it...and you might be sad, but the desire to "get him back" would not be there....it's the uncertainty that is hard...but i dont think most people are capable of lying to themselves to this extent...it may not be perfect..but if we feel that we don't want to loose this love..i know there is a reason. it's not over yet. life has a funny way. (and yes people, i know ...in fairy tale land...we don't love men like this... they are not worth while..and they are easily replaced) exactly.. this is tru also.. u love some one by who they are because u know them and we dont know how he is and how he treats you but u do know that and only u know what you want...evry one has their own way of showing love.. u love him and except him the way he is.. thats love lol.. yes men are replasable you can dump one or he can dump you and you can move on very quikly because you can get any one else to treat you the way you want him to and make you feel what you want him to make you feel.. but when you truly fall in love you cant replace him that easy... even if some one who looks better or seems better ..you feel you dont want more than what you had with him.. there can be another man in the future he can be perfect and have everything but there has to b something wrong with him.. yes there is.. hes not the one you fell in love with and who you wanted to spend your lifetime with.. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueSmiles12 Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 claire77 - are u me?? i am going through, no joke, the same EXACT situation as you - same amount of time, everything... like what is there to do when he says he wants something with me, just nothing too serious. he doesn't want anything serious with me because of the previous times we were in a serious relationship together - he felt too controlled by me and whatnot.... yet, he says he is willing to give it time to see what can happen... what does that even mean??? and i know exactly how u feel - it's not easy to walk away. i don't see myself walking away. i've stuck around for this darn long already - i've always been sticking around. feeling like a doormat and all. but i want something, i want something good to come out of this. any real advice out there?? i'm not one for taking the easy way out - walking away. i mean how do i get him to say what it really is he is looking for? what does he mean when he still is trying to work things out with me but doesn't want anything too serious??? HELP!! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Please! Read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" I think it will help you understand a little better and make adjustments. He probably needs to read it too. Link to post Share on other sites
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